Based on the story Are You My Mother? With apologies to P.D. Eastman.


A Vulcan Spock sat beside his husband's biobed in Sickbay.

The unconscious Captain Jim stirred.

"Indeed," thought Spock. "My husband will be awake. He will want to eat."

"I must get something for my husband Jim to eat," he thought. "I shall return."

So away he went.

The Captain Jim stretched. He stretched, and stretched, and stretched!

Open popped the Captain Jim's eyes!

"Where is my Spock?" he said.

He wanted to find him.

He looked up. He did not see him.

He looked down. He did not see him.

"I will go and look for him," he said.

So away he went.

Out of sickbay and down the turbolift he went.

Down, down, down! It was a long way down.

The Captain Jim knew he had a Spock. He knew he had a Spock, but he could not remember what he looked like. "Now I will go and find my Spock," he said.

He did not know his Spock was getting him food. He went right by the mess hall. He did not see his Spock in the mess hall.

He came to a Keenser. "Are you my Spock?" he said.

The Keenser just looked and looked. It did not say a thing.

The Keenser was not his Spock, so he went on.

Then he came to a Sulu.

"Are you my Spock?" he said to the Sulu.

"No," said the Sulu.

The Keenser was not his Spock. The Sulu was not his Spock.

So the Captain Jim went on.

"I have to find my Spock!" he said. "But where? Where is he? Where could he be?"

Then he came to a Chekov. "Are you my Spock?" he said to the Chekov.

"I am not your Spock. I am a Chekov," said the Chekov.

The Keenser was not his Spock. The Sulu was not his Spock. The Chekov was not his Spock. So the Captain Jim went on. Now he came to a Scotty.

"Are you my Spock?" he said to the Scotty.

"How could I be your Spock?" said the Scotty. "I am a Scotty."

The Keenser and the Sulu were not his Spock. The Chekov and the Scotty were not his Spock. Did he have a Spock?

"I did have a Spock," said the Captain Jim. "I know I did. I have to find him. I will. I WILL!"

Now the Captain Jim did not walk. He ran!

Then he saw a tribble. Could that fluffy thing be his Spock? No, it could not.

The Captain Jim did not stop. He ran on and on.

Now he looked out a window, way way out. He saw a shuttle. "There he is!" said the Captain Jim. He called out to the shuttle, but the shuttle did not stop. The shuttle went on.

He looked way, way down a Jeffreys tube. He saw a whiskey still. "Here I am, Spock," he called out.

But the whiskey still did not answer. The whiskey still gurgled on.

Just then, the Captain Jim saw a grouchy thing. This must be his Spock! "There he is!" he said. "There is my Spock!"

He ran right up to it. "Spock, Spock! Here I am, Spock!" he said to the grouchy thing.

But the grouchy thing just said, "Damnit."

"Oh, you are not my Spock," said the Captain Jim. "You are a Damnit. I have to get out of here."

But the Captain Jim could not get away. The Damnit put him in a floaty chair and the chair went zoom. It went zoom, zoom. And zoom, zoom, zoom went the Captain Jim.

But now, where was the Damnit going?

"Oh, oh, oh! What is this Damnit going to do to me? Get me out of here!"

Just then, the Damnit came to a stop.

"Where am I?" said the Captain Jim. "I want to go home. I want my Spock!"

Then something happened.

The Damnit put that Captain Jim right back in the biobed. The Captain Jim was home!

Just then the Vulcan Spock came back to Sickbay. "Do you know who I am?" he said to his husband.

"Yes, I know who you are," said the Captain Jim.

"You are not a Keenser.

"You are not a Sulu.

"You are not a Chekov.

"You are not a Scotty.

"You are not a shuttle, or a whiskey still, or a Damnit!"

"You are a Vulcan, and you are my Spock."


Just a happy little pre-Valentine's Day morsel. :)