Sherlock didn't much care that his brother was dating his DI. But then they went a step too far and did certain things in 221B that Sherlock would rather not think about. It's all-out war with each couple trying to out-do the other.

Author's Note:

Main Pairings: Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

About: A conversation with DarkStarr7713 led me to write this; basically, Mycroft and Greg have sex in 221B. Sherlock, in an act of revenge, has sex with John in Greg's office. It turns into a full-blown war with each couple trying to out-do the other in very adult ways.

Warnings: M/M sex, public sex, loud sex, kinky sex, use of bows and ties and scarfs and any other article of clothing I can think of... just warnings for everything, okay? This story is basically just porn.

Disclaimer: Sherlock belongs to the BBC, Mark Gatiss, and Steven Moffat. The originial characters are the property of Arthur Conan Doyle. I own nothing but the plot and make no money from this story.

Co-Created With: DarkStarr7713

Chapter One: Chair

Contrary to popular belief, Sherlock Holmes really doesn't care at all about his brother's personal life. Yes, he enjoys getting gossip that he can blackmail Mycroft with but in all honesty, Sherlock doesn't care who his older brother is seeing.

He didn't even care when he learned that Mycroft was dating Gregory Lestrade. He didn't care when they moved in together. He cared a little bit when they kissed in front of him, John, and half of Scotland Yard but only because that was truly horrifying.

What he did care about was Mycroft saying the word, 'horny', and the events that transpired.

It was a cold morning and Sherlock was curled up on the couch under a chequered blanket, glaring at his elder brother. Said brother was smirking in John's armchair, twirling his umbrella and sipping a mug of tea John had made.

'Why must you always argue with me, Sherlock?'

'It's my default setting,' Sherlock muttered.

'It seems to be your only setting.'

'With you, yes,' Sherlock said. 'With people I like I can manage smart, sophisticated, charming, humorous, lovely–'

'Lovely?' Mycroft cut him off. 'Who are you lovely to?'

It took Sherlock a second to answer. 'Mrs Hudson.'

'I feel sorry for that woman,' Mycroft said before taking a sip of tea.

Suddenly the door behind them opened and both brothers turned to see Gregory Lestrade. The DI smiled at Sherlock but grinned when he saw Mycroft.

'Myc, hello.'

'Myc,' Sherlock snorted. He groaned when Greg leaned over John's armchair to kiss Mycroft softly. 'Please, not in my house.'

'It's a flat, not a house,' Mycroft said before kissing Greg again.

'Same thing,' Sherlock snarled. He looked up when John entered. 'John, they're doing it again!'

'Come on, boys, don't upset Sherlock,' John said. Greg chuckled and drew back after another quick kiss. 'Want some tea, Greg?'

'Sounds good,' Greg said and left his boyfriend and friend in the living room.

'You two are disgusting.'

'Yes, well we do try,' Mycroft said pleasantly.

Sherlock groaned again. 'Honestly, Mycroft, I don't mind that you and Lestrade have decided to do... that, but please don't do... that in my home.'

'So I cannot even kiss my boyfriend in your flat?'



'It's horrible.'

'It's lovely,' Mycroft said and grinned. 'And you did say you can be lovely, Sherlock.'


'I can be lovely too.'

'No, you can act like a horny school-boy.'

Mycroft tutted as Greg and John came in. 'Horny, Sherlock, really?'

Greg jumped, eyes going wide as the first word left his boyfriend's mouth.

'Greg?' John murmured, startled by the look on the DI's face. Suddenly Greg had rounded the chair and pulled Mycroft in for a passionate kiss, Mycroft moaning and reaching up to grab Greg by the back of the head.

'What are you doing?' Sherlock demanded.

'Why did you... say that... here?' Greg growled between kisses. 'You know what... it does... to me...'

Neither man was paying attention to anything but each other. Not even Sherlock's shouting could stop them. Finally the consulting detective stood and grabbed his coat and scarf.

'John, let's go.'

'What?' his boyfriend jumped.

'I cannot stand to see this,' Sherlock said. He scowled at his brother and friend before shuddering and leaving.

John stared at the door before saying, 'Er, right.' He put his mug on the table, passed the snogging couple, and followed Sherlock out.

As soon as they were alone, Mycroft dragged Greg to sit on him. He wasted no time in undoing the DI's belt and shoving a hand down his pants.

'Fuck, Myc,' Greg groaned, thrusting into his partner's hand.

'Are we staying here or leaving?' Mycroft asked.

'Here,' Greg said.

Mycroft smiled against his lips. 'Very well.'

Greg started on Mycroft's belt, the politician having to stand to get his trousers down. He fell back into John's armchair and Greg straddled him, rutting against the taller man a few times before licking his hand. He made sure Mycroft was wet before hovering over his cock.

Mycroft pushed in slowly, groaning when he was fully inside Greg. Greg started moving, pulling himself up and down as Mycroft thrust into him. They exchanged sloppy kisses, tongues and lips crashing together in an aim to eat each other's faces completely.

'M-Myc,' Greg groaned, closing his eyes and throwing his head back. 'Fucking hell.'

'Greg... God,' Mycroft managed, grabbing Greg's hips to help the man move.

Neither would ever tire of the heat, of the tightness, of the closeness they felt when having sex. It had taken them too long to realise they loved each other, even longer to tell the other that. But now they were together, had been for close to ten months, and loved each other with every fibre of their being.

'Fuck,' Greg swore again as Mycroft moved quicker, the sound of skin slapping against skin loud in their ears. Greg knew the door was open, knew their shouts would draw Mrs Hudson eventually. He caught Mycroft's lips again and said, 'We're gonna get caught soon.'

'Maybe I like that,' Mycroft said.

Greg chuckled and licked his way into Mycroft's mouth, swearing again when Mycroft hit his prostate. 'Son of a bitch!'

'God,' Mycroft groaned.

'Swear for me,' Greg demanded, fisting his own cock. 'Come on, you know how much I like it.'




'Come on, Myc.'

'Greg!' Mycroft shouted. He thrust up hard and came, spilling into his partner and groaning loudly. He continued to thrust, opening his eyes to watch Greg.

'God, Mycroft!' the DI moaned loudly and came, leaking all over his fist and Mycroft's waistcoat. He stopped moving, leaning forward to pant against Mycroft's shoulder. 'Greg isn't a swear,' he murmured.

Mycroft chuckled and shifted to kiss his boyfriend. 'Okay, what was that about?' he asked.

'It's called sex, Myc,' Greg grinned and Mycroft tutted. 'It's what two people do when they're in love... or horny.'

'Really, you wanted me because I said horny?'

Greg groaned. 'Stop that.'

'It's just a word.'

'From you it's seductive.'

Mycroft laughed again. 'I'll file that away for future reference.'

Greg grinned and gave Mycroft another kiss before getting up. They'd made a mess and had to use all of John's and Sherlock's tissues. Mycroft's waistcoat was a lost cause and he had to take it off.

Greg couldn't help but wrap his arms around Mycroft's waist, rubbing at his back through the expensive silk of his shirt.

'Gregory, I have a meeting.'


Mycroft lifted his chin to place a soft kiss to Greg's lips. 'I love you.'

'Love you too.'

'Come on, we can have breakfast before I have to go.'

'You always have to go.'

'How about dinner, tonight?' Mycroft asked. 'Romantic, with candles and steak and maybe, just maybe, I'll say that word again.'

Greg grinned and linked his right fingers through Mycroft's left. 'Sounds like a date.'

Mycroft gave him another kiss before pulling his boyfriend from the flat.


Sherlock and John got home to find the door open and Mycroft and Greg gone.

'Thank God,' Sherlock said and flopped onto the couch. John rolled his eyes and took Mycroft's and Greg's abandoned mugs. While he was in the kitchen, Sherlock turned his attention to his armchair, wondering if he should send Mycroft a lengthy and abusive text. His eyes roamed over the chair and suddenly it hit him.

Sherlock jumped, backing towards the windows with wide eyes. 'No, no, no, they did not,' he seethed. Sometimes seeing everything was a real pain in the fucking arse. 'Those... those...' Sherlock couldn't think of an appropriate swear word that covered just how much he hated his brother and DI in that moment.

While he was mentally trying to burn his eyes out, John returned with a fresh mug of tea. He kicked his shoes off, placed his mug on the coffee table, and went to sit.

'John, no!'

John had already fallen into his chair and looked up. 'What?'

Sherlock shuddered. 'D-don't sit there.'

'Why?' John raised an eyebrow when Sherlock failed to answer. 'Sherlock, why not?'

'Do you remember how Lestrade was acting when Mycroft said... that word?'


Sherlock stared at him and suddenly it all clicked together. John leapt off the chair.

'That's disgusting, why would they do that! Oh my God, I'm gonna have to get rid of that chair! No, no, no, I can't believe I sat there!'

He went on ranting as Sherlock pointedly ignored the chair, not wanting to read what his brother and friend had done. Suddenly John's phone went off but the doctor was too agitated to answer. Sherlock managed to get it out of his boyfriend's jeans and read the message.


'What?' John shouted. Sherlock turned the phone around so John could read it.

A new chair will be delivered by Friday. My apologies – MH

John groaned. 'Mother fucking bastards.'


'We can't let them get away with this.'

'Yes, I agree.'

'I mean, it's great that they're together, it took 'em long enough, but my chair? My chair!'

He was shouting again and Sherlock held up a hand. 'John, calm down.'


'All we have to do is retaliate.'

John paused, looked at his boyfriend. 'Retaliate?'



Sherlock grinned. 'Lestrade takes his lunch break at 12. He leaves his office door open.'

Slowly, a grin spread across John's face until he was grabbing his coat again. 'Let's go.'

'We can have lunch afterwards,' Sherlock said. 'Because this, my dear John, is war.'

Author's Note: Yes, so this is co-created with DarkStarr7713, who came up with all of the places and things as well as the original idea. And it is war, with plenty of chapters on the way.