A/N: Greetings strangers...any of you that still remain that is. THIS FIC IS NOT ABANDONED
I kinda quit the internet July 2013 and now i'm back, over half a year later, hence no recent updates. I blame some very...aggressive tumblr people. But yes, i have returned.
A big thank you to those who reviewed last chapter; Buster3, Guest, KKlever, ziii, Fiore JW, TheAwakeDreamer, Fiore JW, Ziii, KKlever, Watupbecca, Guest, miss jayne 76,claudiavonberckefeldt(you were so sweet omg),Guest,guest, Chels, Mfcool007 (BowtiesandScarves21), Judith, mkjrhodes, thegirlformerlyknownasB, CandyCriss (not sure how many chaps left I'm afraid), fizzy123, Adele0x, Guest, Pierre-Inky, Wingedgirl18, ChocolateBeth, TheKurttomyBlaine, MayiKlaine, Perfectlyimperfectklaine, JMarieAllenPoe (jenna ily), Marierux and Sugarskull85 for giving me motivation and just being generally awesome people!
PLEASE READ CAREFULLY. If you have any questions just ask in a review, and I shall also put a proper explanation in next chapters a/n or something
A week had passed.
It was nearing one o'clock.
The door to the room was shut tight and passersby could only just be heard shuffling behind it.
The curtains were pulled open and light streamed into the small room, casting stumpy little shadows behind every object.
The window had misted up in the bottom corner where a young man sat drawing bows in the condensation.
And older man sat bored witless in a chair just behind him.
Neither said a word
It had been a long morning.
So...to start the day.
At around 8 am Kurt's newest batch of medication had come in - a sweaker painkiller than the last, one that was to start weaning him off the medication and into his own state of dependency, (one that would work alongside the new sleeping tablets Ross had ordered as per their agreement) - and in the last few hours, it had not been working well.
Burt was at work, having returned full time a couple of days prior. Kurt didn't want to bother him with calls seeking comfort, but he didn't know what else to do.
After several hours of the boy struggling not to cry with every slight movement, a doctor had come in and sat with the boy until he passed out.
They couldn't give him more, despite his pleas.
Kurt was distraught.
It wasn't long until Doctor Ross was called back to the boy's room ready for when he awoke. For nearly 40 minutes he sat by Kurt's bedside waiting open armed with a small vanilla cupcake in one hand and an invitation for a chat on his lips.
Now the pair was sat in Kurt's hospital room in a pair of matching arm chairs that had been brought in especially, with extra cushioning on the back to protect his healing back. Kurt was beginning to get used to these new levels of pain, and was moving around slightly more, and with a slightly less visible wince on his face whilst doing so.
'What's got you so worried then?' Ross asked, his nails drumming out old rhythms on the arms of his chair.
Kurt was staring out the window; watching as the sea of multicoloured cars drove past in their never ending streams. It was long since rush hour but the traffic hadn't slowed all that much. Kurt found it rather soothing, seeing that life went on. It gave him a sense of calm and kept him grounded as his life kept spinning madly inside the hospital.
'What people will think I suppose.' The boy answered, not looking at his doctor, instead continuing to swirl a long since warmed glass of water.
'I mean, I know what happened isn't...I know it's being published like nobody's business and I suppose I'm just scared about how people will see me when I get out of here.' He paused and took a sip from the glass, grimacing at the unpleasant taste. 'I don't want to be seen as a victim...I've never wanted that. And yeah, I get it. I am a victim in this case. But I'm not a victim. I'm still me...I don't... Like, I understand what's happening. I'm not some scared little kid.I'm not helpless. And just because I don't want this to be happening, and I want it to end and just disappear, doesn't mean I haven't realised that's impossible. People aren't going to brush it off. They aren't going to forget. And in a year, 5, 10 even...if I make it that far, what's gonna happen? Will people still just see me as the victimised kid from the papers all those years ago?'
'Kurt...' Ross began, but Kurt cut him off.
'That's why I want to escape. Because I know what lies ahead of me. And I'm constantly reminded of it by the voice of my attacker rattling inside my head. And it scares me.'
'It would scare anyone, and you're being exceedingly brave by talking so bluntly with me now.' Ross said as he toyed with the edge of the cupcake wrapper Kurt had left on the arm of his chair. It crinkled lightly and several crumbs stuck themselves to the underside of the man's nails. 'But...I don't think being scared is something that should worry you. It's perfectly normal and quite frankly, you have bigger fish to fry right now.' He nodded over to a side table where a stack of papers where piled conspicuously.
'I take it you've heard about it all then?' Ross asked with a low chuckle.
Kurt rolled his eyes. 'Why yes...yes I have. I am a star in the making. Splashed across every newspaper in town.'
'They want to follow up on the news. Do you not think they should?'
'No, no. That's not it. It's how they follow it up. Like I'm some hunk of meat for them to tear up between them until they get my story. Don't they understand that I'm kinda busy at the moment? And why do they care so much about the itty bitty details. Like, who the fuck gives them the right to know about the state of my sex life? Is this what celebrities feel like? God...makes sense that they stab cars with umbrellas now.' he gave a small chuckle, shaking his head.
'It just...angers me, you know. I wanna move on with my life, get this done with. Get this voice out my head, get these scars off my back and just...let it go.'
Ross looked up at Kurt, quickly covering the look of pity that rose up. This was at least something. Kurt was finally beginning to talk about the future, about moving on, and no matter how small a statement that was, for a boy just off suicide watch it still counted as a success.
Pushing that mental not to the back of his mind, Ross stood up and scooped up the papers, before taking them over to Kurt.
'They'll forget about it soon Kurt. Once they know what happened, it will all pass. It always does. I've seen media attention like this before. They just want a story, once they have it, they don't care anymore'
'But I will' Kurt said, snatching the top paper off the pile Ross had in his arms and thrusting the front page forwards. 'See this, this is my face – this is me. I have to live with this forever.'
He threw the paper over onto the bed and clenched his fist in his hair, letting out a long sigh as he blinked rapidly.
'What if I wanted my virginity to matter? What if I wanted to share it with someone I loved? What if I wanted my first time to be special? I can't have any of these things anymore, because it was all stolen from me. Hell, I've got more sexual experience than half the Dalton boys now and I didn't even want it...to think they made such a big deal about virginity – ha'
Doctor Ross was about to respond, but then he froze.
'Wait, wait , wait...Kurt... what did you say happened during...that time?'
'I don't know...I told you before. He did things while I was conscious and I'm almost certain even more while I wasn't. Whatever he did was rape, and it was sexual. See that...virginity-poof, gone. Just like that.'
'But how-' he paused. 'How far did you say he went? In lamens terms.'
Kurt rolled his eyes. 'Check ya note book doc. I know you wrote it all down. There should be test results in there somewhere in that hideous thing too. Lord, I couldn't forget that gastly book if I bleached my own brain.'
Ross responded with an over the top mimic of Kurt's own eye roll, but went to go fetch the note book from his seat anyway. He flipped hurriedly through the first few pages before slamming his index finger into one particular page; eyes quickly skimming down.
He muttered under his breath as he worked his way through the scrawl he had written.
'Got back the report...no signs of actual...penetration. other things, but no actual muscle damage...unlikely to be...'
He slammed the note book shut, a wide eyed and almost scarily large grin on his face.
'Kurt...no, no, no, oh Kurt...this is...you're still a virgin.'
'Mr Hummel, Kurt and I have both discussed this in detail, and whilst he still feels uncomfortable recalling the events of his abduction, he has agreed that I can discuss with you the nature of his treatment.'
Burt nodded. This was at least some progress. He knew Kurt was having communication problems and this whole situation was becoming more and more confusing as Kurt slowly allowed information about his condition to be released to his family.
'So...' the Doctor started, flicking through the chart in his hand until he found an underlined section. 'Right, well there is good news and bad news.'
'Gi'me the good news.'
'Ah yes, good, well, although Kurt didn't originally wish for us to bring this up with you, and understandably so, even patients who experience...lighter circumstances...don't wish for us to explain it to others-'
'Point.' Burt said gruffly, his eyes locked onto the doctor's chart, trying to tilt his head so he could read what it said.
'Ahh, yes...well. After Kurt's first set of tests we conducted others to check for... sexual assault. Now, after speaking with him, we believe that his attack was not actually penetrative, in the sense that any sex acts performed by the perpetrator were external and thus the damages done are, I shan't say less severe, because that isn't the case, but well, it could have been far worse.'
'What do you mean?' Burt questioned, his throat going dry.
'Well...in lamens terms...and in a most unscientific manner that i do not at all condone, i'd suppose the best way to explain it was that he wasn't...techincally raped.'
'What do you mean?' Kurt hissed. 'Of course I'm not.'
'No. Kurt.' Doctor Ross said, placing a sweat damp hand on Kurt's arms and smiling. 'You are...if your attacks were all external...as in, if you weren't penetrated.'
'Dear god please don't use the word penetrate.' Kurt rushed. 'There is absolutely...no...That is such a disgusting word, I seriously can't deal with that word.'
The doctor laughed. Kurt glared at him.
'Sorry, sorry. I know this is no time for laughing, but Kurt...the tests didn't lie and i doubt you did either. There was no...i'm sorry, penetration...and you kept telling me how worried you were about not being a virgin but trust me when I say that the majority of people will consider your virginity intact.
'That's ridiculous. I...He touched me...there were sex acts performed...penis's out and all that.'
The doctor raised an eyebrow.
'Don't give me that look, you know what I mean. If a sex act was performed, then I'm hardly a virgin am I?'
'And those sex acts were hardly consensual were they? Come on Kurt, I'm trying to reassure you. No one will look down on you for what happened. No one, it wasn't your fault and nothing that happened to you was in any way you're doing...and if they say anything bad, then they don't deserve you...but believe me. If it's the whole 'virgin, not a virgin' thing you're worried about. Then you're ok.'
'Whilst Kurt had unwanted sexual attacks made on him, it seems to have been a case of sexual assault over rape. Now, that doesn't mean he is anyway to blame for his assault and isn't any less serious an issue...but his attacker never had penetrative anal sex with Kurt, thus it is technically not a rape case.'
Burt's face was a picture of disgust.
'I know this sounds crude Mr Hummel, but it is in fact very good news. In sexual assault cases, the long term damage is generally far greater in those who suffered from a penetrative attack than those who didn't.'
'Which means, he has a far greater chance of pulling through this ordeal in a positive state than we previously thought.'
Burt's eyes went wide.
'We can heal your son, Mr Hummel. And will damn well do my best to make sure we do. So long as I have air in my lungs.'
Kurt was frozen. His lungs stopped, his heart went still and he felt like someone had just seized his internal organs in their fist and begun to squeeze.
It didn't make sense...
It couldn't be right...
The doctor had said...
Kurt spluttered. He sucked in a shuddering breath and felt a sudden gush of warmth snatch up his stiff body and sweep him up in a sudden wave of...hope.
This meant the voice was wrong...
That man...Jeremiah...was wrong!
That couldn't be right...
That look on Dr Ross's face...
It must mean something...
He wasn't ruined!
Jeremiah hadn't ruined him.
He hadn't stolen that.
Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!
So much had happened...but this...
He still had this.
And for the first time since he arrived in the hospital, he actually felt himself wanting to smile.
A/N: I know this is a Very controversial issue, a lot of people have differing views on what constitutes virginity/rape or not, but this was Kurt's...though as you can see, his perceptions are changing. (I also consulted British law for definitions of sexual assault etc.)
If anyone has any questions about what happened there then feel free to leave them and I'll reply to you as soon as I can :)
Should be more Blaine next chapter.
Please do review, as it gives me so much motivation, and i don't want to end up abandoing this fics for months on end again. My aim is 450.
It's a tossup between updating this fic, weightless and ATCF atm. If you guys have any preferences for that, do let me know.
Anyhoo, have a great week. TTFN