Disclaimer : I onw nothing

A/N: Does anyone still remeber this story? :) Yeahh, I neglected it a bit. Some while ago MollyLyn remind me about it. So yes, I had to take out Jules from that damn basement :)

Anyho, this chapter isn't beta'd so there are probably a bunch of mistakes :( But I'm going for sales' coaching out of town and Iwant to make some time gap before posting next chapter of Harder to breathe. KateEals , but no sooner than on Wendsaday / Thursday. Despite if I get that chapter from eals till that time or not :)

Cheers and N'joy the ride;


Chapter XXIX

When mango smoothie taste meets Virginian cedar scent

Jules was blending mangoes for smoothie on autopilot. She wasn't hungry, she just knew she had to gave some nutrition to her organism. So she putting to blender peeled mangoes automatically while blankly staring at her and Sam photo standing on a shelf in front of her. Seven days. A week. Long seven night without felling asleep by his side. He didn't called her. She didn't call him either. She was too stubborn and she shut inside with her past . At work they were professionals. They tried not to show that something was wrong. Unconsciously they even were leaving HQ at the same time as they did when they lived together. He hadn't talk to each other on private issues. All in all he gave her time to think . They just tried to act like everything was fine but avoiding their personal subject when someone asked. Perfect. First they were sneaking around team's back with their relationship, and now they were hiding that Sam moved out. Just Sweet.

Just once Boss asked he if everything is OK between her and Sam. She asked him if something slip during a call so that he was asking? Did something affect on Team or their actions? Parker shook his head negatively and replied that he knew her, and he felt that something wasn't on the right track between them. So she just smirked and replied that it was just a PMS . That Sam had to deal with it . But she sensed that Boss knew that it wasn't about premenstrual syndrome. However, Greg has a faith in them. He was shipper of their relationship for sure.

Jules pressed ON button on blender and hold the lid with her hand. Loud noise of machine broke the silence in her home. Suddenly , she felt someone's touch on her shoulder. With lightning speed she grabbed stranger's hand, twisted it and pushed the intruder to the ground crushing by the weight of her body

"Jules! " pinned to the ground intruder screamed with pain

"Nat!" Jules loosen her grip and helped her got up from the floor "I could've kill you or broke your ribs at least"

"I knocked but apparently the noise of blender deafened it "the door were open so I just came inside.."

"Oh bollocks" Jules touched her forehead "I forgot to close it when I got back from walk with Buddy"

"Riiiight, Sam told me that you two adopted puppy" Natalie smiled still massaging her twisted wrist "speaking of Sam. Where is he? I left some things in is apartment and I need keys to get inside and get them."

Jules silently took two glasses from cupboard and poured protein mango smoothie in it. She placed the glasses on table and taking a sip of drink said:

"I doubt I can give you keys to Sam's apartment. He took'em with himself while he moved out a week ago"

"He did what?" Nat choked with liquid and spit a bit on table's surface "that was must be something big if he decided to leave the love of his life. You two get a fight don't you? Like a massive, thunderstorm like?"

"Sort of… " Jules rolled her eyes and sighed heavily "I got some past and I really don't want to share with it to anyone. Sam couldn't understand that. He pushed on me too hard, I jumped on him pretty bad and finally he took his stuff and move out. "

Natalie touched Jules hand and felt how she was trembling. Jules missed Sam even though she wasn't very eager to admit it. She was hurling like a fly in spider web in. Jules was between past and present life. And she knew that she must choose something. There was no other way to solve this out.

„Okay, look, this is probably not my place. I mean, who am I to say this but… " Natalie gazed at Jules with Braddock's eyes "The way I see it, Jules , you've got Sam and you've got perfect job, you got bright future and sneaking around your's fiancé back with your past secrets? It's not much of a perfect plan for a good marriage. Do you hear what I'm saying? You… You have one life. What do you want?"

Jules sighed and bit her lower lip. Nat was right, she had to choose what is more important to her. Her past or her future. But she can't built happy future on blurry, unexplained foundations of her past.

Jules raised her eyebrow and smirked „Have you ever think about being negotiator, Nat?"

Natalie chuckled and winked : "You know, having General as a father leant me how to use speech as a weapon to get what I want"

Both women giggled knowing how strict General Braddock was. Too strict to live normally.

"I'd better go now, I don't want to be late on first day on my job." She glanced at watch and stood up "Think about what I said Jules. I know my brother whole my life and I know how he have changed when he feel with You. Sam loves you more than everyone. He doesn't think about flirting with other girls. He just crazy about you, You are the love of his life Jules. You're are all he wants. Sam even turned his back to General to show how much he cares about you. Doesn't he deserve to find out about that thing from your past? Should this all is worth of giving up your marriage? I'm just sayin' , Jules. I'm just sayin'"

When Jules closed the door while Nat left she head to bedroom She took out from upper shelf black box hidden between books and she clenched in her hand red tiny bag. Jules glanced at standing next to her dog and said :

"Come on , Buddy. Let's go for a walk"

Sam was sitting on an armchair with legs starched on coffee table. He ate Chinese food that he bought while going back to home and took a sip of beer. He took is phone and found in contacts Jules number. Sam licked his lip and gentry started to draw circles by finger on her name. He so desperately wanted to press the button and call her. Tell her how much he was missing her smell, sarcastic taunts, the warmth on pillow with her smell when she woke up. He missed even her shitty mango protein smoothie breakfasts. How much he missed her itself. He put phone on a table and sighed. He couldn't call her. He said to her that she need time to re-think all of it. Re-think how hard she riding on him sometimes. That it hurt him too. But it didn't mean he wanted to give her up. He loved her more that he could say.

Sam leaned head back and run through his hair by hand. He rugged his eyes while he heard knocking to door. Probably courier brought present for Jules that he ordered two weeks ago. Well, maybe it will be useless now.

"Hey, Jules!" Sam opened the door and small smile arose on his face as she wasn't the person he expected. Jules was standing in soaked from rain clothes in front of him. Waterproof mascara survived rainy shower but wet strands of hair glued to her face.

"Hey," she replied a bit trembling tone of voice either from wearing drenched garments or either from blend of different feelings that were raging inside her.

Sam's face lighten up a bit while seeing her "What are you doing here?"

"That's a nice way to say hi. " she smirked gently pounding her lips.

"I'm sorry, I didn't expect to see you." He moaned and let her inside "I thought that you still need some time to think about it all. Honestly, I'm glad you came by."

"Actually, I came to talk to you. "

" Oh." Sam raised his eyebrow with curiosity and passed her towel to wipe herself "That's something new. It's kinda surprise?"

„You were right" she whispered swabbing dripping water from her hairs.

"About what?" he leaned against the wall observing Jules' moves. She gently pressed the towel on her body dwindling away the rainwater . She was soaked to the skin and despite she tried to hide it cold shivers were running through her.

"You better take off this wet clothes or you'll catch a cold" Sam took off his Vancouver Canucks jersey and passed it to Jules "it's your favorite one and it's still warm. "

Jules rolled her eyes and smirked "I do not want you to give me your clothes, you can got sick standing bare chest in the middle of your apartment"

"Relax Jules, " Sam chuckled and winked to her pulling on t-shirt over hanged on the chair "I know that you are afraid that I will jump on you while and rape you, huh?"

"No, it just…" She rolled her eyes and blushed

"Don't say that you feel ashamed of me?" Sam chuckled and smirked with cocky smile checking her out "There's nothing I hadn't seen before…"

"Sam!" she frowned "I didn't came here to tease with ya.."

She sighed and took of wet blouse and pull Sam's jersey. Indeed, she still felt the warmth of Sam's body. She smelled his eau de perfume ; patchouli, Virginian cedar, woody notes and amber made her to shiver. He used Bvlgari Aqua today. This one that she gave him for birthday and this one that he was saving for special occasions.

"So Jules" Sam crossed his arms "what brings you to me?"

She wrapped herself with arms almost buried in the Sam's jersey. Jules took a large breath and said :

" I'm sorry. I shouldn't have jumped on you like that. I know that I shouldn't sneak around with my secrets behind your backs. I thought I'm strong and I won't be missin' you but every time my phone vibrates, I wish it was a text from you. " she sighed and bit her lower lip "Knew my dad was a cop, right?"

"Yeah you told me that when we were chasing Petar Tomasic" Sam felt massive pain in chest. Every single time he was recalling that call his heart hurt. It was one of the worst days of his life. Day when Jules was shot by this lunatic vengeful sniper.

"Remember the Tower Sniper?" she whispered sitting on a couch

"Yeah, 30 years ago, guy in a clock tower?" Sam sat next to her staring at her.

"He killed 16 people that day. Cops couldn't get to him. They didn't have the tools or the training he was one of the cops that couldn't do anything. He bought a farm in the prairies and raised me and my brothers away from it all." Jules took off from her pocket red tiny bag "Sam one of those 16 victims of Tower sniper was my Mum. It was my fault that she was shot there"

Sam opened his eyes wider and asked : "Jules, what are you sayin? It was a lunatic sniper…"

"But If I hadn't ran to get my ball my Mum would have lived ! " she raised her voice " I was six , we hide with my mum in restaurant, but I lost my favorite ball with Mickey, so I ran to find her…..Mum followed me and then the sniper's bullet reached her…She died because of me!"

Jules trembled while finally released the demons that tore her apart. She opened the red bag and took a bullet from inside .

"That's the bullet that killed my Mum. I tried to forget about it, I had session in with psychologists as a kid , but when I saw my dad's box with this red bag inside everything got back to me. All insecurities, all pain, guilty complex …"

"Jules…" Sam caressed her cheek

"Yeah yeah I know" she smirked bitterly "I shouldn't think like that, but I can't help that I still wonder if my mom would live if I won't ran after that bloody ball. "

She sighed and looked into Sam's eyes : "Sam but I do realize that I can't hide this , that I have to tell you this. I want to tell you this but I just have to grow up inside myself to do it. I haven't told that anyone…"

Sam cuddled her, but not strongly , thus hug was filled with love and understanding. Jules opened herself in front of him . Suddenly he felt that she fully belong to him, that she want to be with him. With all her heart and soul .

"I'm so sorry Sam I haven't told you that. I just wasn't ready for it. " she sobbed "I miss you so much, the home is empty without you, bed is so cold without you, I am like a zombie without you. Will you forgive me and go back to home?"

Sam kissed the tears that ran down her cheeks , he wanted to kiss the pain away.

"Does it mean yes?" Jules chuckled through tears

"Yes you cheeky monkey" Sam touched her nose "I dunno how I would stand another night without you. I'm so glad you told me what was your past demons. It means a lot to me. I never wanted to move out . I just felt how you fighting with yourself inside you. And how you don't want to tell me that. That lead you to smacking me every single time I did something wrong. I was just tired …."

"I'm sorry…" she hugged him tighter "I love you Sam"

Sam kissed tip of her head and hummed silently song:

"I love you baby, and if it's quite all right, I need you baby to warm a lonely night. I love you baby. trust in me when I say it….."

Jules grinned widely and said : "there will be no more lonely nights Sam. You're my guiding light, I'll love you till the end of the World"


Hope you are quite satisfied :),

So there's no cliff hanger here, so I'll post next chapters whenever I get some inspiration. I mean I got some ideas only my mind in at the moment really into writing Harder to breathe. So, forgive me some delay in writing this story. I'll try to update it whenever I get some inspiration NOT connected to Harder to breathe.

Thanks for review !