Penny doesn't know what she's doing.

She's in her car, bags packed, essentials only, and a text to her landlord to keep her deposit ready for delivery. He can keep the rest of her crap. It would just slow her down, anyways. And she had everything she really wanted to keep. She was all packed up, she knew a guy at a car dealership who'd give her a decent deal on her piece of crap car. It was near the airport and she had a friend who would give her a ride, since she worked the counter there and had promised her a cheap flight if she'd settle for whatever was left over from coach. She only had three luggage bags, but that was enough.

New starts where best done with new things anyway. She was in desperate need of a new start.

Which was why Penny was leaving, straight for New York. The true actress mecca.

It had just seemed like the best thing to do. Some may call it a rather extreme reaction to her break up, but Penny knew it was a whole lot more than that. If she was lucky, Pasadena would just be a bad memory in a few years. Nothing was happening for her here.

Her taste in men sucked, she hated her job, every opportunity in life seemed to go out of it's way to jump right over her. Leaving a tantalizing flash of itself behind for her to mourn over. Her career was going nowhere fast, thanks to her horrible rendition of a musical. Ha! Rendition was such a Sheldon word. She wondered why he hadn't warned her about how badly she sucked. Wait, no she didn't. No doubt Leonard had warned him off.

Asshole.

A sweet asshole, but he'd fucked her over in the end, no matter how unintentionally he'd done it. And she had actually made out with him, drunk. How pathetic was that? Almost as bad as her attempt at throwing him a kick ass birthday party.

The real sad part was that he was one of the few bright spots in her life right now.

The Geek's across the hall where the best thing in her life at the moment. And that was too much. Too sad, too horrible-just not right.

It was one thing to be in a new state. New people, new places. Superficial friends and the discovery that her boyfriend was a true blue jerk of the highest order. All of it was fine. So Penny was truly on her own. So what? She had realized that the first time she'd gotten sent to the hospital for getting bucked off a horse and her dad was late to pick her up.

For two hours Penny had waited, every passing second further confirmation that she was unimportant. Forgotten. Oh her Dad had shown up eventually, with some cock and bull story about her parents both thinking the other was going to go pick her up. But it was too late by then. Penny knew, to them, she was worthless. For her father she was the boy he'd always wanted who'd become a girl. The fact that she had breasts had completely destroyed their old relationship. And he had no interest in building a new one. She barely registered on her mothers radar. Her brother was her world, and she had no interest in expanding it to include either of her daughters.

Was it any wonder then, that she had drowned herself in boys and booze?

Penny was the only person who cared about Penny. The only time anyone spent any amount of time thinking about her, or doing things for her, was to get into her pants. She had made her peace with that a long time ago. Guys only saw her as a hot chick. A good time. And most recently, their gorgeous neighbor.

It was the way of the world. Kurt had never changed that. He was just someone who made her feel good. Needed and appreciated, even if only in the bedroom.

She had moved on when that hadn't been enough, that he'd cheated had been a push she hadn't needed, but it was a good enough excuse to break up. She didn't want to settle. As a kid, she'd had no choice, no way to escape.

She realized the trappings of it now. How easily she'd almost slid back into her old relationship with kurt. How simple and obvious it had seemed that she should give Leonard a chance, through her haze of alcohol,

She wasn't going to let herself fold completely into their circle. Their stunted, socially deficient, pathetic little circle. No way. She was better than that. She had to be, being socially adept was one of the few things she had going for her.

They were fine as friends, good neighbors she saw on the stairs or occasionally watched movies with. There was Thai night, and Halo night, and that was okay. Not people she kissed to distract herself from ex boyfriends. If Penny was willing to kiss Leonard, it meant interest, however microscopically small. And Kurt had already shown her that familiarity and persistence where very easy to give into.

Penny wasn't going to fall for it now. She was making a preemptive strike. Cutting it right off, before it really started, before it got bad. Before she actually tried to date Leonard. Penny figured that was the point of no return. But she would avoid all that.

Penny was going to change it.

She was going to skip town.

Now.

Any second now.

All she had to do was press send, and start her Car.

She glared at her thumb as it hovered over the button. She willed it to move.

It didn't. Wouldn't.

Penny let out an explosive sigh.

This shouldn't be so hard.

In fact, this shouldn't be hard at all. There was nothing to hold her back. All she had to do was press send and she could leave. No more of putting up with crappy tips while making minimum wage, or tolerating her hellish manager at the cheesecake factory. No more dealing with her judgmental agent who was going to drop her alone really should have pushed her to do it. She hated that guy.

All she had to do was push the button and drive. Penny knew, she'd done it before. She could deal with the consequences later.

Much, much later.

When she was far away with a new host of distractions. All she had to do was press send.

No more Leonard with his little grins and hopeful looks. No more of Howard's creepy leers and filthy remarks. No more Raj not talking to her.

Her thumb stayed where it was.

No more holier than thou Sheldon with his constant lectures, anal retentive nature, and little tidbits no one gave two fucks about.

No more driving him to the store and getting the full history of whatever she was there to buy. No more rides to the comic book store , or him bitching about her check engine light. No more getting yelled at for sitting in his spot. No having to remind herself that he wasn't retarded, just too smart for his own good. Or hers, or anyone elses especially not having to sing soft kitty for him when he was sick.

No more being needed for no other reason than being Penny. Finally wanted for something that wasn't her looks, or her willingness to sleep with someone. The slightest chance that she might lower her standards for the night.

No getting to feel like she mattered, like she was irreplaceable to someone in some small way. Because it was her he turned to. Not the other geniuses of his acquaintance. No, when Sheldon needed something, he asked her. Just like that. And she was the only one who never gave him a hard time about it. She might mock him, and give him a hard time about nearly everything else, but she never turned him away.

It mattered to Sheldon that she was the one to bring him his disassembled Hamburger every Tuesday. It mattered that she was present for Thai night. And by transitive property, another Sheldon term, Penny could pretend she mattered to him.

That she, Penny, actually mattered to someone else.

And that might be the most truly pathetic part of it all.

Penny put her phone away, saving the message in the drafts folder. She got out of her car. So, she couldn't quite leave yet.

It wasn't a huge set back. There was an easy fix to it, after all.

It was Sunday night, basically the one night the other guys were free of Sheldon's schedule. And while they were probably still in the house watching a movie Penny could hope. And even if they were there, she could just ask Sheldon to come help her clean something at her apartment. The guys had no interest in any of that. And he would jump at the chance. She might feel bad about lying to him, but she wouldn't lose any sleep over it. It was his own fault for making her think he cared about her.

Even if it was all in her head.

She just couldn't leave until she said goodbye. Penny hadn't had that problem leaving home for Christs sake.

She took a deep breath as she reached their door. This was it. Say goodbye to Sheldon and steal away into the night, as quickly as possible. Like ripping off a band aid. Since Penny knew he'd have no problem telling the guys exactly what she told him. And they would try to get her to stay. Scarier still, they might succeed. Get in, get out. That was it.

A perfectly workable plan.

Penny knocked.

xXx

Okay so I started this story with a good concept and ruined it with a lack of research, editing, and just generally bad writing. I am theoretically a better writer now-so I will be doing some massive editing. Just some tweaks here and there that will make the story better. I hope you enjoy.