A/N: I feel like this is the first ever non crossover Broken Plot fic. I hope I'm wrong as there really should be more given how great of a comic it is. If you've read it, you know the relationship between Sid and Max and to be honest, it's fine the way it is. This is just me being as someone told me once, 'a knack for making crack pairing works'. I'm not sure how much I believe that though. I like this pairing so I thought I'd give it a try as unlikely as it is.
All characters and places belong to the insanely talented Lis Boriss. Cam belongs to me I guess.
Whiskey And Cigarettes
"Well that party sucked."
"I didn't ask you to come you know."
"It was either that or watch Liz play that stupid Skyrim game for ten hours straight then freak out about not having her comic ready for tomorrow."
"I thought you enjoyed watching her freak?"
"Usually I do but you know me. I never say no to free booze."
Sid could only shrug in agreement as he and Maxine walked through the chilly darkened streets of the downtown. They passed under brightly decorated street lamps that shone a ray of light below, cutting through the darkness. Shops, restaurants and bars alike were all lit from top to bottom with flashes of red, green and gold. Maxine grimaced as they passed an inflatable wavy armed Santa Claus promoting some sort of used car Christmas special.
"Christ, it's like someone vomited Christmas all over this place." She said, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from her back jean pocket. Sid snickered and shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of his leather jacket.
"I always forget how much of the Christmas spirit thrives inside you, Max." He chuckled. The cougar scoffed a laugh as they came to a stop at a busy intersection, passing by a car that was driven by a very large doe. She was dressed in one of those horrible looking Christmas sweaters and fake reindeer antlers on her head. Despite the windows being up, it could very clearly be heard that she was singing along to "Jingle Bell Rock". Badly.
"Just don't expect me to turn into one of those holly jolly freaks." She sighed, blowing a haze of smoke out through her nostrils.
"Believe me, if you ever do, I'll be the first to set you on fire."
"Glad to know I can always count on you, Sid." Maxine told him with a grin and another drag of her smoke. The larger feline returned it and the two continued down the streets like they had done countless times together over the years. Maxine finished the rest of her cigarette and flicked the butt away, the tiny embers flying as they hit the pavement.
"I hope you didn't leave because of me." She blurted out as she brushed away some of her fiery red hair that hung over her right eye and stuck her hands in the front pocket of her sweater, the cold nipping at them. Sid looked at her in surprise, made a face and shook his head. "No of course not. I'm glad you came actually. I'm not that close with the people at my job so these work Christmas parties can get pretty boring. Having you there made it better but I can only stand so much." He said, letting out a yawn.
"Oh? You're telling me that you didn't like that chick trying to dry hump you every time she got near you?" Maxine asked with a sly smile. Sid slapped his hand over his face and dragged it down.
"Don't get me started on Heather. There's not enough time in the day." He grumbled, running a hand through his long blonde hair.
"Why? What's wrong with her? She was pretty much giving it away to you on a silver platter."
"Heather just isn't my type."
Maxine laughed and pulled out another cigarette. "Not your type? Come on, Sid. I've seen the girls you've dated. Brunette, fitness freak, huge rack, how could you say no to that?" She teased him, lighting the tip of her cigarette.
"I don't JUST date those girls for your information. I don't click with Heather. She's too…" Sid paused as he tried to find the words but found he was coming up empty. Maxine watched him form a mental cramp, taking a long drag. Sid caught her looking and rolled his eyes, waving his hand in the air.
"She's just not for me."
Maxine nodded and blew a puff of smoke straight up in the air. "Uh huh. Well when you think of an adjective for her let me know. I saw no reason why you couldn't tap that." She smirked, tapping some ash off the end of her cigarette. Sid muttered something under his breath and focused his gaze on the street ahead of him.
"She sure hated me, I'll tell you that." Maxine mumbled, kicking some snow out of her path.
"Apparently she thought I was your girlfriend. Every time I talked to you she gave me the death glare. Not to mention her whispering 'bitch' and 'skank' whenever I passed her to get some Fritos."
"Really? Why didn't you say anything to me?" Sid asked, a bit annoyed that Maxine would keep this from him. She snorted a laugh and gave him a playful slap in the arm.
"Pfft! And what would you of done there, Muscles? Put on your mask and spandex and go all El Rey on her?"
"Shhh! Hey, alter ego here! Don't spread that around! You'll get me killed!" Sid cried, waving his hands up in the air frantically. Maxine laughed again followed by a few coughs this time. The lion crossed his arms across his large chest and gave her a stern glare.
"You still could have told me."
"Oh God, Sid, let it go. You know I'm not for that damsel in distress shit. It takes more than a few words from some Macy's model reject to get under my skin."
Sid continued to gaze sternly at her but it quickly turned into a smile. He laughed to himself as they rounded a corner. They passed a few street Santa's, Sid dropping in any extra change he had in his pocket in their buckets. Further down the sidewalk, they walked by a giant billboard advertising a new horror movie which Maxine reviewed in great length. Sid merely smiled and nodded, never mentioning the fact that he had yet to see it and this was completely ruining it for him. But Maxine seemed into it so why spoil her fun?
They crossed another intersection, headlights casting their shadows across the adjacent road. "You know it's funny." Sid said as he jumped over a puddle of slush (that Maxine had tried to push him in).
"What is?" She asked as she took the last inhale of her cigarette, tossing the butt away into a snow pile.
"Just a trend I've seemed to notice since high school."
"Oh? And that would be?"
"That just about everyone who doesn't know us just assumes that we're dating." Sid replied. Maxine frowned at him and queried, "How'd you figure that?"
"Well, there was tonight, the prom when we went together 'cause that asshole stood you up, when you moved into the apartment, just about every time we go to the beach or out to dinner and ANYWHERE ELSE WE GO." He explained.
"Hmm. I guess you're right. But people are idiots so I'm not surprised that something so stupid would be assumed." Maxine sighed, stretching her arms above her head. Sid stopped walking and frowned. "Oh, so dating me would be stupid?"
Maxine stopped and turned to him with a toothy grin. "Aww. Did I hurt the big kitty's feelings?"
"No, I just don't see what's so stupid about dating me."
His friend sighed, her breath a wisp, rising into the air and crossed her arms. "Do we really need to go there, Sid? Us dating? Let's not open doors we might not be able to close. Why the hell are even talking about this? I sorta just assumed this has always been an unspoken thing between us."
"No, no that's not what I meant at all." Sid exclaimed, shaking his head.
"Well, then what did you mean?"
"I…ugh, never mind. Just forget about it." Sid said and continued to walk. Maxine growled and grabbed his arm as he walked by. "You know I hate that, Sid! Whenever you start to say something then just tell me to 'forget it', it drives me fucking nuts. Now tell me!" She yelled at him, her tail twitching in agitation. Sid breathed hard through his nose and gently pried her off his arm.
"Alright, alright just calm down. All I meant was that it bothers me that you would pass up, not me but a guy like me for one of your 'winner' boyfriends."
"A guy like you?" She repeated, her brow arching in question.
"You know…a…good guy. One who's not going to screw you over or turn out to be a total douchebag. I hate seeing you get hurt." Sid told her softly. Maxine stared at him for a moment and eventually gave a small smile.
"Oh, Sid…" She said softly, gently pressing her palm against his cheek. She then flicked him hard in the ear, a rather tender spot for the lion. He cried out and covered his ear, trying to smother the stinging sensation.
"Ow! What the hell was that for!?"
"Nothing really. I appreciated what you said but I don't do that touchy feely Disney garbage. You know that better than anybody." She lectured and continued to walk on. Sid followed her, still rubbing his ear. "How could I forget?" He mumbled sarcastically.
"Besides, I'm not sure I could stand dating a guy like you. All that chivalry and 'let's talk about our feelings' crap would drive me crazy. That's what's really stupid."
For another few blocks they trudged through the snow and slush until their apartment complex came into view. They passed a few snow sculptures that Liz had no doubt worked all evening on and climbed the front steps. Sid opened the door for her but then slapped his forehead.
"Damn, I just keep doing those nice, stupid things." He said sarcastically. Maxine just gave him a disgusted look while walking through.
"I'm going to bed. Let me know when you get that sand out of your vagina, Romeo." She spat and waved him off as she waked down the hall. She stopped and turned around to find that Sid was following her.
"What are you doing? You apartment is on the third floor, retard."
"True but you have my key. Remember, there was a package for me that came while I was at the mall with Zig today and you dropped it off at my place?" Sid answered. Maxine merely grunted and they traveled down towards her apartment. They were about almost a dozen doors away when suddenly Maxine stopped and let her head fall back in dismay.
"Crap." She hissed quietly. Sid stopped and narrowed his brow at her.
"I told him not to come by anymore." She whispered to herself. Sid put on a rather puzzled look then followed her gaze. Just down the hall at her apartment door, there was a cheetah maybe a little older than himself. He was dressed in heavy black boots that covered a good bottom portion of his camouflage pants. A heavy leather jacket with random punk and metal band patches were sewn messily all over. He pounded on the door, twitching slightly and scratching his ear as he waited for an answer.
"Another one of your winners?" He asked with a smug smile. Maxine shot him a hateful glare and said, "Shut up. I don't want Cam seeing me."
"Which one was Cam again? The one with the drinking problem or the one with the drug problem?"
It looked like the cheetah had finally got tired of waiting. He snorted in the lack of response and took out a flask and took a swig. He then wiped his mouth and snorted very loudly as if trying to expel something from his nostril.
"Ah. The one with both." Sid said to himself. He put his hands on his hips and turned back to Maxine. "Where do you find these guys?"
"Just shut up, Sid! Let's go back out the front…shit he's coming this way!" Maxine moaned as the cheetah caught site of them and began to make his way over. Maxine looked around wildly for some sort of escape but was having little success. Sid couldn't help but laugh.
"You look like Wile E Coyote trying to out run a falling boulder." He snickered.
"Keep laughing. He isn't too fond of you." She shot back. "What? What did I do?" Sid asked, his jovial expression turning to that of confusion.
"I may or may not have told him that you were my new boyfriend to get him out of my hair." She admitted sheepishly, still trying to find a way out. "You did?" Sid asked dumbfounded. He then started to laugh again.
"Oh so now dating someone like me isn't so stupid after all!" He chided with a big toothy grin. Maxine saw that the cheetah was almost upon them. She suddenly grabbed Sid by the collar of his jacket and pushed him against the wall.
"Kiss me." She said.
"What!? Are you insane!?" Sid asked in the utmost serious of tones. "Damnit, Sid, just kiss me!"
"No, Max! I…"
Sid didn't get to finish his sentence as Maxine pulled down hard on his collar and mashed her lips against his own. Sid was practically frozen and wide eyed as the cougar tried to coax him to move his lips against hers. Maxine pulled away and sharply told him, "For Christ's sake, Sid, make it look real!"
She took his hands and placed them firmly behind the small of her back and just below her left buttock. Sid had no time to protest. Maxine pressed her lips tightly against his again, wrapping one hand around his neck and the other resting on his cheek.
Sid had never felt more uncomfortable in his life.
His closet friend in the world, one he had considered like a sister, was kissing him like there was no tomorrow. His brain was firing a million thoughts at once, the most popular being the idea of trying to stop this. His eyes still open, he could see the cheetah staring at them, a look of anger written clear across his face. Sid could still smell the alcohol on him and something else unpleasant. It was then that Sid had to make up his mind. Let this guy know that Maxine was off limits so that he would never bother her again or leave her to deal with another loser.
"Damnit, Max, you better appreciate this."
Sid closed his eyes and started to kiss back. He was tentative at first understandably but soon became more open to her advances. Their lips moved against each others perfectly in sync as if they had done it a hundred times together before. Unexpectedly, Sid felt Maxine's tongue trying to pry his teeth to open and even more unexpectedly, he let her. They wrestled each other, one trying to pin the other, gingerly stroking teeth and gum. He felt her hand squeeze the back of his neck which in response caused him to pull her closer to him.
Maxine was good at this. Real good.
Sid had kissed his fair share of women but none were every this…aggressive. And while Sid would never admit it in a thousand years, especially to Max, there was a small part of him that was…enjoying this.
That thought caused him to snap open his eyes and he found that the cheetah was no longer there. He had no idea how long he had been gone for and he relaxed his grip on Maxine.
"Max?" He mumbled through a kiss.
"Mmm?" She moaned softly, lips still working against his. "He's gone."
Maxine slowly opened her eyes, meeting Sid's. They quickly widened and she pushed off him just as fast. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
"Ugh. Thanks I guess. But I said make it look real, not like you're going for an Oscar." She told him, trying to hide the heat that came to her cheeks. Sid forced a laugh despite not finding any of the situation funny.
"Sorry. You think he will leave you alone now? Now that he thinks there's apparently an…'us'?" He asked. An uncomfortable and rather awkward feeling rattled his nerves as those words left his mouth.
"God I hope so. The last thing I need is another creeper." She sighed. The two felines stood in the middle of the hall for a moment, neither saying a word to each other. Maxine eventually cleared her throat and walked down the hall, Sid following but keeping an awkward distance. Maxine opened the door and grabbed Sid's keys from the bowl next to the door.
"Here." He said, handing them to him. He took them and stared at the little skull and crossbones key chain. Maxine stood at the door and wrapped her arms around herself, her fingers clutching at her 'Mary and the Cannibals' hoodie, eyes on the floor.
Sid snapped his eyes up to meet hers which now rested on him. "Thanks for…you know. It wasn't easy for me either but I'm glad you didn't leave me there with that freak." She said softly and offered him a small smile. Sid just nodded and returned the smile with one of his own and began to walk away.
He turned back at the sound of his name. Maxine stood outside her door, still clutching her hoodie. "We still on for zombie marathon tomorrow?"
"Of course." He responded with another smile. She nodded and gave him a wave before disappearing behind her door with another sideways glance towards him. Sid stared at the spot where she once was for a moment then turned away to the stairwell. He pushed the doors open and he heard the sound of someone clapping their hands. He looked back to the door and saw Sylver leaning against the wall.
"Bravo, Blondie, bravo." The wolf said with a smug grin. Sid narrowed his eyes at him and growled low in his throat.
"Piss off, Sylver. I'm not in the mood." He spat and started up the stairwell. Sylver pushed off the wall and followed the long haired pirate up the steps.
"I gotta say that was some fine work. You totally could have banged her if you kept going."
The small lupine found himself pushed up against the wall very roughly, Sid's face inches from his own. "I don't want to hear you talk about Max like that. If you so much as utter another sentence like that again, I'll rip off that dumb goatee and shove it up your ass." Sid barked, his voice slightly echoing off the walls. Sylver continued smiling though.
"Easy there, Thor. I got better things to do tonight than swap insults with you so take your cave drawing hands off my threads."
Sid sneered and let him go, continuing his ascent up the stairs.
"You're screwed now, you know that?"
"Just keep walking, Sid. Don't give him the satisfaction." His brain told him. But he stopped anyways, his hand gripping the rail so hard that the skin on his knuckles turned white under his fur. He turned back, gazing down at the canine with an annoyed glare.
"What the hell are you talking about?" He asked. "Think about it, dude," Sylver said, readjusting his jacket, "You sucked face with your best friend. That changes everything. Can't say I blame you though. She's a total babe, in an 'I'll stab you through the eye if you look at me' kinda way."
"You don't know what happened. You don't even know what you're talking about."
"I don't? Let me ask you this, Sid; when you kissed her, how long did it take for that little spark to go off in your brain that told you what you were doing was so wrong but there was that small sliver of pleasure?" He questioned, raising a brow.
Sid didn't say anything but Sylver could clearly see that he had struck the right chord by the way Sid's tail flickered back and forth.
"Pretty soon you'll be starting to ask yourself a whole boat load of questions about your friendship. You'll start thinking about her more and more. Seeing her with other guys will start to drive you nuts. Shit will start breaking down so fast with you two that soon, whatever you had, will be gone."
"What makes you so knowledgeable on such a subject?" Sid asked, trying to ignore what he said. But somewhere deep in his stomach, a small knot of fear started to form.
"What? You think you're the only guy to have pulled such a stupid move?" Sylver mumbled, looking away. Sid noticed his sudden change in demeanor and was surprised. Sylver was the last person on Earth he figured would have an emotional experience that didn't include gelling his hair.
"What happened?" He found himself asking. Sylver crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back against the cold cement wall.
"I had a friend a couple years ago I was pretty close with like you and Max. We hung out a lot but it was completely platonic. Then one night we went to a kegger and got pretty hammered. Next thing I know we're in the back of my car getting hot and heavy."
Sid watched as the wolf paused, the events clearly replaying in his mind. Why Sid cared, he had no idea. Sylver was always a bit of a pathetic, fake little man who seemed to only have an interest in himself and his image. But he did have his moments when a real person would seem to try and emerge.
"After that, things just went to hell. We tried to play it off as nothing, just a dumb mistake. But then our hangouts became awkward and weird. I was thinking about her more and more and in a more intimate way and she could see it. After a while, she started to avoid me and ended up dating a guy I couldn't stand. Truth is, there wasn't anything wrong him. I just hated him because it wasn't me."
Shifting uncomfortably on his feet, Sid gave him an apologetic look.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Sylver."
"Pfft! Whatever. I don't want any sympathy from some Def Leppard wannabe on steroids. I'm glad she's gone. Otherwise I wouldn't have turned into the Mac Daddy I am today, scoring chicks while you spend all your time with video games and toy models." Sylver sneered at him, returning back to his normal self. Sid rolled his eyes and shook his head as he turned back up the stairs.
"Just wait and see, man! Things are going to get screwed up for you and fast!" Sylver called out after him. He grinned in victory and turned back to go down the steps only to trip over his own feet and end up tumbling down the staircase. Sid heard the crash and bangs as well as Sylver screaming out after each one. He smiled to himself thinking, "What do you know? Wishes really do come true."
Sid casually made his way back to his apartment, trying to ignore the impact of Sylver's words. He mentally shook them off as he opened his door, dropping the keys on a nearby hook.
"Forget about it, man. He's just trying to get to you like he always does. You and Max have too strong a bond to let something like this get to us." He thought. Taking off his jacket and throwing it on a nearby chair, he went over to his fridge and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels. He looked for a glass but found that most of them were in the sink in need of a desperate wash. Shrugging, he unscrewed the cap and took a massive swig. Sid wiped his mouth and put the bottle back. He wandered over to his couch and plopped down, grabbing the remote. He had record the last episode of Game of Thrones and had been waiting all week to watch it.
At first it was a little hard to concentrate on the show what with everything that just happened with Maxine and Sylver's ranting but he soon found himself forgetting about it, enjoying the sound of steel clashing and heads being decapitated. After the show had finished, Sid didn't feel all that tired. He had an uneasy sense of restlessness so decided that maybe a work out would wear him out for a good night's sleep.
Not in the mood to walk the few blocks to the twenty four hour gym, he set up the chin-up bar that Sunny had gotten him for last year's Secret Santa. He stretched and warmed up for almost ten minutes before practically leaping at the bar, grabbing the grips tightly as his muscles tensed. Sid polished out almost forty reps per the five sets he did, his biceps screaming at him to stop. He let go, breathing heavy and rested for about five minutes before diving into push ups. For the next hour and a half, Sid pushed his entire upper body to the limit.
On the last bicycle crunch he performed, he lay spread eagle on the floor, panting. His shoulders, arms, chest and abdomen were so exhausted that it ached to even get up. He wiped the sweat from his forehead before discarding his clothes and heading for the shower. The hot water was a welcoming relief to his muscles, the aches and pains slowly starting to fade. He leaned his head against the wall, eyes closed as the water poured down his muzzle.
The image of Maxine and the taste of her lips reappeared in his head and he opened his eyes as quickly as he shut them. That small knot he had felt earlier suddenly grew a little bigger. Sid rubbed his face and shook his head.
"You're letting it get to you, man. Yeah it was weird but you were helping her out. You couldn't just leave her alone with that junkie. You know that. Sometimes we gotta do the craziest things to protect our friends, right? Once you get a good twelve hours of sleep you'll forget this even happened. Hell, you'll probably even laugh about it."
Feeling better both mentally and physically, Sid stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. Slipping on a pair of pajama bottoms, he walked over to his fridge once more, pulling out a premade protein shake. Chugging down the rich, thick substance, he padded over to his DVD shelf. He picked out a few films from his vast collection of movies about the dead returning to life to feast on the living, some of his favorites and some Maxine was fond of. He set them down on his coffee table along with the now empty glass and headed to his room. He shut the door behind him and flicked off the switch, darkness enveloping him.
He fell onto his bed face first, not moving. Then he rolled around until he was under the sheets, warmth and comfort easing its way into his body. He stared at the ceiling, blanking his mind so that it matched the blackness around him. He waited to see if anything would pop into his mind whether it be Maxine or Sylver's so called hopeless situation.
But there was nothing.
The knot was gone and replaced by an overwhelming feeling of lethargy. A small wave of relief came over him as he tucked his arms behind his head. He should have known better than to let that putz get under his skin with his usual bullshit. Everything was fine and it would be the way it has always been with Maxine. He even felt himself chuckle at such a ridiculous hypothetical future.
Sid's eyelids grew heavy and was soon asleep. It had been a long day with some unexpected events for the lion. What was even more unexpected was the dream that followed, replaying the kiss he shared with Maxine over and over again.
And somewhere, deep within Sid's brain, there was a little door that had creaked open just the tiniest of ways.
A/N: Well, there you have it. I had a lot of fun with this story. The characters are so awesome that it's impossible to not have fun with them. I left the ending open for the sake of if people like it enough and want to see it continued then I could give it a shot. Defiantly not trying to push this pairing on anybody as I said before, the character relationship is fine the way it is now. Anyways, if you haven't read the comic, do so right now. Well, that's all for now. Cya!