I is for Irritating, Coz no matter what Danny always seemed to get her goat!

Alice POV

Season 7 (please pretend that in this they didn't lose Leopards Den)


Alice was sat in the kitchen a cup of hot chocolate in front of her, she rubbed her stomach affectionately smiling down as baby rolled causing another flutter. Suddenly the living room door opened and Liv was ejected forcibly.

"And stay out!" was declared heatedly from both Danny and Dupe. The door slammed.

Liv kicked it then winced. "Stupid….bloody….boxing…Danny…Dupe." she muttered shaking her head. Alice checked her watch as Liv walked past her and headed for the fridge. "You lasted longer than me, apparently this movie isn't fro pregnant woman." she rolled her eyes, "Not my fault Danny's child is pressing against my bladder!" Alice chuckled. "I needed to pee six or seven times so they wouldn't let me back in!"

Liv made a face. "How do they expect me to react? Did you see those bodies….What I would do to those men!" she nodded.

Alice made a face. "You didn't say that did you?"

"Unfortunately yes, you had to see the look Danny gave me! I saved myself by saying that I would talk about him and the fact he had lions."

Alice laughed.

"Anyway I am a teenage girl who is not blind, what was I supposed to do, pretend that those men's bodies weren't out of this world?"

Alice rolled her eyes.

"Ok I may have said that once…."

Alice raised her eyebrows.

"OK, one million times."

"I tried to warn you not to say anything, you know what Danny and Dupe are like, remember last time?!"

"Well last time wasn't my fault either. Ok Bruce Willis isn't that good looking but his character John McClane is so cute!"

"Die Hard." Alice muttered. Don't remind her of that fiasco!

"Sometimes I wish they'd die hard!" Liv shook her head again. "Why are men so irritating Alice?"

"It's part of being a man, its in the genes I think."

"Best hope that Junior is a little girl then, could you imagine two Danny's around? We barely survive with Rosie." Liv looked around to make sure she hadn't overheard.

"Rosie is rather Danny like, but in a good way." Alice agreed she got along brilliantly with her stepdaughter. And although neither she or Danny weren't bothered which gender their child was they were both secretly hoping for a little boy. Liv collected her juice and left Alice alone.

Alice meanwhile collected some potato's and made a start on tea. A short while later the living room door opened. Alice exhaled tiredly, and so it begins!

Danny came running out arms in the air. "Yo Adrian, we did it!" he called in a imitation of Rocky Balboa then he danced down the hallway in a boxers stance jabbing as he went.

God give me strength! She thought. Danny grinned at her as he approached.

"Hey Alice I could have been a boxer you know."

"Really?" she drawled dropping a potato in the pan. "What stopped you?"

"I didn't want to be hit." he laughed.

She rolled her eyes and continued with her tatties.

Dupe appeared down the hallway. "Yo Adrian!"

"We did it!" Danny replied loudly. Dupe raised his fists, Danny ran down the hallway and they were pretending to trade blows.

"And Rocky…." Dupe began.

Danny froze. "I'm Rocky." he corrected.

"Not again." Alice whispered putting her face in her hands. Last week it had been handbags at twenty paces because they both wanted to be John McClane! I mean couldn't they play nicely?

"I am…." Danny began angrily.

"Quit it!" she warned loudly. "I am not putting up with a repeat of last week!"

Danny and Dupe shared a look. "Ooooohhhhh!" they sang in high pitched voices with their hands on their cheeks.

She narrowed her eyes. Didn't they know how dangerous it was to mess with a pregnant woman while she held a knife? They were taking in lives in their own hands!

"I don't think she likes Rocky much." Dupe told Danny conversationally.

Danny grinned at Dupe then walked down the hallway and sat opposite her. He picked up two potato's.

Alice knew he was gonna bug her….and she best ignore it as her child really needed to grow up with its father.

Danny meanwhile looked at one potato. "What's your prediction for this match Clubber?" he looked at the other potato. "PAIN!" his voice gravelly.

Alice made a face.

"Adrian." he said in a deep voice this time. "I think we make a couple of sharp coconuts…" Danny paused. "…well potato's." he corrected. "I'm dumb and your shy, whaddaya think?"

He was doing the quotes and he knew how much this done her head in! Damn his eidetic memory!

Suddenly one potato hit the other and flew across the floor. She widened her eyes at Danny suddenly worried.

"If he dies, he dies." his supposed Russian accent failing badly. He then moved the potato in the air. "I must break you!"

She looked at the strutting potato then her husband.

"I pity the fool…." he began.

She couldn't take any more! She stood up. "Are you deliberately provoking me?"

"Yes." he told her smiling.

Dupe laughed in the background.

She raised her hand with the knife, remembered she was still holding it and dropped it quickly.

"Hey Alice you know who you remind me of?"

"Don't push me!" she warned.

"Mickey the trainer!" he told her excitedly.

Alice was livid! He was comparing her to a man?

Dupe was studying her. "Yeah I can see it!" Dupe nodded.

Danny looked at him and agreed. He looked back at her. "Hey Alice do something for me, say, 'You're gonna eat lightning and crap thunder. Go on!"

She had to leave now, it was either leave or this potato wouldn't be saying daylight for a long time! She threw it on the table. "You are really doing my head in so I'm gonna walk away. Follow me and I swear I'll kill you where you stand! If you value your life don't push me!" she walked down the hallway, stopped at their bedroom door. "O and 'I pity the fool' is from the A team!" she yelled and slammed the door.

Danny looked at Dupe and laughed. "I may have went a tad too far!"

(X) That Night

Alice lay in bed trying to get comfortable, the baby was a night owl and now she had a bump she found herself unable to settle no matter what position she lay in, it didn't help that she was on edge due to her husband trying to get her attention, sometimes she didn't know why she didn't just divorce him and get it over with! Danny opened the door and smiled at her, in that second she knew why she married and remained so to him. That shy, ok I messed up badly but you still love me smile.

"I come in peace." he told her softly. "I'd shake a white flag….or potato." he couldn't resist adding. "But you have access to guns so I thought I'd give you a smile instead. Is it working?"

"One Rocky reference and you sleep on the sofa." she warned, then smiled in reply.

He held his hands up. "There will be none I swear!"

She turned over in bed, shifted her spine slightly when Junior moved too. She felt Danny slide into bed beside her. His arm came from behind her to slide across her stomach. Their baby gave a small kick where his hand rested.

"Whoa there." Danny murmured and rubbed rhythmically. As he did Alice felt the movement strangely soothing and she began to blink tiredly.

"Night Danny." she murmured slurred.

"Night love." and he kissed the back of her head. "I love you."

"Love you." she replied absently as she drifted off into a blissful sleep. Danny meanwhile lay in the darkness holding her tightly, thinking about their child.


Danny woke Alice in the morning to breakfast in bed. "Wakey wakey sleeping beauty." he told her.

She fisted the cover and turned over trying to hide.

"Not gonna work today." and he leant over and kissed her cheek.

She cracked one eye open and saw him grinning.

"Morning gorgeous." and he leaned in and kissed her.

"You shoulda done that in the first place." she told him yawning.

"I would have but we would have never gotten out of this bed!"

She smiled and stretched. "Dunno why you woke me….."

"We have the gender scan today dear!" he said excitedly.

She sat up and sipped some milk.

"You sure you want to know?" he asked placing the plate on her legs then picked up some toast and bit into it.

She nodded. "If we have anymore then they can be a surprise. This time I want to know."

He sat down on the bed cross legged and nodded. "Well since we are gonna find out can we finally discuss names?"

She shrugged.

"For girls I was thinking Beth, Lauren, Rachel after my mum or Jessie."

She nodded. "You have any ideas for a boy?"

He smiled, since she hadn't let him discuss names with her at all then he decided to mess with her a little bit, see he had planned this for a while now.

"Loads!" he grinned. "What about Bartholomew?"

She stared at him blankly. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah you're right, that's a silly name." he thought. "Felix?"

"Felix? You want to name our child after a cat?"

He shrugged. "Ok, Gilbert?"

"Are you for real?" she told him sitting up straighter.


"First a cat now a freaking dog?" she declared heatedly.

"Herbert? Emmett? Bruce? Ronald, Norbert?"

He sat and watched her name become darker after each name. "You're doing it again aren't you?" she told him loudly. "You better hope you are having me on!"

"I have a good one." he promised.

"It better be!" she murmured eating some scrambled eggs.


Her eyes widened and she choked. "What?"

"Thaddeus Percival Trevanion." smiled playfully.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

He pasted a solemn expression. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Ok, call my child a stupid name and guess what you ain't gonna be its father!"

"C'mon Alice…."

"I am naming him if he is a boy and you can name a girl since you are incapable of finding a normal name for a son. Oh and remember my threat if you try and name a girl anything stupid!"

"I actually have the perfect name." he protested.

She frowned, she knew that look. "About those names you said before…." she began. "I like…."

"Oh it isn't one of those. I choose Winifred Gwendolyn Eudora Trevanion." he laughed.

"Go to hell!" and she hit him with a pillow.


Danny and Alice were in a private room in the hospital.

"Lets see Winnie." he murmured.

Gel had been applied to Alice's stomach and Alice glared at him as the technician moved the probe around. After a few moments the whooshing sound filled the room and the reason Alice was annoyed at Danny disappeared. It was hard to find reasons to be angry when the evidence of their love was on a screen twinkling, the heartbeat filling their ears. As the baby on screen became clearer they looked at each other and shared a smile. He took one of her hands in both of his and gazed at the screen raptly.

"Wow look at the size of your little one." the technician murmured. "Pretty big for 20 weeks and as healthy as can be. Good strong heartbeat."

Alice and Danny couldn't take their eyes off the screen as it was measured.

"Look at it's little fingers." she whispered. "They look so clear."

"Would you like to know the gender?" the technician enquired.

"Yes." they replied.

"Well the baby appears to be a boy."

"We're having a boy?" Danny whispered almost unable to speak.

"Yes Mr Trevanion it appears to be a boy."

"YES!" Alice declared. "NO ugly name for my child! Suck it Danny!" Alice laughed while the technician struggled to not look shocked, the mans eyes were wide.

"Hey don't look at me like that!" Alice told him. "You should have heard what he was trying to name our baby! Now that is a wide eyes moment!" she protested.

"I'd tell you that my wife isn't usually like this but lying is wrong." Danny said deadpan.

"Hey!" she said smacking his arm. Then they stared into each others eyes.

"A boy." she finally whispered tears in her eyes. Their eyes returned to the screen and they sat admiring their son.

A little while later they walked from the hospital, Alice staring at the scan picture which held the image of their son…she couldn't stop thinking that word, son. As soon as they were outside Danny spun, picked her up and lifted her off the ground hugging her to him. "A boy! We're having a boy!" he laughed and spun her around.

She laughed too barely unable to contain her excitement at the thought of telling Rosie, Liv, Charlie and Dupe. They were all gonna be so pleased. Dupe had expressed doubts as to whether Danny could produce a boy but he had shown him wrong, shown them all as they had all been certain they'd be having another little girl. He put her down and kissed her softly, the opened the door to help her into the car. As they drove they passed through Glen Afric town centre and she saw a fruit stall. She suddenly had a craving for something sweet.

"Hey Danny stop off here and get me some fruit will you? An orange, I need something bitter."

"You coming?" he asked.

"Would you mind?" I've just comfortable and its hot."

He smiled. "No problem dear." and he walked to the stall. He bought some items and returned to find Alice eyes closed in her seat. Her head rested back against a cushion.

He climbed in. "Hey honey I have a surprise for you."

She looked at him, he produced an orange and peeled it swiftly. "There you go."

She split it and ate a piece, smiled at the relief she felt when the citrus hit her tongue. "And my surprise?"

He produced a pineapple.


"This is me saying sorry for irritating you." he put the pineapple in front of his face and off key he sang. "Alice look at me, so delicious and spiky, how do you likey, a pineapple -ey."

"Danny…" she laughed.

"I know I'm a pain, but you love me all the same, even if I irritane….your brain."

She giggled. "You're mad.

"Even though I I'm insane, kind of, there is nothing but you I put above, so you can always rely on my spiky pineapple love."

His face appeared.

He saw her smiling widely. "As much as I loved that it was well rubbish!"

He laughed.

"What was that?"

He shrugged. "I saw that and the prickly skin reminded me of how hard it must be to love me when I'm in a funny mood with Dupe messing on."

"We've been through this, I love it all….sometimes."

He cupped her cheek. "What won't change is that I love you, when I'm not doing it then you should worry."

"I worry about you a lot when you're out at work with big game. I worry about us sometimes when we don't see eye to eye but I know one thing I never have to worry about is how you feel or how I feel and when Little Robert Daniel is born I hope he's just like you."

"Robert Daniel?" he asked softly.

She nodded, "After his Granddad and dad. You like it?"

He smiled eyes glistening, "I love it, and just for this I may never wind you up or irritate you again!"

"You dare!" and she pulled him close for a long loving kiss.

A/N ok parts of this are complete rubbish, the original spikey pineapple love song was much better but there was water spilt on the paper and and i couldn't see what i wrote, that is made up on the spot :/
Anyway like i said rubbish but i kept it coz i think the end is pretty cute :) sounded better in my head then on paper :/ x