Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Pairing: Loki/Darcy. Thor/Jane. Others mentioned.

Summary: Darcy should know that one-night stands never stay that way. Especially when said one-night stand is her best friend's soon to be brother-in-law. And best man to her maid-of-honor. Awkward. AU.

Author's note: First Thor fic! OMG, I'm so excited and nervous! Let me know what you think! Reviews are greatly appreciated.

Everything is relative


Oh, you capture my attention

I'm anticipating

I'm watching, I'm waiting

For you to make your move

Lights- Toes

It's the sun that wakes her up. She opens her eyes and winces immediately, groaning loudly. She feels like her heart suddenly took permanent residence in her head, she feels nauseous and she feels like she's dying. As in, ohmygod, please .now. She's overreacting; at least this is what the logical side of her brain tells her. But, she ignores it, because she's hung-over (good lord, is she ever hung-over) and she's allowed to overreact. It's like, an unwritten rule.

Why did she get so drunk again? Oh, right, because Jane is engaged (she'd squeal and smile if she didn't feel like she was dying) and Tony motherfucking Stark challenged her to a drinking war. Let it be known, that she, Darcy Lewis, does not back down from anything. (She lost, miserably).

She vaguely remembers walking out of the party and a tall man with black hair and green eyes. She also remembers some groaning, an awesome apartment (as opposed to her box), tons of moaning, tangled bodies and the occasional screams of pure pleasure. This of course brings her back to the present because she's most definitely in someone else's bed. For one, her bed is not this big. Second, her covers are definitely not this silky and most definitely not a deep emerald green (but oh, they're soft and comfortable and pity she can't remember actually sleeping in them). Third, the room she's in is the size of her entire apartment. That's when it hits her; she's just had a one-night stand. God. When was the last time she had a one-night stand? Freshmen year of college? Yeah, that sounds about right. Travis. Oddly, she was drunk then too.

(She's pretty sure she should feel like a whore but she's too tired to think morally).

An obnoxiously loud foghorn sound startles her and she clambers off the bed searching for her phone. She finds it underneath green boxers (seriously, she's starting to sense a theme) and she puts a hand to her head as she answers it. "Hello?" Oh great, she even sounds like she's dying.

"Darcy!" Jane exclaims, "Are you okay? You left without saying goodbye and Tony said you were drunk but then he was drunk too and then Natasha said she walked by you and you were with a strange guy and-"

"Oh. God." Darcy groans, "Boss lady, you're talking way too loud and way too fast for me to even understand."

"Oh. Are you okay?"

No. Darcy thinks, she wants to crawl underneath some covers with strong cover and a box of pop tarts. "I'll be fine. It's just a hangover."

"And the guy?"

Judging from the soreness in between her legs? Pretty fucking awesome. "Somewhere. I have no idea. I think I'm a whore."

"NO! Darcy, God. Of course not. You're beautiful and amazing and not a whore. I don't ever want to hear you say that about yourself."

Oh, this is why Darcy loves Jane so much. The astrophysicist is just so genuinely nice and generally awesome. Darcy has no problem being Jane's bitch, which she technically is. But over the year and a half that Darcy has worked for the woman, Jane has become the sister that she never had.

It's the sound of water turning off that alerts Darcy to the fact that her mystery man is in the shower and done. Oh shit. "Jane, I've got to go."

"Don't forget to come over at six. You'll officially get to meet Thor's brother. His name is-"

"Six. Your place. Meet hammerhead's brother. Got it. Bye Jane!"

Darcy hangs up and quickly throws on her clothes. Bra? Check. Underwear? Underwear…oh, torn to shreds in the corner of the room. Fuck it. She's gone commando before, (hello college, remember the good ol' days?). Dress? Check. She's pretty sure it's on backwards but she's too tired and hung-over to care.

She's slipping into her heels, when the bathroom door opens and holyfuckingshit. It's like a movie, seriously. The bathroom is full of steam and out of the mist a completely drop dead gorgeous guy walks out. Oh, he's definitely not human. He's…God-like. Pssh, and she thought Thor was hot. He's rubbing a towel through his wet black hair and a towel wrapped around his waist. He's pale, chiseled (sweet Jesus, are those abs real? Fuck, why can't she remember it?), and he has really green eyes. (Suddenly, she's okay with green. It's even her new favorite color). He stops what he's doing and looks at her. He smiles at her. "Morning."

Oh. Wow. He has an accent. (Darcy has the sudden urge to rip off her clothing and his towel, she restrains. Surprisingly). "Hi."

There's an awkward pause and he opens his mouth to say something but Darcy beats him to it, "So, I don't normally do this. I mean, the last one-night stand with was back in college. I'm legal by the way, and not a whore. At least I don't think I am. I've got to go. My head is killing me. I need a shower, aspirin, quite possibly a handgun. Not that I have one. Or that I'm crazy. I'm not. Contrary to what my parents say but they usually say that. They love me, I know they do. Oh wow, okay, I really need to go. Thanks for the night I can't but really wish I did remember because you're really hot and your bed is really comfortable." She takes a huge breath and tries to smile but she's pretty sure it comes out a grimace (honestly, what the fuck did Tony give her to drink, Absinthe?) "okay, bye."

She grabs her oversized purse from the floor on her way out. "I'm-"

Darcy shakes her head. "No. No. Let's not do this. Because you're like really fucking hot and I'm okay with you being nameless because then I won't obsess over you and Facebook stalk you. So, bye. For real this time."

She stumbles in her heels, cruses and takes them off, feeling the cold hardwood against her bare feet. With a heel in each hand, her head held high and whatever dignity she may have left, she opens the door and walks out.

(She takes one last look at the half naked man behind her because she wants to commit him to memory. Yum).

Tony laughs at her when he sees her later that night at Jane's. Although, it's really Jane and Thor's place. She gives him a forced smile and then proceeds to beat him with her purse. She doesn't care that he's worth billions of dollars. Pepper stands to the side, lips in a slight smile and her eyes laughing.

She hugs Jane when she sees her and Darcy can't help but smile. Jane is happy. When Jane is happy, Darcy is happy. "Are you feeling better?" Jane asks her when they stop hugging.

Darcy nods, "Oh yeah, nothing like drugs to help a hangover."

"And apparently a man too." Natasha says as she walks by them.

Natasha Romanoff has curves in all the right places, a sultry smile and she's slightly terrifying enough to be mysterious. She's also kick ass and so smart that Darcy knows it's a good thing the redhead likes her. She wonders idly what Natasha was like in high school.

Jane grins and links her arm with Darcy's. "Yeah, about him…"

Darcy grins and sighs. "Perfect. Like honestly, sculpted like a God. It's a pity I can't remember the sex but my soreness tells me that it rocked my world. Or I guess my vag."

Natasha snorts into her drink as she comes to stand next to Darcy and Jane winces at Darcy's bluntness. Oh, Jane, you're naïveté is too cute. "So," Darcy says, "where's this brother that we're supposed to meet?"

"On his way." Jane says, she bites her lip and looks at Darcy wearily. "Do you think he'll like me? Thor is really close to his brother and I just really want Thor's family to like me."

It's Darcy's turn to snort as Natasha rolls her eyes. "Jane. Cyclops would love you. You're the type of girl that a super villain would turn good for. If this guy doesn't like you then he's a douche bag and hello? Douche meet taser. Seriously, I will hurt him." She squeezes Jane's arm in reassurance. Damn, the woman is tiny. "Jane, Thor's family will love you. You've already met the parents haven't you?" At her nod, Darcy grins, "See, it's already in the bag. You're adored. Now, I've got piss."

"Classy as always, Miss Lewis." Tony teases as she walks by him. He tips his drink towards her, "want to drink with me-OW! Pepper!"

"Thanks, Pepper!" Darcy yells over her shoulder as she walks into the bathroom.

Darcy closes, locks the bathroom door and leans against it. She sighs and does what she told Jane she would do. As she flushes the toilet and washes her hands, Darcy looks at herself in the mirror. She's a pretty girl, isn't she? She's not elegant like Jane and Pepper. She's definitely not as sexy as Natasha but she's pretty. She's got a wicked sense of humor and God definitely blessed her in the boob area. Or you know, her mom's genes did. It's really a toss up. And, she snagged that English God (sweet Jesus, just thinking about him makes her hot and bothered).

She smoothes down the invisible wrinkles on her jeans, adjusts her top (if she's got `em, she may as well flaunt `em), sends one last mournful thought to the man she will never see again and opens the bathroom door.

"Darcy!" She hears Jane yell excitedly from down the hall, she outstretches her hand and Darcy takes it. "And this is my maid-of-honor, Darcy Lewis. Darcy, meet Loki, Thor's brother." Maid-of-honor? That's a new one. Not surprising, but new. She shrugs and looks up, ready to make some comment about their names, honestly, who names their children Thor and Loki? But, she finds herself unable to speak, or you know, form a coherent thought.

Instead, the only thing that comes out of her mouth is, "fuck me."

The tall, black haired, green-eyed man in front of her grins. "I'm certain I already did."

"What?" Both Thor and Jane are confused.

Darcy blinks and then turns to Jane. "That's him."

"That's who?" Jane asks.


Jane frowns, "you said that already, who?"

"From last night. Or this morning. Or whatever. The man who rocked my vag. That's him. You're soon to be brother-in-law is my one-night stand."

She hears Tony laugh. Loudly. "Oh my God. This is priceless-OW! Pepper!"

Darcy would laugh if she's pretty sure she won't burst out into tears. Because this is embarrassing. Right? Right.

Except, she won't lie. She is suddenly overwhelmed with wanting to rip his clothes off and take him there. Right there. In the living room. She restrains. Surprisingly.

So…what did you all think? I'm so nervous about this! Reviews are greatly appreciated and honestly, let me tell you, you all are so inspiring. I was so nervous, I thought I was the only Darcy/Loki shipper and then suddenly all these amazing fics about them are here and it's awesome and wonderful. So, here's my two-cents. Let me know if I should continue. Thanks for taking the time to read it!

Any mistakes are mine and mine alone. Thanks again!