Tipping the Balance

Shuichi felt that his heart was going to explode; he rushed down the street towards his home. Sometimes he knocked down a passerby, but that only fueled his heart ache.

The day was beautiful, and perfect. Except when you looked off into the distance you could see the gray, and black clouds of an oncoming storm. If poetry could describe the life of Shuichi. It would be a blue sky lined with dark clouds, like today.

Would Yuki be there when he was home? Probably not, he almost was never home when he got there anymore. Shuichi took the stairs instead of the elevator; they were just faster like that.

He huffed and puffed, a stitch made its way into Shuichi's side, but he ignored it. He skipped two steps at a time till he

He entered the apartment and called out: "I'm home!" He hoped his desperate tone didn't shine through his voice. But just as he expected there was nothing, but he felt a pang in his chest, and he coughed.

He collapsed to his knee's in this coughing fit, but he had to make it to his destination...

Just this once….after that, I'll be fine. He staggered to the bathroom where his blade was kept. He never did this when Yuki was home, or in an area without it being specially ready just in case he was interrupted.

Locking the door behind him, he let his tears fall that had been choking him.

It was stupid to be getting into a situation like this, but this morning had really gotten to him…

It was early in the morning and Shuichi yawned, stretching as he looked at Yuki. He smiled and kissed his cheek.

It wasn't often that he woke up before his love, so it was a real treat to see his sleeping face, the little rays of light that cast a shadow over Yuki's face caused his golden hair to glow and his face look like an angel's. 'I think I'll make him breakfast.'

Shuichi snuck out of bed and went to the kitchen. It wasn't that he didn't know HOW to cook…it was that he just didn't do it often….because the last time he tried at Hiro's he nearly caught the place of fire.

But all he was going to do was make coffee just the way Yuki liked it and some cereal. Maybe even toast.

He could do toast.

He was doing everything he was supposed to. How could things of gone so wrong?

It started with him spilling the new cereal on the floor. Luckily he hadn't gotten out the milk, but then he managed somehow to burn the toast. The smoke was everywhere.

By the time Shuichi could see: It was nothing, but a dark blob of ash. So he dumped it in the trash along with the ruined cereal.

Shuichi really hoped his coffee was going to come out right. This day wasn't getting any better. He checked on the dripping pot. The color looked right. Good. He was NOT going to mess this up.

He opened the cupboard for the sugar, and cream. Maybe he could add just a little honey to it as well.

Yuki walked in, his eyes tired looking and he looked around his messed up kitchen, then in the trash to see burnt toast, and cereal.

"What the Hell were you trying to make?"

Shuichi laughed a little bit hesitantly. "I just wanted to make you breakfast Yuki…" He laughed again the sugar and honey in his hands. He went to the ready pot of coffee Pouring in a cup carefully then did everything he was supposed to.

"At least I finished the coffee right!" He called out.

But Yuki had gone back to his study to type. "Yu~uki!" Shuichi crooned, him entering the study.

After that was when everything had gone wrong. Shuichi tripped over something, causing the drink to fall from his hands and spill on some of Yuki's papers and books.

There weren't words for how furious Yuki was. At least this time he let Yuki get ready for work before he kicked him out of the house.

Yuki had mumbled something that Shuichi wasn't supposed to hear…but he had heard it anyway. "That damn brat…my life would be ten times easier without him."

That wasn't even the half of it. He got to work, but couldn't concentrate at all.

Hiro was talking to Ayaka over text, and Suguru left early since this practice session was getting nowhere.

Even K was getting at the end of his rope, him staring down Shuichi with his precious firearm at the ready.

During this time Shuichi was working on a brand new song, but the more he wrote the more his heart was swelling, and his stomach opened to the dark pit.

That was when he should've gone home so he could calm down as to not get this far, but he had wanted so desperately to get the song done…

He wanted to finish so he could do SOMETHING right that day. Everyone was counting on him. By the end of the day he had a majority of the song done, but the rest of it was at a lost of what he was supposed to do..

It just seems that he could only mess things up. He held himself as he cried and looked at his blade turning to so there was a flash of light.

If he used this he would mess everything up. It had been almost half a year since he used it last. What if he cut to deep…?

Even worse….What would Yuki think….? Shuichi just cried harder, silently of course in case Yuki came home.

Oh, how he had wanted to tell Yuki what he had done during the worst of their turmoil.

He would hate you if he knew. Shuichi clutched at his chest. This was the worst…how could let his feelings build up so badly…Again he looked at the blade. No…no he wouldn't….

Hiro…he needed to talk to Hiro.

He put the knife down and shakily dialed the number he could phone in his sleep.

There was the continual ringing of the phone and his heart was plummeting when his best friend wasn't picking up.

"Yes Shu..?" Hiro sounded slightly annoyed. Not good.

"I…I just needed a friend to talk to."

There was a sigh, and then he heard a few muffled sounds; like he was talking to someone else with the phone away from his mouth.

Shuichi just had this feeling that the other person he was talking to was Ayaka-chan….great. Now he's messed up their date.

Shuichi clutched at the phone and he sat in the tub. His breath hitched a little; there wasn't any sound, hand his best friend hung up on him…?

"What's the matter little buddy?"

Shuichi relaxed a little at hearing that voice. "Yuki and I got in a fight this morning…and now he's not here."
There was silence. Shuichi waited. "What happened?"

Shuichi felt the tears flow again as he recanted the story of this morning. "Well I could understand him being angry. Those could've been important things you spilled the coffee on….huh? What- hold up! Sorry little buddy…I gotta go for a bit. I'll call you later." The phone line went dead and Shuichi dropped the phone.

It's your fault he hates you ya know... Shuichi held his stomach and laid his head on his knee's…he couldn't move….it hurt…his heart…his stomach…When even his consciousness admitted it…he needed to do it now…

Shuichi reached out for the knife he had placed on the toilet and looked at it. The shiny silver blade, was like a greeting from an old friend. His parents had given it to him a long time ago, but only until he started bad luck did he never need it.

Since Yuki came into his life, there was no need…unless Yuki pushed him away, which in the beginning was a lot.

He lifted his shirt and exposed his stomach that showed only light scars from his careful cutting.

It was easy to lie about them as easily since he was so clumsy.

Suichi never cut in the same place. It was always too obvious and people would ask questions.

When he cut the way he did it was always calculated. What would be his excuse..? What place would be the most believable for it…

Shuichi smiled lightly. Later that day he would go to the park and explore the woods. Then if someone asked him about the 'scratch' he would tell them that he had a snag on his stomach from a twig.

He touched the blade to his stomach gently, but thought to take off his clothes first so they wouldn't get stained with blood. He never cut deep, but it was enough for there to be a good blood flow for at least a minute.

He stepped out of the tub and pulled off his body throwing them wherever. He looked at himself in the mirror.

He saw himself…he saw the tears as they fell. He saw a pathetic being that was a waste of space in the one person he loved most of all's life.

But he knew most of all, once this session with his blade was over he could go back to being who he was: The spunky optimistic lead vocalist of Bad Luck, also the lover of Eiri Yuki.

He moved back to the tub, but somehow he slipped on his shirt causing him to fall.

With a thud the bubblegum haired SHuichi landed on his side.

His head was spinning badly. Then he noticed something red was leaking onto the white porcelain of the bottom of the tub.

The knife was still in his hand. Then he felt a burning pain on his thigh. He heard a scream, but he didn't realize it was from him. What was causing this pain? Then he realized where exactly his hands was...where his hand with his blade was.

Burning pain flowed through him, pulsing with his heartbeat. He thrashed. Pulling his knife out of his flesh. It was too much pain... it was just too much. His vision was blackening at the edges.

There was no more use in staying awake, so he rested his cheek on the porcelain tub to sleep. While he was under the spell of unconsciousness something inside him spoke to him.

Maybe this is a good thing. You've cut yourself, and now you might not wake up. Everyone could go one with their lives. Hiro can date Ayaka without you bothering them with your silly problems, Suguru can join a band he actually likes, and Yuki no longer will have to deal with you.


hehehehee Will Shu-chan survive? Weeell You, as the reader of this story should give me the inspiration to type the next chapter to find out! Remember: Read review and Rainbows need rain! Until next time~ ;)