A/N: Edited 1/14/13
I don't own Glee or any characters but I've asked them to send me my own clone of Chris Colfer. He'd be nice to have around.
BlaineWarbler is now following you (K_Hummel).
Bio: My sister once called the Federales and told them that I was a cum smuggler. #QueSeraSera
Tweets: 56,894 Following: 984 Followers: 314
Kurt read the email and almost choked on his coffee. A cum smuggler? Really? He sat his mug down and logged into his account. Another day, another follower.
k_Hummel: I just got a very interesting new follower. BlaineWarbler #CumSmuggler?
With the tweet sent, he began to scroll his timeline.
SatanLopez: K_Hummel BlaineWarbler CUM SMUGGLING? #Wanky
K_Hummel: SatanLopez BlaineWarbler I have no idea. We'll have to ask him sometime.
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel SatanLopez I was framed. I don't know how that got there! #Framed
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler SatanLopez ::skeptical glare:: Uh huh….I'm sure.
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel SatanLopez You caught me. It was just that one time. ;)
Kurt gave up on his coffee. He was going to choke to death if he continued to drink it. BlaineWarbler was outrageous.
Eventually, the conversation died down and Kurt began to scan the other tweets on his timeline once again.
MercedesBenz92: Heading out to lunch with TroutyMouth. #IHOPHowRomantic ::sarcasm::
TinaCChangx2: My dad is so pissed that I got an A- on Mr. Shue's Spanish test. #AsianF
Mike_Chang: TinaCChangx2 It'll be okay, baby. I love you. 3
Kurt rolled his eyes at their puppy dog love and continued to scroll.
MCArtieA: Come on Sugar_Baby we can go to Breadstix.
Sugar_Baby: MCArtieA We'll look funny. I mean you'll be in a wheel chair.
MCArtieA: Sugar_Baby You'll be sitting down too! No one will be able to tell the difference.
BritneySPierce: I can't find Lord Tubbington's shoes. He keeps telling me he wants to go for a walk but we can't go without shoes.
Kurt told Brittany time and time again that she spelled her name wrong but she just wouldn't listen. He was about to log off when he saw a tweet from his very interesting and very attractive (based on his avatar) new follower/followee.
BlaineWarbler: Sometimes I want to kiss you on the mouth to keep you from saying such ridiculous things.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler I love 30 Rock. Tina Fey is my goddess.
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel Holy crap. Everyone always looks at me crazy when I say that. My boyfriend tells me it's weird. I'm glad someone gets the reference.
Attractive, cum smuggling BlaineWarbler was gay and had a boyfriend. Well, Kurt couldn't be too disappointed. They were probably worlds apart and it was Twitter after all. For all he knew BlaineWarbler was a serial killer. He replied none the less.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler Yep. I watch it religiously. Boyfriend, huh? How long?
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel a few months. You? Your bio says you're one of my brethren.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler none. Ohio isn't exactly overflowing with gay guys.
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel SHUT THE FUCK UP! You're from Ohio? I grew up in Ohio. In Westerville. Where in Ohio?
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler Lima. Westerville isn't that too far. That's crazy.
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel I know right. Did you go to McKinley? I used to go out there when my school's football team played theirs.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler I GO to McKinley.
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel I went to Dalton. I'm at NYU right now. I definitely know what you mean about the lack of gay men in Ohio. I didn't get a boyfriend until I moved to New York.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler well, it looks like it'll be that way for me too. : (
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel : ( I hope you find a boyfriend. You seem nice enough. If you don't, if you ever visit New York, I'll set you up with someone.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler You don't even know me and I have no intentions of going to New York any time soon.
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel Hush! Everyone wants to come to New York and does anyone really know anyone? You can know someone for years and not know them. #DroppingKnowledge
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler #AllFailEverything
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel Oh whatever. You know it's true. : )
BlaineWarbler: Enjoy your day K_Hummel. Maybe we'll chat later.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler you have a good day as well and no more cum smuggling.
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel I can't make any promises. ;)
Kurt logged out and closed his laptop. That was the most peculiar conversation he'd ever had and that was saying a lot because it was Twitter after all.
A week later, Kurt got up early to post his daily outfit. Each morning, he got up early and put together a mindblowing ensemble. He then posted it online for the world to see.
K_Hummel: Today's outfit is…
There was a picture of him wearing a red turtle neck, a blue blazer, skinny jeans, and knee high Doc Martins. He was doing the standard self portrait pose in front of a full length mirror. Needless to say, the replies flooded in.
HeavenOnEarth54: K_Hummel as usal u look grate.
Dawg4Lyfe: K_Hummel Damn boy.
DM: BeerAndFootBall: K_Hummel you always look good. I live for the pics. Maybe you could send me some PRIVATE ones.
Kurt had a lot of creepers but he'd be lying if he said he didn't love the attention. It was something he lacked in the real world; for the most part, at least. So, he posted his outfits and preened when his followers complimented him about them.
RachelBarbraBerry: K_Hummel Nice outfit. I'm sure that you'll be pleased with mine as well.
There was a picture attached of Rachel wearing a fuzzy sweater with a reindeer on it. She was also adorned in a beige pleated skirt, navy knee highs, and loafers. What in the actual fuck? Kurt sighed.
K_Hummel: RachelBarbraBerry it's…..great! : )
MercedesBenz92: K_Hummel Please don't lie to her.
K_Hummel: MercedesBenz92 I had to. I just….I just couldn't with that outfit.
MercedesBenz92: K_Hummel LOL true. Too true.
Kurt eventually made it off the mentions page and back onto his timeline. Like clockwork, BlaineWarbler was there.
BlaineWarbler: Now I know why people cry in the shower. It's private and people can't tell the difference between your tears and the water drops on your face.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler I get the crying in the shower part but tweeting in the shower? That seems dangerous.
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel Eh…
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler Eh?
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel EH! Lol…I'm not tweeting in the shower.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler So, you're not tweeting in the shower but you're crying in the shower?
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel not anymore.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler Wanna talk about it?
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel Not really. Besides, I'm not really comfortable laying it out for someone I don't know.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler We already established that we don't know each other. Our lack of knowing each other didn't stop you from trying to set me up with people though.
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel True. I'm serious about that too.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler I bet you are. Anyways, if you do want to talk about it, DM me.
BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel Thanks for the offer but I'm fine.
K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler Suit yourself!
Later that evening, Kurt was getting ready for bed when he received a notification on his phone. He had a new DM.
DM BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel Sorry for seeming snippy earlier. I just found out some bad news.
DM K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler Don't even worry about it. Are you okay now?
DM BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel I will be.
DM K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler Good.
DM BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel Good.
DM BlaineWarbler: K_Hummel : )
DM K_Hummel: BlaineWarbler Back atcha!
Kurt put his phone on the charger and headed off to sleep. Unbeknownst to him, BlaineWarbler wasn't having such a peaceful sleep. He was lying awake, next to his cheating boyfriend, thinking about K_Hummel. He couldn't get over how intriguing their conversations were. He'd met tons of people online but none like this guy. He was different; that's why Blaine followed him in the first place. He could just tell that K_Hummel was different; in a good way of course.
Eventually Blaine let the thoughts drift out of his head and he fell into a deep slumber. One filled with cheeky remarks and good conversations. It was one of the most content nights that he'd had all year.
A/N: Thoughts? This was my first actual stories (back when I didn't have a beta) so I've decided to go back through and revise it. It'll take a while because I'm lazy as fuck. But that's what I'm doing.