Talking to The Moon

Pairing: Dean/Castiel

Gender: Angst

Author's Note: Just something that was bugging me after I realized there were so little fics about Cas' death out there. Songfic. Sequel to The Beyonce Case. Just posted separatdly because this is very diffrent from the Beyonce Case.


Part 3. Talking to the Moon

Few people knew the truth. More specifically, only his neighbors in the hotels they had stayed. Sometimes, the guys from the front desk. Most thought he was insane. Fuck, he himself didn't know if he still had any sanity left. Bobby… Cas… Gone. And his and Sam's lives just got worse. Emma… He had had a daughter for heaven's sake. A monster daughter, but blood nevertheless. Even though he told Sam that he could have had taken care of it… He knew he was lying. Just like he lied when he told him he was in a random bar almost every night. He still did it. Even after so long.

In the dark of the night, he would leave. He would drive away from Sam. Sometimes a block away, sometimes to the other side of town. Just some place quiet where his brother wouldn't hear him. He didn't care about the neighbors, about the strange looks of the late-nighters that would pass him by. He would still do it.

He would look up, to the moon most times, just so he had somewhere to look at as the words left his mouth. A string of secrets he had to share with someone, to get out of his chest. A few words of grief he couldn't burden anyone else with. A few lines of an improvised prayer he didn't get the chance to get out. As an offering they made it to the air outside his mouth in form of sound waves. They were made real. And the song he heard somewhere would come back to haunt him. He still hated pop. But it still found a way to read him, to haunt him… To hurt him.

He had locked away Beyonce's tape and CD Cas had given him… Together with the trench coat. He would never be able to listen to them again. Not without the pain it burned into his heart. The trench coat still had too much blood to look at, but it was all that was left of him. Of Cas. His angel. He would never give it up.

So Bruno Mars, lame latino guy he had never heard of before, decided to sing his secret aloud, proclaiming it to the whole world. The words of the song were so close to the truth it kept replaying into his mind… The singer's cries as heartbreaking as the ones he never had the courage to utter.

"I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back…"

He could have told him… He could have begged of him to come back.

"My neighbors think
I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I have…"

He had lost so much… Bobby… Elen, Jo, his Dad, his Mom… Why they had to take him too? It wasn't fair. He wasn't even human, he had to survive, God had brought him back before, why not again?

"At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon
Try to get to you
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon"

He didn't know if he was a fool. But he kept his prayers clear, he kept the confidences coming. He continued his words as if they were his last resort. His only company.

"I'm feeling like I'm famous
The talk of the town
They say
I've gone mad
Yeah, I've gone mad
But they don't know
What I know

Cause when the
Sun goes down
Someone's talking back
Yeah, they're talking back"

He wanted to believe so badly someone was talking back. He didn't hear any words, but sometimes he had this feeling… of safety, something that had "Cas" written all over it. It made him hope beyond hope. It made him feel as all his efforts and prayers weren't for nothing. And sometimes he knew for sure that he had gone mad and all that was just his heart playing tricks on him. The love he felt and never confessed the ones to blame. A love he knew would crush his heart and soul for good the moment he lost all hope.

"At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon
Try to get to you
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon"

He kept talking to the moon though. The world still needed him. Dick Roman was still out there and he wouldn't let himself be utterly finished by grief before he killed him. Bobby still needed to be avenged. The Leviathans needed to be eradicated or caged. He knew that. It was Castiel's last wish and effort. So he knew he had to keep praying. He had to keep hoping. Had to keep lying to himself so he could finish his mission.

He wondered, though…

"Do you ever hear me calling?"

'Cas, if you do… Please.' Dean begged sometimes. He hoped still even if his mind was telling him he was just lying to himself and he felt a fool for believing his own lies. In moments like that he was sure he was indeed crazy.

"Cause every night
I'm talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you

In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon"

He couldn't help though… That feeling telling him… That gut wrecking certainty…

"I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away"

The End?