A/N: I just finished rewatching the movie for about the fifteenth time and I wrote practically all of this at one in the morning, so I'm sorry if it's all over the place!

Disclaimer: Jalex would be officially canon without all the teasing one-lines if I owned anything, trust me.

xxxxxx

radial symmetry:

She'd like to blame it on the parents. The mom actually, with all that siblings play together and have fun together and protect each other crap. The mom who was busy running after the dad and making sure the dad did more than eat. The mom who looks the other way and pretends not to see the glances or the brushes or that hidden layer of text that's always lying beneath their bitter exchanges.

But then if she blames the mom she also has to blame little Max because little Max would never do anything like this or feel anything like this and maybe that's why it started…except she remembers…she remembers…remembers hot summer nights and slumber parties in the living room floor and the one tent and the intertwined fingers and it was before all the bitter set in and he whispered in her ears that he'd never leave her.

And he repeats these words later, in a lost moment off to the left of nowhere where he wasn't he and she wasn't she and it had been okay. Except…it hadn't been.

And then maybe she should blame the dad too because the dad never paid attention to the secret moments where words like you make me a better wizard and thanks, you're always there for me get traded and because the dad never said anything to the brief confessions of love or those moments where she stumbles over the brother part before she even gets to the confession.

And while she's at it, why not Harper? Harper who pretends to be over it but she can see those longing looks just fine even if Zeke's there. Harper who laughs too hard when there's a fight and tries too hard to fix things. Harper who looks down whenever palms brush each other and whenever sweet smiles are thrown into the mix. Harper with the pity looks laced with disgust because that is all Harper can give.

And hey, remember Mason? British, sweet, everything he's not Mason? Except Mason came after Dean and Dean was the one who left all those marks over her chest and is the reason why she now has a library card. Dean and Mason. Mason and Dean. Both so, so beautiful and not enough. Never enough. They occupied time and then they left. No, wait, Dean left. Mason…Mason stayed and Mason clung and then it wasn't occupied time but coveted time and he who? Mason with the hair in the eyes (except he has that too) and Mason with the smart words (except he has those too) and Mason with the soft hands and loving words and Mason with the hairy past and trail of ex-vampire girlfriends and then Mason's gone too.

And yeah, Juliet. Let's go to Juliet for a quick second because wasn't the pretty blonde the one that led to the whole Mason gone domino affect thing in the first place? Juliet with that pretty hair and eternal skin and sugar sweet words and all that love for him. Love he'd never take from her. Juliet who makes her feel six feet under and mute. Juliet who can see the want too and maybe that's why he comes home sometimes smelling of death and vanilla and with his stupid shirt backwards. Juliet with the supportive words and hidden past and hey, she never knew the pretty blonde had a thing for dogs. Juliet who tore him away and Mason away before skipping off and maybe even Dean because that pretty blonde seems to be somehow connected to everything, now doesn't she?

And how about him while the topic's still up. He who returns the glances and the brushes and the confessions and the longing and the sub text and strengthens the layers and wants it too. He with his big words and his big smile and his big heart and his sometimes too big love. He who should stay away but doesn't and there are flashes in his eyes too and he gets those visions also, doesn't he? Those filled with flesh and fingertips and open exposed kisses and freedom. Those of free love. He with the confused face and hesitant walk and don't worry, it scares her too. Maybe more.

…and maybe her too because wasn't she patient zero? Wasn't it that cold winter day years back when he was holding her for warmth and the dad was late eating again and they were there and he whispered that he'd keep her warm and her childhood had latched right on? Wasn't it the bitter words and pleading words and loving words that escaped from her lips that produced the ones from his? Wasn't it the clenched held hands during those moments where they were up against dark wizards and dark angels and crazed werewolves (oops, sorry, Mason) and crazed vampires (again, apologies, Juliet) and it's always them against the world? Wait…wasn't the blame supposed to fall on her this time?

Except it can't…it can't because she never goes further than those glances and layers and brushes and longings and confessions and words because…because…

Because she sometimes still sees the remains of Juliet in his eyes and she knows it burns and she knows it hurts because there are still nights when she wakes up gasping for a pulsing necklace that's no longer there.

And she gets it, she does. It's hash and brutal and cruel and they were born into a world that could never accept and there are dozens of names for the feelings in the pit of her stomach and it doesn't matter anyways because she's she and he's he and that's all there is to it.

Except…she wants it and what she wants she gets and this is all she's ever wanted since who knows when and she can see that it'll be hard but it's you and I; how can we not and more lost moments and she craves the Caribbean air desperately. It's all so screwed up and there's no one left to blame except God and she stopped praying long ago because what loving Father would do this?

And that's when she starts to think it's no one's fault except radial symmetry where there's no left or right and yes she reads and it makes sense since whenever he's around she can barely glance anywhere else and this story was always going to end with longing glances and thick layers and desperation wasn't it?