Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, only the plot of this story.




"Hurry your douche ass up, Eddie!"

If he wasn't my brother, and I wasn't used to his constant jack-assery, I would've thrown a punch at him. No one called me Eddie and gets away with it—that nickname just pissed me the fuck off.

But he was my brother, and I was used to him.

"Shut your cake-hole, Em! I'm coming. I'm coming," I yelled back through my closed door, pulling up the fly on my zipper as I held the crotch of my jeans down. One learned at a very young age to avoid your dick and zippers coming into contact with each other. Didn't matter if you were wearing your boxers or going commando, getting just one cockeyed pube caught in your zipper felt like you had a nail being driven into the bottom of your foot.

"That's not what she said!" he yelled back, laughing at his own joke while I rolled my eyes.

Yes, he was my older brother, but, most of the time, he acted like a twelve year old. And that was why I loved him. He was always good for a laugh, albeit his sense of humor was stupid as all hell.

"Ha, ha," I said half-heartedly, knowing he could hear me through the thin door. I didn't know what had crawled up his ass. It was like he had ants in his pants, or something, making him want to leave the apartment as soon as possible. I'd just gotten out of the shower after my morning run when Emmett had burst through the front door and demanded I go with him to some house in the Queen Anne district.

Sure, we weren't that far away, but why did he need an escort? I wasn't his fucking bodyguard or anything. Hell, looking at the both of us, someone would have said he was my defender… the big lug that he is.

I pulled on my grey shirt and searched around for my sneakers. It was still unusually warm for October, and I wasn't ready to whip out my heavy boots or leather jacket just yet.

Emmett pounded on my door. "Dude, come on! Everything's gonna be gone by the time we get there!"

Wait… what?

"What the fuck do you mean, 'everything's going to be gone'? Emmett, where are we going?"

"We'll talk on the way, broham."

I growled to myself. Of course he wouldn't tell me anything. When has he ever included me in important, relevant topics?

Mom's birthday party from the previous year was a good example. Emmett had, conveniently, forgotten to mention it was supposed to be a surprise, and I had, graciously, asked her what time it started on a phone call two days before we were supposed to head up. Or that our joint Lit class had been rescheduled due to the professor being sick; our student teacher had told Emmett, but he hadn't passed along the message to me. I had shown up at eight thirty that Wednesday morning to an empty classroom. Go figure.

I swung my door opened to see him leaning against the opposite door jam, his beefy arms crossed over his thick wall of a chest in annoyance. Clearly, I had taken too long for his liking.

"Finally! Let's go, Ed," he said, shoving off and walking to the front door without another glance in my direction to see my pissed off face. Yes, I had a trademark scowl. I'd been perfecting it since middle school, when my verbal filter and hormones had decided to become enemies. Instead of getting myself in trouble with the girls, I had decided to just be indifferent to them all. I couldn't fuck up if I didn't say a damn thing to begin with. Not that I still scowled at girls. Fuck, I'd grown into my awkward nerdiness and was thriving in all the co-eds I'd ever want. I didn't have time for them. Being in my last year at the University of Washington and trying to get everything out of the way for my medical studies had taken its toll on my social life.

He was at the door when my brain connected to my feet, suddenly sprinting after him. His keys dangled in his hand as I swept past him and out into the bright autumn afternoon, stopping to wait as he locked up.

We tromped down the stairs in silence, hands stuffed in our own pant pockets. He was definitely in a hurry, practically speed walking down Fulton Street and taking a right on Third. "Will you please tell me what's got you so amped up?" I shouted as I tried to keep up with his stride.

He thrust his iPhone at me. "Read this. Fucking Craigslist for the win!" he announced as he fist pumped the empty air.

YARD SALE! SLEAZY EX-BF'S THINGS MUST GO, EVEN ME! – He cheated; his loss, your gain! (Seattle)

Date: 2011-10-20, 9:37AM PST

Reply to: OnePissedOffGirl (at) craigslist (dot) org

Title pretty much says it all. Downtown Seattle, Queen Anne District, corner of Harrison and 3rd, from now to whenever everything's gone. Let me explain:

I've been dating this guy for a year, pretty serious as we have been living together for most of that time. We were supposed to go on a special cruise to celebrate our anniversary, and I thought that maybe—just maybe—he was going to propose. You know, him kneeling on the deck in front of me at sunset as we float off towards our Happily Ever After. Very romantic, my imagination is. So, you can imagine my surprise when I came home early from work yesterday to find him in our bed fucking our travel agent seven ways to Sunday. Seriously, her knees were behind her head, for Christ's sake! He didn't stop giving it to her once he saw me in the doorway, though. No, the bastard just kept pumping away like it was the most natural thing for him to do.

I was speechless, completely and utterly devoid of thought, while she screamed out his name in ecstasy. She had a nasally voice that kind of made me want to give her some Dimetapp to get rid of her congestion issues, but… I digress.

There he is, boffing the blonde on our 120 count cotton sheets without a care in the world when I finally snap out of it. I tell him to get the fuck off of her, she needs to get the hell out of our apartment and that he has some serious explaining to do. His response? "You know what, babe? I'm almost done, and then I'll come take care of your needs in a minute. You know the Mikester's got some sick ass recovery time."

My jaw was on the floor in seconds. He saw it, smirked, and added, "Ohh, sugar, don't be doin' that. It makes me want to put my dick in there and have you suck on it."

Needless to say, I was out of there quicker than one of your Great Aunt Sally's hot flashes in the middle of church.

I left, drank heavily, and relied on my friends while he texted me once to tell me he was still going on our vacation, and he'd see me on the boat the next morning.

Yeah, the ship left dock five minutes ago, and you can bet your sweet ass I was nowhere near the port when 9:30 rolled around this morning.

So, while he's gone on a two week cruise to Panama Canal, you'll have the fuckawesome pleasure of sorting through all of his shit at the low, low price of… probably free! There are only a few things I'll take money for, namely his prized collection of clogging shoes, but his Xbox, drums, Wii and everything else are FREE! Did I mention that he's got the new iPhone 4S, too? He didn't want to risk it going overboard, so he decided to leave it in the safety of our apartment while we were away, concerned guy he is.

And, if you're over 21, come enjoy an ice cold beer and some grade A food with me and my friends, courtesy of my ex. Stupid fucker shouldn't have left his platinum card behind for safe keeping while I'm still an authorized user on his account. *wiggles eyebrows* Yeah, I totally just did that on Craigslist. You know your jealous.

My friends say I should also tell you I'm officially back on the market. They plan on getting me drunk, and I should probably let you know, when it happens, I get incredibly flirty. So, any single guys out there, who like 23 yo brunette girls with brown eyes, hit me up. Act fast, otherwise, I may be taken again; I am a one man girl, after all. Oh, and we are definitely NOT going on a vacation anytime soon, jsyfk.

I am including a picture of the clogs, because I'm serious as all hell about those bad boys. They're the only thing I'll take money for.

By the time I had finished reading, I was in tears, laughing. Some poor schmuck really had the nerve to screw around on his girlfriend and then, once she'd caught him, had offered to do her next? No wonder she was pissed off. If I'd been as invested as the girl had said she was, I'd probably be doing the same thing.

"So, we're seeing if there's anything left?" I asked, handing Em his phone back. The posting had gone up at nine thirty, nearly forty-five minutes before. If it stayed on the DL, there would still be a lot of stuff to go through.

"Pretty much. I'm hoping, since it's still early, a lot of shit will still be there."

"And it's really just down the street?"

"We'll get there within ten minutes if you shut your trap and get moving," he answered, shoving the phone back in his pocket.

I followed him in silence. Truth be told, the girl intrigued me more than what might still be up for grabs at her house. It sounded like she needed someone to pick her up, rather than take all of her ex's things from her life.

There was a group of people sorting through a bunch of things in front of an apartment building. Two girls were wearing the same kind of outfit: red tank top, black jeans and chucks, shouting out orders.

"If you need help lifting it, you should've thought about that before you got here. We're not helping!" a tiny, black haired girl said as a guy passed by her, straining with an entertainment unit.

"We don't reserve shit. You take it off the property; it's your own damn problem," a tall, buxom blonde announced, eyeing the same man as he passed by her.

"Oomph!" I'd walked right into Emmett's back, he'd stopped suddenly. "What the hell, Em?"

"I think I just found my future wife," he mumbled to me.

"Blondie? Really?" I asked incredulously. Leave it to Emmett to pick the fiercest looking woman in the bunch. Oh, well. To each his own.

While he went over to try and strike up a conversation with her, I turned and started looking over the various objects that littered the spread out blankets. There were still plenty of things to go through, so I took my time and perused.

If I was being honest, I wanted to look for the brunette who had put up the posting. But looking around, I didn't see anyone else who appeared to be in charge of the melee.

Emmett was right. We'd gotten there early enough, and there was some prime stuff to still be looked through. A gold and white drum set decorated the lawn closer to the building, while an assortment of DVDs and video games were strewn on a blanket on my left. Walking over to it, I found a few that would interest Emmett, but nothing really jumped out at me. An unmarked DVD case caught my attention, and I picked it up, hoping the DVD itself was marked with its title.

"Oh, no! Uh, you don't want that," a frantic voice sounded from behind me.

I started turning around and cocked an eyebrow, ready to argue with the person if need be. "How do you know what I want?" Hell, most of the time, I didn't even know what I wanted.

When I saw her, I couldn't stop my jaw from dropping. They were bloodshot, and a bit puffy, but she had the most amazing set of brown eyes I'd ever seen. She had a small nose and lips that, even though she wasn't smiling, were upturned at the edges. Permasmile. She couldn't be more than 5'5, the top of her head barely coming to my chin.

"You look smart. A guy like you wouldn't want a burned copy of 10 Things I Hate About You," she answered, tucking her twitching hands under her arms. It was like she was itching to snatch the DVD case from me at any moment.

"You never know. Julia Stiles is pretty hot," I answered, mirroring her defensive posture by folding my arms across my chest. I might have flexed a little bit, too.

"Please. We both know it's all about Joseph Gordon Levitt. I think I spy the original Die Hard trilogy over there, though," she said, peeking around my frame.

Damn, she had smarts. There were two ways to get to a man's heart; one was through his stomach. The other was through action movies; classic action movies, to be more specific. I was tempted, seriously tempted, to just give her the case in my hand and pounce on the Bruce Willis goodness…

But my resolve held.

How? No fucking clue.

I smirked at her instead. "Already have it at home," I lied easily.

I watched as a red blush crept its way up her neck, her eyes scanning the ground as she tried to think of something else to get me to give up my innocuous treasure.

I wonder what else could make her blush like that.

Images of her writhing under me flashed through my mind, and I discreetly adjusted my stance. I shifted my weight from foot to foot, trying to hide my growing boner in my pants so she wouldn't notice.

"Okay, I'll level with you," she said, sighing dejectedly before turning around and walking toward the stoop of her apartment building. Behind her back, she motioned for me to follow her, but it was pointless. I was already behind her the moment she turned around.

Dude, get a grip and stop being so stalkerish!

Startled, she looked up at me, her long thick lashes framing her eyes. She sat down slowly, and I joined her, crossing my arms over my knees as I looked at her profile and waited for her to start talking.

"I loved my ex-boyfriend. At least, I thought I did. But now that certain things have come to light recently, I don't know if I was ever really in love with him… or if I was ready for the fairy tale that I wanted to have," she said sadly, taking a big breath.

"For his birthday last month, he had to go on a brief business meeting. He acted like he was upset that he couldn't get out of it, and I believed him. It was horrible. He had to celebrate his birthday without me, so I figured that I'd send him a present he could enjoy while he was away." I nodded my understanding. But, really, I was showing her I thought it would be stupid as fuck if I couldn't be with a girl as beautiful as she was for my birthday. But she didn't need to know that, so I kept my trap shut.

"I asked my friends, and they talked me in to making a special DVD for him; something that could, hopefully, take his mind off the fact that we were so far away from each other. We were madly in love, you see," she said sarcastically.

Oh shit, don't tell me what I have in my hand is a sex tape.

Her blush rose to her cheeks as she cleared her throat.

Fuck! It totally is!

"Well, somewhere around the seventh Smith & Wesson, I was putty in their diabolical hands. They paraded me around in some kind of slinky nighty, making me channel my inner Jessica Rabbit. Believe me… you do not want to see what's on that disc," she muttered, stuffing her face in her hands before she started bawling.

Quite the contrary, I'd very much like to see what's on the disc. But I'm not that much of a jack ass to keep something for my own sick pleasure.

I reached out and patted her on the back, ignoring the heat that shot through my arm at touching her. "Don't cry…" I murmured softly, pulling her into my side, so I could wrap my arms around her.

What? It felt natural.

She kept mumbling through her fingers. "He turned out to be such a dick, and everything I thought before is shit. I'm trying to keep it together but, fuck, I just…can't."

"I'll trade you," I suggested suddenly.

"What do I have that you'd want?" she asked, finally looking up at me with wet cheeks and a runny nose.

I set the DVD on my lap and shrugged my sleeve over my hand, wiping it across her cheeks and under her nose, before I answered her. "Your name; I just want to know your name."

She studied me a moment, looking me over carefully, before drawing her lower lip into her mouth and chewing on it thoughtfully.

Without thinking, my thumb reached out and pulled it free. Really, it was more of a move to save my dick from becoming painfully hard next to her when I was trying to be a genuinely nice guy.

She gasped lightly.

Well, there goes that option.

"Bella," she said in a whisper so softly, I almost didn't catch it.

"I'm Edward. It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella," I answered, handing her the case from my lap.

Timidly, she took it from me and looked at the cover in silence. Then, completely surprising the shit out of me, she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she said into my ear, and then it was really difficult to keep my thoughts from turning dirty. The sound of her voice, so full of gratitude and relief, made my heart thud in my chest.

I wrapped my arms around her and whispered back in her ear, "Your welcome, Bella." With her in my arms, I couldn't help but notice the way she shivered against me as I said her name. Yeah, I was affecting her the same way she was affecting me.


I don't know how long we stayed locked in our embrace, but, eventually, someone had to break it. Luckily for me, it wasn't Bella who did it.

"Well, that turned out quite nicely if I do say so myself," a female voice said smugly from my left. Bella and I broke apart, though, I did keep my arm around her shoulder as we faced who was talking to us.

"Rose, what—" Bella began, only to be cut off by the blonde girl from earlier.

"Everything of value is pretty much gone, B. Well, everything except for you, and even that seems to be on the way out the door as we speak," her eyes shined merrily as she took in the placement of my arm.

I was half tempted to move it, but I didn't want to be easily intimidated by blondie. I did have pride, after all.

"You're crazy, Rose. I'm not 'out the door' or anything," Bella replied with a snort.

"Oh, I beg to differ," The shorty from earlier said as she appeared next to the one called Rose, her hands on her small hips.

"Alice, not you, too," Bella moaned, hiding her head against my chest.

I couldn't help but chuckle and grip her tighter against my side. The thudding of my heart grew faster as I covertly sniffed her hair.

Was that vanilla?

"See? That right there proves it!" one of them exclaimed. I didn't care to notice who it was.

I froze. Busted!

"I—uh, well—" I sputtered as my mind floundered for an explanation as to why I was smelling her hair.

"You're hiding from us in his shoulder, Bella. We're your friends. Do you even know this guy?" Rose asked. My eyes snapped up to them in relief when they started talking to Bella instead of accusing me of being a creeper.

Which I totally am at this point… there's no denying it.

It just felt… right… to be that close to her. Hell, I felt like protecting her, and I hadn't even known her for more than five minutes.

If I ever found that 'Mikester' guy, I was going to rip his balls off and feed them to him; maybe his fingers and toes, too.

'Cause really, who would cheat on a girl that made a sex tape for him for his birthday because he wouldn't be home?


A no good, shit-for-brains idiot!

But her friends were right. She didn't know me. If given the chance, though, I bet I could change that.

"Come have lunch with me—all of you. My brother, Emmett, is around here somewhere. We can all go, and you can get to know me," I offered, speaking for the first time in front of them.

"You're ballsy, aren't you?" Rose asked.

"Better ballsy and honest, than secretive and deceiving," I countered, arching an eyebrow at the pair.

Rose smirked while the shorter one, Alice, I think, smiled brilliantly and started hopping up and down on the balls of her feet. Remind me to keep her away from the caffeine.

"Lunch?" Bella asked from beside me. I'd been so focused on defusing her friends, I'd almost forgotten she was still tucked into my side. I looked down at her and ran my thumb along the apple of her cheek. She stuttered in a breath as I retraced my path along her soft skin.

"Lunch: a meal, usually in the middle of the day. Sometimes it takes place at a dining establishment," I defined, smirking at her.

"You want to eat with me?" she asked, wide eyed and astounded.

I had to avoid rolling my eyes. That guy had made her self-esteem plummet with his tactless antics. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?" I told her honestly.

"Because you don't know me," she mumbled, looking down.

I tipped her chin up. "That's exactly why, because I don't know you, and I want to."

The genuine smile on her lips made my stomach twist and my breath leave me.


"What about the rest of this stuff?" Bella asked suddenly, turning to her friends.

"We'll move it to the sidewalk and just leave it. Kind of like free furniture on the street," Emmett said as he started moving blankets, surprising everyone.

"Who the hell are you?" Alice demanded as she watched him shift things effortlessly.

"I'm Emmett, Edward's brother, and the reason that he's here in the first place. You, shortcake, are in my way. Move, please," he responded quickly, throwing a glance in my direction.

"But you can't just—" Rose started, before Emmett whipped around and put a finger against her lips, shutting her up effectively.

"Future wife, I can, and I am. Now, you can either help me, or you can stand there and watch. I'm cool with both," he said with a grin.

"'Future wife', huh? Damn. You guys are ballsy," she said with a laugh. I let out a relieved breath. Emmett, the innocent child at heart he is, could be a little brash at times. Luckily, Rose didn't seem to have a problem with him and his presumptions.

I pulled Bella up with me. "Will you go to lunch with me?" I asked. Earlier, I'd just kind of blurted it out and had pushed her in to accepting. But that was the farthest thing from how I wanted us to start out. I didn't want to bully her into doing something she didn't want to do. If she told me to fuck off, it'd hurt like a bitch, but I would.

"Help me with this stuff, and we can go," she said, tugging me forward.

It took the five of us no time, at all, to get everything dragged to the street and even less time for the girls to grab their purses from Bella's apartment.

We decided to walk to a diner that Em and I had passed on our way there. It was a greasy dive, but the cracked leather booths and warm, welcoming faces made it worth it. The food wasn't half bad, either.

It seemed like we'd known each other for years rather than only an hour, but I wouldn't have traded it for anything else in the world. We laughed easily, stories being tossed around like we were at a campfire enjoying roasting marshmallows together.

I was asked question after question, mostly by Alice and Rose, whose full name was Rosalie—come to find out. But Bella sat in front of me, listening intently as if she was the one asking instead of her friends.

I was in my last year at UW, pre-med. I liked all kinds of music, though rap and country were my least favorite. I liked animals, but dogs over cats, every time. Emmett and I grew up in Chicago and both chose to go to our dad's Alma mater, which made him really fucking proud. I drink, but not to the point of excess, and I don't smoke. I love my mother and respect my father, though I don't always agree with him.

Respect, loyalty and trust were the three most important traits I could ever ask of anyone. I would give respect and loyalty when I first met a person, but if they betrayed me, I was finished with them. I couldn't give second chances to those I did not trust.

You earn everything in life, nothing is free.

Each answer I gave made Bella smile at me more and more.

Emmett didn't let her get away without answering some questions of her own, too. Her answers were much like mine. She had just graduated from UW and was working on finding a job in the area. She couldn't stand rap and only liked Taylor Swift where country was concerned. She'd never had a pet but always wanted her neighbor's Labrador retriever. She grew up in Forks, an hour and a half northwest of Seattle, and was an only child. Her father was her everything, because her mother had left when she was just a toddler. She was a social drinker and only smoked a cigarette once, before hacking up a lung and saying never again.

She believed in Karma—that everything happened for a reason and everyone deserved a chance. Only forgiving, though, on a case by case basis.

She said she believed in fairytales… knights in shining armor kind of stuff. It was something I was going to ask her about later, after I'd seen the red flush spread across her face the moment she answered that question.

Before I knew it, we'd been at the diner for three hours. My ass was uncomfortable in the seat, but I couldn't find the will to make myself move from that spot. I didn't know if Bella would still want to hang out after that day, or if she'd want to be alone with her friends. The thought of leaving her made my stomach drop.

"Okay, gentlemen, we have to get going," Alice said as she started to exit the booth.

I looked dejectedly at the Formica table top and sighed. Finally, getting up, I realized Bella was standing there, waiting for me with her hand held out and a small smile on her lips. Grinning, I took her hand and stood up.

Walking out into the bright, afternoon sun, we stood and looked at each other… content to just stay there. I didn't know how it had happened, but Emmett, Rosalie and Alice had managed to get ahead of us, walking and talking as if Bella and I weren't still behind them.

"I really want to kiss you right now. Is that okay?" I asked, unsure of myself. Okay, kissing was the safest thing in my mind, but my other option couldn't be molesting the hot woman in front of me in public.

"Sure, but I'll trade you," she replied softly, her hands climbing up my chest slowly.

"What do I have that you'd want?" I asked, growing confident and cupping her cheek in my hand.

She looked at me for a minute, her eyes flickering between my eyes and mouth as her hands threaded through my hair. I had to stifle the groan that was on the tip of my tongue, because that shit felt so awesome, I had goosebumps from it.

Right before her warm, luscious lips were on mine, she breathed one word that made me surrender to the beautiful woman in front of me. "Everything."


A/N: Uber thanks go to shelikesthesound for her mad beta skills, thank you love!

Well, good day, my sweeties! I wrote this for the Twilight of Craigslist contest, both the ad, and the one shot, which were two parts of the contest. I hope you've enjoyed it.

On other news, I'll be posting the first chapter of my new story, Celebrity, Deconstructed, tomorrow as a birthday present from me to you (yes, tomorrow's my birthday). This story's been a long time coming, let me tell you. Want a sneak peek? Well… Okay!


Her long, tanned legs wrapped around his torso, needing to be closer to him. He moved his hand down towards her hip, anchoring her to the bed as they neared the end.

"I love you," she said softly, eyes now open and watching his face closely.

He kissed her quickly, passionately, before bringing his head back to look at her. His eyes locked onto hers in the strange aura of the streetlights as he whispered, "I love you, too".


She twirled the ring around her finger absently; gazing blankly at it as the light caught the small, square sapphire nestled against the silver band.

He should be home by now. If they were running late, he would've called, she thought.

He'd been working all day while she kept her nose buried at her job in the bookstore.

She stood up, went to the fridge, poured herself a cup of raspberry lemonade, and waited for her husband to come home.

Feel free to hit me up on Twitter if you'd like (at) AmoreBella88. I swear I won't bite.

Please leave a review!

Loves and hugs,