Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto
Chapter 1: Fear
It was just too dangerous.
She closed her eyes tightly, trying to shove the unwanted, unexplainable feelings. She had no idea why she would think that way. She had no idea why she would come to that decision. She knew that her husband would not like the idea. Her husband would be heartbroken, would be disappointed. But she'd already prepared herself for that. No matter what reaction her husband gave her, she won't take back her words. Because she'd already set her mind.
"I don't want to get pregnant."
Minato's lips twitched. His eyes stared at her, stating that he didn't understand.
"I don't want to have a baby." Kushina said again, clearly this time. She studied the expression on her husband face. He raised his eyebrow, his cerulean blue eyes were darker, staring at her. At first, there was some kind of curiosity on his face. He wondered, and confused. He thought that his wife was joking, just like usual. However, deep inside his heart, he knew that this time his wife wasn't joking. She was serious.
"Why?" Minato tried to hide his feelings. Tried to stay calm like usual. After all, he was famous because of his 'calm-all-the-time' character while he was leading the this time, he didn't hide the fact that he was hurt. He couldn't. He would be lying if he said that he didn't need a child. It was his dream. To build a loving family, to be able to love them, protect them all the time.
That was his dream.
But then… why? Just… why?
Kushina was the only person he'd ever loved. He lost his family during the war, and had never really loved anybody since then. He'd known Kushina since they were in academy. Kushina never showed her feminism side to anyone, since she wasn't a feminine girl. She was tomboy, always throw her punch to anybody that made fun of her. Anyone would be back off just by exchanging glance with her. She didn't trust anybody since nobody accepted her anyway. She was treated like some kind of outsider. She didn't deserve to be in Konoha. She should go back to her torn village. Kushina wasn't a smart girl at that time, but she was not stupid either. She saw the disgusted look in the villagers' faces. She knew that she was unwanted. Nobody wanted an ugly-red-headed girl like her. Nobody, except him.
She didn't have any idea why Minato would take an interest to her. He tried to smile at her as much as possible, even though at the end she would just ignored him. He said her hair was beautiful when he was saving her from the kidnappers. And that sentence made her unable to sleep for the whole night. Had she gone deaf or something? She hated her hair so much and that Minato just said he loved them? Okay, she was not deaf, but maybe she was started to become crazy. She tried to calm her mind, and telling herself that the next day everything would be okay as normal. She would see Minato, standing in front of her and said, 'sorry, after I think about it, I just realized that I am an idiot and yeah, your hair is the ugliest hair ever.'
However, that was not the case. The next day, Minato was standing in front of her, asking her about her condition and smiled as usual. And for the first time since she stepped in to Konoha, she smiled, making Minato startled.
Minato didn't know why he could be madly in love with Kushina. It was during one of his mission that he realized that he didn't think of Kushina as a friend, but more than that. He missed her every time he went away for mission. He cared for her, want to do the best for her. He hated it when she was secretly crying, when she remembered her lost home. He hated the fact that he was unable to hug her, wipe her tears off and comfort her. He tried to discuss about this feelings with Jiraiya, and as he was expected, Jiraiya laughed so hard like it was some kind of joke. Jiraiya just didn't understand, why the handsome and popular Minato would choose tomboy, rough woman like Kushina? He then realized that only Kushina could make Minato become Minato. Only Kushina that could make Minato become comfortable, become his true self. Only Kushina that know his favorite food, cooked for him, support him all the way until he achieved his dream. Kushina didn't love the strong, handsome, diligent, excellent Minato. She just simply loved Minato Namikaze. Loved all of him. Not like some kind of woman that loved him for his handsome face or his famous name.
After he realized all that, Jiraiya gave this super advice that made Minato's eyes almost popped out from the sockets. "Marry her."
Kushina will always be his 'only one'. Minato always wanted a happy family. And Kushina must be one part of that family. Minato always wanted a child. A boy that he would carry on his shoulders, or a girl that he would read bedtime stories to. But on top of that, the child must belong to Kushina. He didn't want some kind of random child. He wanted Kushina's baby.
"We still can have sex," Kushina whispered, didn't look at her husband's face. She couldn't stand the heartbroken face he was making. "I already got some shot. So… yeah…" She cleared off her throat. "So I don't get pregnant."
"But why, Kushina?" Minato asked again. He leaned toward her, lifted her chin and examined her eyes. He could only saw fear in them. "Are you scared?" Minato asked, surprised to the fact that his wife was scared.
"I just… don't want to give birth to any baby in the middle of the war like this."
"The war has gone." Minato replied. Suddenly he remembered his student, his dear Obito that died because of the war.
"But the tension between villages has not gone." Kushina tried to remain calm. The nightmares that came to her sleep every night made her scared. Terrified. She always had the same nightmares. The wars, about her lost village, her lost family, and worse of all, her losing control over the monster inside her, killing everybody she cared for. "I just… can't… Who knows what will happen in the future? Another war… starvation, malnutrition… dangerous mission that will took our child's life…"
Minato bit his lips. He knew Kushina had the urge to cry. He knew what was on Kushina's mind. She was traumatized by the war that had killed her whole family and friends. And she fear that she was going to lose someone that she loved so much. She was traumatized by watching people that lost someone dear to them. Tsunade, who lost her brother and lover. Himself, who lost his student and comrades. Minato didn't know what to say, what to do. He couldn't just push Kushina to have his child. He loved Kushina more than anything. And if Kushina was not ready for all of that, he won't push her. Gently, he bought her to his arms. Hugged her close to him.
"It's alright," he whispered in her ear. "It's alright. I understand."
To be continued...
Thnks for reading :)
This is my first English fiction, and I'm not too sure about this.
Should I continue?
PS: please correct me if you find some grammar or spelling mistakes, thank you :D