Promise Me


(Are you thinking like me, of the laughing times, or all the sad and loving times?)

Can you promise me something?

It might be a lot to ask. I'm sure you don't mind, though. Right?

(Everything that's left of us is fading away)

Just listen, just for a little while, before everyone forgets.

(Promise me to think of us, as a time so wonderful)

"Please don't hold back, Axel. Promise."

It's ok- you can hit me and cut me and bruise me, but nothing's worse than the pain of leaving. I know how you feel. I know how much it hurts. I know you're telling the truth.

The truth always hurts the most, but it is what it is. Fighting it won't change it. It took a long time for me to understand that.

But sometimes, you have to fight for the truth. Fight for what you believe in, and well, you did exactly that. I don't blame you. It tore me up to see you so angry and hurt, because I knew you knew the truth and tried so hard for the one you believed in, the one you thought was right, you cared so much. Sometimes I wish I was the only one who understood the truth, so I could have carried the burden of it alone. But you always understand, and you always take the challenge of a burden.

Promise me you'll look back to everything one day, that you'll hold onto the memories, even if it's only one, one you think is the most insignificant, unimportant one out of all of them. But it's not. Pieces make up a whole, pieces matter.

Promise me that in those memories, we'll be anything but apart. They'll be all the handpicked, colorful memories that show everything we meant to each other. We can be mad, or sad, or happy, but we'll be doing it together because that's how it was supposed to be.

It was meant to be that way, you know. Fate just had other plans.

Promise me when you look at them, you don't regret anything you did in them, because everything you did mattered. Everything you do matters, and all I've ever seen you do is for others, for us. Promise me you'll do something for yourself for a change. You probably won't listen - you never did - but trying is a start. They call Nobodies the epitome of selfishness, but you're more selfless than anyone I've ever met.

(Promise me to think of us, still bright, still colorfull)

"Kingdom Hearts... Set them free."

Promise me you won't let Xemnas have his way. I don't even have to ask, because I know you'll do it anyway. Because you're just brave and selfless like that, not just because of Sora, and always looking for answers - well, that part is pretty much because of Sora. You left because of him too, didn't you?

Promise me you'll keep the memories too. They'll never go away, but try looking at them every now and then. Memories are the next best company to the real things. They've got the real, most wonderful of times preserved in them so you can watch them over and over - like those things Axel showed us, what were they called? Movies? I think that's what they were called... But I liked them, because they didn't only tell stories, but showed them too, though nothing could compete with his stories, right?

In those memories, we'll be as we were, we'll be happy and together and best friends. But that last part will never change, no matter how far apart we are. We made fun of Axel for saying such corny things, but he's right, you know.

In those memories, we'll be who we wanted to be and no one else, no pretending and no lies, no hurt and no pain - they'll only be memories of those things. But we'll be us, and nobody else.

Promise me you never give up, that you'll be strong, for me, and Axel, and you. There's nothing worse than having to see a friend so defeated and broken... You know what that's like.

But I know you're strong.

You even fought me - if that's not bravery, I don't know what is. Not to accredit myself with some terrfying strength or anything. You're just such a kind, gentle person, it must have been so hard on you. I'm sorry. I hate myself for being this... this big burden for you two to always carry, always look after.

I promised myself that I would leave so I wouldn't be such a burden to anyone any longer, but we all know how that worked out. I only made things worse. I'd change it all if I could, but I can't.

(Promise me to look back at us, as a time in your life you enjoyed)

"I've decided I have to go back where I belong."

Promise me you don't go forgetting us, ok? In the memories of yours I've seen, Kairi often scolded you for forgetting things (and falling asleep way too much). Just don't do that with us, ok?

Promise me I had a good reason for leaving my two best friends, because then... then I could rub it in Axel's face, and say "Ha! Told you Sora would be worth leaving for!" and he would be mad, and we'd all laugh again. I miss laughing with them.

Promise me Roxas didn't go back for nothing. He didn't want to, but he did, for you. And not just for you, but for the good of everyone.

I don't think I'll have to worry about you too much, though, because I know I can trust Roxas to get the job done. Don't get me wrong, I bet you're one of the most trustworthy people out there, but it's awfully hard to put my trust in someone I've never really met, even if we are the same person. I think I trusted my friends more than I ever trusted myself.

Promise me Axel didn't die in vain. He... he's the only one of us that could have kept on living, do you know that? But he gave it up for us, for you. He may not have cared what happened to him, but I did. Promise me he gave it all up for something meaningful. Just imagine if you lost Kairi, or Riku...

Well, you would never let that happen, would you? You're not weak like I am. I couldn't protect my friends. Make sure that you do, so you never have to feel that twist in your stomach when their faces bubble up in your memory, or that pang of guilt that hits your chest in invisible tremors when you rewatch them disappear, when you watch them die. It's not a very pleasant feeling.

Sorry, sorry, it's not about me, this is supposed to be about you. It's always been about you - but I can't be spiteful. You didn't do anything to deserve it. I'm - I'm sorry, I just spend all this time blaming myself, I wish I had something, someone to blame it all on, it just hurts so much. I'm sorry. Just keep on being you, and I'm sure everything will be fine.

It seems pointless to say all these things, but I'm sure that it'll reach you somehow. I know that all of you will forget this, but promise me that one day, you'll remember.


- Promise Me by Dead by April

Random long drabble-ish songfic thing that's been sitting around for too long. Inspired by "Put on a Brave Face" by oilandmachinery.

And as a side note, with the song, I don't like the really screamo-y version. So you don't get the wrong idea XD