So, I Have another Obsession: Pride & Prejudice … Shocker, I Know … So, This Is Meh Latest Obsession, and Strangely I've Never Acted Upon It. Well, Until Now At Least. I Wrote This Scene Because It Is An Important Scene To Meh & Because Is Meh Favorite Scene. See, No One Ever Thinks Of Mr. Darcy And What He Feels…So, I Decided To Do It For Those Who Can't, Or Won't. BTW, I Have a Fetish for Mr. Darcy & have Therefore Wrote This Scene in HIS POV...
Disclaimer: I Own Nothing! I Copied The Speech From The Movie & So All Credit Must Be Given To Jane Austen Entirely! The Only Thing I Own Is Meh Appreciation Of Mr. Darcy & His Thoughts In This!
Despite his mind screaming against it, he followed her through the rain. He couldn't help it. He had not spoken to her privately since the ill-fated ball Charles had held. It was on that night that he'd began thinking of Miss Elizabeth nonstop until it was almost an obsession. His aunt had sent word that she would be coming to Rosings and his heart leapt at the idea of seeing her again. He had made the journey there quickly, desperate to see her.
And now, after feeling her eyes on him during the sermon, which her cousin had given, he could stand it no longer. He'd made sure to keep his distance until it was safe, and even then he came around the opposite side of the building than she had. He walked around the curve in the old building and saw her leaning against the cold stone, her hair soaking wet and sticking to her forehead. She glanced to her left and gasped upon seeing him. It is now or never, he thought to himself as he approached her. Taking a deep breath, he spoke.
"Miss Elizabeth," he began, "I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment! I came to Rosings with the object of seeing you…I had to see you." God give me mercy. "I have fought against my better judgment, my family's expectations, the inferiority of your birth, my rank and circumstance all these things I'm willing to put them aside and ask you to end my agony." My dear, how beautiful you are. She paused for a few moments before replying.
"I do not understand…" how confused and anxious she sounded.
"I love you," he blurted out, too overwhelmed with feelings to care, "most ardently. Please do me the honor of accepting my hand." The look she gave him could've made the rain fall harder. Please, do not refuse me my love. My heart could not bear it…
"Sir, I-I appreciate the struggle you've been through and am sorry to have caused you pain." She paused for half a breath. "Believe me it was unconsciously done." No…
"Is this your reply?" It couldn't be! Please, my love!
"Yes, sir." Her voice was tinged with a slight hesitancy and his heart felt as if it would stop any moment.
"Are you…Are you laughing at me?" He knew how she loved to laugh and tease people. Surely she could not mean to make fun of him! Could she?
"No." One syllable and yet it spoke volumes. He tried to decipher her reaction but he had learned from her that you could only read what she would show, nothing more. All he read at the moment was rejection and shock.
"Are you rejecting me?" He'd never felt such embarrassment, such hurt in his whole life.
"I'm sure that the feelings in which you've told me have hindered your regard will help you in overcoming it." Such indifference was laced in her features and it tore him apart.
"Might I ask why, with so little endeavor at civility, I am thus repulsed?"
"And I might as well enquire as to why with so evident a design of insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your better judgment!" Oddly how hurt she sounded. He had to fix this!
"No, believe me-…" She cut him off before he could finish explaining, stepping closer to him.
"If I was uncivil, than that is some excuse! But I have other reasons, you know I have."
"What reasons?" He knew he'd ruined things but he had to try.
"Do you think that anything might tempt me to accept the man who ruined, perhaps forever, the happiness of a beloved sister?" She paused to glare at him, for which he could only stare back. How he loved her! "Do you deny it, Mr. Darcy? That you separated a young couple who loved each other, exposing your friend to the center of the world for caprice and my sister to its derision for disappointed hopes. And involving them both in misery of the acutest kind?" Tears pricked in her eyes but she did not shed them.
"I do not deny it." How much of a fool you are, he chastised himself. She gaped openly at him.
"How could you do it?" Her incredulity did not surprise him in the slightest and a wave of guilt consumed him.
"Because I believed your sister indifferent to him."
"I watched them most carefully and realized that his attachment was deeper than hers."
"That's because she's shy!" Her explanation of her sister's lack of emotion annoyed him and angered him.
"Bingley, too, is modest and was persuaded she didn't feel strongly for him!"
"Because YOU suggested it!" Her anger level raised a notch.
On the defensive now, he angrily threw out, "I did it for his own good!" And, in classic Elizabeth, she matched his anger.
"My sister hardly shows her true feelings to me!"
Her declaration stunned him into silence. What a fool I am…My love… She looked down and away from him for a few moments before looking back up. Her eyes held such bitterness.
"I suppose you suspect his fortune had some bearing-…"
"No! I wouldn't do your sister the dishonor! Though it was suggested-…" Her head shot up at him.
"It was made perfectly clear that an advantageous marriage-…" He tried to reason with her.
"Did my sister give that impression?"
"No! No! No. There was, however, I have to admit, the matter of your family."
"Our want of connection?" She had her defenses up and it hurt him so. "Mr. Bingley didn't seem to vex himself about that…"
"No, it was more than that," the fight had all but vanished from him.
"How sir?" She demanded.
"It was the lack of propriety shown by your mother, your three younger sisters, even on occasion, your father!" Thunder rumbled overhead as the rain continued to fall. He couldn't stand to be at the mercy of her anger and of her hurt pride.
"Forgive me," he almost begged, "you and your sister I must exclude from this."
"And what about Mr. Wickham?" She spoke his name with arrogance, still not knowing the truth about the Lieutenant she doted on. He cocked his head and stepped towards her, his eyes narrowing.
"What excuse can you give for your…Your behavior towards him?" He was mere inches from her now and he could simply stretch his hand and it would touch her flesh.
"You take an eager interest in that gentleman's concerns." It bothered him how fixated she seemed to be on the bastard.
"He told me of his misfortunes." Mr. Darcy could have laughed.
"Oh, yes, his misfortunes have been very great indeed. Old memories threatened to captivate him and he was at their mercy.
"You ruin his chances and yet you treat him with sarcasm?" She seemed genuinely repulsed. It hurt him a little more.
"So this is your opinion of me," he said softly. "Thank you for explaining so fully." He did not intend on being harsh with her for it was not her fault that she disliked and didn't trust him. "Perhaps these offenses might have been overlooked had not your pride been hurt by my honesty…"
"My pride?" She cried.
"…In admitting scruples about our relationship. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your circumstances?" His voice betrayed some of the crippling hurt he felt.
"And those are the words of a gentleman. From the first moment I saw you, your arrogance and conceit, your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realize that you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry!" During her speech, she had subconsciously stepped closer to him and now they stood a breadth apart.
He was overcome with a desire so strong, it made him begin to lean towards her. Her breath caught and she leaned in as well. He'd never felt anything as strong as his affections for this woman who stood in front of him, who could not stand him. A barely audible "please" escaped his lips as he glanced down at her mouth. He met her eyes and saw that, yes, she did desire him, but did she care for him?
As their lips began to approach each other, his resolved, for the time being, came back to him and he pulled back.
"Forgive me," he started, "madam, for taking up so much of your time." He blinked back the prick of tears and walked backwards a few steps and began to turn but glanced back at her before turning and walking away from her.
He did not stop walking until he was in the safe enclosures of the room he was staying in. He stripped himself of his clothes and took a bath, allowing the warm water to loosen his muscles. When he finished, he dressed once more and wrote a letter to Miss Elizabeth. With each stroke, his heart tore a little more, but he needed to tell her the truth.
He found her staring into the mirror at Mr. and Mrs. Collins's home.
"I came to leave you this," he mumbled sadly. "I shall not renew the sentiments which were so disgusting to you but, if I may, I will address the two offenses you have laid against me…" Before she could turn, he was gone, riding off on his horse, the destination unknown.
The pain she caused him was almost too much to bear. He rode through the forest, his heart torn between the woman he loved and the woman he is supposed to marry. Duty and Destiny ate at him and he only stopped when he returned home, entering his room and removing his coat and boots. He did not bother redressing in something else, instead he chose to sit by the window and look out upon the lake. The tears he'd refused to shed before threatened to pool over, his mind and heart too distraught at losing Lizzie to care at all.
He did not know, however, that in merely 3 days time, Fate would cause Lizzie to stumble back into his life once again; possibly condemning him further for his love for her could not be tamed. His love for her, he knew, was never-ending and would certainly cause problems with his aunt. But at the moment he did not care because if he could not have Lizzie, than he would accept no other. She had stolen his sanity and his heart, and he often dreamt of her.
"Lizzie…My dear, sweet, Lizzie," he whispered, recalling her beautiful face behind his closed eyes. "…Forgive me." And as he opened them, tears fell from his blue eyes. My love, my life…I am so sorry.
Well, There You Have It. I Get Teary-Eyed When I See This Scene And Whilst Writing It. I Hope You Enjoyed It Immensely & Do Not Flame This Because I Rewrote Their Words…BTW:
I *heart* MR. DARCY! ((( ::: The World Needs More Men Like Him & I Only Wish That I Will Find Meh Own Mr. Darcy (( : .. Well, Adios!