Title: Feel So Close
Pairing: Yukio/Rin (twincest, Okumura-cest)
Summery: What if the bullet was aimed somewhere else? Say, near his heart? What if Rin had died that day? Perhaps, another story of Yukio's recovery. Perhaps, not.
Genre: Romance, Tragedy
Notes: One night, while trying to sleep, I was struck by this sudden urge to write and in my mind, I was "reliving" episode 24 and the many what-if possibilities. This one, the story you are about to read, was the strongest idea that pained my heart while thinking of it. Thus, as mentioned, this is a spoiler alert to those who haven't seen episode 24 and 25.
It's been at least two weeks since the incident.
School was rebuilt and started normally. Regular True Cross students, not those involved in the Exorcist program, felt the need to forget that incident had never happened. It was as simple as that. They, regular humans with no demon interaction, had no need to drown themselves in worries that didn't involve them. Somehow, it made sense.
As for those involved in the Exorcist program, they, too, felt the need to forget themselves. Though, it wasn't that bad. They just felt as if the topic about the Armageddon was taboo. For many reasons, of course.
"We're brothers, aren't we?"
Yukio, dressed in clad black with two gun holsters on his waist and graded papers in his hand, stepped into the classroom hidden magically by the Keys. He eyed the classroom. The usually people were there, except for one.
"I always be right here, Yukio!"
"Alright, I have your tests graded. Please look over your mistakes. Kamiki-san!"
"Yes!" Izumo stood up and went to Yukio to get her test.
The rest of the day was just that: students standing and receiving their tests and looking over their mistakes. By then, the bell rang and class was over. And just like that, the students filed out, but Shiemi stayed behind. Yukio could feel her stare as he started to erase the chalkboard for the teacher.
"O-Oh! Y-Yes! Umm... Yuki-chan... a-are you okay?" Her timid voice had somewhat relaxed Yukio.
She was worried, just like everyone else was. Yukio knew that and, though it was annoying to hear from Mephisto and the other teachers, it was alright coming from Shiemi. It was, he supposed, in her nature to worry, to care. He let a smile on his face as he turned to face her.
"I'm fine, Shiemi. Thank you for asking, however, you should get home before it turns dark again,"
"O-Oh right!" She stood up abruptly, bowed, and ran off before stopping outside the door.
"T-Take care, Yuki-chan!" She turned and smiled at him before running off.
"Shut up, you stupid four-eyes!"
Usually, he'd let a half-sigh come out with his smile still on him. This time, it was different. His smile dropped and suddenly, he felt empty again. His glasses reflected off the light from outside as he stared at the stop where Shiemi once stood. Yukio shook it off before pulling out one of his magical Keys that the chairman gave him and found his dorm Key.
Yukio's been drowning himself in work ever since the incident happened. In fact, he doesn't even remember what happened afterward. After that horrible ring that came from the gun, all he could recall was another gunshot, a sword, and a huge explosion. He didn't want to mention the body that he remembered. He didn't want to remember the body that he held in his hands as blood spilled out. He didn't want to remember the tears that burned his eyes that night.
No, Yukio didn't remember it at all.
"Don't worry, I won't use my sword. Like you said, I gotta use my head more, right?"
"I'm back," He looked over to his bed and found Kuro wrapped up in a ball and sleeping peacefully. Ever since then, Kuro became his familiar and decided to sleep in his bed with him. Yukio made no complaints, because he probably felt it too: the emptiness. Even drowning himself with work, despite Mephisto's offer of a week in vacation, didn't help him. Yukio had told him that he had a duty to his students. In the end, all it did was remind him of him.
Whenever he called the students out, he would always pause at the one name that no longer belonged there. Whenever he fought a demon and pulled out his gun, his palms would start to sweat. Whenever he shot it, the ring would become deafening, as if the gun was really right next to his ear. Whenever he went to school and the teacher would call him out, his arms would go numb.
Going home, too, was painful. Ukobach would be there, cooking like normal, yet, whenever he ate there, the food would always taste weird. Weird as if it didn't have any seasoning, yet it had seasoning. The smell as well smelt bitter at times and even when he went to get ready for school, the toothpaste in his mouth felt like plastic.
It was sickening.
"Don't look down on me. I won't fight against my own brother,"
After changing out of his Exorcist clothing, he sported a plain, white shirt with some black shorts he had found. Today is different, he thought as he went over to his desk and started working on his homework. Today was different. He felt something pull him over like an invisible force. His hand twitched. Yukio looked over at his hand, the hand that twitched, the hand that held his pen. He lowered his eyes.
Yukio looked behind him. Kuro was still sleeping on his bed though now, he was outstretched on his blankets. Then he looked over; he didn't know why. He stared at the empty bedside before standing up and walking towards it.
What was it that was different today? He wondered as he stood and stared at the empty bed. No one has touched the bed ever since the incident. Nii-san... He climbed on top of the bed and watched Kuro toss and turn on his sheets on the other side of the room. He took off his glasses and put them underneath the bed.
He held his brother close to him as the blood split. Tears streamed down his face and he didn't know how to stop them.
"N-Nii-san...Wake up..." Yukio embraced him more.
"Y-Yukio..." Rin forces himself to open his eyes. He is met with tears.
Yukio stared down. His face lit up in happiness before realizing the inevitable. He didn't want him to die. He never meant to kill him like that. Yukio could never kill his brother like this!
Yukio found himself wrapping himself around the blankets of his brother and burying his head against the pillow. The blankets were cold. The pillow was cold. He was cold. And he couldn't do anything.
"Heh, making a face like that..." Rin coughed out.
Yukio blinked. There... was a smile on his face when Rin said it. There was blood that slid down his mouth and chin yet, there was a smile on his brother's face. Why are you smiling, idiot! He wanted to yell at him. He wanted to smack him around until he got his senses straight.
"D-Don't smile, Nii-san... Please..."
The tears finally came out. They finally came out and he felt empty. All emotions rushed out from him. Sadness for the death of his dear brother, regret for shooting him, guilt because it was his fault, and anger because it just wasn't fair! It was never fair! Never, ever! Dammit...
And he continued to smile. He continued to smile as if his own twin brother didn't just shoot him. He continued to smile as the Gehenna Gate started to disconnect itself from the school rooftop. He continued to as the screams of the townsfolk echoed above the clouds and into the heavens. He continued to smile as if it didn't hurt at all.
"I-I.. I love you, Nii-san..."
Rin paused, his smile dropping as he blinked in confusion. What came out of his throat was akin to a scoff but it was covered up by a harsh, blood-filled cough. Yukio watched in utter fear as the blood escaped his throat and slid down his chin.
Now, he realized what was different today. Yukio blinked away his tears, but he can quickly feel them coming back again. The past days, the past two weeks, he never felt one ounce of his brother near him. He couldn't feel that protective atmosphere whenever he was near his brother. He never felt that warm smile creeping towards his face whenever he saw or heard of his brother (even if it's by the other teachers). That was what was different today.
Today, as he laid on the bed of his deceased brother, he could feel some warmth coming from it. Yukio could feel as if Rin was laying right next to him. He could smell that distinct smell of cleanliness and honey from the pillows. He could actually feel that someone was there with him, watching over him. Yukio could feel himself smile as more tears fell.
"Nii-san... you're here, aren't you?"
"I love you, Nii-san. That's why you shouldn't die... t-that's why –"
Yukio blinked. He watched a poor attempt of a laugh as more blood came sliding down his chin. He knew? Yukio felt confused. So many questions, he wanted to ask, like how did he know or what he thought he meant, but there wasn't any time for that.
"That's because I love Yukio too," Rin replied back, his smile completely wiped off.
"That's why I was smiling. I want to see that smile... Yukio's smile. I want to see that smile that only you can give me. Please, Yukio."
Yukio looked down. His heart heaved and he felt like he couldn't breathe. It was painful to be near Rin. Heck, it was always painful just looking at Rin. He never knew if his brother felt the same way as him, and, even if he did, it would still be considered odd since they were twin brothers. It was painful being in the shadow of the older brother who could do the things that he most desperately desired to do. Yukio may have been a genius: training to become an Exorcist since the age of six, receiving a scholarship to the Academy. But Rin... Rin was something more. Something he desperately desired to become and desired to have.
"Nii-san's an idiot," he smiled. He bent down and gave a chaste kiss, something he hoped his brother would understand just how much he loved him.
Silence. Nothing but silence filled the room. The moon, whose light once covered up by clouds, came in like rays of sunshine. Suddenly, Yukio felt like he was being engulfed by warm air. He welcomed it, however. He embraced that warm feeling inside of him and slipped slowly into slumber with one absolute: his brother would always be there; his brother will always still love him.
Every day since, whenever he would come home, he would make sure to welcome back Rin. Even if Kuro wasn't there, he would still say "I'm home" in the empty room. Before he would leave in the morning, he would make sure he had a good five minutes with just sitting on Rin's bed and embracing the warm silence surrounding him. Sometimes, Kuro would come too. He would sit at the edge of the bed and just sleep there, making himself comfortable. Whenever Yukio passed by the kitchen area and saw Ukobach, he would make tell him that his brother said hello.
Sometimes, however, he would have those nights where he felt drowned in a sea of sorrow and pushed down in a dark abyss.
He would fight against it. But not alone, never alone. Because he knew that there was someone there that would welcome him with open arms; that he would always be there for him and he'll always love him.