AN: Ok, I've wanted to do this for a while now, so here it is! Hope this is to your liking.
Chapter 1 - Dolph, Maria, and ?... (Liars, Cheaters, and Sweets)
Maury VO: "No test off limits! (clips are shown of people running offstage, crying) All February! All New Maury! Painful secrets! (A chick is shown crying) Paternity secrets! (A woman is shown saying, 'He may not be your son!') And unforgettable secrets! (A guy is shown saying, 'I've been having an affair.') Secrets! Lies! And paternity tests! Right Now!"
"Everybody welcome my first guest Dolph." Maury said, gesturing to Dolph Ziggler who was seated onstage.
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered the audience.
"Now, for the past 2 months, Dolph's gotten into a relationship with a girl named Maria. For him, this should be the beginning of something new and exciting, right?" he asked. "Well, not exactly. Because what Maria, who's backstage, doesn't know is that Dolph's been keeping a huge secret from her."
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" they exclaimed.
"That's right, Maury." Dolph agreed.
"And just what is that secret?"
"I've been cheating on Maria." he announced.
"BOOOOO!" the audience exclaimed, suddenly turning against him.
"What? Now, why would you do that?" he asked.
"Because! I've been trying and trying to make things work with her since day 1, but she just won't do her part." he explained.
"How was it like when you two first met?"
"It was great, we were good friends and everything, but I wanted to experiment and see how things would go if we'd began dating, and I thought that things were great until now." he replied.
"I hear a whole lot of 'I's, what does Maria even think about this?" he asked.
"Frankly, she doesn't even care, so I don't care anymore." he replied. "In fact, she doesn't even spend time with me, so that gives me more time to hang out with my buddies, and you know, she's the one who brought this onto herself."
"BOOOO!" they cried.
"Is this what led you to cheat on her?" he asked.
"Exactly. You know, I've been searching on the internet for chicks, who, frankly seem more appealing than Maria anyway, and I'm just ready to move on." Dolph replied.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" they cried again.
"But you're supposed to love this woman!" cried Maury.
"I do, but she needs to step up or else there will be no us anymore." Dolph replied.
"Well, let's see what Maria has to say about this." he said.
On Camera: "I'm a bit surprised that Dolph's called for me to be on the show, saying that he has a secret for me. Honestly, he's been acting pretty skeevy lately, and I have doubts about his fidelity, since I happened to find an empty condom wrapper in his car! Look, Dolph, I don't know what you're up to, but I really don't care. Because I have a few secrets of my own that I'd like to share with you. Toodles!" she finished.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" the audience exclaimed.
"I'd like to hear more of this. Let's bring out Maria!" exclaimed Maury.
"WHOOOOOOO!" the audience cheered as she headed onstage, shook his hand and took a seat next to Dolph.
"Hello, Maury." she greeted.
"Hello, Maria. Now, how would you describe your relationship with Dolph over the past 2 months?" he asked.
"It was all right, I guess. But I had absolutely no say in anything! He always cared about himself and never gave a damn about me!" she exclaimed.
"Maria, you were never around in the first place!" argued Dolph.
"Because I was at my JOB! Trying to make something outta myself!" she replied while the audience cheered for her. "You need to get one of your own!"
"What the hell are you talking about?" he cried.
"All you do is sit at home all day and play video games and update your video blogs! And Maury, he doesn't even respect my privacy!" she cried.
"With these stupid blogs that he does. He tells the world about my personal business without even asking me, and I'm sick of it!" she replied.
"I give you your privacy, Maria! I tell you exactly what each new blog's going to be about!" argued Dolph.
"You just don't care about me, and I'm done with it." she replied, crossing her arms. "You don't even care enough about my privacy, that we have to come on national TV for you to tell me some secret which you could've told me at home?"
"Maria, tell me about this empty condom wrapper that you found." said Maury.
"Yeah, I was doing him a favor and cleaning out his car when I find the condom wrapper between the two front seats." she explained. "Now, what the hell is that?"
"OH!" they exclaimed.
"It's not mine, Maria. It's my friend Barney's!" replied Dolph.
The audience laughed.
"Sure, whatever." she said.
"Well, Maria, turns out that Dolph has a secret for you. Dolph, tell her the secret." he said.
"Yes, Dolph?" she asked, facing him.
"Well, Maria, since you never give me the time of day anymore, I cheated on you the day that you went to your friend's house." he confessed while she shook her head and the audience 'OOH'd' again.
"Why am I not surprised?" she scoffed, dragging her chair to the other side of the room.
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-YEAH, girl!" the audience cheered.
"Come on, Ria, don't be like this!" Dolph cried. "Please, baby baby, please!
"Wait, Maria's not finished, because SHE has a few secrets for you, Dolph." he said while she smirked.
"Oh, DO YOU?" Dolph demanded. "Tell me!"
"Well, Dolph, Maria told our producers her secrets and she has them on tape. Let's look at the screen." he said.
On Camera: "Dolph, there are a few things that you should know. First, I cheated on you, too." Maria said.
"WHAT?" Dolph cried, shooting her a look.
"Second, the guy I cheated on you with was the guy who cut in front of you in the supermarket line and bought the last box of thin mints that YOU wanted, Jeff." she confessed.
"OOHH!" the audience hooted while Dolph was in a state of shock. "You WHAT?" he cried.
"And third, Jeff's here backstage right now." she finished when the screen cut off.
"OH!" they cried again.
"Oh, my god, Maria, HIM?" he demanded, standing up and facing her. "The guy who STOLE the thin mints that I had my eye on? REALLY?"
"Look, I already knew that you were cheating on me, and I did the same to you!" she exclaimed back.
"What, so you decided to sleep with my worst enemy for revenge?" he cried.
"No, Dolph, I've been best friends with him for years, and I am truly in love with him! I want to end this relationship and start a REAL one with Jeff!" she exclaimed.
"Ok, ok, calm down, you two. Dolph, sit down." Maury said while a security guard led him back to his seat.
"How the hell could you?" Dolph demanded to a screen showing Jeff backstage.
"I love her!" Jeff called back. "You did nothing for her, you do not deserve her!"
"Get your ass out here and I'll take care of you!" he called back.
"Dolph!" called Maury. "Sit down and stop yelling at the screen. Now, Jeff's here backstage, and let's see what he has to say about the situation."
On Camera: "For as long as I could remember, Dolph was a no good boyfriend ever since he and Maria got together, which was a huge mistake to begin with! I've seen him cheating on her with his co-workers! Maria is one of my best friends, she's been nothing but faithful to him, but after how he did her, he doesn't deserve her. Dolph, take a listen from me. Maria deserves respect. She deserves to be treated like the queen that she is, and she'll get all that from a real man. I'm there for Maria and I've always loved her. Too bad I couldn't say the same for you." Jeff finished.
"Oh, my God, get him out here!" Dolph called, standing up.
"Now, he sounds like a real stand up guy! Here's Jeff!" exclaimed Maury.
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience cheered as Hardy stormed onstage, shook Maury's hand, and approached Maria, wrapping her in a passionate kiss while the audience cheered.
"I love you." he told her.
"I love you, too." she replied before Dolph broke them apart. "Thank you for buying me those thin mints, by the way."
He smiled. "You're welcome." Then he turned to Dolph. "And YOU! You don't deserve her!" Jeff cried.
"How dare you do this to me, I had her first! Those were MY thin mints!" Dolph screamed as the two got in each other's faces and the audience went wild.
"I know that, but forget about the damn thin mints, this is about Maria. I SAW you cheat on her, I saw everything!" he cried while the security guards broke them apart. While they were screaming their heads off at one another, the censors of the show had to bleep out every other word that was called out. Because let's face it. Nobody cursed. They just love to make that annoying ass bleeping sound because that's what they do for their $4.33 an hour. Anyways, after that, Dolph took his seat on one side while Jeff took a seat next to Maria on the other side.
"Ok, nice meeting you, Jeff." began Maury.
"Nice meeting you." he replied.
"Now tell me, how long have you and Maria been seeing each other?" he asked.
"Well, for around two months, soon after she and Dolph got together." he replied.
"But he was seeing her first! Wouldn't you have any thought as to how he would feel about this?" he asked.
"I saw all the evidence when they were together! He never made her happy. He never put her needs before his own. He didn't give a damn about her privacy!" he cried.
"That was none of your damn business, Jeff, this was between Maria and I!" cried Dolph.
"No, Dolph, I've always loved Jeff, even when we were just best friends! But after putting up with you, I needed a real man and I've found that with Jeff!" Maria cried while the audience went, "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"What, is he a better lover, too?" he demanded.
"Damn right he is! You and I never even had a love life, whenever I was feeling something, I'd go to Jeff and he'd satisfy me the right way." she replied while Jeff put an arm around her.
"Well, a crazy love triangle, I suppose. Turns out that Dolph wanted to know the real truth about Jeff and Jeff wanted to know the real truth about Dolph, so what do we do? We give them both lie detector tests to find out the truth!" Maury exclaimed.
"That's right, Maria, you'll be coming back to me after this." Dolph told her.
"No, I won't!" she snapped, crossing her arms.
"Let's just get to the results, Maury." Jeff replied.
"Let's do that." he replied while the audience whooped and cheered loudly.
The results are IN!
"Ok, let's begin with Jeff's lie detector test. Jeff, we asked you if you ever cheated on Maria during your relationship with her. You said no, the lie detector determined, you were telling the truth." he said while Jeff smiled and Maria clapped. "I knew it, I knew it!"
Dolph shook his head. "Just get to the next one!" he replied.
"We asked you if you thought that Maria was a good girlfriend. You said yes, the lie detector determined, you were telling the truth." he continued while Jeff and Maria smiled and shared a kiss.
"GET TO THE NEXT ONE." Dolph said, rocking back and forth in his chair.
"Jeff, we asked you if you could see yourself marrying Maria one day, you said yes, the lie detector determined, you were telling the truth."
"Aww, Jeff!" Delighted, Maria smiled, wrapping him in a hug.
"NEXT!" snapped Dolph.
"Finally, we asked you if you've had any sexual intercourse with anyone other than Maria, you said no. The lie detector determined, you were telling the truth." he finished, while Jeff and Maria hugged and shared a passionate kiss.
"WHOO!" cheered the audience.
"Thank you!" Jeff called, looking towards Dolph.
"Jeff, I love you!" Maria exclaimed.
"I love you, too." he smiled.
"That lie detector test is FIXED! I DEMAND a retake!" Dolph exclaimed.
"Look, sit down, all right? I'm a better boyfriend than you could ever be and you need to accept that!" Jeff exclaimed.
"Guys, calm down, it's time to reveal the results of Dolph's test. Dolph, we asked you if you love Maria. You said yes, the lie detector determined, you're telling the truth." he said while Dolph shrugged.
"Whatever! Whatever!" Maria replied. "Dolph doesn't really love me."
"We asked you if you cheated on Maria other than the time you already mentioned. You said no, the lie detector determined...that was a lie, you've cheated on her with 2 women more than 10 times." he replied while Maria looked shocked and the audience went, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"SEE? WHAT? WHAT?" Jeff exclaimed, pointing a finger towards him. "I TOLD YOU!"
"Oh, poo." Dolph muttered, crossing his arms and meekly rocking back and forth on the chair.
"We asked you if you cheated on Maria with one of the girls that you met on the internet. You said no, the lie detector determined, that was a lie." he replied.
"Wow, you're a man-whore." Maria replied while Dolph shook his head.
"Now, that's not...entirely true." he said slowly.
"Finally, we asked you if the empty condom wrapper that Maria found came from a girl you cheated with. You said no, the lie detector determined, that was a lie." he finished.
"BOOO!" the audience exclaimed as Dolph stormed backstage and Jeff hugged Maria while she smirked triumphantly.
During the break, backstage...
"After this, man? Things will never be the same between us again." Dolph told Jeff.
"Look, you brought this onto yourself! I'm glad I came here and spared Maria all the hurt you were saving for her!" he replied. "If you hadn't started all this, we wouldn't even be on this show right now!"
"And you never treated me with the respect that I deserved, Dolph. That's why I chose Jeff, because he does." Maria agreed, grabbing Jeff's arm.
"You know what, I should just expose the two of you on my next video blog, I really should." he replied.
"You sure as hell won't. Just leave us alone, and we won't have a problem." Jeff replied before Dolph stormed off and the two kissed again.
"Those were MY thin mints!" Dolph cried from down the hallway.
AN: Stay tuned for segment number two! Tons more Superstars and Divas to come! Reviews would be great, please!