Disclaimer: Don't own.

Only just bought the dvd's going cheap in a store and man do I love Nathan. lol. so yeah, I decided to write some fic. This is based on season 1 ep 4 where Curtis goes back in time and ends up in the alternate future where Nathan is the only survivor of the probation workers rampage. I just loved hiw broken he seemed and I just had to write this fic.


I came by everyday if I could.

It was the least I could do.

I'd been coughing up blood for days after it had happened, before the hole in my lung repaired itself. The doctors all told me I was lucky to be alive. The injuries I had should have killed me. The police had come to question me, to find out what I knew.

I didn't know anything.

That was the worst part I think.

They told me that the probation officer had flipped out, killed everyone; left me for dead, before continuing his rampage onto the streets. He'd been shot by some druggie he'd been attacking, leaving a trail of witnesses to his crimes. It was the only reason they'd reached me in time.

My memory was almost completely shot. Apparently he'd tried to smash my skull in, cracked it badly. I was in the hospital the longest with that while they ran test after test to make sure a bit of bone hadn't lodged itself into my brain, maybe causing the memory loss. It was thankfully only partial.

I remembered my mum, who surprised me by telling me I'd be coming home to live again. I didn't know she'd kicked me out, which only seemed to make her even more upset. Dad was always popping round to check in with me and I wondered if maybe we'd repaired our estrangement and I just couldn't remember. Mum had to introduce me to Jeremy, her new… the man that she lived with.

I might have had a small panic attack when I'd met him, suddenly reminded of another of my mother's boyfriends, the one that had terrified me for months by telling me all the things he'd be able to do with me when he married my mum. I think mum might have actually started to believe what I'd said at the time was the truth.

When I finally got home things were weird. When I went out for the first time I got lost on the way to the corner shop. But surprisingly I could remember the route to the community centre perfectly. That was one of the reasons I kept coming back. Hoping that maybe if I could remember what had happened for myself, maybe everything else would come back as well.

Sometimes there were other people there; I'd stand beside them and listen while they told me about whichever person they'd come to mourn over, and after a while I could put names to the faces that I sometimes dreamed about. Usually the people there knew who I was, I'd been in the paper as the only survivor of the community centre murders, but after a first confrontation they'd all quickly realised that I wasn't faking my amnesia, I wasn't faking that I didn't remember them the next time I saw them.

Which is why I had to ask. "Do I know you?" to the weird guy standing in front of their memorials now. Had I met him before? Had we ever been standing side by side here before? I wish my head wasn't so messed up.

" I… I thought you were someone else." He muttered.

So not someone I knew before my brain decided to delete him. That was ok. I could work with that.

"What happened?" he asked.

What happened? Didn't this guy read the papers? I swallowed, looked at the pictures of all those that died and decided I might as well explain. Maybe explaining might help me remember.

"We were doing our… community service." I told him, unsurprised really by the hesitance I heard in my voice. I was only regurgitating what I'd been told. The whole event was just a ridiculous black hole in my head. "Probation worker flipped out. Just…" I swallowed again, looked at the photos; willed myself to remember something, but nothing sparked, nothing came back to me. "Just went crazy. And he killed them."

That hit me halfway through like a knife. He killed them, murdered them. Tried to murder me. Left me to die. And I couldn't even remember it. Couldn't even remember them.

I kept my eyes averted when he looked at me, ready for the usual confrontation. "How did you survive?" he asked me, confusion, disbelief, everything I felt day to day. How had I survived? I was hardly the hardiest of people, that why I ran from fights, the snatches of them I could remember of them anyway.

"They say I was half dead when they found me." I told him, that's all they every said. Half dead and lucky to be alive. "Guess I'm just lucky."

"I didn't stop him."

I frowned and looked round, unsure if I'd heard him right. "Sorry?" he looked absolutely devastated. "Did you know them?"

"I wasn't there." He said, looking at me like he was the guiltiest man in the world; which confused the hell out of me. "I wasn't there. I should have been caught. I could have stopped this."

I backed up warily when he started to repeat "I wasn't there!" over and over and over again, like it would somehow help. A tendril of terror lit up inside me when he dropped to his knees, still muttering to himself before he looked at me, going silent. "It's not working!" he told me, anguished, and I took a step back.

Rationally I knew it was just some poor bloke in pieces over his friend's deaths, but that didn't stop me from expecting his eyes to spark in anger at me. Like it was my fault they'd died. I'd nearly ended up in hospital again when someone's father, or brother, or whatever he'd been had decided that since he couldn't beat the man who'd done it; he would beat the one who'd survived in his place. Thankfully the people who'd been with him had pulled him off before he could do more than smash his fist into my face.

Something must have shown on my face, because he was standing again, this time looking concerned. "Nathan?"

Had I told him my name? I couldn't remember. Did I know him from somewhere else? I tried to slow my breathing down. The panic attacks came up on me so suddenly, every time someone loomed over me, or looked like they were about to attack.

God, I couldn't even remember what had happened! Was this ever going to be easier?

"Nathan, you ok?"

I jerked away when I felt his hand on my arm. "I'm fine, I'm fine." I gasped out, but the world greyed out.

The next thing I know I'm laying on one of the benches with that weird man looming over me. He moved off immediately so he must have seen I was about to have yet another panic attack. I levered myself up and sitting and tried my hardest to plaster a grin onto my face. "At least tell me I didn't piss myself this time."

It fell flat, like every joke I seem to try nowadays, it just flopped, and I couldn't even bring myself to care. I looked up and he was hovering close by, a look of concern that seemed so disappropriate. He didn't even know me, why was he so concerned?

"You ok now?" he asked.

"Look, I'm sorry, but who are you?" I had to ask, I couldn't go referring to him as 'the man' anymore.

The question surprised him and I watched him struggle for a second with something before he sighed. "Curtis."

I nodded. "Did you know them?" I had to ask. I had to know.

Curtis nodded sharply and looked away.

I groaned, dropping my head into my hands, trying very hard to think, to remember. At last I just leaned back and looked at him, to find him looking back, like he was trying to work something out.

"I didn't know them." I said, surprising myself by the admission. "I didn't know them, and I can't remember them."

That surprised him. "You can't remember them?"

I shook my head. "The only reason I know I was even there is because everyone told me. I got hit pretty hard in the head, cracked my skull. It messed with my brain something awful. I'm lucky I remember who my own mother is. I don't know who they were, or anything about what happened, except from what the police told me, and what it says in the newspapers."

I looked back towards the community centre. "That's why I go back. They deserve better than me just forgetting." I let out a shuddering breath.

There was silence for the longest time, and I was afraid to look round.

"It's not your fault yeah?" Curtis said, making me startle when his hand dropped onto my shoulder. "You couldn't have done anything."

I looked up at him and huffed out a laugh. "And you could have?" I asked him, remembering all his 'I wasn't there' bullshit.

He looked at me, as sad as anything I'd ever seen. "Yeah, yeah I could have."

I really did laugh then, it just sprang out off me. "Sure you could have. Hero complex much?" I pushed myself up, glad that my legs weren't shaking much. "I gotta get home. My mum worries, you know."

He nodded jerkily, and I couldn't help but wonder why he seemed so surprised when I say something. "I'll walk you home." He offered suddenly and I frowned.


He shrugged and couldn't seem to come up with a good reason.

"Sure, why not."

I looked back one more time at the Community Centre before digging my hands in my pockets and hunching up my shoulders. I'd be back tomorrow. I turned my attention to Curtis. "So, how did you know them then?" I asked, had to ask. Needed to know.

Curtis eyed me for a long minute before he answered. "We were doing some community service together. Alisha, Kelly, Simon and me. And this other guy." He looked at me weird again, but I decided to ignore it. "You reminded me of him. Only he was kind of a prick."

My lips twitched into a tiny smile for a moment before it dropped away. "I'm glad you remember them." I told him sincerely.

I really wished I could.