Why hello there my lovely readers. Either you've been patiently/not so patiently waiting for this, or you were unfortunate enough to stumble upon the spawn of my boredom and lack of social life.
Good for you.
Here we have the third segment to what has been called my "Kitty Story". While there we no more Akatsuki kittens after the first part of the story, the name is much easier to say instead of saying the titles.
But I'm rambling.
There will be four main OCs. All of the extra OCs will be minor and will have little screen time so don't worry about them. I will warn you that there will be a lot of cussing and violence and whatnot because Alice is bat-shit crazy.
But you already knew that.
Anyways, larger author's note down at the bottom. Read it or ignore it but either way, you have to do two things.
1. Know that I do not in any way, shape, or form own the Akatsuki or the other wonderful characters that belong in the world of Naruto.
2. Enjoy if at all possible.
First Person Alice!
"Tiburon Shisui Uchiha, get your ass over here right now!" I shouted, pointing to the ground beside me. "Get out of that damn tree!" I glared up the length of a giant ass tree at a little boy with shaggy black hair, pale skin, and different colored eyes.
"But Sori-Danna told me to climb up it using my chakra!" He pouted, looking down at me with attributes that were identical to his father's. "Hidan-oji said I had to too!"
"I don't care what either of them said. I'm your mother. What I say goes. Besides, I'll beat the crap out of them." I stated. "Come here."
He looked away from me stubbornly, crossing his arms and turning up his nose. "I don't want to."
"Tiburon." I repeated, narrowing my eyes and pointing at the ground.
He smirked at me and turned around on the branch he was sitting on. "No."
"Oh hell no." I growled. "Do not make me get Hidan's scythe, Tiburon Uchiha." I crossed my arms. "If you're not down here in twenty seconds, you'll live to regret it. That I promise you."
"Make me!" He shot back.
He is totally my child…
"You got up that tree, you can get down it." I snapped. "Get down here right now. I'll have a talk with that stupid puppet in a minute. And that Jashinist is already on my list. If you don't come here, you won't be going with me and your dad to visit Konoha."
That was a lie. I'd take him anyway, but it's nice to have some leverage over him.
He sighed, the desire to see his biological uncle winning out. "Yes Mommy." I watched him jump from branch to branch until he was close enough to drop to the ground. Once he was on the ground, he ran over to me and looked up at me. I smiled at his adorable face and brushed his hair back out of his eyes.
What? I couldn't stay mad at him. He was adorable.
He looked dead on like Itachi. He just lacked the tear troughs and two black eyes. Instead, his right eye was blue and his left one was black.
"You're so cute." I told him. I kissed his forehead, bending over Sable to do it. Sable licked my face when I was in reach so I had to kiss her too. "You are cute as well, Sable."
"Mommy, boys aren't cute." He huffed. Sable just gave a chaste, low howl that assured me that she knew she was cute.
She did. I told her every five minutes it seemed.
"Yeah whatever." I rolled my eyes. "I tell your dad he's cute all the time."
Tiburon looked away. "So…"
I kissed his forehead. "Come on. We're going to have a little talk with Sasori."
"You're not going to have a mood swing are you?" He asked, raising a perfect eyebrow.
I sighed. "You've been with Hidan recently, haven't you?"
Tiburon shrugged, grabbing my hand. "He ate breakfast with me and Sanaa this morning. But I've seen your temper tantrums so many times that I know when you're gonna have one."
That little brat.
"Don't listen to him anymore. And you better quit hanging out with Sasori. His sarcasm is rubbing off on you." I said with a sigh. "There isn't enough room in the base for anymore sarcastic people."
"Are you sure it's not your sarcasm, mommy?" He questioned. I just stuck my tongue out at him to avoid admitting that he was probably right. He snickered and beamed up at me, knowing what he said was true anyways. I had to smile back at him.
Tiburon, as you might have guessed, has inherited my personality. He is extremely intelligent and he has inherited his father's skill with chakra and ninja skills from what I'm told. His... expertise, however, rested in his knack for pranks.
He has a gift. Last week he had Hidan strung up by his ankles in the middle of one of the deserted hallways. According to him though, Sable is the one who lured Hidan in for him. Sable, being the adorable wolf she is, neither confirmed nor denied those claims.
However, though Tiburon is a little trickster, he also has the love and affection of everyone in the base. Even though he picked on Hidan, Hidan adored him. Kisame and Itachi were his most adamant protectors though.
Kisame treated Tibby like he was his own child. It was so cute. If anything happened to Itachi and me, Kisame would be one of the only people I could trust to take care of our son. Not to mention, Tiburon loves Kisame to the point where he considers Kisame like a third parent.
Anyways, I led my kid back into the base and we traveled through the various hallways until we reached Sasori's workshop. I kicked the door open and glared at him. "You! You damn puppet!"
Sasori sighed and looked around at me. "What?"
"You little," I covered Tiburon's ears, "asshole! How dare you make my kid climb up trees with chakra by himself? I ought to kick your ass!"
Yeah… Tiburon would use the curse words even though Itachi and I gave him like weekly lectures not to. He liked to use them against Hidan in shouting matches.
I'm forbidden to admit it verbally, but those shouting matches were so funny.
Hidan versus a little four year old, screaming their heads off while cussing and threatening each other was hilarious.
"I can still hear you mom. Hidan-oji says bad words like that all the time." Tiburon sighed.
"Hush." I hissed, noticing his attitude was coming out.
He smiled at me. "You yell too loud mommy."
I just made a face at him which made him giggle.
Sasori shrugged. "The kid needs to learn to control his chakra. He's four."
"Exactly, he is four years old." I glared. "Leave him alone, or I'll rip that damn heart container out of your wooden body and curb stomp it. You freak out if Sanaa is left outside by herself. How the fuck is Tiburon any different?"
"He isn't." Sasori told me. "However, Hidan was supposed to be out there watching him. I take it Hidan wasn't."
"No, he was in the kitchen bitching about the lack of prepared food like he always does." I growled. "And it was your turn to train Tiburon today, not Hidan's. Therefore, it is your fault."
He sighed. "I'm surprised all of us survived your pregnancy."
"You're not going to survive post pregnancy if you do that again." I threatened. I grabbed Tiburon's hand and pulled him out of the room, shooing Sable out in front of me. I looked at my kid as we traveled back through the base. "Look Tibby, the next time Sasori tells you to do something like that, tell me please. I don't mind you training. It's the fact that you were out there on your own."
Yeah, I'm paranoid.
Leave me alone.
If you had a son as cute as mine, you wouldn't question me.
"Okay mommy." He smiled. I bit my lip to contain exclamations about how cute he was. So instead of glomping him I picked him up and hugged the shit out of him, kissing the life out of his face.
"Mom!" Tiburon whined in protest. "Quit it!"
Sable trotted along beside us, extremely excited about the love I was giving Tibby.
"No." I smiled, hugging him. "Come on. Let's go find your dad."
"Can you put me down?" He wondered, wiggling a bit.
"No I can't." I told him, squeezing him gently. "You are far too cute. You look just like your dad."
He sighed. "Mom…"
"Don't 'Mom…' me." I said firmly. "It's true."
"Yeah, but I'm a boy. Boys aren't supposed to do this stuff." He explained.
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Who have you been talking to? That sounds like something Deidara and Hidan would say."
"Can I have dango later?" My son asked as we passed the kitchen. It was his attempt to avoid ratting out two of his favorite people.
I looked at him, smiling a bit at his adorable face. "If you're good, yes. Though, that means I'll have to make ten batches because once your dad gets started on them, he doesn't stop."
"I'm surprised he hasn't rotted all of his teeth out." Tiburon snickered.
We walked through the base for a bit longer before we reached the hallway my room was on. I set my kid down and we walked to the room. However, Tiburon's namesake came out of his room just as we reached my door. He grinned at us and rumpled my kid's hair before kissing the top of my head.
"Hey Kisame." I smiled.
"Alice." He grinned. "Hey Tibby."
Tiburon pouted and made a show of fixing his now messy hair. "Hi Kisa."
I smirked at him for a minute before looking at the giant blue shark. "What are you doing, Kisame?"
He shrugged. "Going to the kitchen to find some food."
"Ah. I'll make dinner in an hour or two, so don't eat anything too big." I stated. He nodded and patted Sable's head before continuing on his quest for a snack. I pushed open the door to my room once he disappeared and walked inside.
Tiburon ran to the bed the instant the door was opened and he leapt on the mattress. Laughing, he continued jumping on it until Sable hopped up on the bed with him. He egged her on by pulling gently on her tail and pushing her lightly to wind her up.
I huffed and put my hands on my hips. "What have I told you about jumping on the bed?"
Tiburon flopped to the mattress and Sable paused in biting his pants. "Not to do it."
"And what were you just doing?" I wondered, raising an eyebrow.
They looked at each other before looking at me. "Jumping on the bed."
I sighed and rolled my eyes, walking over to them. "You both are lucky you're so cute."
As I sat on the bed, Sable switched positions so she was lying beside Tiburon with her head in his lap. He smiled at her and instantly started petting her. "Where's Daddy?"
"I'm here." Itachi said smoothly, walking out of the bathroom.
I smirked. "Hey there sexy."
"Hi daddy!" Tiburon greeted. Sable gave him a small bark and a tail wag.
Itachi's expression softened as he looked at us and he darted to the bed. He kissed me fully before pecking our son on his forehead. "Hello." He huffed when Sable licked the crap out of his face. "Hi Sable."
Tiburon laughed at him and I held back a snicker.
Itachi narrowed his eyes playfully and pushed Tiburon into the mattress gently before sitting beside me and kissing my cheek. I kissed him back before laying back on the mattress, making Tiburon my pillow. Itachi copied me, using my stomach instead of Tiburon.
Tiburon pet me with a smile while I ran my fingers through Itachi's hair. Sable, jealous that she wasn't the center of attention, took a spot right in between all of us. Tiburon latched onto her, causing her tail to wag at about nine thousand miles per second.
Her tail wagging stopped and she paused in licking Itachi's face to look towards the door, her ears perked. She stayed like that for a moment before her ears flattened and her tail started thumping happily. Itachi used her distraction as a chance to cautiously move his face away from her. If she saw he was moving away, she would attack again.
"Kathryn's back." I sighed.
As if I cued her, Kathryn burst into my room carrying a little girl with blonde hair. She dumped the child on top of Itachi so she could latch onto me.
"Kathryn." I grunted.
"Hi Alice!" She greeted. She looked up and kissed Tiburon's forehead. "Hi Tibby!" She looked around and smiled at my weasel. "Hi Itachi."
Itachi looked away from Sanaa, Kathryn's daughter, who was hugging his neck with a bright smile. "Hello Kathryn."
"Hi Tachi." Sanaa beamed. "Hi Icy!"
Yeah. She calls me Icy for the Ice part of my name. She also called me Icy because Sasori and Hidan taught her the Ice Queen nickname. Hidan obviously added in Bitch while Sasori did not
"Hey sweetie." I smiled.
"Hello Sanaa." Itachi greeted as he set Sanaa down on the bed. She tackled Tiburon before rolling over to hug Sable. Itachi and I sat up, me pushing Kathryn off us. Sable just laid in the middle of all the love, soaking up the attention she deserved.
"Deidei!" Tiburon greeted with an excited wave.
Deidara was one of Tiburon's favorite adults outside of me, Itachi, and Kisame. Hidan was tied with the blond, but I think Sasuke beat them both.
Deidara walked in with his Akatsuki cloak over his shoulder boredly. He grinned cockily at Tiburon. "Hey there kiddo, un." He looked at me and Itachi. "Hey Uchiha, hey Alice, un."
"Hello Deidara." Itachi said calmly. I simply smiled at him which he returned with his grin.
Deidara extracted Kathryn from my person and I took the opportunity to steal Sanaa from the mattress so I could cuddle her. She looked so much like Deidara and Kathryn it was ridiculous. She had some Kathryn attributes in her face along with Deidara's and her hair was a mix too. She definitely inherited both of their personalities, but there was one thing that was all Deidara that Kathryn couldn't hope to claim.
Her beautiful, bright blue eyes.
"Awe Sanaa, you're so cute!" I told her. She smiled at me and hugged my neck; waiting for me to let her go so she could reunite with Tiburon. They were attached at the hip. If you saw one, the other wasn't far off. They also made a pretty good tag team. It was pretty freaking adorable.
"I missed you Icy." She told me.
"I missed you too sweetie." I assured her. She hugged me tighter before we released each other and I let her latch onto Tiburon once more.
I smiled and looked at my idiots. "How was Konoha?"
"Fine." Kathryn smiled. "Sasuke said you guys need to hurry up and come see him. He misses Tiburon."
"We'll all be going there soon. Pein-sama has to attend a Kage meeting which is being held in Konoha. All of us are accompanying him." Itachi said calmly.
Yeah, because of our allegiance with the Shinobi villages now, Pein was required to attend numerous meetings every now and them to make sure everything is going smoothly, and just to catch up with his allies.
I was his advisor and ambassador because I'm awesome like that, so I was required to go with him, or go in his stead when he was busy with work and it was just to do a small errand or something little.
It was nice, because it gave us reasons to stay in Konoha for a long time, and it allowed me to bother the Kage and their subordinates depending on where I went. I usually took Kisame, Tiburon, and Itachi with me. Sometimes, Sasori, Deidara, Kathryn, and Sanaa with us though.
Basically, it gives me a chance to harass people.
That's always fun!
Back to life.
Deidara scoffed. "We know that, we went there to arrange everything. Stupid Uchiha, un."
"I take offense to that now." I stated, frowning at him.
He smirked. "What are you going to do about it, yeah?"
I sighed. "Well, I already stabbed Hidan with my sword and beat him with my sheath so… I might just sick Tiburon on you." I smirked. "Or Sable."
Deidara frowned. "You wouldn't."
"Oh I would." I grinned evilly. "Tiburon, Deidara's being mean to me. He keeps saying bad stuff about your uncle Sasuke and your daddy."
Tiburon glared at Deidara with disapproval plain on his face. Tiburon rolled off the bed and marched over to Deidara before kicking him in the shins. "Don't be mean to my mommy or I'll kick your butt!"
I just smirked away.
Itachi sighed, though I think he was internally thankful that Tiburon didn't cuss.
"Tiburon!" Kathryn gasped, scooping up Tiburon so she could kiss his face and keep him from attacking her bomber. Deidara was playfully glaring at Tiburon who was still scowling at him.
"What Kitty?" Tiburon asked.
"Don't be mean to Dei!" Kathryn pouted.
"He was being mean to my mommy." Tiburon countered.
Sanaa hugged me from behind, kissing Itachi's cheek before resting her head on my shoulder. "Icy, how come you and Daddy are fighting?"
"We're not." I told her. "Dei and I just like to mess with each other. Don't we Dei?"
He smiled and nodded.
"Sori-Danna!" Tiburon said, pointing towards the doorway.
Sanaa was instantly across the room, hugging the shit out of Sasori's leg. He stood in the doorway, staring at her, shocked by her sudden appearance on his person.
"Sori-Danna!" Sanaa greeted. "I missed you, yeah!"
Yeah, Sanaa inherited Deidara's verbal tick. But, it only showed itself when she was either really excited, really upset, or super angry.
On a side note: Sanaa's favorite person in the world was Sasori.
And she was probably his too.
It was so cute.
Sasori's eyebrow twitched at the rare appearance of the verbal tick and he glared at a sheepish Deidara before picking Sanaa up and allowing her to latch onto his person. "I missed you too, brat." Sasori looked at Deidara. "You were teaching her while you were away, weren't you?"
"Yes Danna, un." Deidara sighed.
Sanaa beamed. "Daddy's teaching me how to make art!"
Sasori scoffed. "Your father's stupid clay creations that explode are not art, Sanaa. Art is eternal, just like me and my puppets."
Sanaa stared at him as if he had just told her the secret to life. "Oh!"
"Danna!" Deidara barked, taking his daughter from Sasori. "Don't listen to him Sanaa. Art is fleeting like an explosion, yeah. Danna is delusional."
Tiburon nudged Itachi with his foot since Kathryn was still holding him. "Daddy?"
He looked up at him. "Yes Tiburon?"
"What are Deidei and Sori-Danna talking about?" He asked.
"Nothing." He sighed. "Just ignore them."
Tiburon stared at him for a minute before shrugging. "Okay."
I shook my head at the antics in the room, watching Sanaa look between Sasori and Deidara as they bickered about art. Tiburon was watching them too, but I seriously doubt he was listening because he caught me looking at him and he beamed at me. I returned his smile because it was too cute not to.
Itachi was now petting Sable who was resting her head in his lap in order to keep all of the attention of at least one person in the room because she's cute. Kathryn was holding Tiburon, watching her lover, her daughter, and her Danna with love in her eyes.
I just smiled. "You're all dorks."
"I beg your pardon." Sasori stated, looking around Deidara at me since he just snatched Sanaa from the bomber. "I am trying to teach my brats something."
I scoffed. "You're a horrible teacher."
"Amen, un!" Deidara barked.
Sasori narrowed his eyes at me, smacking the back of Deidara's head to shut him up. "Shut up Alice. I'll kill you."
"I dare you to try it." I challenged.
Sasori stalked forward, handing Sanaa to Deidara before grabbing for me. Sable growled at him, not liking his movements and she snapped at him, baring her teeth.
Sasori glared at her.
"Awe!" I cooed. "Sable you're such a good girl!" She wagged her tail in appreciation of the praise as I latched onto her but she didn't look away from Sasori, still in protect mommy mode.
Yeah, I have the best kids ever.
My apologies for errors of the spelling and grammatical variety.
I'm going to attempt to do this without rambling, but I'm not going to make any promises.
Fun Fact: Alice is actually a character from an original story I am writing. Yes, she's still just as crazy.
Question of the Chapter: I'm pretty much out of questions, but so many of you liked this so I'm going to try and keep it going. Though, the questions probably aren't going to be relevant to anything. Can any of you guess why I waited until February 6th to being this story?
Word of The Day: (This probably won't last because I'll get tired of it or I'll feel like the Reading Rainbow or some goofy show like that.) Tiburon – Shark.
So yeah, last story, last author's note told you Alice and Kathryn had two children each. Not happening in this story. I don't like having OCs, and four is more than enough for me. Plus, with my lack of life because I work a million hours a day and go to school the rest of the time, I don't have time to write you something that isn't complete shit with all of those characters.
I know, I'm sorry.
But not really.
Anyways, before I start rambling… I have no idea how long this story is going to be. I have a general plot laid out, but that's not including filler chapters of just humorous antics. But, I want you guys to tell me if it's getting shitty or if it's being dragged out too long. I don't want to overdo it. I can wrap it up at anytime because I always give myself space to do it, but yeah, you get the point.
Also, I want antics from you guys. Give me crazy ideas, and I'll see if I can add them in. I don't care what they are. If you want one of the characters to say something, I'll try and building a chapter or something around it if it interests me and has slight relevance to the story.
I also am not sure how often I'm going to be able to update. I'll try for every Monday or something until I find a chance to have a fit schedule. Until then, I apologize profusely.
On a side note, Kathryn is doing just fine and she said to thank all of you for the concern/well wishes.
But, I have to go and get ready for work because my job sucks ass so I'll see you… Whenever I see you.