Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
Hey everyone. This is just a little something silly that I wrote in December as a countdown to Valentine's Day. It's not a drabble or a dribble, because I am not nearly disciplined enough to keep this within word limits and such. It just is, okay? ;) Chapter length will vary a lot from day to day and it will switch between EPOV and BPOV throughout. This can be read independently but will probably make a bit more sense if you read my one-shot "Come as you aren't," first.
Thank you to Edward's Eternal, my beta extraordinaire, for looking this over and once again assuring me that it's not complete nonsense (I have doubts whenever I try to write from a teenager's perspective because, let's face it, that was a while ago for me).
Valentine's Day tomorrow.
I shift on the bed and lace my fingers behind my head as I stare at the ceiling. Valentine's Day never used to mean a thing to me. It was a day like any other which just happened to involve a lot of red and pink everywhere. My mom would be all excited and my dad secretive until he revealed what he had planned. Usually, it just meant that I had the house to myself for the night while they went out doing God knows what. But now, the day has a whole new meaning to me. Because now I have a girlfriend. And not just any girlfriend. It's Bella Swan. I smile just thinking her name and I still can't quite wrap my head around the fact that she's mine, because let's face it; Bella Swan is way out of my league. She disagrees but I know the truth and I also know that I am insanely lucky to have her in my life.
Bella is different than any other girl I've ever known. She's really smart, she's not into the whole popularity thing and I think she actually likes me for me. God, I really hope that she likes me.
Don't be an idiot. Of course she likes you or she wouldn't have been dating you almost four months.
Four months? Has it only been four months? That's not a very long time at all, I realize. I sigh and roll onto my side to bury my face in the pillow. Maybe we're moving too fast? Maybe I'm moving too fast. I am, after all, the one who booked us a hotel room for tomorrow night after the dance. Bella knows, of course. I would never spring something like that on her but I was definitely the one who suggested it. In a way, it does make sense. The dance is in Port Angeles at the hotel and this way we wouldn't have to drive back in the middle of the night on icy roads. I'm actually doing the mature and responsible thing by getting us a room and keeping us safe and sound. Her father would be proud of me.
No, he wouldn't. He would castrate you if he knew what you're planning. Face the fact; you're horny and you want to get laid.
I groan into my pillow because I know the voice inside my head, the voice of reason, is absolutely spot on. I am horny, and I definitely want to get laid.But it's more than that, I swear it. It's not just about getting off. If that was all I wanted I wouldn't be with someone like Bella. Because Bella is not easy. In fact, I have barely touched her since that night of the Halloween party. Well, I have touched her, of course, but it's been really chaste compared to what we did that night. I don't want to rush her and I have tried to be on my best behavior when we're together. I won't deny that there has been a little over the sweater action a few times when we've parked outside her house to kiss goodnight, but that's it. See, here's the thing; Bella is a virgin and that scares the crap out of me.
First of all, I have never been with a virgin before. Second, Bella is the kind of girl who probably imagines her first time being all perfect, like you always see in movies. Third, I haven't had sex in a long time. How perfect is it going to be if I come the second I get inside her? And finally fourth, and most important, I want Bella's first time to be perfect, both because she deserves it and because it will be our first time together. I don't want her to regret it afterwards and I really want her to like it. That's what I'll focus on when it happens because I already know that I'll like it. A lot.
But are we ready? Or, more accurately, is Bella ready? Because I am. Very ready. So ready that I feel like I might explode if I don't get to touch her soon. She agreed to get the room tomorrow night so maybe I can take that as a sign that she's ready.
If she understands what it really means, that is.
I'm not saying that she's stupid because she's definitely not. She's a lot smarter than me. It's just that while Bella is brilliant in school, she seems completely innocent when it comes to sex stuff. What if she thinks that we're just getting the room because we're being responsible? If that's the case, then on a scale from one to ten, how much will she freak out when she sees the champagne I have ordered, the scented candles and the king size bed I specifically asked for?
I feel like such an ass, suddenly. What am I doing making those plans without talking to her first? If Bella isn't ready for more physical stuff then seeing the room all sexed up will definitely scare her away and I can't let that happen. I'm nuts about her! She's in my thoughts all day and, though I would never, ever, admit this to my teammates or friends, she makes my heart beat faster and my stomach flutters whenever I see her.
I remember how upset she was after the Halloween party. How her eyes were red and a little swollen because she had been crying. Crying because of me and my stupid rough hands. I felt like the most disgusting, horny asshole when I saw how I had manhandled her. Bella is like a delicate flower and needs to be treated like that.
A delicate flower? Really?
Fuck off. Of course I don't go around saying shit like that, but that doesn't mean that I can't think it. Bella deserves a special first time and damn it, I am going to make sure that she gets it! But how do I make sure that she doesn't bolt tomorrow night when she realizes what I have planned? If Bella gets scared and wants to sleep in Alice's room, Whitlock is going to kick my ass. I know he has plans for him and Alice, and I don't want to ruin it for him. And I really, really don't want Bella to think that all I'm after is sex, because I'm really not. Yes, I want her. Bad. But not if it's going to mess up this great thing we've got going. I have waited years to finally get a chance with Bella and I am not screwing it up now! I have to talk to her. Right now!
Yep, that's probably a good idea, Edward. :)
I am going to my parents' tomorrow to attend my grandmother's funeral and I won't be home until Saturday so I won't be able to update again until then. Not to worry, though. That just means a double posting one day so I can wrap this story up by February 14th, which was my plan all along.
Anyway, I hope you will like it.