A/N: Hey guys!
New story for my friend Aya, A.K.A. frapple's birthday. She is the reigning queen of all things B26, so this is dedicated to her! Happy belated birthday!
This is a two-shot, since it was getting kinda long. The second part'll be up in a few days, most likely. Please enjoy my fail attempts at writing legit B26 OTL
Side note: I'm working on Chapter nine for The Little Things that Make Them Human still. Sorry, I got a bit side-tracked, as I tend to do, but it's coming!
Warnings: Language, and general Varia shenanigans, boy/boy pairing, but nothing major.
Disclaimer: Sushi*Bomb does not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.
To Seduce a Froggie
Lussuria turned from the counter where he was chopping scallions for dinner that night at the unfamiliarly embarrassed-sounding voice behind him. To his surprise, he found Belphegor standing in the doorway of the kitchen, arms loosely folded across his chest and a small pout in place of his usual Cheshire cat grin.
Lussuria was immediately concerned.
Belphegor did many things, but if there was one thing Lussuria was certain of, Belphegor didn't do embarrassed. Or awkward, for that matter. But that was exactly how the resident prince of the Varia looked as he took a seat at the island.
"Yes, is something wrong dear?" Lussuria asked as he set his knife down and walked over to sit in front of Belphegor, who seemed unable to look up from the swirls of black and gray in the marble of the island counter. The prince traced one of the more intricate swirls with his finger for a while, sighing in frustration when the pattern ended at the edge of the counter.
"You know about like…love and shit, right?" Belphegor blurted out suddenly. Lussuria smiled at the younger man encouragingly, holding back a giggle that would've earned him a knife in the forehead courtesy of Prince the Ripper had it escaped.
But goodness, Belphegor was just so adorable when he looked uncomfortable about something.
"I suppose so, Bel. Why?" Lussuria said with a smile.
Belphegor looked like he was seriously debating whether to say something or not; the mental battle played over the prince's face in such a flurry that Lussuria was almost nervous to hear what the prince had to say.
After a few minutes, Belphegor signed to himself with a sort of grim determination and looked up from the counter.
"You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you, okay?"
"I mean anyone." Belphegor said seriously.
Lussuria nodded again. "Yes Bel, I won't say a word."
"If I find out you said anything, I'll shave off your Mohawk when you sleep." The prince threatened.
"Good heavens Belphegor! Are you going to tell me or not~!" Lussuria shouted, his hands immediately gravitating to his hair protectively. Belphegor sat back down, looking a bit more sure of himself.
"Well…I've been having dreams."
"Dreams?" Lussuria repeated curiously. Belphegor nodded. "Yeah."
"What kind of dreams?"
At that moment, a peculiar shade of red tinted the visible part of Bel's cheeks. "…You know…" he started, his face growing redder with each passing second, "dreams."
Lussuria smiled coyly. "You mean, sexy dreams?"
Belphegor made an oddly strangled noise as he pointedly looked away, staring at anything and everything but Lussuria's face.
Belphegor scratched at his cheek. "Not what…more like…who." The prince said quietly. Lussuria leaned forward, interest officially piqued.
Belphegor laughed awkwardly, feeling around on the counter for something to occupy his hands.
"I, uh…you know, no one, really…just…Fran…"
"You've been having wet dreams about Fran? Oh how lascivious of you Belphegor~!" Lussuria shrieked theatrically, his perfectly manicured hands flying to his face giddily.
Within three seconds, a familiar blade was pressed against the back of his neck.
"Okay, okay," Lussuria began hurriedly, sighing in relief when the blade moved away from his skin, "I'll be serious! I promise!"
Belphegor growled in annoyance but relented, and the blade was gone. The prince walked back around to his seat, looking remarkably like a man who had just lost his job or something equally tragic as he sat back with his arms once again folded across his chest, a rather childish pout adorning the visible half of his face.
"Okay, so tell me about these dreams you've been having." Lussuria said, trying to be as serious as he could, for not only Belphegor's sake, but for the sake of his precious Mohawk.
"Well," the prince started as he shifted apprehensively, "It always starts the same. Like, I'll be in my room, or watching TV or something, and Fran'll walk in."
"And he's usually wearing something really slutty. Like the other night. In my dream, he came into my room with only the coat of his uniform on…and nothing underneath. And he said, 'I've been a bad little froggy, Bel-sempai…'"
Lussuria leaned forward even more. "And then?"
Belphegor smiled lewdly. "Well…let's just say Fran's not as innocent as he looks, if you get my drift."
Lussuria fanned himself giddily. "Oh how steamy~!"
Belphegor cleared his throat awkwardly as he leaned forward on the counter. "Yeah, well anyway. Dreams are one thing, but that's not all anymore."
The prince nodded solemnly. "Yeah. Lately, I can't…I just can't stop thinking about him. Fran, I mean."
"Really?" Lussuria said, mildly shocked.
"It's weird, Luss. And I can't stand it. Whenever he's around, I get really anxious for some reason. My stomach starts to hurt. And then this morning…"
"What about this morning?"
"I couldn't stop staring at him. Like, no matter what I do, my eyes just kind of gravitate to him, and before I even realize it, I've been staring at him for five minutes. It's always like this now. I don't know what to do anymore, and it's pissing me off. "
Lussuria smiled knowingly at the blonde prince, chuckling good-naturedly in spite of the deepening frown on Bel's face. "It sounds to me like you have a little crush on Fran."
Belphegor shook his head in denial. "What? No. No, no, no. That can't be possible."
"Well, why not?"
"Come on, Luss. It's Fran. Fran."
"Lussuria. He watches the Discovery Channel. Because he enjoys it. And don't even get me started on his weird pudding fetish. Oh, and did you know he reads the dictionary? Just because he feels like it?"
"What the hell do you mean, 'So'? Don't you get it? Who fucking reads the dictionary for fun, Lussuria? No one! Only psychopaths do things like that!" Bel nearly screeched.
Lussuria snorted into his hand. "Psychopaths, hmm?"
"I- …shut up." Belphegor said affrontedly. "The point is, I can't have the hots for Fran. I just can't. He's a fucking dork!"
"A dork that you dreamt about screwing last night."
"Yeah…hey. Hey!" Belphegor snapped again, his knives sliding down from somewhere up his sleeves.
"Bel…?" Lussuria said with a cryptic little smile, and all at once, the knives once again disappeared up Belphegor's sleeves and the prince sat back down in a huff.
"Okay. Fine. Maybe, I kinda sorta have a little thing for him. Maybe. Possibly. But it's not like it matters or anything…" He trailed off dejectedly.
"Why's that, Bel?" Lussuria asked with a curious frown. Belphegor sighed into his hands.
"Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but Fran isn't exactly very…anything, towards me. Except snarky, anyway. It's not like I can just tell him that I like him out of the blue or something. That'd be too weird." The prince said with a deep scowl.
"Well Belphegor, if you want Fran to like you, you should start small, and work your way up!"
Belphegor looked at him oddly. "Huh?"
"You know, baby steps. Start with little things."
"Stop threatening to kill him on a daily basis, for one. I'm sure he'd appreciate that."
Belphegor stared at him blankly. Lussuria sighed glumly.
"…Okay…we'll start smaller."
At that moment, who other than Fran, the very topic of their discussion, wandered into the kitchen, for once not wearing his uniform, but a plain, black long-sleeved shirt and jeans. The mist guardian made a bee-line for the refrigerator, not even sparing a glance at his two comrades sitting at the island, and he certainly didn't notice how intently Belphegor was staring at his ass as he bent over to look for something in the refrigerator.
"Bel! This is your chance! Say something nice!" Lussuria whispered heatedly to the prince. Belphegor snapped out of his daze and shook his head. "Like what?" He whispered back, just low enough for Fran not to hear him.
"Anything! Just make an observation and comment on it. Make him feel good about himself!" Lussuria said quietly before turning to the youngest member of the team, who was still rummaging about in the refrigerator, humming a little tune to himself.
"Hey, Fran~! Bel wants to tell you something!" Lussuria said cheerfully, pointedly ignoring the seething glare being sent his way via a certain blonde prince. Fran closed the refrigerator and wandered over to the pair, peeling the lid off of his pudding as he did so.
"Yeah? What is it, sempai?" The younge mist guardian began nonchalantly.
But Belphegor was unable to form a coherent sentence. Not because the sight of Fran standing there looking spectacularly bored in front of him was enough to send him into panic, but because…
"Bel?" He heard Lussuria's voice, somewhere in the distance…but at that moment, the only thing Belphegor could focus on was the way Fran's tongue curled back into his mouth before poking back out to lick the excess pudding from the lid.
"…I…"He began, still watching the pink muscle intently, certain scenes from a certain dirty dream swirling about in his head.
The young illusionist was still staring at him, waiting patiently to hear what the prince had to say. And still lapping away at that goddamned lid.
How much fucking pudding is on that damn thing? Belphegor shrieked in his head, sizing up his reluctant sidekick, looking for something to comment on.
Behind Fran, Lussuria was giving him a chipper thumbs up, mouthing the words 'baby steps' like it would somehow become Bel's personal mantra if he said it enough times.
"Um…if you're done being comatose, I kinda have some stuff to do." Fran said flatly, as he -thankfully- finished with the lid. The illusionist fished a spoon out of random drawer, and began eating his pudding, still waiting, albeit less patiently than before.
The kitchen was silent for a while.
"You…you don't look fat in those clothes." Belphegor finally said after nearly a minute, looking quite satisfied with the astuteness of his observation.
That satisfaction immediately vanished however when he saw Lussuria smack his forehead, sighing to himself.
Fran gave him a blank, if not slightly put-off, look as he took another bite of his pudding.
"That is such a relief. You know, because normally I can't contain all one-hundred and fifteen pounds of my morbid obesity in that unflattering uniform. I'm amazed that no one has to roll me anywhere yet." Fran quipped sarcastically as he turned and walked out of the kitchen, the flat 'moron' floating its way into the kitchen before the illusionist disappeared up the stairs.
"Bel!" Lussuria snapped exasperatedly. The prince raised his arms defensively.
"Okay, so the first try didn't go so well, but that's alright. Things like this take finesse." Lussuria said encouragingly. Belphegor stared at him oddly.
Belphegor made a face like he tasted something bitter.
"That sounds kind of unpleasant." The prince quipped, earning a light smack on the arm from his comrade-turned-love-coach.
"Do you want your dreams about Fran to become reality one day or not?"
Belphegor's mouth snapped shut as the prince nodded fervently.
Lussuria nodded determinedly. "Then you must learn the art of courting your prospective mate. You have to woo him~! Now think. What do you usually do when Fran's around?"
"Try not to think about fucking him."The prince said bluntly. Lussuria smacked his forehead. "That's not what I meant. I mean, how do you usually interact with him?"
Belphegor pursed his lips in thought for a moment. "I stab him, threaten him, and demean him." The prince said with a small, disturbingly pleased smile.
"Alright. Now to get Fran to like you, you have to not do any of those things anymore."
The smile disappeared. "What!" Belphegor screeched, "But that's like the highlight of my day!"
"…Do you want Fran going down on you to be the highlight of your night?" Lussuria asked a bit too seriously for such a blatantly perverted question, arms folded across his chest.
Belphegor's shoulders slumped.
"…Yes…" He whimpered, pouting like a little boy.
"Then, no more stabbing, no more abuse, and no more psychological torture. Am I clear?"
The prince sighed in resignation, nodding slowly.
"Good. Look! There's Fran now!" Lussuria said quietly as he pointed to the courtyard, to where the young illusionist was sitting, reading a light novel.
"First Lesson: Make it seem like you're interested the things he likes. Ask him about his book, start up a conversation. If you can find a common interest, he'll be much more receptive to your advances, because you'll have a rapport with him already." Lussuria said knowingly. Belphegor looked at him glumly. "But I hate reading."
"Well," Lussuria began as he shoved Belphegor out in the open,"now you don't."
At that same moment, Fran looked up from his book to rest his eyes for a second, his face immediately dimming a bit when he saw Belphegor walking in his direction. Within seconds, the prince was standing directly in front of him, looking awkward, irritated, and a bit constipated all at once.
Fran sighed as he closed his book. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" He droned, his green eyes eyeing the older assassin suspiciously.
Belphegor cleared his throat. "The prince was bored, so I figured I'd see what you were doing."
Fran continued to regard him tentatively. "Why?"
Belphegor folded his arms across his chest haughtily. "Because…there's no one else home to bother, so you were my last choice."
"But I literally just saw the long-haired commander a minute ago. He was walking with Levi-san to Boss's office. Are you going blind or something, fallen-prince?"
It was all Belphegor could do to keep from growling and stabbing the younger man right in the head.
Patience Bel. He'll be much more friendly after he falls in love with you. Belphegor said to himself mentally, forcing himself to calm down.
"What're you reading?" He asked, pointedly changing the subject. If Fran noticed the prince's suspiciously avoidant attitude, he didn't say anything. The illusionist held the book up for Belphegor to see.
"The Giant Collection of Lame Jokes…?" Belphegor read the title aloud.
"Yeah, isn't it great? I was reading it today in the checkout line at the store. So in the end, I just decided to buy it." Fran said as he flipped back through to the page he was on before.
"Are there…any …good ones?" Belphegor asked, fidgeting a bit. Fran looked at him curiously before shrugging and nodding.
"Yeah, listen to this one. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?"
After a few seconds, Belphegor shrugged. "I dunno, what?"
"A roamin' Catholic."
Fran looked up at him expectantly. "Get it? A Roman Catholic? Roman? Roamin'? Like, she wanders around, and she's Catholic…?"
Belphegor smiled awkwardly. That was the stupidest joke I've ever heard in my life. He thought with a grimace. But at the sight of the almost present glow in Fran's eyes fade away at his apparent lack of interest, Belphegor began to panic.
No! No, no, no! It was funny Bel. It was funny. Laugh. He berated himself mentally. Laugh goddammit or he'll hate you forever!
"Ushishi~!" Belphegor forced a chuckle out, feeling his panic come down when Fran perked up a bit. "That was pretty lame, froggie." He said with a grin.
Fran nodded as he stood up and stretched. "Yeah, that's kinda the point, sempai. Anyway, we have a surveillance mission tomorrow, don't we?"
Belphegor nodded. "Yup." Wait. Say something else. Come on Prince Belphegor, baby steps. Drop hints!
"I'm looking forward to it." He said as casually as he could, mentally patting himself on the back for being so smooth.
Fran gave him a curious look. "How come?"
Belphegor started for a moment. "How come what?"
"Why are you looking forward to it? There won't be any bloodshed involved, you know. You 've read the mission briefing, haven't you?" Fran said as he stared at Belphegor oddly.
Shit! He's right! The only time I ever look forward to anything is when I know I'm gonna get to kill someone. Why am I looking forward to it? Belphegor thought in a panic. Come on Mr. Genius prince, think of a good reason, think of a good reason, think of a goo-
"Because watching people excites me." He blurted out, immediately regretting opening his mouth.
Great. Now he's gonna think I'm some kind of weird pervert. Well, not that that's completely untrue, but still. I don't him thinking that about me. Aw damn it. The prince griped in his mind.
As expected, Fran blinked at the prince's response silently for a few seconds before looking up at the older man. "Well, as long as you don't pop one while we're monitoring a fat, ugly politician, I think I can forget that you ever said that in public. Deal?"
Belphegor, no longer trusting himself to speak, simply nodded with his usual grin, in an attempt to keep some of his almost non-existent dignity.
Fran gave him a quiet 'alright then' before sighing to himself and walking away.
Once he was out of sight, Belphegor smacked his forehead.
Damn. Looks like I am definitely back to square one.
Poor Bel! Will he ever get it together?
I hope that was a decent attempt at B26. Sincerely, I hope it. Next part will be up soon! Read and review if you enjoyed it!