Suicidal Romance
By: Dueyoso

Disclaimer: I don't own Hunter X Hunter, but trust me I wish I did. The real owner is Togashi Yoshihiro so everybody thank him instead! And a… don't sue me or anything my writing is for purely entertainment. As always please review! Just imagine… you might get more!

Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance/Angst, AU-ish
Archive: sure! Just email me!
Pairings: Gon x Killua
Synopsis: When the two boys are trapped by Killua's parents how far will Killua go to save Gon's life, let alone their relationship?
Warnings: shounen-ai
Notes: Originally this was a random part of a much longer HxH fic I'm writing, but a few quirks came along making this segment not fit… so with a bit of work and its own mini-plot it became a bit of a twisted piece that I couldn't help but finish! Also, the boys are older, around 16.

* * * * *

"Killua..." Gon approached him from the entrance to the dimly lit stone chamber. All he could make out on the far wall was his Killua chained loosely by his wrists, dangling a few inches above the ground.

"Killua!" Gon tried again moving closer but still not evicting any sort of an answer from the boy. Fearing that something was seriously wrong Gon sprinted across the chamber to come standing right beside Killua. Gently brushing Killua's bangs out of his eyes Gon attempted to raise Killua's head just high enough to create eye contact, not wanting to hurt him.

How long had it been since he had last seen Killua?

"Killua are you alright?" Gon whispered scanning quickly for drastic injuries. Killua averted his gaze and yanked his head away from Gon still saying nothing.

"What's wrong?" Gon asked soothingly.


"Killua please speak to me." Gon was worried as he tried to get Killua to look at him. What could have possibly happened to cause him to act like this...?

"Leave." Killua demanded quietly.

"I'll wait outside if you want." Gon offered politely.

"No. Go home." Killua rasped looking at the cement floor.

"I can wait for you to pack too." Gon smiled nervously plainly not liking the direction the conversation was headed.

"I have to stay, now leave." Killua gritted his teeth in utter frustration. Why couldn't Gon just understand and leave him to his fate? This was never meant to work… wouldn't work, couldn't work. Something would come between like now and like all the previous times…

"I'm not leaving without you!" Gon stated firmly.

"Please Gon! Just go!" Killua yelled looking up at him with tears streaming down his face. He was making this so difficult…

"You're nuts! I'm staying with you Killua..." Gon attempted to protest.

"Gon, you have to go and I have to stay here. Please try to understand... go now before you get hurt." Killua pleaded tightly shutting his eyes. He didn't want to see Gon feeling the pain this would cause, but it had to be better than before.

"Why can't you come?" Gon wined.

"Come on!" Killua suddenly laughed. "Do you actually think my family would let us both out alive without some sort of fight? You're nuts. I'm amazed I was able to convince father to let you go. There was nothing more I could do, so please..."

:: SMACK ::

"Do you know what I've been through!? Looking for you, praying to god you were alive and now you want me to leave and never see you again?! When will you realize I'd rather die Killua?!" Gon finished venting his frustration

"I'm sorry." Killua whispered.

"That's all you can say? You're sorry? Why can't I stay here with you?" Gon pleaded reaching out to take one of Killua's shackled hands giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"You wouldn't be happy here, trust me." Killua mumbled.

"Wherever you are is where I want to be." Gon whispered so softly that had someone been standing behind Killua they would have missed it.

"Not this time Gon, you have to go." Killua demanded.


"Yes you will!" Killua snarled. Gon looked utterly crushed at Killua's insistence.

"If I walk out the front gates you do realize I'll be Gone forever, I'll never come back... or anything." Tears threatened to leak out of his eyes as he gripped Killua's hand harder, his last remaining link.

"Wakata, just promise me you'll stay safe." Killua whispered in a barely audible voice. Gon squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath before standing on his tip toes and giving Killua a soft kiss on the lips.

"Fine, I'll go. I'll always wait for you, you know?" Gon reminded him.

"I know. It'll be better this way... sayonara koi." Killua smiled and Gon smiled back wiping his nose of the sleeve of his jacket and letting Killua's hand drop back down to his side.

"Sayonara." Gon concluded and turned on his heal running out of the room full speed, not looking back for fear that he wouldn't be able to keep this promise. This last promise…?

~Thank god he'll be safe... I can give it all up now.~ Killua thought as he slowly let all his nen power go and let the physical pain slowly wash over him.

* * *
Killua awoke when the sun had already set, and by the eerie silence that fell upon him he could only assume that Gon was far away… far away and safe.

Footsteps alerted Killua to an oncoming presence outside his room and he quickly shut his eyes pretending to be asleep. Slowly the door creaked open and Killua sensed someone watching him closely right before a second set of footsteps came closer in the distance. The door shut quietly leaving Killua to listen in on the whispering voices.

"Oji-chan?" Killua recognized the voice of his father ask.

"Hai. The boy is asleep for the time." Oji responded in a hard tone. "May I inquire as to why you are down here so late?"

"He's my son. I was coming see how he is." Pop rumbled quietly, clearly pissed as to why he was being interrogated in his own household.


"Oji-chan? May I ask why you had me let the other boy go?" Pop was clearly in the dark on the matter.

"It's the easiest way to break them both." Oji chuckled cruelly obviously pleased with himself for having been so brilliant.

"Excuse me?"

"Isn't it obvious? They're both too in love with each other to be able to see the situation clearly. The one boy we let go… he won't be able to go on without his dearest Killua, and Killua sees no point in resisting us as long as he feels the boy is safe. He'll simply give up and eventually make the choice between being an assassin and death itself. We're in a win/win situation my dear boy." Oji smirked as understanding dawned upon Pop. It was obvious to both Pop and Killua that Oji was right…

Killua snapped. This was all a plan against him? Saving Gon was… it was killing him? He shook his head trying to clear his mind…

~"I'm not leaving without you!"~

Couldn't he understand he wasn't safe here?

~"I'm staying with you Killua..."~

Couldn't he understand that he was doing this to save him?

~"Wherever you are is where I want to be."~

Couldn't he understand that he loved him so much that he would, no was, sacrificing himself?

~"I'll always wait for you, you know?"~

Gon was waiting… Gon was waiting for him… and Gon was dying.

* * *
Two days later…

Killua looked up as the door to his chamber silently opened to reveal none other than Kaoruto. It had been two days since he had overheard Oji and Pop talking, two days of missing Gon, and two agonizing days of trying to find an escape route. Despite all efforts, he'd shown no results.

"I brought you something to eat." Kaoruto kneeled in front of Killua setting down a tray containing some water and a ham sandwich. Killua didn't say anything or even acknowledge Kaoruto's presence as he continued to brood.

Killua snapped to attention when he felt his feet touch the ground and the heavy shackles around his wrists clatter loudly in the stone hall.

"Kaoruto…" Killua questioned his imoto's actions with a curious stare.

"You need to eat… to keep your strength." She whispered again offering the tray to Killua. Shocked he took it and mechanically began to eat, realizing just how hungry he was. Gulping down all the water he stared at the now empty tray, neither of them talking, just sitting in silence.

It seemed like hours before either one even moved, let alone speak. Kaoruto reached out and rested her hands on top of Killua's. She looked up at him with a pleading glance.

"Onegai… go save Gon, Onegai ni-chan…" Kaoruto rested her forehead on their intertwined hands and Killua noted a wetness dripping on his hand. Was Kaoruto crying?

"Naze?" Killua asked hurt clear in his gaze. This has better not be some sort of cruel joke.

"Onegai! Yakusoku… save Gon…" Her small body shivered as tears continued to roll down her cheeks and dropped onto their hands.

"Ha… hai. Yakusoku. Demo… naze?" Killua was beyond being angry, he was just confused.

"You… you have something, someone to live for. He needs you, and they're trying to break him using your love! He's my ni-chan's koi… I can't let them do that." Kaoruto sobbed.

"Arigatou, Kaoruto-chan." Killua numbly hugged his imoto who wouldn't stop crying. He tried to comfort her but nothing seemed to work.

"I'm never going to get out… I'm trapped Killua. Remember that and don't come back, Killua. Don't you ever come back." Slowly drying her eyes Kaoruto stood taking up the empty tray.

"You'll get out Kaoruto, someday and then you can come find me. Yakusoku?" Killua smiled sticking out his pinkie for shakes. Smiling slightly she stuck out her pinkie and they shook on it.


Bowing to her ni-chan one last time Kaoruto scurried out the door. That was the last time Killua ever saw his imoto.

She never got out.

* * *
Gon rolled over in his sleep, a pained expression obvious on his face. The nightmares that plagued him at night ceased to rest since he had left Killua, images of him suffering running through his head all night. He was waiting…

Whatever prediction Oji had had about Gon's suffering was off its mark, the boy wasn't just dying. He was being tortured. An unsure feeling, not knowing if Killua was alive or if he would ever come, making itself present around the clock in the pit of his stomach.

A gentle breeze blew through Gon's open window, bringing with it the warm air of spring and a scent of spices. A scent which belonged to Killua alone. Stirring in his sleep Gon turned to face the window still snoring lightly.

~I'm home.~

Killua peeked out from behind his tree and looked in on Gon who seemed to be comforted by the boy's presence outside his window. Creeping closer Killua just stared in awe at his angel. Somehow he'd managed to make it back to Gon. He'd escaped.

In one swift movement Killua was standing in Gon's room, by Gon's bed. Reaching out a tentative hand he stroked his lover's cheek ever so lightly not wishing to disturb his rest. Completely caught up in the moment Killua felt his eyes drooping shut.

~"I'll always wait for you, you know?"~

"No more waiting Gon." He whispered into the younger boy's ear as he settled in next to Gon in the soft bed. He was home, finally. Wrapping up Gon in his arms Killua drifted off thinking of tomorrow and not worrying about anything. Unconsciously, Gon snuggled closer, all the nightmares fading in that instant.

Killua used his last reserve of strength to lean over and kiss Gon lightly on the cheek.

~Yakusoku, imoto.~

And Kaoruto was smiling in her private hell.


* * * * *

AN: So what do you think? I guess this ended up being a bit longer than I expected, but I like it. C+C greatly appreciated! Reviews rule! ^^

onegai - please
yakusoku - promise
ni-chan - older brother
imoto - younger sister
arigatou - thank you
hai - yes
ie - no
naze - why
demo - but