I AM SO SORRY. I have been putting off writing this chapter for long enough. I'm just really nervous about writing lemons and M rated things so...yeah. Not to mention rehearsals, festivals, work, other university things have been in my way. I know, no excuses. I am the worst when it comes to updating. This is the chapter that I anticipate is the hardest to write, so hopefully I'll be able to update more often. I know an 19 page chapter is probably not worth all of it, but I sincerely hope that it is good enough for now. To any of you who are still sticking with me, words cannot express how thankful I am. Thanks for keeping me motivated and staying with me.
(I swear I have this entire story planned out chapter by chapter so it would be hard for me to drop it.)
Disclaimer: Nothing American Idiot related is mine. But there is a Green Day Angry Birds game that I would very much like to try! Also this chapter is M rated. You'll see why.
"How's his heart rate?"
"The bleeding under control?"
"We'll handle the stitching."
"Is there any morphine around?"
"Here, I'm hooking it up right now."
Overlapping voices filled the hospital room. One of the soldiers had nearly died in my arms today.
"I think we're done."
"He'll be fine," Alysha, the head nurse, said. "It's a close call, but he'll survive."
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Positive. He's in better shape. Good work, ladies. Sorry some of you had to miss breakfast cause of this."
"This was an emergency, we signed up for this," Jen said from beside me.
Alysha smiled. "Glad to hear. Those of you who missed breakfast, you have 15 before your shift actually starts. Go get something to eat." I nodded towards Alysha then turned to Jen. We left to get some food; I wanted out of this room for now.
We had been woken up at 4:30 am, where someone had told us there was an emergency, and Jen and I were on call for that today. A soldier who was taken in late last night was severely ill. He was shot in the side and when they brought him in; not everyone was sure he was going to make it. The night nurses managed to help him, but a few hours later, an infection had started to quickly spread throughout his body. I wasn't completely sure how it happened, but it managed to cause even more bleeding and for him to slip in and out of consciousness. I had to support him and get him to calm down while the other nurses worked on him.
Thankfully he's okay. And we can all breathe again.
"Tough morning, huh?" Jen said. "I'm starved let's get some food." She didn't seem swayed at all.
I couldn't understand how she could be so calm about this.
"Jen, how do you do it?"
"Stay so calm. For God's sake, a soldier almost died in front of us!"
"How can you-"
"Get a hold of yourself!" She raised her voice a little. Luckily at this time, the mess hall was practically empty. We still managed to get our food and sat down at a table. "Look," she said in a quieter voice. "You're lucky that after being here for as long as you have, this is the first real traumatic thing that has happened to you. When you sign up to be a nurse in the war, you don't always see the prettiest things. It's scary out there. It's up to us to make sure nothing scarier happens to these soldiers."
I breathed in and out. I was still trying to properly settle myself.
"Jones, this job ain't easy. But someone's gotta do it."
"I know," I said. "It's just...it's scary knowing that someone could've died in your arms before the sun rises."
Jen patted me on the shoulder. "But he survived. You've gotta admit, it's a pretty damn good feeling knowing that the soldier you almost lost will survive."
"Yeah," I agreed. I picked at my food.
"Jonesy, you gotta eat something. You've got a long day ahead of you."
I started eating my apple. "Jen, why'd you sign up?"
"Huh?" she said.
"Why'd you sign up to be a nurse in the war?"
"I'll tell you if you eat your breakfast. And don't take your sweet time; we only have about 10 minutes."
I started eating more of the food on my tray. "Happy?"
"Yes," Jen said, finishing her eggs. "My little brother signed up to join the army. He thought it would be so cool to be out on the field, serving his country, get into good shape, meet girls," she laughed a bit at the last part. "You've seen the ad they always play on tv, right? That seemed so cool to him. He wanted to be a soldier. So a week after his 18th birthday, he announced to our family that he was going to enlist. My mom started crying. My dad-I'll never forget this-took a long, hard look at him. My dad was once a soldier, too. He almost died in combat." Jen paused for a bit. "He took my brother outside for a talk. I didn't know what to do. I sat there at the dinner table imagining my baby brother, little Larkin, out fighting in the war. Being a hero? I could see that. But I couldn't let myself imagining the worst. I wasn't going to let my baby brother, one of my best friends, go out to this war alone. When they came back inside, I stood up, looked Larkin straight in the eye and said, 'You're not going alone.'
"Huh?" Larkin said.
"I'm not letting you go alone. I'm going with you."
"What?" our parents said. Mom had come back down from upstairs.
"I can't let you go out there alone, Larkin. I'm going with you."
"Jennifer, think about what you're saying," Dad told me.
"No, we can't let both of our kids go to fight in the war," Mom had said.
"I'll be a nurse! I just finished college. I just can't stand the thought of you going to war alone," I said, looking at Larkin.
"Look, I know you probably don't want your older sister there with you, but it kills me to think of you going out there and fighting and not having someone to protect you," I went up to him and playfully punched his shoulder."That's my job."
I turned to my parents. "I'll come back alive. I won't go in combat. I want to help. And I want to make sure nothing happens to my baby brother."
"My parents told me to think it through completely. I had a really long talk with my parents and brother about it. Ultimately, they let us go, and liked the idea of me keeping an eye on Larkin," Jen finished.
"Wow," I said.
"Yeah. So if that doesn't make me a good sister, I don't know what does."
"Weren't you scared? That you'd see him in the hospital wing?" I asked.
"I still am. Every time a soldier comes in, I'm terrified it's my little brother. But this is what I signed up for. To protect him, keep an eye on him, save him if it ever came down to that."
"You really are a great sister."
"Thanks, I'm good with the 'responsible stuff'. Speaking of which, we've gotta head back. We've got more soldiers to save. And finish your eggs, you've only got two bites left!"
"Yes Jen," I said in a mocking voice as if she were my mother.
"Do I need to do the airplane thing?"
I shook my head and finished off what was left on my plate. "There."
"Good job, Jones!" she said in her 'mother' voice. "Or should I say Lena?"
"Shh! You know I don't like that name!"
"Well Tunny knows it now, doesn't he?" she teased as we headed back.
"How'd you know?" I asked, a little surprised.
"With all the making out I'm sure you did last night, he must've at least gotten your full name out of you."
"Oh please, you don't think I know what you were planning to do last night? You both have serious urges."
"Do we have to talk about this now?" I asked as we entered the hospital wing. I stopped walking. He was standing there. "Tunny?"
"Hey," he said. He was leaning against the desk.
"No, but you do have a lot of explaining to do, Missy," Jen said to me before nodding at Tunny and leaving the room.
"What're you doing here?" I asked. "Aren't you supposed to be stationed somewhere by now?"
"Well for one thing, I was wondering why you and a bunch of nurses had missed breakfast. But also, one of my fellow men didn't show up this morning and I got worried. We were supposed to do last minute drills this morning together, but apparently he was in here all night. Can I see him?"
"Gerard?" I asked. He nodded. "I was tending to him all night. I don't think you can see him now. Last I checked he was still pretty weak."
"Can you check now?" he practically demanded, stepping closer to me. "Sorry," he said, rubbing his shoulder. "I just need to know that he's okay."
"He's like your little brother?" I asked.
"One of my best buddies," Tunny said with a small smile.
I took his hand. "He's going to survive. I never would've left the hospital wing if I wasn't sure of that."
"Really?" he said, taking my other hand.
"Yes. I'll go back and check how he's doing now. I'm not sure if now is the best time for visitors, but he is going to be okay. I swear."
Tunny smiled. "Thanks." I gave him a reassuring smile before going to check on Gerard. "Hey," he said, pulling me closer to him again. "Thanks for last night, too. One of the best nights I've had in a while."
I smiled at him. "Me too." I quickly kissed his cheek before going to Gerard's room to check on him. Alysha was still in there filling out some paperwork.
"Hi Alysha. How's he doing?" I looked over at Gerard. He was sleeping.
"Getting better. It was a close call this morning, but he's doing fine. Occasionally his heart rate may seem irregular, but it goes back to normal. Still has some bleeding and he can be a bit stubborn with the medication and morphine, but that's to be expected. He'll be back to normal within a few days."
"That's good to hear."
"Jones, I'm putting you with him today. If some of the other nurses need help, then help them, but your main focus is him. You were working well with him this morning, and it's good for him to have a nurse that he's more comfortable with."
"Gotcha. And if he has visitors?"
"Not now. When he's awake and you deem him to be well enough to handle visitors, then let them see him. It's up to you to decide."
"Alright, I can do that."
"Good. Can you take these forms and put them in his file? I've gotta check on some of the others," Alysha said, handing me the papers. "And Jones? You've been doing a really great job. I'm proud of you," she said with a smile before leaving.
I grinned. It feels good knowing the head thinks well of you.
I headed back to the front desk where Tunny was still waiting. "So?" he asked.
"He's still bleeding a bit and is still trying to adjust to the medication and morphine, but other than that, he's fine. Just sleeping," I told him, putting Gerard's forms away.
Tunny sighed in relief. "What exactly happened?"
"I'd tell you, but I've learned that you soldiers prefer to tell these 'war stories' themselves."
Tunny laughed lightly. "Gerard would. So when can I visit?"
"I'd say later in the day. Late afternoon or evening."
"Is he going to be here all night again?"
"Yes. He'll be here for a few days just so we can monitor him."
"I'll come back here tonight. I'm doing drills today and I might be assigned to another task so it'll be crazy. But I want to see him..." Tunny trailed off. "And you."
"What?" I asked. He gently lifted his hand to my face. "Right," I said. "Sorry, my mind goes all over the place when I'm playing nurse."
"I wish you wouldn't say it like that," he said under his breath. "I'll come back tonight." Before I knew it, he pressed his lips to mine, still cupping my face. He kissed me for longer than I expected, and I was slightly out of breath once he broke away. He smiled at me one more time before saying, "I'll see you later."
I nodded and smiled. Words were not the best option at this point.
"Come on, buddy, don't fail me now."
Gerard had fallen unconscious again and his heartbeat slowed way down. I guess his body needed more time to adjust to the medication.
But I was not about to let him die on me. Again.
"Come on Gerard," I said, pumping his chest, doing CPR. He started coughing.
"Gerard, you gotta stop almost dying on me," I said to him as his eyes started blinking open.
"Huh?" Apparently he had no recollection of what just happened.
"Are you doing alright?" I asked, shaking slightly. Almost losing someone in your arms can take a toll on you.
"Yeah I guess," he said, rubbing his chest. "What happened?"
"You were unconscious and your heartbeat slowed down." Please don't let this happen again.
"Whoa," he said, his eyes growing wide. This kid was only nineteen, yet he reminded me of an eager ten year old at times. "Thanks for saving me, Jones," he said with a smile.
"It's my job," I said smiling back. I went to go wipe my face with a towel.
"Jones, are you okay?" Gerard asked.
I nodded. "It can take a lot out of you."
"Is it okay for me to come in?" someone said from the door. I turned and looked. It was Tunny. He gave me a smile, waiting for my answer.
"Gerard, you feeling up for a visitor?" I asked him. He eagerly nodded.
"Yeah, of course!" he said with a smile. Tunny entered. The two of them smiled at each other and did some sort of handshake as if they were brothers.
"What happened there, little man?" Tunny asked, clapping Gerard on the shoulder.
"I'm not little, Clarke! I was just ready to fuck shit up, you know?" They both laughed.
"Chase told me about it. Man, nobody can deny you're tough," Tunny said.
Gerard was beaming. "See you guys wouldn't believe me. Yeah, Chase brought me in, saw what happened. Got dirtied up too but I'm glad nothing serious happened to him," Oh God, Chase almost got hurt, too? "Dude's got a lady back home," Gerard continued. "By the way, Clarke, what's this about you and-"
"Jones?" I heard someone ask. I looked up from cleaning up the table. How did Gerard know?
"Jones you packing it in soon?" I sighed. It was just Libby outside.
"Yeah," I said, leaving the two soldiers inside to bond.
"She's pretty, huh?" I heard Gerard say as I was leaving the room.
"Beautiful," Tunny said. I left the room.
"How you holding up, Jones?" Libby asked me.
"Been better," I sighed. I tried to concentrate on breathing. Chase almost got hurt? It was bad enough what happened to Gerard, but Chase? With a girl waiting for him to come home?
"Can you take these towels back to the storage closet? We took too much this morning, and there's more than enough for the night nurses just in case. I'm heading out, but I've gotta talk to one of the generals about what happened to one of the soldiers."
I really hoped that didn't mean what I thought it meant.
"You're coming in early tomorrow, too, right?" she asked me. I nodded. "Keep the key for the night. Just go straight to the closet and pick up the morning supplies we keep there before you come into the wing tomorrow. No point in having to drop off the key to use it the next morning, right?" she asked, handing me the key. I nodded.
"Sure thing," I said.
"Jones, are you okay?" Libby asked. She looked concerned.
"Libby, what did you mean about what happened to one of the soldiers?" I asked quietly. I didn't really want to hear the answer.
Libby took a deep breath. "We lost another one today."
"Another?" Oh no. "How many have we lost? How much have you been keeping from me?" I could feel myself starting to shake again.
"Hey, hey," Libby said gently. "Calm down." She grabbed me by the shoulders. "Breathe."
"Libby, how many have we lost?"
"More than I'd like to admit," she said, trying to make it sound better than it was.
"Oh God," I said. I could feel tears welling in my eyes. These were men that I had treated, had conversations with. Now some of them are gone.
"We don't like to announce when some of them...lose their battle," she said in a motherly tone.
"But what about their loved ones back home? What about those people waiting for them to come home? They're never going to see them again," I said. I could feel myself losing control of my body. My voice was shaky, imagining these families waiting to hear back from their soldiers who they'll never hear from again.
"I know it's been a rough day for you, Jones," Libby said.
"Gerard almost died in my arms again for the second time just a few minutes ago!" I yelled. There was no point in trying to hide the tears that I had been holding back all day. Libby pulled me into a hug.
"I know, sweetie," she said, comforting me. I just sobbed. "To know what happens to these boys is a scary thing. It's even more terrifying to know that their lives are in your hands. But this is what we signed up for, we all did. You signed up to help, didn't you?"
I nodded, pulling away to look at her. "Yeah. But these soldiers-"
"Know what they got themselves into when they signed up," Libby finished. "They knew it was a huge risk and that there's a possibility that they'll never come home. But they knew."
"Do they do it?" Libby finished again. "Because they know it's right. They know what they're doing is a good thing. They're fighting for their country so their kids won't have to. They're protecting their country. If they die, they die a hero."
I nodded. I understood that.
"And that's why we're here. To make sure they come home a hero. Not all of them make it back. But it's our job to bring as many of them home as possible," Libby said with a smile.
"I just never really had to deal with death yet," I said quietly.
"You're lucky," she said to me. "It's not an easy thing to deal with. And it takes time. You'll never brush it off like it wasn't a big deal, but the impact it has on you decreases to a less...traumatic level."
"I hope," I said. I hugged her one more time. "Thanks Libby," I said, wiping my tears away.
"No problem girl. I'm here if you need me. And I think I'm nicer than Alysha," she said with a joking smile. I laughed and nodded. "You doing okay?"
"I'll be fine," I said. "Do what you need to, I'm almost done here. The night nurses are already in."
"Don't forget about the towels that need to go in the storage closet. And the key."
"And I go straight to the closet and get the morning supplies before coming here tomorrow morning. Gotcha," I told her.
Libby smiled. "Awesome. Have a good night, Jones!" she said, leaving.
"You too!" I told her before she left. I sighed, wiping the last of the tears away.
"Everything okay?" I knew it was Tunny who asked me. Before I could stop myself, I turned to him and hugged him. I held him close; my soldier was still here.
"It's been a rough day," I muffled into his chest.
"I know," he said. I could feel him press his lips to my head and him softly rubbing my back. "It's alright. Just breathe; you need a break away from all this." I didn't want to move. I felt safe, happy where I was.
"Gerard...he...twice," I stumbled for words.
"I know. But he's strong for a little guy," Tunny said. I laughed lightly. "He's alive. And you saved him, isn't that a good feeling?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
"Isn't that part of why you signed up? I mean, you know, other than picking up a hot soldier to bring home?" he asked. I playfully punched his shoulder.
"Don't sound too cocky now," I told him. "But yes, that is part of the reason." I took a breath and went to go check on Gerard.
"Hey Ger-" I started to say. He had already basically knocked out. He was snoring. It was kind of funny.
"Yeah, he was pretty much ready to pass out while we were talking," Tunny said from behind my shoulder.
"As long as he's okay." He led me back to the office and we let Gerard sleep.
"Lena, I gotta tell you something," Tunny said.
"As long as you promise not to say my first name so loud," I told him. He took my hands and looked me straight in the eye.
"I'm going on the front line tomorrow."
No, I know what that means.
"Are you kidding?" I asked him. Please let him be kidding.
Not another one.
Not my soldier.
"I'm not kidding. I was supposed to be sent out there with Gerard today. But I'm going out there tomorrow."
No, no, no.
"You can't," I told him.
Fuck, not him too.
"This is what I signed up for. I have to."
No, no, my soldier was safe. He was safe, he wasn't hurt. He wasn't going to get shot.
Oh God, but if he goes out there tomorrow-
"You could be killed out there!" I felt myself panicking.
"Sh, shh, it's okay," he said, trying to calm me down.
"Tunny, you could get killed out-" I said. He cut me off by pulling me to his chest. I tried pushing him away.
"I know, this is what I've gotta do though. I'm going out there."
"But I don't want you hurt!" I told him. Oh God, I could feel the tears starting to well in my eyes.
"I know it's been a rough day for you-"
"You think?!" I almost yelled. "Your buddy almost died in my arms twice today, and now I don't know how many soldiers have died out here, and you're telling me that you could be next?"
Oh God, please no.
"I'll be safe out there I promise."
"You can't promise that! It's never a guarantee!"
"Calm down, listen to me!" He grabbed my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes. "I'm not gonna lie, I'm scared of what's going to happen. But I came here to fight for my country. I have something to fight for. And I'll be damned if I go home without being able to fully say that I tried. I have to do this." I started getting even more teary-eyed. I just hugged him close to me again.
I was happy. With him here. I didn't even want to think about what would happen to him.
"I just want you to be safe," I whispered. I was so scared. All the news about death and near death seemed to be hitting me on the same day. I couldn't bear to think if Tunny was next. I was actually kind of happy for the first time in a long time.
I didn't want him taken away from me, too.
"I'll be safe out there." He took my face in his hands and kissed me gently. I started kissing him back more passionately; who knows how often I would get to do this within the next 24 hours?
"I should probably tell the night nurses I'm leaving," I said, breaking away from him. He nodded and wiped away a tear I had missed. I smiled at him, then went to go find Jen, who was in the main room where most of the soldiers were kept, and told her I was done for the day. It was 9:15.
I needed to get out of here.
"You doing okay Jonesy?" she asked. I nodded.
"Yeah," I replied. "It's just been a crazy day." She went over to me and gave me a hug.
"Being in this force will teach you to be tough. But it doesn't get any easier."
"Takes time, right?" I asked her.
"Right. Oh, before I forget, Jillian accidentally grabbed an extra laundry basket this morning." She shook her head; Jillian was the newbie who could be a little too eager at times. "Can you take it back to the storage closet? Libby said I should ask you since you have the keys for the night." She pointed to the empty basket in the corner.
"Sure, I've gotta drop things off there anyway before I head back." I grabbed the basket and put the extra towels that Libby had told me to put away in the basket.
"Jones," she said before I left. "Take a little break for yourself tonight, okay? You need to get your mind off the crazy things like these."
"I will," I told her with a smile.
"Go find Tunny or something, he'll probably take your mind off of everything," she said casually before checking on another sleeping soldier.
I walked out of the main room and found Tunny sitting on the desk.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
It hit me.
I was off my shift.
I had the only keys to the closet.
There was nobody else around.
And my soldier, who I've been dying to see, is with me now.
Before he goes and risks his life on the front line.
Where he could die.
I dropped the basket on the desk, put my hands on his face and kissed him passionately. He seemed a little shocked, but was more than happy to respond.
"What's going on?" he asked, a little out of breath.
"I want you. Now."
"Now?" he asked, a little surprised, but happy at the same time.
"Well, when else am I going to get the chance if you're going out there tomorrow?"
I could tell he was thinking about it, but before I could count to ten, a smile appeared on his face and he pulled me to him again. He kissed me, hard.
"Can we?" he asked before kissing me again.
"I have the keys. I need to go there anyway." I took the keys out of my pocket. He nodded and grabbed the basket full of towels.
"If anyone asks, I'm helping you put the stuff away," he whispered.
"They won't, but if you insist," I told him. "I don't want to think about any of the hospital worries or things tonight." I led the way out of the hospital wing to the storage closet. Once I opened the door, we stepped inside and he put the basket on the ground.
He closed and locked the door behind us. He took my face in his hands.
"You're the only thing I want to think about."
I kissed him and pinned him against the door. My soldier was going on the frontline tomorrow and I wasn't sure if I was going to see him alive afterward. I wasn't about to miss this chance. He kissed me gently as if I was the frailest thing in the world. I started to pull his shirt over his head to show him I wanted more.
"We could go slow," I said against his lips. "But right now, all I know is I want you now while I know I still have you. Before I face the fact that I could lose you in a few hours." I pulled his shirt completely off and let my hands roam his chest. "Please," I whispered.
He pulled my shirt off and grabbed my hips. He lifted me, which surprised me, but I wrapped my legs around him anyway. I kept kissing him and felt my back hit a wall. His lips left mine to look for the smaller door. I unwrapped my legs so I could undo his pants. I heard him grunt.
"I don't care if we get caught," I told him. "I just need you. Now."
I let his pants fall to the ground and my hand went to touch him through his underwear. He moaned, though I know he tried to suppress it.
"Are you sure? You don't have to," he said, but I could hear the desire in his voice. He wanted this just as badly as I did.
"Yes," I breathed out. I started to kiss down his neck, his chest, taking in as much as I could of him. I wanted to remember how he touched me, how he felt under my fingertips, how he tasted-
I took off the last of his clothes.
"Fuck," I heard him say.
This was so much better than what I imagined before. Better than what I expected. I never really liked going on my knees but I was more than happy to do it for him. And I knew he wanted it.
I did, too.
"Baby," I barely heard him say. "Lena," he breathed out. I could hear his breathing change whenever I did something different with my mouth or hands. He took my hair out of its ponytail and ran one hand through it. I got goosebumps.
Everything felt so good.
Judging by the way he moaned I assumed he felt the same way.
I kept working at it. He was worth every second of this.
"Fuck baby," he said. "You're...I'm...fuck."
He pulled out of my mouth gently and pulled me up so he could kiss me. Hungrily this time. He was the one kissing me like there was no tomorrow. I realized I was still clothed except for my shirt, so I went to undo my pants. His hands went to my back, teasing me, fingering my bra. Once my pants hit the floor, his hands went down to my ass and he picked me up again. I kicked off my shoes, not realizing he had taken his off before.
He swept off the items on a small table and sat me on it. He started kissing my neck and found his way to the sweet spot on my collarbone. I moaned before I could stop myself.
"You like that, huh?" he whispered. I could hear the smile in his voice. He kept kissing it, using his tongue while his hands undid my bra and slid it off my shoulders. His hands went down to my breasts, touching them, grabbing them, teasing them while his mouth slowly followed. He locked eyes with me as he took one in his mouth, his other hand massaging the other.
"Oh God." I knew I wouldn't be able to control what would come out of my mouth tonight. He smiled his sly little smirk, and wouldn't break eye contact with me as one hand continued its way down and slipped off the last of my clothes.
"Feel good?" he asked as his fingers started teasing me down there.
God he was so sexy.
"Yes," I managed to breathe out. He started kissing me, his mouth grazing my body and making its way down to the place I wanted most. I could feel his hot breath on my inner thighs, teasing me even more.
"Tunny please," I practically begged. He smiled that killer smile of his and-
I don't know what I was expecting in the first place, but what he was doing now had blown it out of the water.
My breathing started getting heavier. His mouth-and tongue, God what he could do with that-started exploring and I wasn't about to stop him.
I couldn't even form proper words. Just noises that I couldn't control. I knew he loved it. I swear I could feel him smiling, which made him use his tongue faster. It wasn't long before one of his hands left my breasts and grazed its way down to stroke me.
I haven't felt this good in a long time. And he really knew what he was doing.
I felt him slip one finger in...then another.
"Fuck Tunny," I moaned louder than I had hoped. I leaned back on my elbows and threw my head back; this felt fucking amazing.
"You will," he said with a wink. He kept his eyes on me the entire time while he worked his tongue and fingers on me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was good with his fingers.
I didn't know how much longer I would last.
"Tunny...I-" I couldn't even finish the sentence. He knew what I was about to say. He stopped and was about to enter me, but-
"Wait," I said before I could stop myself.
"What, you wanna stop?" he asked, looking confused and a little hurt.
"NO, NO, definitely not. Stop is the last thing I want to do," I told him reassuringly.
"We can't do it unprotected. Did you manage-"
"Yeah," he said and quickly went to the pocket of his pants. I really didn't like the loss of contact, but it was necessary.
He was back before I knew it. He kissed me and finally entered me.
This was better than I expected.
He kissed me and gave me some time to adjust before he started to move. I kissed him back, but it was only a matter of time before I broke away. This was just too good for me to be silent. Little moans and noises started coming out of my mouth, but only grew louder once he started going faster. I couldn't sit upright anymore, and I lay down on the table. My new position hit other places I wasn't expecting.
"I-" I don't even know what I was going to say.
"Fuck," I hear him say under his breath. It sounded deeper and huskier than before.
Which was incredibly hot.
One of his hands went to play with my breasts since I was lying down on the table.
"Holy fuck, Tunny," I said out loud. He smiled at me again. I couldn't control the noises that I was making because it just felt so amazing. I supported myself on my elbows and looked at him. He had his eyes on me; they were dark and lustful, but there was something there that I hadn't seen before. But I loved it. He brought me back up and kissed me again.
"Baby, I'm close," he said against my lips.
"Me, too," I said. He slowed down a little, but went harder. I groaned. I could feel myself about getting closer to the edge. My hands clawed at his back. My legs wrapped even tighter around him. I was so close.
"Tunny-" his lips cut me off and he kissed me again. His tongue played with mine. One of his hands left my body to play with my clit like he did before.
I was about to scream.
He kept going harder, speed picking up from before; his fingers kept working its magic. He had his lips in my hair; I could feel his heavy breathing by my ear. His other hand tightened on my hip.
He groaned; he was as close as I was. God, those noises he made were so hot.
His lips broke from my hair and our foreheads connected again. I could feel his fingers going faster.
"Baby-" I said before feeling the last few thrusts, stronger and enough to push me over the edge. My fingers clawed into his back. I screamed his name into his shoulder. I shuddered all over and rode the last of it till I could breathe properly again.
I can't even think straight.
God I don't know the last time that I've felt this good.
His last few thrusts had sent him over, too. I heard him say my name. He held me close.
All you could hear in the empty closet was our heavy breathing.
Our foreheads connected again as we tried to catch our breath. He looked in my eyes again and smiled. I smiled back. We didn't need to say anything right now. My fingers went to trace his tattoos again. His grazed down my shoulders and down my arms, eventually grabbing my hands. He kissed them, holding mine in his, never breaking eye contact with me. There was something new in them. I couldn't put my finger on it. But it was wonderful. I smiled again and he laughed.
I never wanted this moment to end.
"Wow," he said. It was my turn to laugh.
"Yeah," I said. One of his hands touched- no caressed- my face. Like he was fascinated. I leaned into it.
"Don't leave me," I whispered. He looked concerned for a moment before kissing me again. Sweetly. I kept kissing him; I never wanted to stop. After a while he broke away.
"I won't," he whispered back against my lips.
"Liar," I told him. I moved my head back to really look at him. "I don't want you to go out there tomorrow. I don't want you to leave me."
He kissed my forehead and held me to his chest. I kissed it and wrapped my arms around him. I didn't want to let go.
"I'll come back to you. I promise," he said. He brought my face up so I could look at him. "I'm not letting you go." I smiled; I could hear he really meant it.
"Good," I said. "Cause I don't want you away from me." He laughed lightly.
"I don't think I could leave if I tried."
We didn't need to say anything. It was enough being with him here. I was in my soldier's arms while he was still safe and sound. I tried not to think about what could possibly happen in the next few hours. It was hard trying not to tear up.
He's here with you. He's not fighting right now. He's with you alive and safe. That's all that matters.
He left my arms. I grabbed his hand as he left. He smiled and held up a finger telling me to wait. I watched him move the shelving unit to reveal and open the door that we were supposed to use; we just didn't have the patience to actually find it first. He grabbed a couple of blankets and pillows and went in the little room. Instead of waiting, I got curious and decided to go to the door, too. He held his hand out like a gentleman and brought me in. He had set up a little makeshift bed. I smiled. He sat down and brought me down too. He held me in his arms, softly rubbing my skin. I cuddled into his arms.
"Don't worry about what could happen. I'm all yours tonight." He kissed the side of my head. I looked at him.
"Tunny," I softly said.
"Yeah?" he asked, kissing my nose this time. I giggled a little. I looked up in his eyes and leaned against his shoulder.
"I... I l-" I stopped. What was I going to say? Love?
Was that this new funny feeling?
Was that what I thought I saw in his eyes?
He just kissed my head again and held me.
"Yeah," he simply said. I decided to drop it and cuddle up to him again.
Don't worry about that now. Enjoy this moment. Who knows when you're going to get this again?
He pushed my sweaty hair away from my face. "You're so beautiful."
"Shut up," I playfully said, turning away. I couldn't help it, it was a habit.
"No really," he insisted, holding my face before kissing me again. "I wasn't expecting this when I signed up."
"Me neither," I told him. "But I'm glad that I did." I kissed him again, more passionately this time, my tongue being the first to initiate anything. He moved me so I was straddling his hips. His hands started softly roaming my body. He started kissing down my neck again. I sighed.
How did I get so lucky?
"I'm asking myself the same thing," he told me, looking at me again.
Did I say that out loud?
"You're incredible," I told him.
"You think so, ma'am?" he asked with a smile on his face, using his Southern accent again. I swear I saw him wink. I laughed. He started kissing my neck again, his hands drifting to my hips.
"Yes," I softly said.
"Mmm... think you can take more?" he whispered against my skin, giving me goosebumps again.
"Gladly," I said with a smile. I pinned him down on the ground, but he rolled me over so I was on my back. He gently started kissing me again.
"Let me show you how incredible we Southern gentlemen can be," he said before starting to softly kiss my skin. All over.
This was going to be a long night.
But I didn't mind.
Not as long as I was with my Southern gentleman of a soldier.
This is my first time writing anything lemon-y so please be nice-ish. If it really is horrible, tell me so I can improve if it comes up again. Or review anyway! Lets me know who is still with me. I'm sorry if it seems like I've given up, BUT I HAVEN'T I'M STILL GOING WITH THIS.
Please review! You get cookies! :) (well virtual baked goods)