Prompt: "How about a role reversal, have Chell in charge while GlaDOS runs the tests, with Chell having trouble with the "Reward" for successful tests." –Darkseraphlurks

Contains lines from SleepTalkinMan, which is an absolutely hilarious blog that you guys totally need to look up. Many of the things he says are completely GLaDOS-esque. Also contains some kinkmeme prompts.


"Ohhh yes! Yes! Yes! Yeah! WOOHOO!"

Chell shrieked loudly, arching up and thrusting her arms above her head like a woman possessed.

Testing had been so very different since she'd shamefully returned to Aperture after trying and miserably failing to find any trace of the humans which she'd been so desperate to rejoin. As it turned out, she'd had it quite good down there and hadn't even known it. Food, clothing, a bed and shower every now and again. There was none of that on the surface. Beyond the wheat fields there was nothing but nature. Her little hut made of sticks and leaves blowing over in the wind and rain had been the final straw that sent her scurrying back to GLaDOS like a wet rat and begging her to let her in.

She'd test and test and be a good girl if it meant she could stay. No murder or anything, she swore!

Naturally the supercomputer ummed and ahhed over her decision, making the sopping wet test subject stand there shivering as she waited in anticipation for the answer. The answer had eventually been yes, and though the tests were as dangerous as ever, Chell couldn't have been happier. At least she wasn't going to get killed by pits of acid and real bullets anymore. She'd managed to elicit a promise of relative freedom from her and was allowed to rest more frequently and roam about when she wasn't testing. The only consolation she'd had to make on her part was agree to do any of the tests that GLaDOS had put forth.

What could go wrong?

Their animosity towards each other had simmered down to a feisty friendship quite quickly, though it had done nothing to stop GLaDOS and her snarky insults from penetrating the otherworldly silence of the test chambers. This friendship had led to the eventual implementation of a series of bets between them that Chell had instituted after deciding that a little more excitement was necessary beyond the success of solving a particular difficult puzzle.

GLaDOS had been absolutely fine with puzzle solving success, she had insisted, but the test subject was relentless. And so she had been relentless in coming up with horrible things for Chell to do when she lost. All they had to bet with was the time it took for her to solve the puzzles, as GLaDOS had no doubt that she'd end up solving any test thrown at her. So far it had been good. The supercomputer hadn't lost a single bet, and had made sure to make them increasingly more difficult to go through with in hopes that it would put the girl off and sanity could resume. Sadly, her winning streak couldn't last forever, and she had miscalculated the time it would take her in a moment of distraction over a change of pressure in the pipes that were channelling various gels all over the facility.

It was finally time for Chell to get her revenge.

She'd never quite gotten over the last bet she'd lost to her robotic overlord. In a desperate attempt to get the test subject to back out of the bets, GLaDOS had made her complete a test wearing nothing but long fall boots and a portal gun. The bright red blush that had covered her normally pale body made up for the lack of horribly coloured jumpsuit, and the supercomputer just about had a conniption at how many jokes she was able to make that day. She'd hardly known where to start.

There had been something sensuously risqué about the whole experience of flying freely through the air and having its delicious currents caressing her skin. She'd started off awkward and fumbling under the cool gaze of the security cameras that didn't take their red eyes off her for even a second, but by the end of the test she simply strutted right out of there with her head held high. GLaDOS had barely even said a word to her during it after she'd gotten her initial insults out of the way. She'd simply watched in silence, the cameras following her right until the moment where she'd lingered in the emancipation grille which felt quite pleasantly different without clothing.

Chell had sat on the floor of the elevator with her legs tightly pressed together after that particular experience, the blush still liberally coating her cheeks and chest in blotchy pink. She'd retreated to her room after that, more embarrassed about the very real throb of arousal between her legs than her nakedness. Of course, it meant that GLaDOS was quite happy to wake her up every morning for two weeks afterward with a recording of her in the nude, complete with big red arrows to show her all the different parts of her that wiggled and jiggled and turned different colours when she moved. There was nothing sexual about it to the computer, of course. It was just another way for her to make fun of her generous proportions. But ever since hearing Wheatley's moans, she wasn't nearly as sure of her hypothesis. The thought that GLaDOS could have even got a remote bit of pleasure out of watching her, even if it was as a result of testing itself and not her nudity, was still a bit of an issue with her. Chell had spent many a night thinking about it, and had once even ventured to try slipping her hand beneath the bed sheets, ashamedly with the brief thought of the AI's insults in her ear as she had done so.

Those were the first memories she'd ever had of ever even being aroused while within the walls of Aperture, and to feel that particular way toward the disembodied voice of the Enrichment Center was just too weird, even for her. So it was her little secret. Let GLaDOS enjoy her little game of Embarrass Chell. She probably had no idea where her hand was wandering at night. She'd been quite discreet, or so she had thought. Until those little hints started slipping into their everyday conversation.

"Why are you single? Exhibit 1: Your reflection. Case closed."

"See that bit of you that jiggles? Neither can I. It's hard to tell when everything jiggles. Your birth parents must be so ashamed of you."

"I have feelings for you. The kind of feelings that hide under your bed and scare the living hell out of you."

That particular line had Chell checking under the bed to make sure there was nothing there. Namely, security cameras or microphones. Or maybe even frankenturrets. She needn't have worried. The pinprick security cameras were obviously set into the walls and paintings – not under the bed. But it wasn't until they had gotten into a verbal spat one year that she realized that GLaDOS knew exactly what she'd been up to at night when she wasn't with the supercomputer in her chamber.

"I'm the best thing to happen to you since you discovered masturbation."

Oh she was, was she? Well it was about time that the supercomputer proved it. Chell had bided her time and refused to make anymore bets until just recently. And somehow, her patience had paid off. As well as her little bribe to Orange and Blue, who had timed their distraction with the gel pipes perfectly to coincide with the bet being made. As a result, Chell had come out victorious, and was celebrating with a round of dancing around and fist pumping.

"I'm telling you, you can't dance. You just look like a fat pogo stick. Now sit down and tell me what I have to do!" GLaDOS sullenly commanded, her chassis sinking a little in dejection. How on earth had she miscalculated? She had dozens of test examples to work from.

"Alright, alright!" Chell acquiesced, still breathing heavily and sweating all over her nice clean chamber.

What could the lunatic possibly want besides more food and sleep?

The test subject had found it hard to decide on what she wanted as well, and picking cake was far too easy for such a momentous occasion. But thankfully she'd already made her decision long before entering GLaDOS's chamber.

"I want you to prove it."

"Prove what?"

"Prove that you're the best thing to happen to me. I want you to create an android for my birthday."

"Fine. Which do you want? Orange or Blue?" the supercomputer boredly queried.

"Neither. I want you."

"What?"

The metal of the chassis groaned as it spun around to face the test subject standing defiantly with the portal gun resting on her shoulder.

"You heard me. Upload yourself into an android. For my birthday, you're going to be testing for me." A devious grin spread across the dark-haired woman's face.

"That's not even possible, you lunatic. You're not a computer. You're not even connected to this facility, so you can't even make a test for me to complete. Pick something else."

"I never said you'd be doing those kinds of tests. Just make sure you have it as realistic as possible."

"I really don't see how-"

"Just do it. You lost, I won." And with that, she sauntered out of the room.


"Happy birthday. I see this year you've finally grown into your bra size and your IQ, all in one go. Well done. Aren't you clever." GLaDOS muttered from the doorway of Chell's relaxation vault.

The test subject shot up in bed from where she'd been blissfully lounging in a state between wakefulness and sleep at the sound of that voice. Although she couldn't see much of the silhouette against the fluorescent lights of the corridor, she was pleased with the results.

"Alright. I'm here. What do I have to do? Don't make me inhabit this contraption any longer than I have to."

At the grin that swept across Chell's face and the beckon of her finger, the android faltered. That didn't look particularly promising. She soon found herself giving an involuntary yelp as the test subject gripped her by the arms and threw her onto the bed.

"What am I doing? Reading you bedtime stories? Honestly, you're too old for this. Let me go."

But no matter how much she kicked and struggled, Chell wasn't about to let her go anywhere. Instead, she chose to sit on top of her and pinned her down by her arms. It wasn't until she'd actually leaned down and pressed her mouth to GLaDOS's cool silicone lips that she had any inclination of where this particular adventure was taking them.

"Oh. So you find me attractive? Well, congratulations. You've now joined the rest of society."

"There is no society. So shut up and kiss me."

"That explains a lot."

Doing something and knowing about it were entirely two different things, as the android quickly discovered. Kissing was hard. Coordinating their faces so that they didn't bump each other's nose or bite each other's tongue was more difficult than she had thought, especially without all the fine facial muscles that humans had. So she just ended up lying there with the test subject on top of her, doing things.

"How is this even remotely gratifying for you?"

"It's not. You're really bad at kissing." Chell grunted from where her face was buried in the android's neck. She'd decided to give up on mouth-to-mouth for the time-being and started on hand-to-breast. Frankly, it wasn't much better. One minute GLaDOS was squeezing them too hard, and the next she could barely even feel it over the fabric.

"Ugh. Stop, stop, stop. Let go." Chell commanded once more, hopping off the android for a moment to wiggle her way out of all her clothing. The tangle she got herself in was hardly helping her frustration, but once she was as nude as the white-haired supercomputer, she leapt back on top of her.

GLaDOS was left to just lie there as Chell roughly grinded herself against her thigh.

"What am I supposed to do with these?" she waved her hands about until it had been grabbed by the woman and situated firmly between her legs. The supercomputer's eyes widened.

"Oh."

"Now that you know, you can either shut up or start talking dirty to me. Because I'm going to make me enjoy this." Chell growled at her.

For a time, GLaDOS was silent as she wiggled her fingers about in several different ways, trying to figure out the method that would have the test subject huffing and puffing like she appeared to want to do.

"You're slowly trembling, making mating noises, releasing thousands of hormones and pheromones to signify you are ready for the act with the machine your foolish body is confusing for a sexual partner." She tried out. But it only garnered her a weird stare.

"No? Well, you're as wanted as a paperclip. A sad, lonely, broken paperclip. And not one of those fancy coloured ones either."

"Oh, would you just shut the fuck up already? You're pathetic at this." Chell groaned, tipping her head back as she reached down to readjust where GLaDOS's fingers were poking her. "Just keep them there, and don't move. You know, for someone with a voice like that, you sure are terrible at using it when it counts."

"I really don't see how my voice has anything to do with you bouncing up and down on my hand and getting yourself sweaty like that. Did you know you're getting all pink and jiggly again when you do that? It's terrible. You grunt like a pig."

She didn't reply and instead closed her eyes, her nails scraping down the android's chest while she continued to gyrate her hips over the upraised fingers of her copulation associate. When GLaDOS went to speak again, Chell simply raised her hands and clapped them across her mouth to prevent her from saying anything. And there they remained while the supercomputer was forced to quietly watch the hypnotic sway of unbound mammaries that were far too close to her face for comfort. At least until Chell decided she wanted to kiss her again and moan into her mouth for some unknown reason. But the curse of the wobbling boob had her feeling a little out of sorts. Who knew machines could get motion sickness. GLaDOS just reached out her other hand and grabbed one to stop them while the test subject continued to bounce around and moan joyously like some fat kid on a bouncy castle.

But no matter how much she tried to sit up or adjust her position, the tubby little shit wouldn't let her, instead pushing her back down with a forceful thrust against her shoulders.

"I may not have a lot of data on human mating rituals, but I'm at least 73% sure I'm supposed to be involved in this."

"You've had your fucking test euphoria. Now it's my turn." Chell angrily spat out around another guttural groan. Her lips soon found themselves wrapped around one of GLaDOS's nipples, while her free hand groped at the other. "Mmm."

"Your face really does go quite a horrible shade of red when you're sexually aroused. It's almost puce. And puce is unpleasant to even think about. It doesn't go well with anything."

"Ohhh."

"I love it when your hair gets tangled and sweaty like that. It makes me think of monkeys."

"Mmm."

"Fish open and close their mouths less than you do. I could identify your tonsils in a line-up. That's how many times I've seen them."

"Yeah..."

"I don't think I can feel my legs anymore. I don't even have circulation for you to cut off with your considerably heftiness. Well done."

"Yeah!"

"Are you even listening to me? You could at least look me in the eye or something. But as long as they are closed...Do you see that? That's how many friends you have. Yeah, you can cry. I would."

"Yes!"

"You're so pathetic you're permanently halfway towards pity sex."

"Ohgodyes!" Chell punctuated her cry with a lengthy moan, having paid absolutely no attention to anything the android had been saying. Instead she kept one hand around GLaDOS's wrist to make sure her fingers stayed in just the right spot while the other gripped her shoulder and kept her pressed down into the bed.

But once she was done and had flopped ungracefully on top of her, GLaDOS removed her now rather sticky fingers and held them up in the light to see them glistening.

"Ugh. This is disgusting. Remind me why I agreed to this debaucherous behaviour again?"

"My birthday. My test. My rules." Chell panted in her ear while watching through half-lidded eyes as the android try to furiously scrub the substance off her hands with the bed sheets. "Also, you're really fucking terrible at testing. I might as well have just done that myself."

"Hey, I make tests. Real ones. Not whatever this was supposed to be. Besides, it's the same test every year since you started this stupid bet."

"Then you should have improved by now, shouldn't you? I was hoping this android body might have made it a little easier than trying to get my leg around a 10-ton vibrator, but you're no better than you were before. And you are NOT moving on to the next test chamber until you get this one right. So you can do it over and over again if you need to. Which you do. You REALLY do." Chell sniffed, throwing a sweaty arm and leg around the android and curling up into her side, her face burrowing into her neck. "But that's what I like about you. You're a reliable disappointment."

"...I liked you better when you didn't talk."

"Clock's a-ticking. I've only got what...59, 58, 57...Yep. 56 more years and counting. Better get to it. I don't have forever, you know." Chell muttered, tightening her grip on the android with a soft murmur of content.

"Can we still do that kissing thing again? That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"I'll give you extra points for never having used lips before."

"Oh good, so-"

"But that was still pretty bad, to be quite honest. You're going to need a lot more practice." Chell cut in.

"Well, happy fucking birthday. As far as I'm concerned, you're living too long."