Hello! This is my second Artemis Fowl Fanfic, first "real" one, so I hope it's good!

This is written for TheOtherUsernamesWereTaken, I hope you, and everyone else, enjoy!

Discalimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl or anything else... (sigh)

Artemis flipped through the pages of the Vanity magazine; ug, such useless, fashionista information. Yet, after months in the fairy hospital in next to solitude, he'd give anything for something human-related. In the past months he had only been interacting with the phyciatrists and Butler; though, really, he wasn't even supposed to be talking to Butler. But the oversized glout refused to leave, and really, none of the fairies were prepared to ask him to leave. Today though, he'd be allowed to have guests; during visiting hours that afternoon. But in the meanwhile, he was left with Butler. So Butler sat stubbornly in the corner of Artemis' hospital room on a chair that trembled under his weight and stared out of a tiny window into a white, clean lobby. Artemis suddenly released a theatrical sigh; and tossed it on the side table. Butler's eyes flickered up from the window to Artemis' pale face.

"Are you okay?" Artemis shrugged.

"I suppose I'm just bored," he concluded.

"Well, thanks for that dazzling installment of 'Artemis' current emotional status'." Colours flushed into Artemis' pasty cheeks. Butler eyed him, scrutinizingly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine..."

"You sound hesitant," Butler pointed out. Butler knew a lot about his master; and he knew that when he spoke a certain way, he had something on his mind. And he knew that in order to devulge that information, Butler would have to provoke him in the way that only a friend can.

"...Perhaps I am."

"You care to elaborate?" Artemis waved his hand dismissively.

"Nothing, it's just there's something on my mind..."

"Isn't there always?" Artemis allowed a smile to creep onto his frail lips.

"I suppose, but this is something, I... I can't quite seem to wrap my mind around. ...Do you think you could help me?"

"I doubt it," Butler scoffed. "If the great Artemis Fowl the Second can't manage to fathom it, I doubt I'll be able to... But I'll give it a shot. What's up?" Artemis squirmed, uncomfortable in his own skin.

"Well... I don't quite know how to phrase it," Artemis apologized. Butler leaned back in the chair- well, as much as if would allow since it only seemed to hold a quarter of his bottom mass- and it groaned under his weight.

"Well, what is it?" he asked, as patiently as he could manage; granted, that wasn't much.

"Well..." Then Artemis just blurted it out. "Butler, have you ever loved a girl?" Artemis proceeded to turn faint pink; a blush. Although it wasn't much, for Artemis, who never had much warmth in his skin, that was the equivelent of turning purple. Butler sat up a little straighter, a little taken back by the question.

"Uh, yes, I suppose I have. Not the permanent love, obviously, but..." Then he drifted off to the fond corners of his mind. "Well, there's been a couple ladies. When I was in grade nine- just starting high school- if you hadn't kissed at least three girls you were ridiculed immensely..." Butler then noticed Artemis' crestfallen glance and tried to turn it around. "But, people, are of course, idiots. Plus, by todays standards it's way different-"

"No, it's not," Artemis scowled under his breath. "I can't believe it; I'm fifteen- eighteen, legally- and I've only ever kissed one stupid girl, and it wasn't even real, really-" Butler's eyes bulged.

"You've kissed a girl?" Artemis' eyes mirrored Butlers and bulged nearly out of their sockets, and his skin turned yet another hue redder.

"Well, yes, but not really, because we were all caught up in the moment, and I thought she was going to die and she thought I'd die too, and really, none of us were paying attention-"

"Was it Minerva?" Butler pried. Artemis shook his head and rolled his blue and brown eyes.

"Frond, no." Butler eyed him critically.


"I mean, God, no." Butler took no notice of Artemis' momentary mental lapse. He seemed to not notice that the teen never had a mental lapse and that that couldn't be a good sign...

"Well, who then?" Artemis quickly recovered.

"Nothing, it's just... Nevermind."


"Butler. Please cease communication." Butler just smiled.

"Ah, adolescence, a beautiful time in one's existance-" Butler found the magazine hitting his head; he laughed. "Did you just through that magazine at me?" Artemis pouted miserably at him.


"Ah, I see those teenage hormones are getting to your head." Artemis rolled his mix-matched eyes.

"Are mother and father here yet?"

"Changing the subject, are we?" Artemis stared at Butler with cold, dead-serious eyes.

"Are they or not?" Butler laughed.

"They should be here any moment now... I'll go fetch them." Butler and the chair sighed with relief as he was removed from it; and he left the room, leaving Artemis to himself and his many, many, many thoughts. Moments later, Butler returned with Angeline Fowl and Artemis Fowl the first. Angeline immediately ran over to her son's side.

"Oh, sweetheart! Are you okay?" Artemis smiled up kindly at his mother.

"Yes, moth- Mom. By the way, have you noticed?" He made a tenuous guesture to himself. "No longer wearing suits! Casual, like you wanted." Angeline laughed at her son's attire, a hospital gown.

"Lovely, darling." Artemis the first glanced around anxiously, nervous at the smaller world he had been oblivious to only months prior. He smiled wearily down at his son.

"Uh, quite a nice setup, you, uh, have here." Artemis smiled.

"I know, it's like living in a doll house. But they didn't have to get me a larger bed, so what does that say?" Artemis Senoir blinked.

"Really?" Artemis Junoir laughed. It was a creepy, eerie laugh, slightly unnerving from lack of use; but a laugh, nonetheless.

"No father, I'm merely jesting." His father blinked; then a small smile fell onto his delicate features.

"You, joking? Wow, you really have changed, son." Artemis smiled.

"Thanks," he said, though really, he didn't know it that was a compliment, an insult, or whatever it could possibly be in between. But regardless, the family chatted contentedly for a long while, until Angeline Fowl glanced at her watch.

"Well sweetie, I'm sorry, but we really have to go if we want to beat traffic... Pixies are not someone you want to be caught with on a traffic jam." Artemis smiled kindly at his mother's joke/reality; really, you did not want to be with a pixie in a traffic jam...

"Alright, see you all tomorrow," Artemis said civily. He gave his mother a hug, and stood up to shake his father's hand, the proper way like all Fowls should. His mother interupted.

"Oh, I'll be right back; Myles and Beckett are in the waiting room, they made me promise they could say good bye to you before we left... I'll be back!" She smiled mischeviously and disappeared around the corner. Artemis senoir made eye contact with his son.

"Artemis, I hope you know how proud I am of you." Artemis Junoir was confused.

"What for?"

"Everything... Your mother tells me everything you've done, and, well... It's more than I could ever accomplish." Artemis smiled up at his father.

"Thanks Father, that... Well, it means a lot." Then he smiled. "Actually, I think I've got to accomplish a little more." His father was confused.

"What like?" Artemis Junoir just smiled wryly.

"I... I'm not sure yet. But I'll do it." Myles, Beckett and Angeline then returned, and Artemis said hello to them all, ruffling his little brothers' hair and saying a few more encouraging things before they all left. His father stood in the door and spoke quickly before leaving.

"You sure you can't tell me?" Then Holly cam around the corner, grinning madly.

"Artemis, happy no longer in solitude-" then she paused. "Oh, sorry, I'll leave-"

"No problem," Artemis Senoir said. "I was just leaving-" he looked to his son, who's line of vision was now completely occupied by Holly, set on her. Artemis Senoir smiled coyly. "Oh, never mind... I think I know." He winked at his son, leaving him completely flustered, before leaving his son and his son's friend to themselves. Holly watched Artemis Senoir walk down the hallway, and once he had turned the corner and was out of sight, she turned around and smiled savagely at Artemis, brown eye wild with excitement, while her blue eye seemed to remain composed and civil, like the person it originally came from.

"Hey, crazy boy." Artemis tried to conceal his grin with a critical glance, but to no avail- his grin shone right through.

"You know, my phyciatrist would probably disapprove of such self-image-shattering name calling. What if I had another mental lapse?" Holly snorted.

"Please, you're always mid-mental lapse. Frankly, I'm still not convinced you're not just faking to have Atlantis Complex so you can see our facilities," she teased. Artemis laughed.

"Oh yes, you've caught me," he said sarcastically. "And I happen to have a thing for hospital jello and needles being injected to be at multiple periods throughout the day, so really, it's just one happy coincident." Holly tapped her head.

"See, me smart." Artemis smiled.

"Yep." Holly walked over and propped herself up on the edge of the bed.

"I got you a present, crazy boy." Artemis sat up straighter in his bed.

"Well, I suppose crazy boy's better than Mud boy-"

"Mud boy? I nearly forgot about it all..." Holly seemed to consider it. "Though I suppose if I am going to call you anything with mud, it should be Mud Man, you're getting a bit big to be a 'boy'." Artemis didn't meet her glance, slightly embarassed... But also slightly proud.

"Yeah... Anyways, my present?" Holly laughed and brought out a magazine from in behind her back.

"Ta-da! Cosmopolitan- Butler was telling me about how your Vogue just really wasn't filling the void, so I brought this."

"...You know he was sarcastic, right?"

"I know," Holly giggled. "But still, I figured it might do you some good, get you in tap to your feminine side- who wouldn't want to read this?" she gushed. She started to read off the headlines on the magazine cover. "'Brad and Angelina... Another Kid?' oh, intriguing, 'Octomom; pregnant with twins!'" She made eye contact with him. "I don't even think I get that one..." Artemis laughed. Holly continued to read. "'The Mom from 19 Kids and Counting is having another one... Kate from Jon and Kate Plus Eight is having an affair, Blue Ivy was born-" she crinkled her nose. "Ew, naming a kid 'Blue'? ... Any of this sparking an interest?" Artemis shook his head.

"No." Holly theatrically shook a fist to the sky in mock anguish.

"We'll find something... 'Lady Gaga and Her Addiction Problems'?" Artemis shook his head. "'21 Flirty Tips That Will Blow His Mind'- What about that, Arty? For the special man in your life?" Artemis' cheeks burned- Holly laughed.

"I don't-"

"Calm down Arty, I was just kidding." She leaned in and hugged him. "Frond, you take everything so personally-" Artemis felt his skin heat up where Holly touched him- maybe it was just the magic, but... Artemis knew it wasn't. He knew it was more than that. Holly withdrew, and frowned at the sight of her friend.

"You okay, Arty?" she asked. "You look all flustered, and sickly... You okay?" She pressed the back of her hand against his forehead. "You're all hot..."

"Just, uh, thinking," Artemis muttered miserably under his breath, embarassed. Holly withdrew.

"You're always thinking... How is this so earth shattering?" Artemis wasn't going to tell her, but after looking into her unmatching eyes... Well, he knew he'd have to tell her.

"Holly... Have you ever been in love?" Holly squirmed, uncomfortable in her own skin.

"Arty, I was just teasing, I know you're not gay-"

"-No, really Holly, have you?" he asked in a small, scared, uncertain voice. Holly shrugged, and suddenly couldn't make eye contact with him.

"I... I guess, kinda... But nothing really serious." Flustered and cheeks red, she looked up. "Happy?" Artemis almost said something as a joke, and teased her and changed the subject... But he suddenly knew he couldn't. He couldn't lie to himself any longer.

"No, not happy... Holly, I think I, I'm in love." Holly smiled supportively, despite something... Heavy in her chest.

"That's great... Who, Minerva?"

"What? God, no-"

"Oh, too bad, you could be Arty and Minnie-"

"No, Holly-"

"Well, who is it?" Artemis squirmed.


"Tell me!" she said, grinning boldly. You know I won't shut up 'til you tell me." He fixed her with a serious gaze.

"I did." Holly was confused.

"What? No, you just said-" and she froze. She review the conversation in her mind. "Oh, Arty-"

"I-I-I d-d-didn't mean to-" Artemis never stuttered, he was always to composed to do so, but... It seemed he broke that composure. "I'm sorry, it's just, with everything-"

"-Arty," she whispered quietly, cutting him off. "Listen-" Tears were welling in Artemis' eyes now, but her was determined to not let them fall.

"I'm sorry, it's just when I look at you-"

"Shut up-"

"But-" Holly then leaned in and kissed him. When Holly eventually withdrew, Artemis was breathless and stunned. "Wha-?" Holly grinned.

"I told you to shut up, Arty. You really need to listen. And since you wouldn't... I helped you, crazy boy." Artemis smiled.

"I'm suddenly tempted to talk more-"

"Well, we better fix that," Holly said, and she leaned in and kissed him again.

I hope you all enjoyed that... Please review, constructive critism, suggestions, everything is appreciated... Please reivew!