Title: Five conversations going on while the Destiny crew is doing laundry
Author: Shenandoah Risu
Rating: NC17 - Mature Content
Content Flags: Nekkid people doing laundry. 'Nuff said, you know?
Spoilers: vague ones for all of SGU
Characters: the Destiny crew
Word Count: 1,581
Summary: Welcome to the Destiny laundry facility!
Author's Notes: Written for prompt set #138 at the LJ Comm sg1_five_things.
Disclaimer: I don't own SGU. I wouldn't know what to do with it. Now, Young... Young I'd know what to do with. ;-)
Thanks for reading! Feedback = love.
Five conversations going on while the Destiny crew is doing laundry
Welcome to the Destiny laundry facility! Your laundry time has been assigned via a lottery system with regards to gender (at least as far as I can tell), as it will be necessary for most of you to do your wash in the nude. Please do NOT enter the compartment unless it is your assigned time, so embarrassing situations and potential voyeurism can be duly avoided.
PS: If anyone still needs a laundromate (Ha! Ha! Get it?) please let Cpl. Barnes know.
PPS: For equipment problems please see Airman Dunning. He's the plumbing expert, so don't come crying to me.
PPPS: Anybody wanna do laundry with me?
Monday, 2-4pm: TJ and Vanessa
"I see you've been shot before, Vanessa."
"Me? No. Why?"
"That scar there, on your left butt cheek."
"Oh no. That was totally me."
"You shot yourself in the ass?"
"Poked, more like it."
"Oh, TJ, It's really rather embarrassing... I was helping my neighbor build a tree house for his kid, and I sat down on a nail."
"'Ouch' is right. The doctors at the emergency room laughed themselves silly. It hurt, too, but apparently it's a medic's best day when someone comes in with a butt injury of some sort."
"Unless they've had one before, and then it's not funny anymore."
"What about yours, there on your back?"
"On your right shoulder blade."
"Grandma's kitty. I was cleaning his litter box when he jumped on my back. Couldn't find purchase – out came the claws... What's with the gash on your shin?"
"Fell off my bike when I was a kid. It was bruised, too – looked really nasty. Hey, you got a matching one on the other shin!"
"Scooter accident. I needed fourteen stitches. Got it at the hospital, though, even though my dad threatened me he would fix it himself, he was so mad. I think he was just really scared. Oh, and you've had your appendix out?"
"Yep. Almost died, too – it burst in the middle of a maneuver in basic training. Had emergency surgery, like in M.A.S.H. So needless to say they weren't worried about my future as a bikini model. Say, how are the Kidney Brothers' cuts healing up?"
"'The Kidney Brothers'?"
"Sounds like a 60s folk duo, doesn't it?"
"Yeah... they're doing great. Volker wanted cross stitches, 'cause he likes to sew and cross stitch and stuff, but I told him no. Embroidery is not my thing."
"We should get him to show us, though. I have some serious rips in my undies."
"Me too! Well, Dr. Volker to the rescue. I'm glad someone on this tub knows how to fix clothes."
Wednesday, 7am-9am: Young and Rush
"Well ooh yah cun', the rumors are all true!"
"What the hell are you talking about Rush?"
"Well, Colonel, I must say – I didn't give it much thought... But now..."
"I thought they were being facetious at first, you know, the opposite, really."
"Damn it, Rush..."
"No, don't stick your underwear in with mine! Your stuff is all black – it might bleed."
"Fine. Gimme that. Now what about the rumors?"
"Then I thought, oh well, they are speaking in metaphor, that it must be some kind of military jargon."
"What the fuck?"
"You really do have a beautiful cock, Colonel."
"I said, you have a beautiful cock. The rumors are true."
"Close your mouth, Colonel, it's getting drafty in here."
"Tell me – tell me – instead of working on fixing this ship you're not talking about my privates!"
"Well, there's not that much else to talk about around here."
"Oh, cripes, I gotta sit down..."
"Come on, now. For once in my life I'm trying to pay you a compliment and you faint on me like a trembling virgin."
"No, no, get up – I want to see what all the scuttlebutt is all about."
"People talk about my cock?"
"Oh yes. And it seems quite a few have seen it."
"Apparently you have no shame in the showers."
"That has nothing to do with it! People here are on a schedule – if they have to take a shower while I'm in there, who am I to tell them to wait?"
"And it never occurred to you that they might all schedule their showers to coincide with yours? On purpose?"
"Well, at least you don't have a big head about it... apart from, you know –"
"I get it, I get it... And besides, it's not that big."
"Oh please, Colonel – does the phrase 'hung like a horse' mean nothing to you?"
"I'm gonna ask Barnes for another laundromate."
"Ha! Good luck with that. The waiting list includes the entire ship. You could have a different one every week. It would wreak havoc on the rest of the schedule, of course... and Barnes worked so hard on that..."
"I hate you, Rush."
"Thank you, Colonel. You just made my day."
Thursday, 10pm-12 midnight: Eli and Riley
"So, how do these things work?"
"You don't know? No wonder nobody wanted to be laundromates with you, Eli."
"Oh, shut up, Riley. That's not what I meant, and you know it."
"You need to ask Dunning about the plumbing intricacies. Not my turf."
"No, seriously? I mean – those signs with the little drawings?"
"Open door. Insert clothes. Close door. Push button to start. How hard can it be, Eli?"
"Now, look... it could be the instructions for an airlock: Open door – insert victim – close door – push button to space."
"That 'victim' doesn't have a head, hands or feet, doofus. It's clearly meant to represent a uniform."
"But it's screaming! See?"
"Those are soap bubbles."
"I think it's screaming. I'm scared to put my clothes in there, every time. What if they're being tortured in there?"
"It's the only set I have! What if they fall apart in there? What if they decide to mutiny? What if my shirt suddenly says 'You are no longer here'?"
"For goodness sakes, Eli, just get on with it. We only get this one time slot per week. What is your fucking problem anyway? You want me to turn around?"
"Cheese and crackers... I swear I'm gonna sign up with Brody next week."
"I would, too!"
"Riley... come on."
"All right. But you gotta get over this nudity thing."
"I'm working on it."
Saturday, 12noon-2pm: Lisa and Camile
"You know what's funny, Camile?"
"I mean, not funny-ha-ha-funny. Just – interesting-funny."
"No. What's funny?"
"You and I have the exact same color nipples."
"No, here, look. See?"
"Hmm. That is pretty unusual."
"I've just never know anyone with the exact same color nipples as mine."
"You know what, Lisa? I've never given it much thought... but I guess you're right."
"My grandmother is Korean. Do you think it might have something to do with that?"
"An ethnic thing? I don't know. Maybe."
"You don't look at other women's nipples?"
"No, not really... I am happily married."
"Oh, right. What about Sharon?"
"What about her?"
"I won't tell – Scout's Honor!"
"Sharon is a ginger... Scandinavian heritage. Hers are very pretty and pink."
"I bet you miss her a lot."
"I've been cheating on my boyfriend since day one. But it's ok, because I know he cheats on me, too. And now it really doesn't matter to me anymore. He's moved on, and I got my own little harem."
"You're a lucky lady, Lisa."
"I know I am. Oh, hey – dryers are done!"
Sunday, 9am-11am: Greer and Scott
"So, Ronald, I gotta ask... how is this thing with Dale and Lisa working, exactly?"
"What do you mean, how is it working? It's working, isn't it?"
"Well, I've heard about threesomes before, I've just never really known anyone who was actually in one. I mean, one that works."
"You know three of them, brother: Dale, Lisa and me."
"Oh come on, Ronald – you know what I mean."
"As in – who does whom?"
"Well... uh... yes, among other things."
"Oh, let's see. Usually Lisa starts out with Dale, because, you know, she's a girl, so she can go a coupla times in a row..."
"Then she does me next, but only to a point because then I get to go and do Dale."
"You-... seriously? You fuck Volker?"
"Sure, why not? Sometimes he does me, but he much prefers it the other way round. He's so totally a bottom, he loves it. And Lisa likes to watch, so everybody's happy."
"Wow. And here I thought you guys just took turns with the girl."
"Ha – don't make me laugh, brother. This is Lisa we're talking about. Damn near insatiable, she is. And man, when she rides you-"
"Oh, TMI, TMI!"
"She's definitely a top, Lisa is. What about Chloe and you?"
"Come on. Spill, white boy."
"Well, you know I'm kinda the old-fashioned guy..."
"But Chloe's a top, right?"
"Oh yes. Wait. How did you know that?"
"I dunno. She just strikes me as being a take-charge kinda girl. Hey, those are my briefs."
"Sorry. Here you go."
"We seem to have a lot of those on this tub."
"No – take-charge girls."
"You're telling me!"
"We're a bunch of lucky dogs, when it comes right down to it."
"Yup. Preach it, brother."
Thanks for reading! A comment or review would be greatly appreciated!