Harry flipped the lighter around in his fingers, flicking it from hand to hand, staring at it. He'd stolen it from Zayn's drawer last night whilst him and Louis were out, he knew Zayn had hid a spare one just incase he lost his. Harry was just hoping he didn't lose his any time soon.
He'd never been particularly desperate to smoke, to try yes, to actually smoke, not really. It was hard though, with Zayn smoking around them all the time not realizing how desperate Harry was to snatch the cigarette out his hands and smoke it himself. So Harry managed to settle that and stole the boy's lighter and one of his cigarette's. That part was the hardest, he didn't keep a spare pack, just his usual one that he kept in his pocket at all times. It was when Zayn fell asleep in the car that Harry managed to get them, he snuck his hand in to the front pocket, fighting down his blush. The other boys weren't looking at them, all crowding around Niall's phone. So when Harry flipped the lid of the box and slid one out, quickly sliding it inside his shirt pocket so as it didn't get crushed. No body noticed and Zayn slept on. He pushed the cigarette packet back in to the boys pocket, trying to ignore how Zayn snuggled closer to him.
So that's how he was here now, attempting to avoid the boys so he could smoke one. It wasn't that he was trying to keep a secret from them, he just didn't want them to know. Liam would be disappointed, and would likely start lecturning him on health and money, how if he got hooked he'd waste his time wanting to smoke. Louis wouldn't say anything, but Harry would see it in his best friend's eyes, the disappointment and anger. Both had talked about smoking before, it tended to come up when they lived together and one of their bandmates smoked. "Nah," Harry had promised. "I'll never smoke, don't you worry your pretty little head." To see Louis' face after going against his wishes, that would hurt. Niall was too funfilled and joyous to be annoyed at him, but he would stick up for Liam if an argument broke out, and he couldn't bare to see the little bundle of Irishness angry at him. Harry tended to say things that he regretted whilst arguing.
Zayn would be the worst, considering it was Zayn's lighter. Zayn's fag. He'd feel let down, not only by Harry but by himself. He'd always swore to himself that he wouldn't let the other boys start smoking, and Harry knew that. They'd had the conversation too, with Harry promising not to smoke, Zayn was incredibly happy that day, knowing he didn't need to worry about Harry getting cancer from smoking or getting bad health any way. It would hurt Harry more if he let Zayn down than any of the other boys. Simply because Zayn was the boy he was in love with, the way his eyes twinkled or how his smirk was placed. He liked the fact Zayn could be broody, moaning about anything, then as soon as a video camera rolls he'll be all happy and laughing so as the fans are happy. He liked how when it was just the two of them, he'd treat Harry like a proper adult, yet still mollycoddle him. He'd always loved being treated like that, he'd lie if anybody asked, but being the baby of the band had it's ups. Now that he was eighteen, he was worried that he wouldn't get that anymore. Smoking seemed like a good way out of it, almost like a really bad cry for help, where noone can hear.
Harry sighed, snapping himself back in to his senses, and leaning over the balcony. The cigarette was still in his pocket and the lighter was still in his hands, as he flipped it from side-to-side. He debated on whether or not to go back inside, go to Zayn's flat and put it all back. He was out just now anyway, they all where, Harry had claimed he wasn't in the mood but he really just wanted to do this.
'No.' Harry shook his head. After all he'd gone through to get the stuff, and make sure he was alone, he wouldn't just go put everything back only to try again in a few weeks. He pulled the cigarette out his pocket and glanced about him, making sure nobody was watching, before setting it in his mouth slowly. He'd watched Zayn doing it so many times, and Zayn always managed to do it perfectly and look amazing as he did so.
Harry sighed and raised his hand to cup it around the cigarette, blocking out the wind and lighting it with the lighter in his other hand, as soon as it lit Harry slid away the lighter and held on to the cigarette with two fingers. He pulled it out his mouth and watched the tip of it burn slightly, before be put it back in his mouth and inhaled, his eyes closing. He pulled it away, and let out a breathe, the smoke swirling around him, causing a small smile to grace his features. He'd always liked it when Zayn smoked, not only because of how perfect the older boy looked, but because he loved the beauty of the smoke swirling up in to the air and fading away. He inhaled again, and again, and again. Each time feeling better than the last. His eyes were closed in pure, relaxed, bliss. The fag itself was warm and literally warmed up his inside's, ignoring the burning in his throat from the first go. He knew the smell wasn't particularly the best ever, but he was so relaxed he didn't care.
It was when there was a slam of his front door, his eyes snapped open, he figured it would be Louis. He pulled the cigarette out his mouth and threw it on the ground, stomping on it with his shoe like he had seen Zayn do multiple times.
"Haz?" A voice called, Harry froze when he realized it was Zayn, who would immediatly recognize the smell of smoke. He chose not to answer and instead placed his hands on his face, leaning his elbows against the railing of the balcony. He heard the balcony door's open and Zayn let out a relieved sigh, before he felt arms wrap around his waist, causing him to go tense. "Hey there, curls. I thought i'd lost you." he could practically hear Zayn smirk.
Harry was going to turn round and pretend he was fine when he felt Zayn tense up and heard a small sniff come from behind him. "Shit." Harry couldn't help mutter. There was another sniff and he realized the older boy was smelling him. He squeezed his eyes tight, bracing himself.
"Harry?" Zayn spoke in a low voice, one that made Harry's chest tighten. "Why do i smell smoke?"
"'cause you smoke?" Harry tried, biting down on his lip. He knew it hadn't worked when Zayn spun him round and had him basically pressed against the balcony edge. He lifted up one of Harry's hands and Harry willed himself not to get turned on with the position that they were in. Zayn smelt the boys fingers before letting the hand drop and his eyes snapped up to Harry's face. The green eyes which showed off his nervousness.
"Harry?" Zayn said quietly, a dangerous tone in his voice. "Why-just why? You promised me you wouldn't." Now Harry wished he'd never promised the boy anything, because he knew that that was why Zayn was hurt and angry.
"I wanted to try." Harry muttered. Zayn groaned out loud.
"So what you go buy-actually, i'd of seen it if you bought fags? How did you get them? And a lighter?" Zayn asked, curiously. Harry bit his lip and shrugged one shoulder, Zayn immediatly knew the boy wasn't going to answer. He glanced over the curly headed boy and saw the bump in his pocket. Zayn slid his hand in it causing Harry to gasp and bite down on his lip. Zayn's hand came out and he flipped the lighter about his fingers, glaring at the curly boy.
"So you not only lie to me," he glanced at the lighter, trying to not picture how hot the boy would look whilst he smoked. "You steal my things? Was the fag mine too?"
Harry nodded his head slowly, looking up into Zayn's brown eyes, with an unconcious puppy-dog expression on his face. Zayn sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Could you not have just asked me?"
"As if you'd of let me." Harry spat. He was frustrated, the close proximity of the tanned boy was not helping his emotions much and Harry wanted nothing more than to push him against the wall and take him right there. But he couldn't and it was annoying him, because an annoyed Zayn was a freaking hot Zayn.
Zayn blinked surprised before cocking an eyebrow, "I'd of let you take a drag. That's all that's needed to try smoking. You don't need to take a whole fucking fag." Zayn was getting angry now too, as far as he knew, Harry had no right to be angry at him. He was annoyed at himself as well for letting this happen, and for finding the younger boy so damn attractive smelling like smoke.
"Maybe i wanted a whole fucking fag. Why is it up to you guys if i smoke or not? I'm eighteen fucking years old, i can do what i want!" Harry snapped, shoving the boy away from him and immediatly missing the warmth. He glared at Zayn before storming inside the flat, thankful that none of the other boys were in there. He had no idea why Zayn had came back on his own, to Harry and Louis' flat as well. Harry didn't really care at this moment though, and he stormed off to his bedroom, throwing himself on his bed, burying his head in to his pillows.
He was faintly aware of the door opening behind him and closing gently, but he knew it would be Zayn so he turned his head away from the door, signalling that he didn't want to talk to the boy. Obviously he ignored that as Harry heard a sigh before there was a dip in the bed and Zayn began to talk, "We didn't say you can't smoke." Zayn said gently, he wanted nothing more than to reach his hand out and comfort the boy. "We'd just rather you didn't. Whether you like it or not, Haz, you're the baby of the band. We're always going to baby you, it's just habit. Seeing you smoke, well it makes us notice that you're growing up, it's hard. You know? It's good that you're growing up, we just know you as the sixteen year old we first met. It's just like it's hard knowing Lou's twenty, we still see him as the eighteen year old that tried to sit on that old lady." Harry let out a small laugh, making Zayn smile, he gained the confidence and put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "You can smoke if you want just...i'd rather you didn't." There was something about the way he'd said 'i' that made Harry turn around. Zayn was scuffing his shoes into the carpet, staring off in to the distance.
"Zayn?" Harry questioned quietly, Zayn's eyes snapped to him immediatly, and a small smile lit his features. "What's up?"
Zayn shrugged, looking down at his hands which were now fiddling with his jeans. "I don't know." He sighed, and looked at Harry, who was watching him curiously. "I kind of just...blame myself."
"For me smoking?" Harry asked, sitting up slowly. Zayn nodded and shrugged at the same time.
"I guess, more for putting the thought in your head." He shrugged again. Harry sighed and shuffled closer so they were now face to face.
"Zayn it isn't your fault," he said quietly, his breathe hitting off of Zayn's face, making the boy gulp. "I've always wanted to try, a few of my friends did back in HC, i just never had the balls."
"Yeah but if i didn't smoke you wouldn't have gotten the shit necessary." Zayn pointed out, raising an eyebrow. It was Harry's turn to gulp as he could practically taste Zayn's breathe hitting off his mouth.
"This is me, Z." He smirked, looking up at the boy through his eyelashes. "I'd of managed somehow."
Zayn chuckled, which in turn made Harry bite down on his lip to hold on a groan. He went to move away but something about the look Zayn was giving him, stopped him. The two of them looked at each other for a few moments, silently deliberating what to do. Their eyes flicked between the other boys eyes and mouth before Zayn made the first move and dipped his head forward. Their lips pressed together and Harry took in a deep breathe through his nose. There were no fireworks or loud bangs or anything as cliche as that, but it was perfect, there was definetly a spark and feelings were involved. Zayn pushed the younger boy backwards and hovered over him, one hand on his hip the other resting above his head. Harry's hands were wrapped around the older boy's neck, pulling them closer together. When Harry's tongue skimmed across Zayn's mouth, and finally their tongues met, Zayn let out a low moan at the taste of smoke on the other boy. Harry wasn't much better, and he grabbed Zayn's arm, stopping him hovering over the boy as they were now flush together. The sudden pressure of them pressed tightly together was enough to make them both groan in to the other boys mouth. Harry couldn't help from bucking upwards, and a blush spread across his face as he moaned out loud. He didn't need to worry though as Zayn ground down in to the younger boy, both of them groaning and panting in to each others mouths. Zayn broke away moments later, a wicked grin on his face as he spotted Harry's blush. He sat himself up straighter, still atop of Harry, and took the younger boys hands in his own. Their eyes connected and they couldn't help smile at each other. "You know," Zayn murmured, "You smoking is really hot."
Harry flushed even redder but rolled his eyes. "But i'm still not allowed to do it."
"I suppose i'll have to baby you less now we're dating, i don't want people thinking i'm controlling." Zayn smirked, a glint in his eye. Harry's own green eyes widened almost comically.
"Dating? We-you-dating?" he spluttered.
"Well i was kind of hoping we were dating after i asked you out..." Zayn shrugged.
Harry couldn't help but gawp, "But you didn't a-" he was cut off by the older boys lips on his. Pulling away a second later, Zayn grinned at the flustered boy.
"Will you, Harry Styes, please be my boyfriend." Zayn muttered against Harry's, now grinning, lips. Instead of answering, Harry wrapped his arms around Zayn's neck and pulled him in for another kiss.
If he was honest, Harry was now glad that he'd smoked. Sure it wasn't the best taste, or smell, but it was the best outcome.