To understand this story you may need to have watched the following. And if you haven't please YouTube them.
In The Night Garden
Dora The Explorer
Thomas the tank engine
Giggle and Hoot An Australian children's show which inspired this story ;)
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do own every single word written below though. Pfffffft NOT! Copy all you like, this shiz is crack.
Chapter I: Eff You See Kay
I could feel beady little eyes watching me as I woke from my slumber. I smiled before I opened my eyes groggily and blinked a few times in an attempt to focus on the small face in front of me. My daughter lay on her side, looking at me expectantly.
"Good morning, Sunshine," I groaned. "How long have you been there?" I asked sleepily.
"OH! I been waiting for ages, Mommy," she replied, in a matter of fact tone.
I laughed and pulled her in for a cuddle. She wrapped her small arms around my neck and I breathed in her soapy scent. I looked up to the alarm clock and groaned again.
"You couldn't wake up in another hour?" I asked, only half joking.
She didn't answer. Instead, she climbed off my bed and walked out of the room. Moments later, I could hear the T.V, so I rolled out of bed and padded my way down to the family room.
I prepared breakfast; toast and orange juice for Sunny and a double shot espresso for me. I found my groove in the couch and drank my breakfast while vaguely paying attention to the cartoon on the box. I began making a mental list of all the things I needed to do for the day.
Buy some thickened cream for dinner and some herbs too.
Call Mom to see how Aunt Alice is going.
Start dinner around two.
Call Angela and see when she wants to catch up.
I sat back and began focusing on the T.V when a catchy tune began. I didn't recognize it and I had watched morning cartoons enough times in the last three and a half years to know them all by heart. When the host came onto the screen my interest piqued.
He's cute! I thought. He wasn't exactly the kind of guy I could imagine throwing myself at or bringing home to meet the folks, but he was easy to look at.
I watched the whole show while Sunny danced and sang along with the man and his puppet co-host. When it was over, I realized that I had been staring at the screen, barely blinking, for a solid half hour. I looked around, feeling embarrassed, even though there was no one around to notice; except for Sunny, but she was mesmerized by the box herself. She'd sit in front of the T.V all day if I let her.
I reluctantly got up and started the day's chores, but, as the hours went by, the smiling host rarely left my thoughts. When I went to bed that night, he was the last thing on my mind. Before sleep took me, I set my alarm for quarter past six; I had to see him again.
Every morning, for the next month, I got myself into a routine. I always made sure I was up before 6:30AM, I'd make breakfast - double espresso- and then turn on the T.V, settling in for my daily dose of Johnny Chuck. Even if Sunny wasn't awake, I was.
By the second week he'd graduated from cute to sexy; the third week he was gorgeous - his eyes, his hair … The way it was kind of long and messy, like bed hair. By the fourth week, he was downright fuck-able and I often wondered how quickly I could change his smiling face into that intense look a man gets when on the receiving end of a mind blowing orgasm.
I was sick. The man's looks and demeanor screamed 'Children's Entertainer.' He was always laughing, always smiling, and always upbeat. I couldn't help it; I daydreamed about him every day. I often wondered how I could change his fake laugh into a deep moan of pleasure, his fake smile into one of intense satisfaction and how I could have his ridiculous outfit on the floor of my room. Except for his shoes, the shoes stayed on.
On one of these days, I sat in the family room alone, enjoying my daily dose of 'Chuck and Cluck' when an advertisement had me on the edge of my seat.
"Come and meet Chuck and Cluck this weekend at Centro shopping mall! With entertainment from all your favorite characters and a chance to win a Chuck and Cluck prize pack! This Saturday from ten am to two pm. Don't miss it!"
The voice yelled out excitedly.
"Oh I won't miss it," I said determinedly. "Not for the world."
"Who are you talking to Mommy?"
Sunny's sleepy voice made me jump. I placed a hand over my heart and, accidentally, yelled out an expletive. My daughter looked at me disapprovingly and I smiled at her apologetically, opening my arms for a hug. She walked into my embrace and I sat her on my lap.
"Chuck and Cluck are going to be at the mall this weekend. Do you want to go?" I asked, hoping to distract her from the lecture on my swearing. The kid had it down pat; my mother's a great teacher.
A loud girlish squeal pierced my ears and her little arms clamped around my neck in a tight hug. I took that as a yes.
I rang Angela straight away to tell her what we were doing on Saturday and ask if she wanted to come along with her son, Tyler. Of course she had to say something to remind me what a sick minded freak I was.
"Finally eh? You get to ask the guy if he'd like to put his smiling lips to better use on your -"
"Shut up!" I cut her off. "I wouldn't say that … not in front of Sunny, anyway." We both fell into hysterics and did our best to make lewd jokes that the kids wouldn't catch on to.
"So you're just going to ask him to sign his name on you then, with his peen - I mean pen, with his pen?"
"No I think I'm going to ask him if I can stick the picture I'm going to draw him on his wall of art, though it might have to go on a wall that's not so G rated, like his bedroom wall."
"Or you could just be upfront and ask him if he'll eff you see kay you into next Sunday." She laughed and I couldn't help the thoughts from flashing through my mind as the visions of fucking Johnny played over and over in my head.
My fingers through his hair, his smiling face now in an intense orgasm O …
"Shit, sorry I…" I stalled. I realized I'd gotten lost in my day dream.
I felt that familiar feeling of being watched. I looked down to see Sunny standing before me, hand on hip, tapping her foot and looking very displeased.
"Oh, shit. I gotta go, Ange …" I heard Sunny gasp as I let the second one slip. Angela barely got to say goodbye before I cut her off. Sunny did not look pleased and I had to hold in my laughter as her adorable face scrunched up into a scowl.
"Mom! I've told you once! I've told you a thousand times! Those words are too naughty for my sensitive ears! I'm telling Grandma!" Her small voice barely said most of the words correctly and I only just managed to keep in another giggle that began to escape. She narrowed her eyes at me and I held the phone away from her grasping hands.
"No! Please, don't tell Grandma. I was just really excited because we're going to see Chuck and Cluck on Saturday. I'm sorry baby. I'll put a dollar in the swear jar and buy you a chocolate on Saturday. Will that make up for it?"
She seemed to ponder this for a moment before she smiled and nodded. "Okay." She pointed at me and gave me a stern look, "But no more cuss words!"
I promised her no more cuss words and internally hoped that she didn't come near my room for the next few nights. With Johnny's visit only days away I was sure to be putting my rabbit to good use and there was no saying what inventive cuss words would be coming from behind my bedroom door.
NB: My love and thanks to two special ladies in my life who helped me work on this story. Kat and Kynds are two bosom buddies I would be lost without. Their lives are so batshit crazy busy and yet they always find time for me. They mean the world to me and are not only great friends, but brilliant writers. If you haven't read their stories I highly recommend Corsair's Capture by celesticbliss and Setting Sun by QuantumFizzx. You'll find them in my faves.
Another lady whom I adore is Bower of Bliss. I'm fairly certain you all know about her awesome story Drowning Not Waving, and if you don't then you're missing one of the funniest reads on FFN.
Would love to know what you think of this so far! And if you have followed this for what is possibly the hundredth time (*shakes fist at FFN* DAMN YOU!) then I thank you and apologies for this crap. I hope it's worth the stuff around for you. If not, well then hopefully you'll find a worthy read in my faves ;)