Rules for Living at 221B Baker Street

Inspector Lestrade was on a routine "drugs bust" in 221B (Sherlock had decided to borrow some more evidence) when he came across a neatly typed, laminated sheet of paper pinned to the wall with a penknife. After reading it, he was glad that he only had to go to the apartment to wrangle the occasional limb or pill bottle from Sherlock.

At least he didn't have to live there.

Rules for Living at 221B Baker Street

John's Rules

-I am not allowed to hide Sherlock's nicotine patches for longer than three days. His behavior is erratic enough already.

-I am no longer allowed to attempt to organize Sherlock's papers or books.

-Because now he can't find anything and he's shooting the wall. Again.

-Sherlock taking potshots at the smiley face on the wall is annoying. Me turning around and shooting it repeatedly between the eyes is frightening.

-Especially when Lestrade is in the room.

-Should an armed assassin break into 221B, I am not allowed to swordfight with them, toss them out the window, and hog-tie them with their own bootlaces. I should just knock them out and call Lestrade.

-I should not knock them out and call Mycroft. He probably knows about it already.

Sherlock's Rules

-I am not allowed to tamper with the kettle in any way, shape, or form, Given that we practically live on tea and take-away as it is, taking the tea out of the equation is a Very Bad Idea.

-Should I decide to play the violin at any time between midnight and 6am, I am to play actual music instead of screeching. Nocturnes are preferred, but any music is fine so long as it isn't screeching.

-If I leave any body parts in the fridge, microwave, fireplace, bathtub, or any other area without notifying John/Mrs. Hudson, I shouldn't' be surprised when they are confiscated.

-I WILL repair the wall next time.

-Should I discover that Mycroft has been bugging the flat, I am not allowed to blow up the bugs in a chemistry experiment and send the remains to Mycroft. It creates far too much smoke.

-However, I am allowed to smash them with a hammer and send those remains in.

I am not allowed to redecorate. EVER.