Title: The Apocalypse Extrapolation
Series: Big Bang Theory
Pairing: Ensemble, with Sheldon/Amy, a bit of no-more-than-canon-lol Raj and Howard + Howard/Bernadette.
Summary: Nothing got in the way of Sheldon's routine, not even impromptu zombie apocalypses.
Author's note: originally intended for fandom_stocking fodebirlfan, but it got too long to post there. This is set after Howard and Bernadette break up, thus her initial absence.
Apparently, there was an error in the first posting. Thanks to Katy for pointing it out!
They were holed up in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. Outside, the living dead were making the place their own, and no super heroes as of yet had appeared to save the day. Leonard was nervously looking out the window, while Penny fiddled with the knives, bringing up one, and then another, studying it for sharpness, while Raj and Howard were on the couch.
"You know, Shaun of the Dead and Marvel Zombies made this seem well, a lot more awesome," Howard said. He sighed and turned off the tv, which was just a mirror of the pandemonium happening outside.
"Tell me about it. Married With Zombies made it seem like a romantic comedy–well I don't see any Meg Ryan around here," Raj said.
"Actually, she just went by," Leonard said. "She was eating the mailman's brains."
"So, I guess this is it," Leonard said. He seemed oddly nonplussed by this. "We're all going to die."
There was a pause, then Howard looked to the place left behind. Nothing got in the way of Sheldon's routine, not even impromptu zombie apocalypses.
"Dibs on his spot," Howard said.
"Dibs on his comic books," Raj said.
"Damn, too late," Howard muttered, but Raj just smiled triumphantly. Howard sat down in Sheldon's seat anyways. Raj nudged him a bit closer.
"Dude, I didn't say we were sharing—"
"I'll give you comic book rights," Raj said.
"I'll—oh hell, we can share, we're all bros here," Howard said. "Especially you," he said, giving Penny a lascivious look.
"First, ew, second not even if you were the last man on earth, third—if that's your definition of 'bro', you should really consider your relationship with Raj," Penny said.
For an awkward moment, Raj and Howard moved a little apart.
"And finally, maybe you guys are going to die, but I'm taking some of them with me," Penny said. She pulled out a surprisingly long knife and nodded, finally choosing her slaying weapon of choice.
Through the sound of the moaning and shambling, there was a whole lot of gunfire. Leonard frowned. "They seem to be falling back."
"So super heroes do exist?" Howard said, his face lighting up like a porn star had just pulled off her shirt and said she didn't want to die without one last fuck. "I mean, of course they do, but–"
"Yes, Howard, super heroes do exist," Penny said flatly.
There was a knock on the door, and they froze.
"Do...zombies knock?" Leonard said hesitantly.
They could expound on characterization of every super hero from Thor to Batman, but they were all drawing a blank. They all formed a collective shrug.
They could hear a muffled sound of voices from beyond the door.
"You're doing it all wrong. There needs to be a specific code in a situation like this."
Knock, knock, knock. Leonard. Knock, knock, knock. Leonard.
"Apparently not!" Leonard said. He hurried to the door and opened it.
Sheldon came in the door, a shotgun slung over his shoulder, and Thai takeout in the other hand.
"A zombie apocalypse is no excuse for getting the order wrong," he said with a frown.
"Sheldon! You're alive!" Penny exclaimed.
Howard sat up from Sheldon's spot. "Just keeping it warm for you, buddy."
Sheldon glared at him. "I'm going to expect an essay."
Howard sighed. "I'm starting to wish the zombies had gotten their order right."
Sheldon turned to Penny, ignoring Howard's last comment. "Of course I'm alive," Sheldon said. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, sweetie, there was kind of an attack. With zombies," Penny said.
"Precisely why I've been reading the Zombie Survival Manual," Sheldon said. He set his gun aside, and in behind him was Amy with a pair of uzis in each hand.
"And you said that my comics were without value," Sheldon said, giving her a glance. "Everything I learned about killing hoards I learned from reading Punisher and Halo."
"I suppose I will concede this point," Amy said. "I still find the idea of fighting in heels ridiculous."
Raj whispered in Howard's ear. "You're right, they could be used as weapons. In Married With Zombies, they even kill a zombie with her heels. If she'd worn tennis shoes that day, they'd have been goners."
"I, for one, prefer uzis," Amy said. "I must say that going to the firing range may have been the best date we ever had."
She smiled, and Sheldon sort of smiled and didn't even look like the Joker in the process.
"What confuses me is that you even know how to fire a gun," Leonard admitted.
Sheldon gave him that oh, you inferior lifeform glance. "I'm Texan, Leonard. Every year, all I wanted was the proper parts to perfect my doom ray, and all I got was another hunting rifle and football jersey."
"Well," Leonard said. "That's...good?"
"Well, I'd say so," Sheldon said. "By the way, Texas is safe. I got a call from Meemaw. She and my mother's prayer group apparently chased the so-called living dead back to the border."
Amy set her other gun aside and reloaded the other.
"That's...pretty hot, actually," Howard said.
Sheldon reloaded, and looked pointedly at Howard.
"Protip, Howard, it's not good to hit on a guy's girlfriend when he's holding a shotgun," Leonard said.
Howard shrugged in a hey, I can't help it if she's hot manner. He was distracted by the sound of his nyancat ringtone Raj had put on his phone when they were both smashed.
"It's Bernadette..." Howard breathed. Raj leaned in to whisper something.
"I know end-of-the-world sex is the best, that's why I'm answering he phone–!" Howard said.
"Hi, Bernadette? Fighting zombies, you say?" Howard let out a breath. "That's...great. And hot, mostly hot, uh think you can fight your way through the hoard? ...you're coming, you said? That's...great."
Sheldon shook his head. "Silly animal impulses. I, for one am going to exterminate these zombies for science."
"The data will be fascinating," Amy said.