You can never have too many drunken Glee Club parties. So here's one for Season Three, set just after Hold On To Sixteen, which was also around the time that I started this fic. It's taken me a while to get into the groove, so to speak. You don't really have to have read the previous instalments of 'One Too Many' to get this, but you can if you want. It helps, that's all I'm saying.
Some of the drunken hilarity that happens in this fic was suggested by my dearest Twitter husband, Jono. Also it was him who encouraged me to write another booze-fuelled Glee party fic in the first place. So please direct some of your love to him. My darling hubby deserves it.
Anyway, reviews would be just peachy.
And I don't own Glee. Otherwise all these parties would be actual episodes.
One Too Many – Part Three
New Directions were in high spirits after their win at Sectionals, not to mention the return of Sam Evans and the important members of the Troubletones, so a celebration was in order. As was now a kind of bizarre tradition, everybody piled into Rachel's basement – her Dads were out of town for the week for their biannual trip to Dollywood – and in no time the alcohol was flowing. For once Rachel didn't take much persuasion to throw a party. She was so happy to have all of the Glee Club together that she didn't even mind when Puck raided her Dads' liquor cabinet and brought along his 'beer ball', so soon everybody was falling into their drunken archetypes with gusto.
Brittany had already discarded most of her clothing and was up on the table with Santana, who wasn't quite hammered enough to start weeping yet and was instead grinding along to the blaring Nicki Minaj song. Finn was once again the designated driver, and was being thoroughly ignored by his girlfriend. Rachel was too busy tipsily dancing and laughing with none other than Quinn to pay any attention to her sober boyfriend. Tina and Mercedes were laughing their heads off as Mike, Puck and Artie made fun of each other, while Sam looking on longingly at Mercedes. This was the first time that either Rory or Sugar had ever gotten drunk – Rory was swaying next to Finn, watching Brittany and Santana with his mouth slightly open, while Sugar was up on the stage, dancing by herself and singing terribly along to the music.
Even though the last two parties had ended in embarrassment and one particular event that was never to be spoken of ever again, Kurt was in the mood to celebrate, so he and Blaine drank along with everyone else. So far they'd spent most of the night dancing together and roughly making out like there was nobody else in the room.
"Kurt!" Rachel called, stumbling over to the couple while still hand in hand with Quinn.
Kurt turned his head in her direction, as Blaine continued to kiss and suck on his neck.
"Can I help you?"
"As much as I want everybody to have a good time at my party," she slurred. "I'd prefer it if you and Blaine didn't end the evening by having sex in my bed."
"Fine," said Kurt with an arched eyebrow, stroking Blaine's hair. "We'll just do it in the guest room again."
Rachel groaned as Quinn giggled against her shoulder. "I'd rather you didn't have sex at all! You guys always make such a mess and I'm sick of having to chuck out my bed linen! I don't want anybody doing it in my house tonight!"
There was a loud laugh from up on the table.
"Are you kidding, Berry?" said Santana. "Obviously you and Finnocence are gonna end up doing the nasty tonight. I know you guys are screwing now and frankly, dwarf, I'm disappointed in you."
"W-what?" Rachel stuttered. "Huh... how didn't you even know?"
"I've got a sixth sense about these things," Santana said simply, Brittany dancing beside her. "When I first figured out that Blurt and Klaine were getting their butt-sex on I was happy for them. It made for some hot mental images and there's something about those twinks that suggests they're both awesome in the sack..."
"Accurate!" Kurt and Blaine both called out in unison.
"...but with you and Lumps the Clown," Santana continued. "I was just... disappointed. Especially since I already told you that sex with Gigantor sucked. Never thought I'd ever say this, Man Hands, but you could actually do a lot better. In fact, you did do a lot better. Jesse St. James may have been a douche, but at least he actually had game. You've totally downgraded, Treasure Trail."
"I can hear you, y'know!" Finn yelled from where he was sitting, but Santana paid no attention and went back to dancing up against Brittany.
"Don't listen to her, Finn," said Rachel as she stumbled over to him. "Having sex with you was just... it was... erm... it was lovely!"
"...thanks," Finn said with a frown. It had taken her an awfully long time just to come up with the word 'lovely'.
"Raaaaach, come and dances with me!" Quinn whined, pulling at the shorter girl's hand.
Rachel let Quinn pull her away into the middle of the room without argument, dancing and twirling with her in a fit of giggles. Finn frowned as he watched his girlfriend and his ex-girlfriend dance. Even with Jesse gone he just couldn't seem to catch a break. He actually missed the previous Glee Club parties when Rachel would be a Needy Drunk and fawn all over him – at least he got some attention.
Meanwhile, Kurt and Blaine's making out was once again interrupted, this time by Brittany.
"Kurt, Kurt, Kurt!" she squealed as she climbed off the table, much to Santana's disappointment. "Are you gonna be making out with everyone tonight like you usually do? Please say yes..."
"Of course he is," Blaine said straight away with a huge grin.
"Apparently I am," Kurt said casually.
Brittany cheered, before pulling Kurt out of Blaine's arms and crashing her lips on his, her arms wrapped around his neck. Kurt was taken aback, but quickly got into the swing of things and kissed her back deeply as he heard Blaine giggle happily beside him. When they separated Brittany cheered again.
"Oh, that is always so awesome!" she cried. "Santana, Santana! You've got to kiss Kurt, it's so awesome!"
Santana huffed as she got off the table. "I guess it won't be so bad to see what all the fuss is about... plant one on me, Princess."
Kurt smirked, as Brittany and Blaine grinned in excitement, holding onto each other and swaying to the music. Santana just rolled her eyes, before letting Kurt take her by the waist and kiss her. The moment their lips met Santana let out a surprising sigh, running her fingers through the hair on the nape of Kurt's neck as he explored her mouth with his tongue like a pro. When they eventually parted Santana looked awestruck.
"Damn, Porcelain," she said, sounding deeply impressed. "That was actually epic."
"So I've been told," said Kurt with a little shrug.
"Seriously," said Santana. "I totally get what Britt and Frodo Baggins and everyone else keeps on going on about, Lady Face. Me gusta. Me gusta mucho. No wonder you gave Puck a boner that time."
Kurt and Blaine shared a knowing smirk. They'd given Puck more than a boner... but they weren't supposed to talk about that.
"Oooh, Kurt," Brittany said suddenly. "You should kiss Rory! And Sugar!"
"I heard my name," Sugar said from the stage. "What's going on?"
Brittany rushed over in her absurdly high heels and grabbed Sugar by the hand, practically dragging her over to Kurt before giving any kind of explanation.
"Sugar, you totally need to make out with Kurt," she said eagerly. "Almost everyone in Glee Club has and it's the best."
"But I thought you only kissed boys," Sugar said, looking at Kurt with an arched eyebrow.
"Not when I'm drunk, sweetie," said Kurt. "I'm not saying that I've enjoyed kissing all these girls, but I'm much more generous while intoxicated. Especially with Blaine's encouragement."
"Everyone should kiss Kurt at least once in their life," Blaine slurred. "It's a magical experience."
"I'm gonna have to agree with Curly McHobbit," said Santana with a nod. "That is one magic mouth."
"Oh, you have no idea," Blaine grinned.
"Also," Kurt added. "Blaine's a perv and he likes to watch me with other people, regardless of gender."
"I'm not even sorry," Blaine laughed, before getting himself another drink.
"Well, I am a very good kisser," Sugar said thoughtfully, her speech slurred from the alcohol. "Okay then."
Kurt let out a sigh – he'd kissed far too many girls already tonight – and pulled Sugar into a kiss that started off soft and slow but, after Sugar's rather loud moan, quickly became harder and more passionate. Once Kurt managed to detach himself from a reluctant Sugar, she let out a long "Wow..."
"I know right!" Brittany said merrily, before rushing over to Rory and pulling him to his feet. "Come on, Rory, you've got to kiss Kurt, it's so amazing!"
"But I'm... I'm not gay," Rory said nervously as Brittany dragged him over to Kurt.
"That doesn't matter," she insisted. "Kurt's kissed lots of guys who aren't gay."
"Finally, I get to kiss a boy," Kurt said with a sigh of relief.
Blaine took a large, messy gulp of his drink before saying "Yaaay! This is going to be hot!"
Rory was blushing quite furiously, swaying where he stood and very aware that most of the room were now watching him and spurring him on. Kurt smiled and took hold of both of Rory's hands.
"Don't worry," he said kindly. "I'll be gentle with you."
Rory smiled awkwardly and nodded. "O-okay."
"Welcome to America," Kurt said, before cupping Rory's face in his hands and kissing him ever so softly. Their kiss was slow and careful, but oh so sensual. Rory was completely deaf to all the whooping and laughing going on in the room. He couldn't believe that kissing another boy could actually feel so good, and before he knew it he was kissing Kurt back, holding cautiously onto the older boy's waist. When they separated Rory let out a breath that he hadn't even realised he was holding, and Kurt grinned.
"I just had a crazy idea," he said to a speechless Rory. "I think you and Sugar Motta would be really cute together. Why don't you share your lovely kissing skills with her?"
"Oh, erm..." Rory mumbled, dazed from both the booze and Kurt's kiss. "Yeah, sure... okay."
Kurt went over to Sugar and took her by the hand, pulling her over to him and Rory.
"Sugar," he said in a parental sort of way. "You and Rory should make out."
She narrowed her slightly bleary eyes. "Erm... why?"
"Because I said so," Kurt said simply. "Go over there and make out. You'll love it, I promise."
Kurt shoved Rory and Sugar into a seat together, where they blushed and giggled before eventually leaning into a slightly awkward kiss. When they separated they looked at each other and grinned tipsily, before Sugar grabbed Rory and they were making out with messy enthusiasm.
"Ah, playing matchmaker again, I see?" said Blaine, coming up behind his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around him.
Kurt turned in Blaine's arms with a sly smile. "Well, it's the least I can do."
"Kurt, you're so sweet," Blaine cooed. "And you're so kind and... and nice!"
"Yes, I am all of those things," Kurt nodded. "Also I'm really pretty."
"And wonderful kisser."
"And an incredible lay."
They suddenly burst into fits of drunken giggles, holding each other up as they laughed. It was difficult to tell how much time had passed or how much more alcohol everyone had drank, but suddenly Rachel was up on the stage with Quinn, the two girls singing a loud and giggly rendition of 'I Kissed a Girl'. The rest of the girls in the room were singing along, especially Santana and Brittany, who added their own raunchy dance moves to it. Rachel and Quinn were still holding hands as they sang together, which made Finn frown. He didn't even know why he was jealous. He just wished that they'd quit being so close... and Rachel would stop ignoring him... and they weren't singing a song about sexual experimenting at a party. It worried him. When they finished the song most of the guys, along with Santana and Brittany, were chanting "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" and clapping their hands until Rachel and Quinn, blushing furiously, leaned in and pecked each other on the lips. Amongst all the cheering and wolf whistles, Finn felt even more worried.
Sugar untangled herself from Rory and rushed to the stage, snatching up a bedazzled microphone so she could sing, but it was unceremoniously wrestled out of her hands by Santana.
"This is a party, Motta," she said, holding the mic out of Sugar's reach. "Listening to you brutally murdering a song will just ruin the fun atmosphere."
Sugar eventually gave up with a huff and slouched back to her seat on Rory's lap, glaring at Santana as he tried to continue their make out session. Santana and Brittany got up on the stage and began singing Rihanna's 'S&M', grinding up against one another and playfully spanking each other's asses. Tina, Mike, Mercedes, Puck and Artie all moved to the middle of the room to dance along, while Finn stayed in his seat, staring resentfully at Rachel and Quinn and wishing that he'd decided to drink tonight after all. After helping themselves to another drink, Kurt and Blaine went to sit either side of Sam, who'd been watching Mercedes dance while nursing his beer.
"Not in the partying mood, Samuel?" Kurt asked, not sounding nearly as drunk as he was.
Sam shrugged. "What makes you say that?"
"Well, you've done nothing but stare at Mercedes all night," said Kurt matter-of-factly.
"Have I been that obvious?" Sam chuckled sadly.
"Yeah, super obvious," said Blaine, nodding along to Santana and Brittany's song. "You got it bad."
"And she's happily spoken for, so you're totally wasting your time," Kurt said bluntly.
"It's a shame though," said Blaine. "You guys were a cute couple."
"And I was the one that made you get together a few parties ago," Kurt added. "So from a matchmaker's point of view it's extra disappointing. Also I like you way better than Shane."
"But you still really need to move on, Sam."
"And we're here to help with that."
"Wait, what?" said Sam, eyebrows furrowed. "How?"
"What you need, Sammy," said Kurt with a smirk, resting his hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Is a nice rebound to take your mind of things."
Sam looked from Kurt to Blaine, who was also smirking, and back again, completely baffled.
"I really don't get what you guys are talking about," he said slowly.
"We're offering up our services," said Blaine happily.
"Ever since we met," said Kurt airily. "I always had the feeling that you weren't 100% straight. Maybe like, bi-curious or something, even with all the girlfriends you've had."
"Wait," Sam said, holding up his hands. It all finally clicked in his booze muddled head. "Are you guys offering to... to have sex with me?"
"That's exactly what we're doing, yes," Kurt nodded.
"At Rachel's last party," said Blaine, his speech a little slurred. "And you probably wouldn't have noticed because you were making out with Mercedes the whole time. But at the last party Kurt and I had a threesome with Puck that we're not supposed to talk about, thanks mainly to Lauren Zizes since it was her idea. She wanted to watch."
Sam wiped his mouth, as he'd just choked on his sip of beer. "Are you serious? You guys and... and Puckerman?"
"Don't tell him we told you," said Blaine. "We've been sworn to secrecy. It was just a bit of drunken experimenting."
"He loved it though," said Kurt smugly. "It is such a shame that he insists on being straight."
"The point is that you won't be the first threesome me and Kurt have ever had," Blaine continued. "So if you want to let off a little steam later and want to forget about Mercedes then we're here for you, man. Kurt gives a terrific blowjob."
"Yes, really I do," Kurt agreed. "So how about it?"
Sam didn't know what to say. He wasn't even entirely sure whether Kurt and Blaine were being serious, and he was still getting over the idea of the couple actually having a threesome with Puck. Strangely, the mental images weren't entirely unpleasant.
"I... I don't know," he finally mumbled with an awkward shrug.
"We'll give you time to think about it," said Blaine, patting Sam on the back.
"And maybe drink a little more," said Kurt. "That always helps with this kind of decision making."
They both stood up before Sam could think of anything to say. He couldn't believe that had just happened. He also couldn't believe that he was genuinely considering it...
The party continued and everyone became steadily drunker. Santana finally dissolved into slightly hysterical tears, sobbing incoherently onto Brittany's shoulder. Rachel had managed to ignore Finn's existence even more than she had been before, and was once again up on the stage with Quinn, loudly singing 'We Found Love' with her. Sugar was still sitting on Rory's lap, the two making out like they'd recently been poisoned and the antidote was in each other's mouths. Tina and Mike were throwing some alarming shapes in the middle of the room, narrowly avoiding hitting Mercedes and Artie, who were dancing beside them, several times. Just as Puck sat down with a fresh beer Kurt and Blaine, who had been dancing together nearby, suddenly went to sit either side of him.
"Hey, Noah," Kurt said with a seductive purr, squeezing Puck's thigh. Blaine stroked Puck's arm at the same time.
"Guys," Puck slurred, rolling his eyes. "I get that you're sluts when you're wasted, but can't you come on to someone else for a change."
"Oh, we have," said Blaine with a grin. "We've already asked Sam if he'd like to have sex with us. We're just giving him time to think about it."
"If he says yes you're welcome to join us, Noah," said Kurt flirtatiously. "The more the merrier, I say."
Puck laughed in spite of himself. "You guys are insane."
Kurt lightly kissed Puck on the corner of the mouth, softly and slowly, his hand moving steadily up the mohawked jock's thigh.
"Don't act like you didn't love it, baby," he purred. "I know Lauren isn't here to watch, but don't let her absence discourage you from joining us again."
"Wait," said Puck, suddenly serious. "You guys didn't tell Sam about... about us, did you?"
Kurt and Blaine looked at each other, and both said "No."
"Oh... good," said Puck with a sigh of relief.
Kurt and Blaine giggled tipsily, still squeezing Puck's thighs and stroking his overgrown mohawk.
"Can you guys go away now?" Puck said, trying not to enjoy the attention to much. "I'm really not in the mood for all this... gay."
Rather than answering or leaving, Kurt turned Puck's head to face him and planted a hard kiss on his lips. Puck moaned before he could stop himself, letting Kurt push his soft tongue into his mouth. He'd forgotten what an amazing kisser Kurt was, and suddenly other memories started popping into his head. Like how awesome Kurt's mouth felt around his dick, and how tight Kurt's ass had felt while fucking him. He couldn't quite hide his disappointment when their lips separated, but soon Blaine had turned his head and kissed him too, the ex-Warbler wantonly sucking Puck's tongue into his mouth. Puck was a little breathless when they separated, and there was a familiar tightness in his pants.
"He's still not very good at that, is he?" Kurt said conversationally.
"Not really, no," said Blaine with a shrug. "But his cock makes up for it."
They both got up to dance again before Puck could even think of a response to that. He looked across the room and noticed Sam staring from him to Kurt and Blaine with wide eyes. Puck had a horrible feeling that Sam knew a lot more about what had happened at the last party than Kurt and Blaine had let on.
The party became somewhat of a blur, but a few drinks and karaoke songs later Brittany suddenly squealed.
"Kurt! Tina! I found 'Single Ladies' in Rachel's party playlist! We totally have to do the dance, come on!"
Kurt and Tina untangled themselves from their respective boyfriends and got up on the stage with Brittany, Kurt taking his place in between the two girls as the song started. Everybody cheered once they started to dance, some people singing along to the song. Kurt hadn't done the dance in a while but he still remembered every single step perfectly, and was much better than the girls, who kept on turning in the wrong direction or stumbling because they were so wasted.
Maybe it was because he was drunk, or because he was up on stage and had such a raucous audience, or because Blaine was watching, but Kurt was dancing like a total stripper – an achievement since he was probably the most fully clothed person on stage. He was very aware that his ungodly tight black jeans made his ass look fantastic and didn't leave much to the imagination around the crotch area either, so when he shook his hips he knew that Blaine would be enjoying the view – he certainly looked pleased when Kurt combed through his hair and slapped his ass.
Kurt took a very over the top bow with lots of hand flourishing once the song was finished, everyone cheering and clapping and wolf whistling. As he looked around the room Kurt was glad to see that Blaine's eyes were dark with lust, Sam was blushing quite furiously and Puck had covered his lap with a pillow and was avoiding his gaze. Kurt smirked, feeling extremely pleased with himself as his boyfriend rushed over and pulled him off the stage.
"You are so insanely hot, Kurt," Blaine said, his voice sounding husky as he held his boyfriend close. "You could easily be an exotic dancer or something. I mean, that was just so sexy."
"You really think so?" Kurt asked sweetly, making his eyes go all big and innocent looking.
"Absolutely," said Blaine with a slight growl to his voice. "It's not too early to go upstairs and find a nice bed for me to fuck you senseless in, is it?"
"We still don't know if we're taking Sam or Puck with us, sweetie," said Kurt. "You're going to have to be a little patient."
Blaine pouted childishly. "But Kuuuuurt, I don't wanna wait! I want us to go have sex now!"
"Oh, Blainers," Kurt cooed, stroking his boyfriend's fluffy, gel-less hair. "If you wait just a little while longer then we'll have Sam or Puck with us. And when we have one of them then I promise that we'll go upstairs and have lots of really awesome sex. I think I might even be able to convince Sam to bottom if we get him, so you can even watch me fuck him. But you'll only get that lovely treat if you practice a little patience, mister."
"Promise?" Blaine asked, still pouting like a toddler.
"I promise, honey."
Blaine grinned and kissed Kurt quickly on the lips. "Okay, I can wait."
He didn't have to wait long. The party began to wind down as it approached the early hours of the morning, the music now much slower and quieter than before. Santana and Brittany had disappeared upstairs. Mike and Tina were slow dancing in the middle of the room, fiercely making out at the same time. Puck, Artie and Mercedes were all sitting together, talking and joking. Finn was sitting with them, but was too busy glaring at Rachel and Quinn, who were also slow dancing together, to join in with the conversation. Rory and Sugar were so drunk that they'd passed out on the couch, lying half on top of each other, but no one seemed to take any notice of them. Sam had just downed another drink, finally making his decision. He stumbled over to Kurt and Blaine, who were sitting together on the edge of the stage, and sat beside them.
"Do you guys really think that I don't have a shot with Mercedes?" he asked, his eyes not quite focused.
"Not at all," Kurt said simply. "And even if you tried, if Shane found out you hit on his girlfriend he'd kick your ass."
Blaine nodded in agreement, swaying slightly.
Sam took a deep breath and said very quickly, as if the words were falling out of his mouth "Okay, I'll do it with you guys."
"Oh my God, seriously?" said Blaine, positively bouncing with excitement.
Sam nodded. "Yeah, why not? I made out with one or two guys at my old boarding school, so..."
"I knew it," said Kurt with a triumphant smile.
Blaine's eyes had lit up and he was grinning from ear to ear. "This is going to be so awesome!"
The three of them stood up, Kurt the steadiest on his feet, and made their way across the basement to the stairs, pretty much unnoticed by everyone else in the room.
"Don't worry, Sammy," Kurt said, smirking deviously. "Blaine and I will be gentle with you."
Part Three and a Half will be published as soon as I've actually written it, Humble Readers.
That's going to be the part with all the smut.
Don't worry, guys, I shan't leave you hanging. I'm typing as fast as I can.