AN: Slightly late birthday gift for Albedos-Requium
Summary: Reno is not having a good day. Tseng seems determined to make it worse.
Warnings: Bad language, violence, cruelty to Renos.


Reno groaned softly to himself. Today was not being a good day. In fact, he thought to himself with a soft sigh, today was being a fairly awful day. Sure, he had set fire to the science department's breakfast table, and yes there had been that incident with minor explosives in the SOLDIER cadets urinals, but still, it wasn't as though he had done anything wrong. Certainly nothing bad enough to deserve the way that Tseng was treating him.

He'd been enjoying a particularly good dream about a certain Wutaian stripper when he was woken by his PHS ringing loudly, blaring out "Leader of the Pack" which he had set to go off should Tseng contact him. Rufus's dialling caused an outburst of "Uptown Girl", but that was another matter altogether. He answered the phone, to be given a list of chores which barely penetrated his sleep addled brain.

Gazing to the side, he realised that it was half five in the morning. He lay back with a groan, and stubbornly reclosed his eyes. In the next ten minutes, he received 43 texts and one phone call, which consisted simply in Tseng yelling at him to get up. Finally, he gave in, stretching and then rolling off of the bed.

He made his way to the bathroom, and by six was ready to start the day's work. That was when he checked his PHS, and found he had been texted a list of chores. He hissed. Tseng clearly was trying to punish him for the small practical jokes that he had played. He stared at the five items with growing disgust and dread.

One. Bring Tseng breakfast in bed. Well, this one wasn't too bad in itself, Tseng had quite a simple breakfast, and even Reno couldn't make a bowl of cereal spontaneously explode (Toast was quite another matter.) What was the difficulty was the way Tseng relished every mouthful, staring at Reno and taking this as an opportunity to lecture him about his immoral and inappropriate behaviour, especially towards fellow Turks. It was a boring lecture, and Reno nearly ended up falling asleep back on the bed.

Two. Saddle up and feed the grey chocobo. He stared in disbelief at this order. His boss was being beyond evil. It was common knowledge that Smokey was grouchy, and would have your fingers off if she could. It was also common knowledge that the only person in the world she hated more than Reno was Tseng. He approached this task with trepidation, but feeding the bird did not seem to placate her. Trying to put the saddle on became an intricate dance as he tried to repeatedly hop out of the way of that beak, but eventually he succeeded, only mildly pecked.

Three. Give Dark Nation a walk and allow her to play off the leash. This one was little better than a death trap. Dark Nation was the most spoilt pet on Gaia, there was not a toy that she had ever been denied. Yet her favourite toy of all happened to be him, and her second favourite was his possessions, which she would rip with her teeth. The walk cost him a pair of trainers, and she chewed through half of his EMR, leaving it sparking at odd times. He checked the next item and wished he could stay with the giant dog.

Four. Buy Rude some new sunglasses. This chore didn't look anything like as bad as any of the others, especially when it specified the glasses could be charged to company accounts. However, Reno knew his partner well. He ended up spending half of the afternoon being dragged from store to store as Rude tried to find the perfect pair, before he settled on some identical to the last set. Reno was so bored and exhausted that he almost forgot there was one more thing on his list.

Five. Guard Rufus at a party and make sure you both stay sober. Now this was just cruel. Indeed, as he had expected, it lead to an awful evening, of sitting with Rufus, who wanted to be drunk, and wanting his own drink. Rufus tried to engage him in conversation, but with their lack of shared knowledge it rapidly became Rufus insulting him in as many ways as possible. In the end, he had nearly cracked and handed over a glass of wine to make him shut up. But he survived the party, and headed home to bed at nearly three.

Once he got in, he crawled into bed to find a simple note from Tseng pinned to his pillow. He tore it open, hissing as he read it.

"Maybe next time you'll say sorry. Or better, don't do it to start with."

He snorted, and ripped the paper to shreds. Oh he had plans. He was going to get Tseng back for today.