To Find The Things Not Spoken

By, Takaratoast

Chapter 8, I'll Be Waiting



Though he wasn't alive, Izaya could swear that his heart was beating right out of his chest as he heard Shizuo speak, anticipating those three beautiful words that he never thought he would hear.

"I think, that I've fallen in lo-"

His heart stopped as the garish banging that had interrupted Shizuo's words, rung through his ears, and his stomach dropped at the voice that had followed the intrusious banging.


There was only one reason why the police would be showing up at the apartment of Shizuo Heiwajima, and both of them knew exactly what it was.

My body... someone found it.

He could hear Shizuo's breathing becoming shallow as he turned his head to look over at the door, that once again shook as a persistent fist pounded against it, followed again by a voice demanding entrance. As Shizuo turned and took a step towards the door, Izaya reached his hand out to stop him, only to find his hand swinging right through Shizuo's arm. He let out a some what pitiful sound, it wasn't a word, but it held so many of them within it.

Stop. What are you doing? Why are you opening the door? What were you going to say? Why aren't you trying to get away?

Before he could utter another syllable Shizuo's hand was on the door knob, opening the door as if in slow motion. Or, maybe it wasn't slow, maybe it happening quickly, all too quickly.

The second the door had opened guns were pointed at Shizuo and police were barking orders at him to get on the ground and hold his arms behind his head. He was frisked, then lifted up, and hand cuffed for the murder of Izaya Orihara. Not Izaya, nor Shizuo had said a word, Shizuo complied to all of the police's demands, his face unreadable, like he had known this was going to happen, like it was only a matter of time. Izaya simply hadn't had the words to speak. For the first time in his existence Izaya Orihara was rendered speechless.

Wordlessly, he followed after Shizuo, watching, soaking in what was happening. He watched as Shizuo was brought into a large courtroom as a suspect for his murder. His jaw dropped when the man didn't even attempt denying the murder. The judge and jury seemed to reflect Izaya's surprise at the almost instant confession.

"Yes... I killed Izaya Orihara on the night in question... in cold blood," was all he had said, practically choking on his words.

Of course any evidence they had gathered, only reflected this statement. In less than an hour, Shizuo Heiwajima was put in prison, on death row, for the murder of 23 year old Orihara Izaya. Izaya didn't speak to Shizuo until he was finally put in his cell, cell number 304 in the Tokyo Detention Center. As the guard shut the bars on his solitary cell in the special wing for those sentenced to death row, the blonde slowly made his way over to the small bunk in the corner of the room, sitting down carefully, his elbows resting on his knees.



Izaya looked at Shizuo in surprise to see the blonde look up at Izaya with an almost desperate look in his eyes.

"I know what you're going to say. Why did I give myself up? Why didn't I even try to defend myself? How are you going to grant my wish now?" He shook his head, burying his face in his palms. "Its because I did it, I did kill you... And I'm not about to try to fight the truth, to try and avoid the justice that I deserve. I don't know what to do about your wish, and frankly I can't think about anything like that right now. All I can think about at the moment is how I'm trying not to lose it over the fact that in five days..." He lowered his voice to a whisper, as if he were afraid to even say it, in fear that it would come sooner than expected. He lifted his head to look Izaya in the eyes, mocha irises meeting with crimson ones.

"I'm scheduled to be executed."

He gulped, and his eyes flashed with something like fear, something that in all the years that Izaya had known Shizuo, Izaya had never seen in him.

"There's... there's still hope ... for my wish I mean."

The fear in Shizuo's eyes was replaced by confusion, mixed with slight annoyance. "Do you even know... what it is?"

Izaya nodded.

The confusion in his eyes grew, "How long have you known?" The blondes voice was raised, part from surprise, part from irritation, and part from his own distress due to his current circumstances.

"Since... you first found me by my body."

Shizuo flared, and Izaya knew he would. Why wouldn't he? He believes that had he known, everything could have been solved ages ago.

But it's not that simple.

Nothing ever is.

"Well then why the hell didn't you say something?"

He was doing his best to keep his voice down, Izaya could tell, after all, what would the guards say if Shizuo had told them that the ghost of the man he murdered was in his cell with him and that was who he had been talking to? His teeth were gritted and there was obvious frustration in his features. Izaya just stood there, his hands locked together in front of him as he spoke.

"Because I couldn't. If you knew what it was, you wouldn't be able to grant it." his voice was steady, hoping that his good temper would help Shizuo's. "Because... if you knew what it was from the start... you would never have wanted to grant it..." He avoided Shizuo's gaze, and for a moment, they were both silent.

A heavy sigh came from Shizuo's direction. "Just... stay here until... until it's time. I don't... I at least don't want to be alone before I..." He looked back down, once again, not wanting to finish his own sentence. Izaya nodded, not wanting to hear the end of it much either, though he new what it was anyway.

He sat down next to Shizuo, the reality of the mans coming death sinking in for both of them. He knew Shizuo was scared of dying, because he knew what fear before death was like... The circumstances however, were all too different. Shizuo had days to be scared to die, Izaya only had moments. He winced, only able to guess what the blonde was going through. He thought back to the moments before his death, the regret, the confusion, and the desperation to keep living. It was almost funny, he had only been killed a few days ago, and yet, spending the days with Shizuo made them feel like they were so long ago... He smiled sadly, he was scared for Shizuo to die as well, he was scared of losing someone he loved, scared of spending eternity alone, that he never would find some freak to exorcise him, and he would just wander aimlessly like the ghosts seen in movies.

However, despite their shared fears, eventually the day of execution arrived. The days before were quiet, Shizuo took comfort in another persons presence more than having someone to talk to, mostly because they didn't talk much. Neither of them had the right words, thoughts were swirling around their head, but nothing either of them thought was worth saying, nothing that would help what either of them were feeling.

Two guards came to escort Shizuo to his execution that morning, likely the two that would witness his death. Each of them had one hand holding tightly to one of Shizuo arms, cuffed securely behind his back. Izaya followed behind the three solemnly. He didn't want to watch Shizuo die, but he knew Shizuo wanted him there, to say his final goodbyes. He almost laughed at himself. Doing something he didn't want to do, for the sake of another person. Oh so unlike him, but then, he had already come to terms with the idea of him not being himself lately.

The guards led Shizuo into a small room. There was one door, and one wall with a large glass window. Through the window he could see the viewing room, there were two guards waiting in the viewing room for the execution to begin. The larger of the guards that escorted him in instructed him to stand in the middle of a series of red rectangles. As he stepped onto the platform he looked up at Izaya, his eyes were hollow, a look in them that Izaya had never seen before. Izaya stared back into Shizuo's broken mocha iris's as the first guard slipped a noose around Shizuo's head. The second was standing by the door, his palm on the button that would open the trap door he was standing on, ending Shizuo's life.

The guard stood back, and Izaya stepped closer, hating the emptiness in Shizuo's eyes as he looked down to the floor. "If you have any last words you may say them now." The man said dryly as retreated to the corner of the room.

Shizuo looked back up at Izaya with those empty eyes, the eyes of a man who was ready to die, of a man that had given up on life, given up on hope, and given up on Izaya. "Hey.. flea," he began in a raspy tired voice. "Do you think... that your wish really could have been to see me dead?" A sad laugh fell from his lips as he looked back down at the ground, only to look back up at Izaya. The watching guards were sending each other questioning glances, a few beginning to think that Shizuo was crazy, but decided to let him talk.

"Maybe if that was it... when I die, you can finally pass on... and you won't have to be alone..." The look on his face was desperate, desperate for just a little more time, a few more words, just a little more anything. "It's too bad really... I would have liked to see you off.. to spend a bit more time with you... Three days... just wasn't long enough." He paused again, taking a breath as he shut his eyes for a moment. "And, flea..If that... if this wasn't your wish, then... I'm sorry, that I couldn't grant your wish... that you couldn't pass on... and that I killed you."

Another pause as he shut his eyes tightly, when he opened his eyes again Izaya could swear he could see water in their rims. "But most of all.." he continued, his voice shaking. "I'm sorry that it took me so long to tell you this... I'm sorry, that it took so long to tell you... that... Izaya," He lifted his eyes up to meet Izaya's again. "I love you."

Izaya's eyes widened when he heard the words, the three simple words that he had been waiting for... the words that he thought he would never hear. And for a moment, he felt alive again, like he was there, like he had substance.

"What the hell?" He turned to see the guard standing by the door pointing at him, with a horrified expression on his face. He looked towards the viewing room to see the other guards gaping at him as well. "I-Isn't that Izaya Orihara? The guy Heiwajima was supposed to have killed?" Shouted another as Izaya's hands moved up to his hips.

It's rude to stare you know...


Wait they ARE staring...which means... they can see me?

Does that mean...?

"That was it Shizu-chan.." He said as he turned to face Shizuo, stepping towards him as he felt his own eyes begin to wet. "You finally said it... you finally told me... that you loved me..." He reached forward to place his hand on Shizuo's cheek, hoping with all of his heart that Shizuo would be able to feel his touch. The life brought back into Shizuo's eyes told him that he had.

The guards around them stood frozen in shock, not sure what to do or what to say, so they just stared, wide eyed and petrified.

"I... I can feel you..." Shizuo whispered, a single tear falling from his widened eyes.

"I know, Shizu-chan.." Izaya whispered back softly. He stood up on his toes to plant a soft, gentle kiss on Shizuo's lips. Shizuo returned the kiss wholeheartedly, Izaya's hand sliding back to rest lightly on the back of Shizuo's neck. The pair stood there for a moment, lips brushing against each others beautifully, each of their cheeks stained with a streak of a tear.

He suddenly felt a wave of panic wash over him as he began to feel himself slowly fading away again, and this time, he knew it would be for good. He pulled back from the kiss to touch his forehead with Shizuo's until his touch was once again taken from him.

When it did, Izaya stepped back and smiled at Shizuo, another tear dripping down his cheek. "I have to go now Shizu-chan... I'll be waiting for you..."

Shizuo watched him as he faded away cursing his hand cuffs for keeping him from reaching out to Izaya. "I swear I wont be long... I love you..."

He gave Shizuo a final soft smile, "I know," he forced a light laugh. "I'm just evolving one last time, Shizu-chan. So hurry up and catch up to me, alright protozoan?"

And with that, Izaya was gone.

Okay, first of all, I know that the entire court/imprisonment thing is off... but I don't know much about the Japans court system, and the accurate stay on death row is between 5 and 10 years in prison before execution... I just.. kinda sped up the process for the fictions sake. I also don't know if criminals are allowed last words... but... Shizuo got them xD xD

Anyway... YUP THAT'S IT. THE FINAL CHAPTER OF TO FIND THE THINGS NOT SPOKEN~~~ I was originally going to write an epilogue.. but... it was crap... so ... I'M NOT 8D Which means this gets left off weird... but...I dont even like this fanfic so... yeah... QAQ sorry guys.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR WONDERFUL REVIEWS, THEY MAKE MY LIFE, KEEP 'EM COMIN! I love you all, I really do, thank you so much for reading... RABU RABU!