A/N Check out the promo photos I edited for this story in my bio. Please and thank you.
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry. . .
"Everyday is the same."
Carlisle's gentle expression encouraged me to continue. He was so. . .understanding.
"I get up and she just lies there, looking at nothing with this glossy and unresponsive look in her eyes. Sometimes I think she's dead cus she'll be so perfectly still and her skin'll be so cold."
My voice croaked and I picked at the dead skin that lingered on the edge of my fingernails.
"It's gotten to the point where I love to see her cry just so I know she still has emotion and she's still thinking and not completely shutting herself down."
He looked disturbed but I knew he wasnt judging. It wasnt in his character.
"Then after I make sure she's okay, I go check on Baby Doll and I make her breakfast and lunch so that she doesnt bother Leah when she gets hungry. I always have to feed her lies when she asks if Mommy is okay. It kills me to see that look of worry on her face and I know I'm wrong for lying.
"Then I hop in the shower and get dressed, all the while watching her, making sure she's safe. There's always some spark of hope in me that she'll perk up and say she's fine but. . ." I paused in disappointment.
"She doesnt," I continued. "I always kiss her cheek and ask if she wants me to stay home and take care of her but she always shakes her head, which is a relief cus it shows that she still understands. I go to work and I can barely keep my head in the game because all I can worry about is what Leah's thinking. I've had daydream after daydream about coming home and finding her dead because she just couldnt bear with the pain anymore. I worry about Baby Doll seeing her and seeing passed my lies. I sometimes ask Seth to watch her, just to be safe."
Carlisle clicked his pen in the silence and stopped after a few minutes, completely engrossed in what I was telling him.
"Then when I get home, I rest with Leah for a few hours and eventually get up to make dinner which is eaten in silence between my daughter and I. After cleaning up the kitchen, I go right to the bedroom, where Leah is still in the same position as that morning and all I can do is cuddle up to her. Warm her. Make her feel as safe as possible. Encourage her. Tell her of her worth."
The mentally implanted image of Leah's sick form made me shiver.
"And then somehow when we wake up, she's already up, looking so ill and disgusting that I can only cringe and get infuriated that I couldnt have been there to protect her that night."
Another vivid image of Leah's tattered and bloody body twitching and writhing in pain on our bedroom floor as the lighting struck outside, adding onto the already ominous and nightmarish scene that was before me.
"Then the cycle begins all over again, the same how it's been for the passed four weeks. I genuinely believe she's immune to feelings now. I always tell her I love her but she's in such a deep depression that not even Sue can shake her out of it. I cant even recall the last time she's seen Baby Doll."
My angel was starting second grade at The Quileute Tribal School next week. It was a shame majority of her summer was spent in the Cullen's "hospital", whether it was cus I "died" or Leah was hurting.
Carlisle tapped his pen against his desk and his eyes wondered over to his encyclopedias and thick books of knowledge before awkwardly meeting my eyes and sighing in pity which I twitched my lip in disgust of. I didnt need pity. I didnt need someone to feel sorry for us. I needed my fiance' back.
"Has she been taking the medication I gave her?" his voice was so subtle. Smoothing to the nerves almost.
I shook my head. That little orange container filled with Leah's return back to sanity still sat up in our medicine cabinet. I couldnt even count the numerous times Ive had to fight the urge to shove one forcefully down her throat.
"Well she should soon. The pills I prescribed to her were specific for her condition. They'll heal her scars and emotions simultaneously in two weeks time if taken daily."
"What about the drug you gave me?" I recalled the meds Carlisle put me on when I got hurt some weeks ago. "Would that help her?"
He thought about it for a moment or two before shaking his head and his eyes drifted to the pen he was clicking, avoiding eye contact with me. "The substance is too powerful for someone in Leah's condition. Her body's much too tiny to handle it and it's not exactly the same thing, Jacob. What I gave you made it so you were immune to venom but the situation Leah is facing is strictly human."
"Why isnt she healing instantly like she's supposed to though? She's still got the wolf gene, right?"
"Yes, Jacob but you must remember she's with-" he stopped himself. "-Was with child. Her body is still trying to rebuild itself back to it's old ways."
I bit my lip, almost embarrassed to ask this next question and fearful of his answer. "What are the chances of Leah being able to get pregnant a third time?"
He knew where I was leaning toward and he sorrowfully hung his head. "The first was a surprise and the second was just luck. A third time would be impossible and stretching the limitations. I highly doubt the wolf gene will allow her body to adjust to a third pregnancy, given the fact that she's not even supposed to be fertile in the first place."
The way Carlisle laid it out made Leah seem like she was less of the women she is. I growled at the lost hope of ever looking down at my son, who never even got the chance to begin to live. He was taken away from me before I could even get lost in his huge brown eyes and ruffle his jet black hair. He was dead before he even lived. He had done nothing wrong and he suffered a painful ending while still being created. I pictured his bright and cheery face as he caught the football I threw almost twenty yards. I saw his teasing grin as he taunted a teenage Baby Doll. I envisioned his first walk, words and smile. All of it was gone and the life he was living ceased to ever exist because Leah and I couldnt ever make him, not matter how hard we tried.
"Cant you give her some kinda pill or something that'll make her fertile again?"
"I can mess with DNA but there are limits when we're talking about the reproductive system. I cannot make Leah fertile if she doesnt have eggs to clone and duplicate from in the first place."
"Then how the hell is Baby Doll even here?" I mumbled aloud, more to myself than him.
"Miraculous, her existence is," he marveled and paced slowly around his office, hands deep in his pockets. I nodded in agreement and twiddled my thumbs, trying to think of more to say.
He spoke up first. "What was Leah doing before you left to come here?" he wondered and stared out his full length office window that had a great view of their backyard where Bella and Edward tied the knots. He stared off aimlessly.
I slumped lower into the leather furniture. "Asleep."
He nodded in understanding and before this little "session" ended, he advised me to encourage Leah to try and start taking her medicine, if we wanted this process to go any faster.
"Hi, Daddy!" my cheery daughter waved at me from her spot on the couch as I entered the doorway of my house. Seth was fast asleep with his thick skull buried in his niece's tiny lap, snoring over the TV.
"Hi, baby," I kissed her lips and poked Seth's arm to test how deep his sleep was. He didnt even fidget so I assumed he was wrecked from being up all night. I told him to go to bed early and he swears he does but there's no doubt in my mind that he's using his valuable resting time to sit outside the Cullen's just to observe Nessie, who he was still insanely pissed off at despite his undying love for her.
"What'd you guys eat?" I asked quickly, in a slight hurry to go upstairs.
"I had leftovers and when Uncle Seth got here, he kinda went straight to sleep," she explained and I rolled my eyes. Thank you, ole' reliable Seth.
"Well if you need me, I'll be upstairs, ok?" I kissed her forehead before jogging halfway up the stairs until her voice stopped me in my tracks.
"Then what is he here for?" she asked, pointing at her passed out uncle.
To occupy and distract you from your despondent mother, I thought to myself. "Really, I dont know? How 'bout you draw on his face or something?" I suggested and she was quick to hop on the idea.
My grin disappeared when I lightly kicked my bedroom door open with my toe, the chill of the room making me shudder in revulsion.
Leah's dull locks were sprawled across her pillow, as if they were trying to exclude themselves from her depression state. She was in the exact same position when I left about two hours ago, which was nothing new. All I could do was groan and give her some time.
"Hey, Lee," I greeted her and removed my boots in the process but of course, her lips were glued shut.
"I went to go see Carlisle today and he asked about the pills he gave you," I continued and removed my jacket to hang it up in the closet.
With the same stone expression as always, she blinked very slowly.
"If you want this to pass over any time soon, you should start takin' 'em."
". . ."
Observing her was like watching paint dry. "Lee, do you want something to eat?"
Her head barely moved left to right, her eyes at their fullest attention out the window.
I could only sneer in an impatient annoyance at the hurtful reality of Leah's selfishness.
You'd think my niece's childish giggles had awoken me out of my deep slumber but it was the vibrating in my left short pocket of my cell phone.
Sleepily, I reached for it and read the text upon the screen.
R u home?
From: Ness 12:34pm
I blinked a few times and prepped my thumbs to answer. My fingers dashed across the tiny keyboard fairly quickly, since I was still half asleep.
To: Ness 12:35pm
It took her a few moments to reply back which was unlike Nessie.
From: Ness 12:40pm
I shut my eyes in disappointment and did my best not to crush the puny phone between my fingers right there. Not again. . .
I peeked up at Baby Doll and she wasnt even paying me any attention.
Trying to get my thoughts together and to keep from phasing right then, I texted her back.
Ok, im on my way. Meet me at the front door.
To: Ness 12:42pm
I sighed and tapped my anxious fingers inside my pocket. "Is your dad home yet?" I asked the child.
She nodded. "Yup."
Perfect. I stretched my muscles out like a kitten and got on my feet, ready to depart.
"Jake!" I shouted up the stairs.
"Yeah?" his voice was irritated.
"I'm gonna head out, alright?"
He was taking a few minutes to say anything back. "K, see ya tomorrow."
"See ya," I barely yelled and kissed Baby Doll on her head before leaving.
The walk over to my house was painful knowing what would be facing me when I arrived there.
A very torn, confused, naive, seventeen year old with a heart split right down the middle with a needle and thread trying to sew it back together, back to health.
I was the needle and thread.
A/N Yes, first chapter is very short but I intended it that way.!
Welcome to Part 2 of my most favorite story that Ive ever written...Im so pumped cus this is the "sequel" and you guys have no fucking clue about the shit I have planned for this one.
And as for the title, you have to listen to the song to really get the mood and tension that this story is inspired by. The pain, emotion, angst and mood this story is based upon is a ballad named 'Born To Die' by Lana Del Rey, an artist I recently discovered. Tbh, when I was began writing, I had barely any motivation or view point where I wanted this story to go with but that song was a HUGE inspiration and a BIG part in helping me with this highly anticipated story. If you already know the song, fantastic! If you dont I highly suggest you listen to it cus it's really good!
Anyway, I'm off to go do something unsafe and without permission. R&R :P