AN: I've actually been pretty surprised that there hasn't been any fictions like this up and it's my first Chuck fanfiction that I've posted, strange for me since I've been a fan since season one. However, I kinda wanted to read a story like this just to explore what would have happened. But since there haven't been any, I decided to write one myself. So here you go, not really for the light-hearted folks out there.
"I know what you did to all of those people. I know you killed them. You killed Graham and Bryce." She yelled angrily at him.
"Sarah, what are you talking about?" He begged to understand what his wife was accusing him of. He had never killed anyone in his entire life. He had thought he killed Shaw, but that turned out to be a set-up.
"Don't try to fool me. I know everything about you! You can't deny anything." He opened his mouth to try to explain what he thought was happening but she cut him off before he could even say his first word, "Shut up! I'm going to do what I came here to do." And with that, he fell to the floor. Blood puddled around his head, his eyes in a frozen sate of confusion and hurt.
Hmph. She gasped, her eyes flinging open. It was just a dream. She brought her hands to her face, wiping away the nightmare. She really opened her eyes for the first time and noticed she was in castle. She got up and walked to Castle's main where Casey sat, staring at a computer, a hard pressed look on his face.
"What's going on?" She wondered aloud. Why had she been asleep in Castle? Too tired to go home, maybe.
"I don't think you get to ask questions." Casey was obviously angry. At her? She was trying to remember why he might be angry. But the last thing she could remember was downloading the intersect and going to try to save Chuck. Was he mad at her for taking that chance, where she could have gotten herself killed and would have left Casey alone?
"What's your problem?" She was annoyed. It wasn't like they had a very good chance of getting out of there alive anyway. He really didn't have a right to be mad at her, she took a chance to save Chuck. You had to take a lot of chances in this line of work.
"My problem? I don't like you. They should lock you in prison for the rest of your sorry life." He spat at her, it felt like a punch to the gut.
"I-I'm sorry you feel that way." She was starting to worry now. What had she done?
"It's not how I feel, it's the law." He said harshly.
"What did I do?" She asked in a small voice. Whatever she had done, it must have been really bad for Casey to be treating her this way. Her stomach was in knots and there was a large lump growing in her throat.
"Ha," Casey laughed dryly, "I don't care if you didn't know who he was, you killed an innocent man. Like I said, I don't like this Agent Walker." Her mind drew back the images of Chuck laying there lifeless on the floor. Her heart was being crushed and her lungs felt as though they were filled with water.
"Wh-," Her voice cracked and tears made their way up to her eyes, "Who..." She couldn't finish her sentence, her lips quivering.
"Huh, you're actually pretending to care." He turned back around to face his computer.
"Casey. Where's Chuck." She tried to sound strong but the words came out as a whisper. He swung his chair back around.
"Forest Lawn. Plot 682. Not that you deserve to know." And there it was. The moment that everything in her world collapsed. This time, it was nothing like the last time she had thought her world collapsed. When her dad had been arrested, she had thought her entire world would crumble. But this time, she felt it. There was nothing there anymore. She was no longer Sarah Walker. No longer Samantha Lisa Burton. She was no longer anybody. She had lost her soul.
"I...I killed him?" She couldn't even bring herself to say his name. To ask if she had killed Chuck.
"What, you don't remember now?" Casey's words still left his mouth like bullets. Bullets that destroyed her even more with each one.
"I couldn't have. I-I was trying to save him." She plead for Casey to give her a different answer. Anybody but Chuck.
"Shooting someone between the eyes is a great way to save them, Walker." The sarcasm in his voice was so thick with pain and hatred that she had wished they actually had been bullets. So many questions swam through her mind in seconds. How could she have killed him? It was impossible. She never would have killed him, right? She would have done everything in her power to save and protect Chuck. Her husband. Her life.
She was on her knees now. Trying to erase the memories of his lifeless body, but it only brought back more memories.
"I love you." He had told her so lovingly while she was in his arms. It had made her feel sick.
"I love you, too." The lies had tasted bitter on her tongue. A small part in ridding the world of this man. She had told herself. A small part in ending my own life. She now realized.
She couldn't even look Casey in the eyes. She stared past him, past everything. The only thing she could see now was Chuck's cold dead eyes staring up at her. She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there but when she heard Morgan's voice, her ears perked.
"What's wrong with her?" Morgan sounded worried. She couldn't understand why. Maybe he thought she would kill him too?
"I think she's finally snapped." Morgan sighed at Casey's assessment.
"You think she remembers who she is now?" He wondered, Casey grunted a yes.
"Aw, poor Sarah." Morgan was sad for her? Why didn't he hate her too?
"Looks like she'll be institutionalized. What she did was harsh, even for an agent."
"You're probably right." She heard footsteps approach her but they stopped about fifteen feet away. "Sarah?" It was Morgan, "Sarah, are you alright? Maybe you should go home and get some rest." How could she go back? After everything she destroyed? Why hadn't Casey killed her already? Why was Morgan being so nice?
With her eyes clouded over in red, the same color surrounding Chuck's head, she hadn't realized when Ellie had approached her.
"Sarah, honey?" She placed a hand on Sarah's back. Sarah's head snapped up at the touch, but she never brought her eyes to meet anyone's. "Do you want to go home, sweetie?"
Ellie too? She had threatened to kill Ellie, why was she treating her like nothing happened? Like she hadn't murdered her brother in cold blood.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" She managed to ask in a small voice.
"Sarah, honey, you're family." Sarah's head fell back in shame.
"I-I killed him." Her voice broke and she began to sob.
"You weren't yourself. You didn't have your memories, you were tricked. You didn't know who you could trust." She could hear the pain in Ellie's voice. Why was she comforting her? She didn't deserve to be comforted. She deserved pain, she deserved their hate, she deserved torture. The torture she was feeling now wasn't even near the torture she felt she deserved.
"I should have trusted him." She whispered in self-loathing.
"Sarah. Chuck would want you to be happy. You have to stop blaming yourself. Nobody blames you." Ellie tried to assure her but it Clearly was not working.
"It's nobody's fault but my own."
Six Months Later
"I've heard about you." Johanne Oskari, A Norse spy who had been working with the ring laughed, "You're the frost bitten spy. So cold, she even killed her own husband when he couldn't give her what she wanted." Sarah's face hardened slightly, trying to hide the pain she was feeling from Oskari and herself.
"You have me! I'm tied up, no back-up, no emergency beacon. Nobody is coming. If you're going to kill me-do it already!" Oskari laughed. He wasn't going to let her off that easily.
"And ruin all of the fun?" He asked in feigned shock. Sarah hid a small relieved smile. This is what she had been craving. All along, this is all she wanted. After months of convincing the CIA to let her go back into the field, she was finally getting what she had concluded she deserved.
"What are you going to do?" She asked out of curiosity more than anything else. She wasn't afraid.
He gave a wired laugh, "Oh, you'll know it once you feel it!" He pulled out a box from behind the desk. It was an old red metal box. He opened the top to reveal at least twenty knobs. "Hmm, I think we will start with this one." He said pulling one out, revealing a metal rod attached to the end. He looked down at the small tool in his hand with a pleasured grin. No mercy, good.
He stepped closer to her with anticipation. He smirked as he forced the end onto her hand, singeing her with the hot metal. She clenched her teeth through the pain. She needed more. She deserved something more intense than the pain she had caused. So she sat, no begging for mercy, only taking whatever he decided to do to her. He used every single tool on her: flames, spikes, tazers.
"Shame to have been the one to spoil such a beautiful face. However, I've always wanted to torture one of you American spies. An American spy killed my family and I've wanted to return the favor ever since." Oskari said sweetly, as if he had done her a favor. Little did her know, everything he did that night had been a favor to Sarah. Even the bullet between her eyes. It's only fitting, she had told herself. To go out physically the same way she had mentally. Because it took two bullets to kill Sarah Walker. The first one, between the eyes of Chuck Bartowski, and the second, between her own.
So there it is. Not really my typical type of story. I usually write more on the up-lifting spectrum if you will. I just had to get this out there though...leave any thoughts down there on that review button.