A.N- This is the end! The epilogue, it came fast.
Thank you everyone for all your reviews, all of them! And your favourites, alerts, messages, and of course, thank you for reading! It's thanks to you guys that this story has been completed.
But for my ritual for this story, thank you for reviewing last chapter:
RangerKenny (Such kind words! Here's the last chapter-)
Little Wolf Vamp Hearts Yaoi (Your reviews… I see your name almost every time and it makes me so happy.)
And Annabeth The Unicorn (Okay XD. I will send you one!)
Hope you all enjoy until the end~
An Epilogue: It's all there,
Date: 10/04, 11:02:44
Subject: The window's white
-Hey Stan, how's school?
-I'm the same all, same all, you know? Just lying here, in this stupid hospital bed. You know, nothing exciting. I'm bored shitless actually.
-But I've been thinking about you. I've been thinking about you a lot.
-Actually you're the only thing I've been thinking about really.
-It's fucking gay as fuck, I know.
-But I know that's the way you like it, just as long as you're the one I'm gay for.
-Sorry for sending you this message so suddenly, I know you're in the middle of class. But I couldn't help myself.
-I kinda feel agitated and uneasy right now. Like my heart has become a separate creature living inside my chest.
-I just don't feel like myself. But I promise, I won't text you any more inconvenient messages.
-It's snowing outside now. It's strange: it's like white dust disappearing into the air.
-Something's missing. I think something died today.
-But I'll get used to it.
…There was so much in that text I didn't understand, but somehow, I couldn't develop the guts to ask him what it all meant.
I couldn't get the atmosphere of it. But I knew it was important. Because he would never share his true emotions and thoughts directly to someone's face anymore.
He wanted to let it all out, but he didn't want anyone to know.
But I wanted to know, and I still do.
I still have that message in my phone.
He stays silent in the passenger seat of Pip's delivery, looking dazedly out the window, not an expression lighting his face. Blank, white, and deep.
Occasionally, no, every couple of seconds, I take my eyes off the road to steal a glance off the redhead, but he stays as still as a stone.
But what is worse than not being able to read his expression, is seeing his thin fingers occasionally grasp his shoulders as he shakes, only for a second, before he forces himself back into that frozen stance.
He hasn't said a thing all day- well he has, but only enough to count with your fingers.
Four things Kyle has said today:
"Where is Damien?" – I told him what had happened.
"You're hurt-" – I let him take care of my small cuts and wounds.
"See you back in South Park Kenny." - We waved the blond goodbye as his truck pulled out of the parking lot.
"We should go…" – We left the small motel.
The room was spotless clean when the sunlight shone through and lit it up the first thing this morning. No shattered glass, no dents in the wall, no broken furniture or scattered papers, and not a drop of blood in sight. It was like last night had never happened.
When I woke up this morning I found Kyle sleeping quietly in my arms. His breathing calm, skin perfectly warm, and milky cheeks back to its healthy colour. My fingers travelled along his soft skin, tracing his cheekbones. He was alive, and in well condition. Thank god.
But when he woke up I noticed one thing: his eyes. They would never meet mine properly once they had opened. They still don't.
The car is silent; the finished cassette tape still not changed. My guitar is in the trunk, but I don't think even my music can help right now. But you never know. That thing does magic to Kyle.
All day my mind has been on the silent redhead curled up into his own shell, and finally it builds up too much that I can't take this painful cluelessness anymore.
I push onto the breaks and the car slowly comes to a stop. The motion brings the redhead back to reality.
"What are you doing?" He asks. His voice. Finally.
"Let's take a break."
I lead us out into the freezing cold. We're on top of the winter mountains of course, a few steps ahead is white with mist. The only thing I can see right now, is Kyle.
We walk off the road and into the woods, just enough to be surrounded by the smell of fresh bark, and we both find our own tree to lean on.
He doesn't ask me how long we're going to be here for, which is both relieving and irritating at the same time. I know he's suffering inside, he's always been, so I don't want to feel this way but…
Why won't he tell me?
He looks up in reflex and accidently meet my eyes. Accidently, and freezes, his wide gaze locked in with my eyes. They are bright and green- the usual emeralds.
"You have to tell me what's wrong…" It's a plead. My voice is almost begging. But the pathetic sound of it creates a wave inside the redhead. The muscles in his firm face relaxes, and his lips part.
"What do you mean-"
"I mean your feelings dude! Obviously you're hiding something. You are saying that much by saying nothing!"
His mouth opens and closes. "I- I-"
"Kyle, I can't take it anymore! Just watching you keep in everything, all the time. Suffering by your self- Kyle, it's driving me crazy…"
"Is it guilt Kyle? From being powerless against that demon? I was completely powerless too; it's not your fault Damien went back to Hell! Or is it shame? From what we did last night-"
His yell snaps my brain back into reality and I notice that I've been saying things without fully considering them. I look up, to see the face of the boy who snapped me back to conscious, and to find tears streaming down his cheeks.
"It's not because of that…" His voice turns weak, rasp in his throat. "It has nothing to do with that…"
His desperate words squeeze my chest, closing up the tubes inside. His tears are small and quick, but they burn in my eyes.
"It's guilt- and shame… But not because of that."
"Then… what is it?"
I crouch down next to him and place myself on the snow, pulling the redhead onto my legs and into my arms.
He begins to lose control of the tension in his body, and slightly, against my body, he begins to shake. It makes his voice even quieter.
"I was so ready to die back then. Just a month or so ago I was so prepared. But what that demon did to me yesterday, when he killed my organs- when I was dying again for that brief moment- it hurt so much. And I was so terrified." An unguarded tear drops out of his eye and falls down his cheek. "Why? Just a while ago I was so ready to die. But now I'm so terrified… Stan, I don't want to die. I just finally realised that yesterday… I don't want to die,"
I tighten my hold around him, and rock us both calmly on the snow. The words I wanted to hear so much… were the words he wanted to say so much as well. And now it tears us both, so excruciatingly gently.
"I don't want to die, Stan… I want to live- I want to live with you."
"I know Kyle. I know. I want to live with you too." I feel like my vision is beginning to blur. "I'm so glad you're alive…"
Kyle's quiet voice breaks the hour-long silence, quietly, but readily.
"You go-" I tell him after we get up from the melted snow. "Wait for me in the car. I'll go in a minute or so. I just want to clear my head…"
He looks at me blankly, but with subtle sadness shaking in his eyes. Sadness, and acceptance. Unnecessary heart lurching acceptance. It makes him drag his feet behind him heavily as I watch him go without me. And how his lonely back makes me want to run up to hold him firmly and never let go.
I stay here, for a minute, to finish one last thing that I haven't done yet.
From the pocket of my jeans, I slide my phone out and open it, thumb skilfully swimming through each button until I land on what I'm looking for.
'Subject: The window's white' it glows. 'From: Kyle'
I press on it.
For the hundredth time or so, I skim my eyes through the message I have long since memorised; his voice reads out the message to me in my head.
How long has it been? If I look at the date Kyle sent me the message, it would be more than easy enough to find out. But I won't. I don't want to do anything that might screw up my determination to send this message.
It's short. But it's all I want to say.
Some people say that technology takes away all the emotion from words but I think Kyle proved me wrong that day.
I think that message told me more than his voice could ever had.
And I hope I can do the same too.
I press the send button, apologising to Kyle silently about the long wait.
I don't get a response immediately, or after a while of waiting. And I'm glad for that.
The answer would be in his voice, his actions and his emotions. The answer will be there when I see him in a few seconds.
I can't wait.
It has been nearly a week since Damien returned to Hell, and the winter holidays are now coming to a close. School starts tomorrow.
I can't lie and say that he hasn't been on my mind, and I can't lie and say that it hasn't been on Kyle's mind either.
Something possessed me and I told Kyle a little about the antichrist: his father-and-son relationship, his life as royalty, his loneliness and his confusing philosophy on Heaven and Hell, and Earth. I couldn't explain the whole thing well for Kyle since I didn't understand the whole thing too well myself. But I think Kyle understood.
"If you think of it like Devils and demons it makes it all complicated…" He murmured after I told him the story of the antichrist. "But if you think of it like normal people, it's really simple."
I sometimes wonder how everyone doesn't fall in love with Kyle like I do, at the same time wondering how anyone could ever fall in love him but me. But when I heard him say those words so easily, I think I knew why Damien fell like I did, even without my influence, in his own way.
But despite our worry, concern, curiosity, whatever- we have heard nothing from the devil. Well, nothing except for that one small text he sent us.
'Communication is the key.'
It said simply. Just that.
We sent back a message but nothing have we received in return. Despite the fact that I had been sharing the same body with him for nearly two months doesn't make him any easier to read.
Kyle smiled when he saw the text though. I didn't ask him what he saw in the message that I didn't see. I didn't say that I was a little jealous.
"Hey Stan, have you heard? There's a new kid starting at South Park High tomorrow." Kyle says from my bed, scrolling through his phone. "He's someone we know."
He just shrugs with a troubled smile, and locks his eyes back onto the small screen. With great difficulty, I drag my eyes back onto the homework that I've left to the last minute.
"Maths: urgh. What is the use of it to humanity?" I groan, dropping my head into the pages of misery.
"That's why I told you to do it earlier." Kyle jumps up from my bed and hops up behind me, resting forward onto the back of my chair.
"Well," I reconsider, looking up to find Kyle's face barely inches away from mine. "At least it's not Latin."
Kyle blinks blankly at me, then falls into a bright harmony of laughter.
Apparently there's a new kid starting at South Park High School tomorrow.
Apparently he's someone we all know.
Who could possibly want to start at a new school at such a weird time, in the middle of the last school year?
Whoever he is, he won't be a normal person.
That's for sure.
"Can't wait for tomorrow, huh?" Kyle grins as he leans further into the back of my chair, the small space between us slowly closing in.
I smile at him. Suddenly feeling all the gratefulness and content in the world.
Date: 02/14, 16:45:24
Re: The window's white
-Nothing's missing. It's all there.
-I can feel it.
Thank you for reading!
And even a special one: thank you for reading to the end!
Did you enjoy the ride? I hope you did.
'Cause I did!
From Koi, with love.