Spoilers: Yes, for Funeral.
Summary: She sat numbly next to a woman who was like a second mother to her, holding onto a little girl who sobbed her heart out. Santana kept her gaze forward, allowing her fingers to gently pull through Ashley's blonde locks. The Latina barely felt a warm thumb running back and forth on the back of her shoulder blade, she knew it was Thomas Pierce.
Author's Note: I was on Tumblr and I saw a video to Boyce Avenue's cover of Angel by Sarah Maclachlan. It had to the words from Sue to Jean, but it was Santana to Brittany and I don't know if any one already did a fic on it, but I had too. If someone did, let me know and I will take this down.
www . youtube . com/watch?v = jnDMVzxufBU&feature = player_embedded#t = 130s
Disclaimer: I do not own.
She couldn't believe it.
She sat numbly next to a woman who was like a second mother to her, holding onto a little girl who sobbed her heart out. Santana kept her gaze forward, allowing her fingers to gently pull through Ashley's blonde locks. The Latina barely felt a warm thumb running back and forth on the back of her shoulder blade, she knew it was Thomas Pierce. A vest covered body moved into her line of sight, blocking her view of a white coffin.
"Santana, I heard you wanted to say something." Mr. Shue looked so unsure of himself that, any other day, the bitchy teenager would have made some sort of comment on him being undeserving of his authority, but not today.
Today was not a normal day.
Today was Brittany Susan Pierce's funeral.
"Yeah." She whispered and went to stand. Ashley clung on tighter, her woeful cries muffled by the black material of Santana's dress. Lisa, a taller version on Brittany, tried to detach her youngest from the darker girl, but the Latina waved her off. Both girls made their way to the podium, Ashley's arms tightly around Santana's middle.
Santana looked around, one hand on Ashley's back, rubbing small circles, the other on the poorly built stand where index cards sat with her speech on it. There were a lot of people looking back at her, all tears in their eyes. The Glee kids sat up front on the opposite side of Brittany's family. They all stared at her and Santana had to close her eyes. She released a shaky breath, scrunching her eyebrows together.
You can do this.
The Latina opened her eyes. "I miss my best friend, my girlfriend." She started, her voice catching on a sob. "Every night, at ten or so, she would call me on the phone, and when I asked her why…" Santana let out a tearful chuckle. "She'd tell me her body told her…" A half sob choked its way out of her throat. She tightened her hold on Ashley. "She wanted to hear my voice."
The sound of a techno beat broke through Santana's subconscious. Throwing a sore arm out, she brought the offending plastic object to her ear. "This better be important." She growled, too exhausted to check the caller id.
The Latina girl was suddenly wide awake and shot into a sitting position on her bed, pushing her messy hair back with one hand. "Britt? What's wrong?"
A musical giggle was heard in the speaker. "Nothing's wrong."
"Then why did you call me?" Santana asked, narrowing her eyes, flopping back onto her pillow.
"I just…wanted to hear your voice." The blonde admitted quietly. "I was trying to sleep, but my body wanted to hear you."
As the memory washed over her, tears fell from her eyes, down her cheeks, into Ashley's curls. The hand on the podium gripped until her knuckles turned white. Lisa brushed away her tears that rushed from her red, swollen eyes. Mr. Shue got up from his spot in the pews and stood next to her. "Here, I'll read it." He reached for the cards, but she shook her head.
"No, I…I have to do this." She whispered. The teacher stood there for a second longer, before nodding and going back to his seat. She cleared her throat and looked back at the three by four cards. She didn't need to, she knew all the words by heart. "I miss my best friend. The smell of her shampoo," strawberry "The way she and her sister could always convince me to read them another book." Dr. Seuss, sometimes Where the Wild Things Are "When you love someone like I love her…" No one missed the present tense that the teenager used when talking about Brittany.
"I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in this world"
"They're apart of you." Santana finished softly. "It's like you're attached by this invisible tether and no matter how far away you are, you can always feel them and now…" The broken hearted girl exhaled a deep breath, feeling more tears crawl down her cheeks. "Every time I reach for that tether, I know there's no one on the other end and I feel like I'm falling into nothingness."
Her mind jolted. She looked at the clock to see the time. It was ten. Ten o'clock at night. Santana awaited a message or call from her other half, to tell her it was all just a horrific nightmare, that she wasn't just told that the blonde had been killed in a hit and run. She wanted this to be a nightmare. She needed this to all just be a sick, twisted side of her that came out in her darkened mind.
She picked her red and white cell phone off the side table and held it in her hands. Messages and missed phone calls and voicemails sat there, but none from the girl she needed them to be from. Her grip on the phone hurt her hands, but she didn't care.
A lone sob echoed in the empty room.
"And then I remember Brittany. I remember a life lead with no enemies, no resentments, no regrets, and I'm inspired to get up out of bed and go on." Rachel leaned her faced into Finn's lumbering form, crying with Tina softly rubbing her shoulder. Lisa gripped her husband's dark shirt and sobbed as he held her, trying to keep her from falling apart. Sue sat with red rimmed eyes, an arm thrown around Jean's low shoulders. Everyone was crying, their faces wet with tears.
"Hi! My name is Brittany!" A little blonde girl grinned, her pigtails bounced around her shoulders as she rocked back and forth from the heel of her foot to the ball. "Wanna be my friend?"
"Stop the violence."
"I look awesome."
"I miss my girlfriend, so much it feels like a piece of me has been ripped off." Ashley fractionally loosens her hold, but just as quick, hugs Santana close trying to comfort the older girl as well. Santana frowns, trying to repress more tears. "Just one more time, I want to hold her. Just ten more seconds-is that too much to ask? For ten more seconds to hold her?" She bites her upper lip and uses her palm to push the salty liquid from her face.
"But I can't and I won't," she breathes out, "and the only thing keeping me from being swallowed whole by sadness is that Brittany would kill me if I did." A few people in the room let out watery chuckles, one of them being Thomas who smiled at Santana. "So for now, I'm just going to miss her."
Santana took a deep breath and pressed a kiss to the top of Ashley's head, feeling the nine year old tremble against her body. Straightening her body, Santana kissed the middle of her hand and reached out to place her hand on the smooth, cool wood.
"I love you Britt-Britt. Rest in peace."