In the land of Ooo anything is possible. Dreams come to life in a matter of moments and lives are extinguished in a matter of seconds. Talking dogs are able to stretch themselves to the size of an auditorium and lemons can be made into lemonade.

For Finn the hero, now 18 years old in this story, a simple scratch was all it took to catalyze his descent into darkness.


She slashed at his neck, then his spine, then his face, all in a flash of a second. Blood emanating from the newly formed wounds, her opponent fell to the earthen ground throat slashed and eyes in a dead gaze. The mouth gave one last squeal before the body expired. Satisfied with the creature's death, Marceline steadily floated to the pool around the man-bear-pig and greedily lapped up the blood that began to pool around the carcass.

"Mmmmmm…that felt good" she said after having her fill of the beast. With fresh blood dripping from the edges of luscious lips Marceline continued through the maze.

In the past 1000 years she had been a vampire, Marceline had forbidden herself from consuming the blood of any living being. All except those that got in her way.

The once formidable creature that was only five minutes ago swinging its paw and hand around in a mad attempt at slashing and/or grabbing Marceline was now a mound of bloodied fur and bruised skin. The bear-like head of the creature that bellowed and roared its fierce roaring was now silent and left with its mouth agape as if in amazement of the fate it found itself in.

'I wonder what Finn tastes like' Marceline thought to herself before chuckling at the question.

Staring at her surroundings, Marceline began to realize something.

'Damn it, this is the same spot in the maze with that fork in the bush. How long have I been in this stupid place anyways?'

Zipping past corners at an astonishing speed, the vampire attempted to traverse the entire concrete maze in the shortest amount of time. The images of the large cracks and bloodstains in the concrete walls of the maze began to become blurred as Marceline flew faster. The wind was racing through her raven black hair and the light of the full moon barely illuminated her dark and slim figure which at this point looked like a shadow at the speed she was going.

Flying higher, the concrete walls of the maze only raised themselves up to Marceline's position. Flying lower, Marceline continued to zip past corners and other beasts that tried in vain to lunge at her. 'Stupid animals' Marceline thought to herself.

Finally stopping at a wall with a large picture of an eye Marceline comes to a halt. The abruptness of Marceline's speed causes dust to envelope the spot at which she stands. Coughing from the dusty apparatus she suddenly found herself in while dusting off her torn skinny jeans, Marceline begins to make out something else on the wall with the image of the eye.

The wall itself was much like any other wall in the maze, save for the eye, but was somehow distinguishable among the rest. It was round and red much like Marceline's eyes but was about 100x larger in diameter than her own. In addition, there seemed to be swelling in some areas, especially where the veins consolidated, and a kind of white pus that seeped out and fell to the dirt floor of the maze before fizzing.

Marceline stared at the eye and the eye stared back at her for a good 10 seconds.

"Math this!" she said before punching the eye in its cornea

As Marceline retracted her dirtied hand, the eye immediately closed shut and the wall it was embedded in began to sink into the ground. In the empty space behind the wall was a small garden. Past the perfectly trimmed shrubs and marble benches with the inscription voulez vous le manger one could see a floating ruby in the shape of a human buttocks.

Held in awe at the sight of the redness of the buttocks shaped ruby Marceline slowly approached the object. During the walk to the ruby buttocks Marceline's footsteps made loud noises characteristic of the red cowboy boots she wore. It reverberated against the stone walls surrounding the garden and may have very well alerted the other creatures of the maze as to the location the vampire queen. Noticing the noise, Marceline decided it best to simply float to the ruby.

However, as Marceline began to get closer to the ruby red posterior something strange happened to her vision. With every few feet crossed towards the object Marceline began experiencing random visions and hallucinations. At one moment an image of an old lady dying at her feet is seen, blood pooling around her neck from the fresh bite wound she sustained. The next moment Marceline's vision returns to normal but is quickly replaced by an image of teeth being dug into a male teenager's neck as he weakly whispers out the sentence Marceline…it's me Finn…please stop. The series of images soon becomes a swirling menagerie of inarticulate sounds and splotches of red. Her knees begin to buckle, her back arches and her hair swings around wildly as Marceline shakes her head around in a vain attempt at stopping the whole experience.

Just as an image of a giant golden owl hooting disappeared in her mind, Marceline regained her control of her thoughts. "That was weird" she said to herself. Normally Marceline's episodes of uncontrolled image synthesis and memory recollection were reserved for when she ate something green. For some reason eating the color green always gave Marceline explosive diarrhea. Of course this was not the thought that crossed Marceline's mind at the moment. Her attention was once again focused on claiming the floating ruby red butt.

"For Finn" she muttered to herself before grabbing the object.

Upon Marceline's touch the red ruby buttocks emitted what sounded like a fart and exploded. The explosion sent hundreds of minuscule ruby shards shooting towards Marceline. Caught off guard by the smell of methane, Marceline attempted to roll out of the way of the shards only to have a dozen glowing red ruby shards, each an inch long, embed themselves in Marceline's neck.

Immediately blood began to ooze from the perforations, the old fang marks and from the vampire queen's nose. After a period of 12 seconds and a few startled gasps for air Marceline was laying motionless on the ground, raven hair splayed about in every direction.

Meanwhile, at a giant treehouse…

Scotty doesn't know,
That Fionna and me,
Do it in my van every Sunday.

She tells him shes in church,
But she doesn't go,
Still shes on her knees, and...

Scotty doens't know, oh.
Scotty doesn't know-oh.
So don't tell Scotty!
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know.
SO DON'T TELL SCOTTY!

Fionna says shes out shopping,
But shes under me and I'm not stopping.

Cuz Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know.
So don't tell Scotty.
Scotty doesn't knoooooow...
DON'T TELL SCOTTY!

I can't believe he's so trusting,
While I'm right behind you thrusting.

Fionna's got him on the phone,
and she's trying not to moan.
It's a three way call,
and he knows nothing.
NOTHING!

Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Don't tell Scotty.
Cuz Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't knoooooow...
SO DON'T TELL SCOTTY!

We'll put on a show, everyone will go.
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't knoooooow...

The, parking lot, why not?
It's so cool when you're on top.
His front lawn, in the snow.
Laughing so hard, cuz...

Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know.

The lyrics boomed from a blue male humanoid creature dressed in a torn black shirt and camo shorts. A large crowd of even stranger creatures ranging from elongated rainbow colored unicorns, yellow dogs, cloud shaped people, living candies and talking bears danced on the tree top of a dance floor. In the center of the crowd was a yellow dog dressed in a tuxedo doing the robot with a female unicorn.

"Woohooooooo! This party is so crazy!" said a human wearing a white bear hat. He was the only human at the party despite the large number of creatures that seemed to represent all the biodiversity of the land. The boy didn't seem perturbed by how alone he may have looked in the crowd of colorful talking animals. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying the company of so many different beings all at once regardless of how dissimilar his own body may have been compared to the others.

"Well it has to be Finn, this is my wedding party to Lady Rainicorn!" The yellow dog in a tuxedo yelled to the human boy over the music.

"I know dude! I still can't believe it's happened. Congratulations Jake!"

I did her on his birthday.

Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Scotty doesn't know,
Don't tell Scotty.
Scotty doesn't knoooooow...

Scotty will know,
Scotty has to know,
Scotty's gotta know,
Gonna tell Scotty,
Gonna tell him myself.

Scotty has to know,
Scotty has to know,
Scotty has to,
Scotty has to,
Scotty has to go!

"Hey how's that scratch on your arm feel?" the dog said with a slight worried expression.

"Better already!" Finn said as he wiggled his arms around like spaghetti noodles.

"Ah yeah! That's right! You're a tough hombre, you can handle anything Finn!"

"Yeah man! I'm unstoppable!" said Finn with added emphasis on the L. Although as he said his reply to Jake he made a cursory glance at he wound he sustained on his arm. It did not look serious, just three clean red lines each a foot long. Still, Finn could not help but scrunch up his face in anger at the hairy beast that had caused the injury. However, his feelings of anger were quickly replaced by happiness when he remembered that he practically degutted the wolf-like creature that had scratched him. Finn became even more happy when his favorite part of the song came up.

Scotty doesn't know,
(Don't tell Scotty)
Scotty doesn't know,
(Don't tell Scotty)
Scotty doesn't know...
Scotty's gotta go!

The whole night continued much the same way, with music blaring loudly across a flat grass plain and a starry night sky to compliment the scenery. Even when a large cinnamon bun type man thing fell from the tree and crash into the hard ground, everyone was having a good time. Although they wouldn't be having such a merry time once the sleep deprivation and nausea from the overconsumption of sweets kicked in the following morning.

Back at the maze…

'He's gonna die. Finn will die and it's all my fault.' The thought repeated itself inside Marceline's head. Despite the fact that ruby shards were jutting from her neck and burning quite painfully inside her flesh, Marceline seemed to ignore it. She lay on the dirt floor of a garden for the rest of the night between two healthy green bushes and two white marble benches.

Disclaimers:

I do not own Adventure Time

I do not own Lustra's awesome song Scotty Doesn't Know