Title: A (Mini) Opera With a Happy Ending
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Quinn, OFC
Summary: Rachel and Quinn aren't good at housework.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~1,200
Spoilers: none for glee, 1x13 "La Behemoth" for Animaniacs
A/N: I don't even know. All singing is in italics.
It is a typical day for Rachel and Quinn as they lounge in their trendy, upscale condo in the city.
Well, lounging might not be the most accurate word as Rachel is working out on her elliptical. Though for Rachel, that is relaxing. Quinn, meanwhile is flipping through magazines while eating pistachios. She carelessly drops the shells onto the floor. Some land where they're released, while most bounce or roll under things.
Lucinda the maid finds this very annoying. Even though the couple pays her a handsome sum to clean their condo, they also seem to make an effort to give Lucinda as much work as possible.
She ignores the pistachio shells for now. It's easier to clean after Quinn's done eating, so she only has to do it once. Lucinda continues to dust.
After a few minutes of Lucinda fluttering around, Rachel stops exercising and turns to her. "Must you always flitter about so much? I find it quite irritating and distracting."
"Sorry," Lucinda replies. "Just trying to do my job."
"Well maybe you could do it over there for now."
Lucinda huffs, but moves to the other side of the room to continue her dusting.
Quinn has finished reading her magazine and tosses it on the floor. She has a stack next to her on the couch and as she searches for a particular one, she creates quite a mess.
As Rachel finishes on the elliptical, she finishes her bottle of water. Letting it fall to the ground, she ignores it and starts to wipe the sweat from her face with a towel. Once finished, it too falls to the floor.
Rachel goes to the kitchen and returns with an orange. She begins peeling it as she walks, dropping the rind onto the floor. Sitting on the couch next to Quinn, Rachel has left a trail of orange peel behind her.
Lucinda will put up with a lot. She acknowledges that the wage they give her is enough to overlook the melodramatic theatrics of Rachel and the feigned indifference to everything from Quinn. But this apparent deliberate attempt to both frustrate her and create so much more work is the final straw; especially since they've been particularly bitchy towards her today.
"Quinn," she says, setting down her feather duster. "Rachel. I quit." She then walks out the door, slamming it shut behind her.
Quinn and Rachel can only stare after her in disbelief.
And then the situation truly hits them. They move towards each other.
"Quinn, Quinn, Quinn," Rachel sings.
"Rachel, Rachel, Rachel," Quinn sings back.
"What shall we do? What will become of us two? The help is gone, the maid is through, What will become of us two?" they both sing.
Rachel glides to the phone and picks it up. "I'm calling up the agency to find a new housekeeper."
Quinn follows. "She's calling up the agency to find a new housekeeper."
"A chambermaid, a gourmet chef, a trendy carpet sweeper," Rachel continues.
"A chambermaid, a gourmet chef, a trendy carpet sweeper," Quinn echoes.
Rachel turns to Quinn. "Why are you repeating everything that I am singing?"
"Why am I repeating everything that you—" Quinn starts to sing, but stops. "I have no idea."
Hearing someone answer the phone, Rachel returns her attention to it. "Hello, hello, Rachel Berry here, I'm having an emergency; My life is filled with urgency; We need to hire servants here; We need a new housekeeper!But… but… oh, very well." Rachel hangs up the phone, looking dejected.
"Rachel, my little gold star, what's wrong?"
"They can't send us a new maid until…Monday morning," Rachel tells her.
"What shall we do?" they both sing. "What will become of us two?"
"Have no fear, Rach," Quinn says. "I have a plan."
"Please share, Quinn."
Quinn goes to the closet and pulls out the vacuum. "I'll do the windows and push the vacuum; Polish the parlor, scrub out the bathroom."
She begins vacuuming, but it's much more work than she thought it'd be. She gives up after a couple minutes. She then tries washing the windows, but the soapy water she's using just smudges the glass. Next she tries dusting, but using the same cloth she used to clean the windows isn't a good idea.
"This is harder than it looks," Quinn says, looking around.
Downstairs in the basement, Rachel is attempting laundry. "I will not worry; I will not fear; I'll do laundry until help is here, Fold the trousers and starch the shirts; And I'll do laundry until it hurts."
Rachel is ironing a pair of pants when the washing machine stops. She goes to it and puts another load in after putting everything in the dryer. Turning, Rachel sees the iron she left sitting on her pants is smoking. Lifting the iron off, she finds a large hole burned into the fabric.
"This is so not amusing," she says, holding up the pants as she stares through the hole.
Despite her unsuccessful attempts at house work, Quinn feels a bit more confident about trying to make dinner.
"Dinner is easy, simple like a dream; Cleaning the chicken, scrubbing the beans; Add in two tablespoons into a pot, Stir fry until hot."
She begins cooking the chicken in a pan. Turning her back on it, Quinn starts chopping up vegetables. She's not sure how big or small the pieces should be, so she just cuts until she has a handful. First it's broccoli, then carrots; she's working on the green beans when she smells smoke.
Turning around reveals the chicken to be on fire. Quinn throws a wet towel over the stove and the flames quickly go out.
"Perhaps next time we should order Chinese," Quinn muses, examining the mess.
Meanwhile, Rachel is feeling a bit downtrodden after the laundry fiasco, so she seeks Quinn out. Maybe she has a better handle on dinner than Rachel has on laundry.
Finding Quinn in the kitchen, Rachel can see Quinn most definitely doesn't have a handle on dinner. Their eyes meet and they both sign. Exiting the kitchen, they look for their phones; delivery it is.
Except they can't even seem to find a phone.
Feeling even more forlorn, together, Quinn and Rachel sing, "What will we do? What will become of me and you?"
The doorbell rings, but before either can answer it, the door swings open revealing Lucinda.
"I forgot my feather duster," she tells them.
Both Quinn and Rachel make their way towards Lucinda, looking contrite.
"We realize we've been wrong; we treated you unfair," Quinn sings. "How can we make it up and show you how we care?"
Lucinda hasn't said no yet, so Rachel joins in the singing. "Come clean for us, Come clean for us, Come back and clean for us. We'll give you anything you ask, Just say you'll clean for us!"
Examining them for a moment, Lucinda can see they're truly apologetic. "Oh, all right."
Song is the only way Quinn and Rachel can express their joy. "She'll clean for us! She'll clean for us! She said she really will! A happy ending, everyone, She said she'll clean for us!"