Title: Faith Comes in Moments

Chapter Three: Losing It

AN: You guys have been so nice to me so I wrote you a treat...hopefully. A.K.A. Sexy times. That's right, you heard me. Jim and Seb are banging in this one. So if you don't think you're mature enough to handle it, then calmly sit and wait for the next chapter. I'm actually not super great at writing smut so please be kind to me. Hopefully this flows okay. Also, this was written late at night, is a long chapter and is still unbeta'd so I am deeply sorry for any mistakes.


Sebastian walked into his bedroom, took off his jacket, shirt, tie, shoes and socks, and collapsed onto his bed face down.

To say the least, it'd been a bad day.

The job he'd been on hadn't panned out the way he'd hoped. He'd been outnumbered and outgunned, two things he hated, and it'd been messy because there were witnesses. All of this because Jim hadn't briefed him properly.

He sighed. It wasn't the first time Jim hadn't given him necessary information in the history of their...business relationship. If he could even call it that.

Sebastian kicked the blanket away from himself, frustrated. On an employer/employee level, Seb liked Jim. He was smart, malicious, ruthless, and knew how to get the job done no matter what it took. While the other men who worked for Jim feared him, Sebastian genuinely respected him. He knew good generals when he saw them and Jim was a great general. They worked well together. There was a mutual awe between them that couldn't be faked and, unlike in the army, Seb didn't mind taking orders because he knew what the fight was actually about. Jim wasn't fighting terrorists. Jim was terrorist and his crusade wasn't against one group of people, it was against everyone. Jim believed everyone deserved what they got from him, no matter how harsh or cruel, and after what Sebastian had seen in his time in the army, he couldn't help but agree. People were capable of horrible things no matter how good they seemed at the time, which is why Sebastian had no qualms about shooting at whatever Jim told him to. The man had a business to run and he ran it in the most harebrained and efficient way possible. Sebastian was more than willing to help.

It was more than a little frightening to be honest.

Because while he liked Jim as his boss, on a personal level he liked him a lot more. It was problematic.

Even from the first time they'd met, Jim had held him in thrall. The way he moved, so relaxed but ready to strike at any moment, was fascinating. And the way Jim's eyes could go from flat and mean to alive and manic in a second kept Sebastian constantly on edge. It was addicting. He knew there was something between them that was more than that they were on the same side. It was destructive and Sebastian knew that sooner or later the bomb would go off and they'd collide.

Sebastian knew he'd lose.

His phones goes off and it's Rod Stewart's Do ya Think I'm Sexy. Sebastian groans and remind himself to change the lock to something more complex. He answers.

"Hello?" There's a choked sob on the other end and Sebastian sits up.

"Jim?" he says urgently, and there's a breathless laugh.

"Seb," a pause, "I'm bleeding," his voice is faint but giddy and Sebastian gets up, already throwing on a sweat shirt and shoes.

"Okay Boss, where are you?" he asks, trying to remain calm. He knew Jim would hurt himself from time to time, couldn't ignore the scars that even long sleeved shirts couldn't hide, but this time Seb could tell there were drugs involved. Not even Jim could get that giddy on blood loss alone.

"I'm at the white one...," he trails off and Seb knows where he is. He's at the flat not too far from here, the one Jim refused to paint because he liked the way blood stains looked on the white walls.

Sebastian's running down the stairs and in the black Lexus in an instant.

"Jim, you have to keep talking to me."

"Don't want to, Seb."

"Yeah, I know," he's speeding through London on a cell phone. If he doesn't have to shoot a cop, it'll be a miracle.

"But you have to. Where have you cut yourself?" Jim giggles for a moment and sighs.

"All over," he slurs then takes a shaky breath, "but it still burns, Seb. My head is burning. Always, always, burning," he hums to himself. Sebastian stops in front of the flat and takes the stairs two at a time. He unlocks the door and hangs up the phone, praying he's got the right location. He does.

Jim is on the floor with his back against the kitchen counter with his head tilted back and his mouth open. His eyes are half shut and his eyes are glazed over. He gives a weak wave to Seb.

"Took you long enough," he mutters and Sebastian bites back a retort in favor of walking over to inspect the damage Jim's done to himself.

His wrists and thigh are all bleeding but the cuts don't look too nasty. He reaches over and lifts one of Jim's eye lids and grimaces. His pupils are so big there's barely any iris left.

"You know traffic's hell at this hour, isn't it?" he says and Jim grins slowly, nodding.

"How many pills did you take then?" he asks and waits for Jim to respond. After a while he furrows his brows and shrugs.

"Loads," he whispers. Sebastian nods.

"That's what I thought." He lifts Jim up, one hand under his arm and one across his waist, and walks him to the bathroom. As soon as they get to the door, Jim lets go of Seb and hits the tile on all fours, already vomiting. Sebastian kneels by him as Jim heaves and puts a hand on his back. He should be used to this by now, it isn't the first time Jim's tried to kill himself, and the routine's always the same but it never fails to scare Sebastian. He tells himself it's because if Jim dies, he's out of the best job he's ever had. He knows it's because he cares about Jim and the thought of losing him makes his pulse twinge.

Sebastian doesn't even see the punch coming.

It makes him fall back hard on his elbow and his vision goes black for a second. He blinks and moves his jaw to make sure nothing's broken.

"Jim, what the fuck?" he curses and Jim's kneeling in front of him, eyes still unfocused but angry.

"Next time I call, I want you here in under ten minutes," he stumbles closer so they're eye to eye and puts his hand on Sebastian's shoulder to hold himself steady.

"Or I'll disembowel you," he whispers gleefully in Sebastian's ear, sending a shiver down his spine. Jim notices and grins, as threatening as possible considering he can't focus his eyes or stand. He wipes his mouth on Sebastian's sleeve and gets up, walking to the bedroom unsteadily.

Sebastian sighs and get the first aid kit from the linen closet. He can feel the bruise forming on his jaw. It throbs but Jim's done worse to him.

He walks to the bedroom and Jim's sitting on the bed, a whiskey bottle in his hand. He takes a swig and wrinkles his nose, then offers the bottle to Sebastian. Sebastian eyes it warily and shakes his head. Jim shrugs and takes another swig; trying to bring himself as down as possible from the drugs. Jim shows Seb his wrists. The cuts are shallow but long. Sebastian puts some disinfectant on them and wraps them in gauze. He can feel Jim's eyes on him and he pauses. The only cut left is the one on his thigh. He looks up at Jim. He's still out of it but the alcohol seems to be having an effect.

"Seb," he draws out the name in a whinge, "what's the hold up?" The alcohol's made him whiney and Sebastian sighs.

"Just wondering if you'll hit me again." Jim laughs.

"Why should I? I think I made my point."

"Because I'm going to have to take off your pants to get to the cut on your thigh."

"Mmm, such a gentleman, asking permission," Jim hums, looks at Seb for a moment, then falls backwards on the bed, undoing his belt and kicking off his pants, "the girls must love you." Sebastian rolls his eyes and moves over to sit on the bed so he can see the wound more clearly. It's deeper than he'd thought but doesn't look like it'll need stitches but simple cream disinfectant won't do...

Seb has an idea and grabs the bottle from Jim's hand and quickly pours the whiskey on the wound. Jim hisses and digs his nails into Sebastian's arm, drawing blood.

"Oh, you stupid fucker," he groans and grits his teeth against the pain, breathing hard through his nose. Seb quirks an eyebrow and can't help but feel a little triumphant. He rarely gets to see Jim undone and in pain. He shifts uncomfortably when he feels the blood rush to his groin. Jim laughs breathlessly and looks at Seb from the corner of his eye.

"That was revenge for today, wasn't it?"

"No, sir."

"Lying bastard," he mutters and he runs his thumb over the scratch marks on Seb's wrist, "no one likes a vindictive person, Sebby." He hums quietly to himself as Sebastian cleans the wound on his thigh. His eyes close and Sebastian can feel himself start to calm down. He'd been taken by surprise is all, he tells himself. He rarely saw Jim so messy and unkempt and he couldn't help how his body reacted. It was a fluke. Plus Jim had hit him pretty hard so maybe his head was just...

Jim walked his fingers up from Seb's wrist to his upper thigh and Sebastian paused as he tried to concentrate on taping up Jim's wound. He swallowed hard.

Jim's fingers paused on Sebastian's crotch, then started to undo his zipper. Sebastian grabbed his wrist and put it back by his side.

"Jim," he warned and looked up. The man was watching him with a hungry look in his eyes. He'd never seen his eyes quite so black before. He looked like a hunter. Sebastian bit back a groan at the thought and met his eyes. Jim frowned.

"What's the matter, tiger," he leaned up so the two were face to face. Seb licked his lips. He was fighting with himself, Jim knew, and he grinned.

"You're still high, Jim," Seb said firmly and Jim giggled into Seb's neck, biting lightly, and he felt the vibration as Sebastian moaned.

"Oh, Sebby," he said, "you and I both know that's not true." Sebastian's hand went to the back of Jim's neck, pulling the short hair there lightly in a weak attempt to restrain him.

"Why? Are you really so afraid of taking advantage of me?" Jim whispered and Seb pressed his hand onto the cut in Jim's wrist, making the criminal whine. The sound nearly undid him then.

Seb knew it was wrong; that Jim wasn't completely sober, and his breath did smell a bit like vomit, and he was covered in blood, but he couldn't do it because Jim was his boss and -

Jim rubbed against his leg and Seb could feel him through his boxers, warm and hard, and he forgot why he couldn't.

He growled and rolled over, trapping Jim underneath him in one motion. Jim's breath hitches and he aligns his hips so his cock was flush against Seb's and they both groan at the friction. It was perfect and Seb couldn't remember the last time he'd felt quite so turned on by someone. Of course, there'd been women before and after the army, and even a guy or two during, but this was different. This wasn't a ditzy bint from the pub or a desperate fuck with one of his army buddies. This was Jim, someone he'd seen dismember one of his own men because of a snide comment about a suit. One of the most powerful men in the underbelly of the world, and here he was writhing under Sebastian like any other person.

Jim groaned and pulled Seb down by the neck, biting at his bottom lip and drawing blood, then licking it away with a swirl of his tongue. He grinned and rocked his hips up, watching as Sebastian closed his eyes.

"Jim, please," he could barely form his words, "I need - ."

"Shut up," Jim said and pulled Seb down by his hair for a rough kiss. It was messy, all teeth and tongues but Seb didn't care. He just wanted to consume and own and he knew Jim wanted the same.

Jim's hands went to unbutton his pants and Seb arched into the touch. Jim's hands were warm as he palmed Seb through his boxers and he gave a pleased laugh when Seb growled at him impatiently.

"Eager, are we?"

"Jim, please just - oh, God."

"Please what, Sebby?" he teased and gasped when Sebastian bit his shoulder.

"Just...touch me already, you bastard," he bit his lip as Jim began rubbing him in a circular motion through the fabric of his boxers. He should've known Jim would be a tease even when it came to sex.

"Hmmm," Jim deliberated and in a desperate attempt to get a reaction from him, Sebastian drew Jim's cock out of his boxers and began stroking him slowly, rubbing his thumb over the bead of precome that was leaking from the tip. Jim threw his head back and gave a high pitched whine.

"Oh Seb, you don't play fair," he said but started pulling down Seb's boxers anyway. They both gasped as their cocks touched without their clothing to come between them and they moved against each other, searching for the friction they needed.

Jim's hands roamed to Sebastian's chest and he paused to help him take off his shirt. Seb tugged off Jim's shirt and licked at a jagged scar that ran down his sternum and crossed over to the top of his ribs. Jim shuddered and pushed Seb's head down to his hips. He nipped at the sensitive flesh there, and listened to the different sounds Jim made as he moved closer to his cock.

He could do this forever, he thinks, just lick and suck at Jim and see how many sounds he can draw out of him. It makes him delirious.

He looks up at Jim and licks up his length, swirling his tongue around his head and finally closing his mouth around it, sucking him as he does. He can hear Jim above him, panting and cursing as he sucks him off.

"Seb," he pants and tugs him back up by his hair for a scorching kiss, "I want you to fuck me," Jim all but snarls. Seb stares at him for a moment, then nods.

"Okay, do you have -?"

"Second drawer in the night stand. You don't need a condom." Sebastian leans over to the night stand and rifles through the drawer with shaking hands. He can't concentrate with Jim still grinding against him and - oh, God. Jim rolls his hips in a certain way and Seb has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from coming.

"Jim, if you keep it up this is going to be over a lot sooner than it should be," he growls and knees Jim in the ribs. Jim yelps and Sebastian smiles.

"Then I suggest you hurry up."

Sebastian smirks and pours the lube on his fingers. He'd only done this twice before but he's not worried. He doubts he could really hurt Jim, and even if he did the psychopath would just end up getting off on it anyway.

Once his fingers are slick enough, Seb circles his index finger around Jim's opening, enjoying the way Jim keens and grips the sheets in anticipation.

"Sebastian, I don't have all night," Jim grits out through his teeth and Sebastian pushes one finger into him quickly. Jim gasps then moans as Sebastian's finger moves inside him. Jim pushes down on it and Sebastian coaxes another finger in, scissoring them in and out, stretching him. His finger brushes something inside Jim, making Jim tense and let out a loud, broken, moan. Seb does it again and Jim arches his back, calling out Sebastian's name. He takes his fingers out of Jim and prepares his cock with lube, making sure it's slick enough.


Sebastian positions his cock at Jim's entrance and pushes in, watching Jim's face the whole time. His eyes are closed and his mouth is open as he gets used to the sensation. Sebastian goes slowly, holding back, until Jim gives an impatient grunt and wraps his legs around Sebastian's waist, forcing him inside.

Sebastian rocks inside of Jim, just wanting to feel everything. He thrusts long and slow a first until he brushes that spot again. Jim cries out and runs his nails down Seb's back. The pain only adds to the pleasure and Sebastian lets go, fucking Jim into the mattress and feeling him tight around him.

Jim's hand goes to stroke his cock but Sebastian bats his hand away.

"Mine," he growls and wraps his hand around his cock. Jim's eyes close and he tightens his legs around Sebastian.

"Harder, Seb," he pants, "fuck me harder." Sebastian strokes Jim's cock and it's not long before he throws his head back and comes with a shout. He feels Jim tighten around him and he knows he's not going to last much longer. He can feel it building.

Jim smirks at him, lifts the hand that was just around his cock, and licks his own come off of Seb's fingers.

Sebastian's breath stutters and he's coming hard inside of Jim. He rides out his orgasm with a few short thrusts then collapses on top of Jim. They lay there for a minute or two, panting. Sebastian can feel the come congealing between them but doesn't care. His nose is in Jim's hair and he can smell the mix of sweat and expensive shampoo he uses. Jim huffs out a breathless laugh.

"Ugh, get off me," he says and roughly shoves Seb to the other side of the bed. Sebastian grunts and looks at Jim. His hair's mussed and there are bite marks all over his chest, neck, and jaw. He touches the most noticeable on.

"Those'll be hard to explain to the clients." Jim scowls and bends Seb's finger backwards. Sebastian wrenches it away with a noise of pain and Jim grins, lazy and sated. Sebastian watches him as he struggles to keep his eyes open, the day finally catching up to him. Before Jim's all the way asleep Sebastian asks the question that's been nagging him this whole time.

"So, what does this mean, then? About us?" Jim furrows his eyebrows and pulls Seb's arm over his chest, thinking. Then:

"It means whatever I want it to mean."

And it's the truth.