Summary: Tim wants to have children. He has the anatomy to get pregnant; the problem is he's not sure his boyfriend wants that.
A month ago Tim never would have thought about this. He never would have been depressed about not having a family of his own. Changing diapers, reading fairy tales, or playing hide n seek. He never would have dreamed that to be possible. He's been in a relationship with Leroy Jethro Gibbs for over 6 years now. They had their ups and downs, but they were two peas in a pod. They loved each other immensely and wouldn't give up what they have with each other for anything.
About a month ago, Timothy McGee was informed he carried male anatomy to have children. If he were to get pregnant, the baby would have as healthy of a living environment in his body as any woman pregnant. He never told Gibbs this however. The doctor prescribed birth control, a special kind for men with this particular situation, and Tim had been taking it religiously. Ever since that day, he's wanted to get pregnant. He wanted a family. He wanted a little person to call him daddy, to give him a kiss goodnight, to love. But how was he supposed to tell his boyfriend this? Would it bring up old memories of his daughter?
He and Gibbs live like a married couple. They live together, eat together, have a shared bank account, and love together. It's like they are married without the signed document. Tim has always talked through his concerns with his other half, but why couldn't he now? What was so different this time?
That's what brought him here, to the park. He watched as children played on the playground equipment. He watched as a father and son played Frisbee as their dog ran interference and chuckled to himself. He watched as a family sat on a blanket and dished out food to each member. They were eating, talking and laughing together. A tear escaped out and slowly made its way down his cheek. He quickly swiped it away when he finally felt it. He wanted this so much. So incredibly much it hurt. He stayed at the park for hours, before he realized Gibbs was probably worried sick about him. He stood up from the ground, wiped his pants off and walked back home.
When he walked in the door, his faithful friend came running up to him wagging his tail.
Tim squatted down and started petting the German Shepard.
"Tim is that you?"
Gibbs came out from the kitchen.
"Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick about you."
Tim gave Jett one last pat, and stood.
"I'm sorry Jethro I just lost track of time."
Gibbs came closer and stood in front of him.
"Lost track of time? You left to go for a run 5 hours ago. Where have you been all this time?"
Gibbs had noticed how Tim had become depressed over the past month or so. He barley talks to him anymore and the intimacy department has become non-existent as of late. He was really starting to question if Tim still loved him.
"I'm sorry Jethro."
Tim plopped down on the couch staring at his hands.
"I went out for a run, but decided to walk instead. I just lost track of time."
Gibbs lightened his mood a bit, and came over to sit next to Tim. Gibbs grabbed a hold of Tim's hands.
"Tim there's something I have to ask you."
Tim nodded and looked at their joined hands.
"Do I make you happy anymore? Are you still in love with me?"
Tim looked up a Gibbs hurt.
"I just…We've become so distant and I've tried to give you as much space as I could…"
"I have to stop you there Jethro. I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I've just felt disconnected from everything lately and it has nothing to do with our love for each other. I love you so much Jethro…I do…so much."
Tim closed his eyes and a tear escaped.
"I never meant for you….to q...question my love for you."
A sob escaped. Gibbs wrapped Tim in a tight hug, as Tim's sob erupted.
"I just hurt Jethro."
Gibbs kissed the top of his head and let him cry.
"I love you Tim. I hope you know how much."
"I'm here for you baby. Just let it out."
Gibbs held on to Tim until he cried himself to sleep. Gibbs stretched out on the couch and laid down with Tim on his chest. Gibbs loved this man so much. It hurt him to know how much Tim was in pain. The only question was why was he hurting so much? They had barley spoken in a month's time and now, when they finally did, Tim broke down. Gibbs was really worried about his lover. This that stuck in his head, and Tim glued to his chest, he fell asleep.
When Gibbs woke next, Tim wasn't sleeping on his chest anymore. In fact he was trying to sneak out of the house. Gibbs watch as Tim snuck out and started to walk away. Gibbs followed him to the park, where he saw Tim staring at the children playing on the playground. Gibbs walked up behind Tim and wrapped his arms around him.
"Why'd you try to sneak out on me Timmy?"
Tim leaned back against Gibbs and closed his eyes. This department had really, seriously been lacking lately. Tim savored the moment and so did Gibbs.
"Why don't we go home and talk Timmy?"
Tim nodded. Gibbs loosened his grip and they started to walk home together. Gibbs kept looking to Tim then to his hand. He reached out and grabbed Tim's hand. Tim smiled and tightened his grip. They walked into the house together. Tim started up the stairs.
"Going to take a shower first Jethro."
Gibbs watched as he walked up the stairs.
"Can I join you?"
Tim froze mid-step. He turned around and looked at Gibbs terrified.
"I was kidding Timmy. Why all the sudden are you hesitant when I touch you?"
Tim looked down trying to form words to explain to him.
"I think the shower should wait Tim. We need to talk now."
Tim looked into Gibbs eyes and nodded. He walked back down the stairs and sat next to Gibbs on the couch.
"Did I do something to make you afraid of me?"
"Then why don't you want me to touch you ever anymore?"
Tim looked down to the floor.
"It's not you…It's…"
"If you say 'it's me' I swear…"
Tim sighed. It was time to tell Gibbs everything.
"It's me Jethro."
Gibbs shook his head.
"Let me explain. I went for my physical last month and the doctor told me something I wasn't expecting."
Gibbs looked up at Tim concerned.
"Are you ok Timmy?"
"I'm fine. I found out something that made me want something and…"
"You're confusing me here."
Tim adjusted on the couch. Gibbs could tell he was uncomfortable talking to him about this. The question was why? Hadn't they told each other everything in the last 6 years?
"Jethro…I can get pregnant."
"Yeah. The way the doctor explained it to me is that there are only a few hundred men on the planet that have the anatomy to get pregnant…I'm one of them."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Tim shrugged and looked at his hands.
"You didn't ask."
Gibbs gave him the stare.
"Ok Jethro…I didn't know how you were going to take it."
Tim stood up and walked out to the back deck and leaned against the railing. Jethro followed a second later and stopped at the doorway.
"Is that why you haven't wanted to touch me?"
Tim sighed and shook his head.
"Why then Tim? Is it because your afraid you'll get pregnant?"
Tim shook his head.
"I'm on birth control."
"Then why Timmy?"
Tim turned towards Gibbs.
"I love you Jethro, but this is hard for me. When I fell in love with you, I gave up all hope of having my own children and that was ok with me. But…when I found out I could get pregnant. I.."
Gibbs took a step closer and interrupted Tim.
"You wanted to…get pregnant I mean."
"Yes, but I know how much you still grieve over Shannon and Kelly and I don't want to bring that pain back to you. I didn't think you'd ever want kids again. So I dealt with it."
Gibbs took another step closer which made it eye to eye with Tim.
"Tim…you should have talk to me about this."
"I know Jethro. I guess I was a little embarrassed by it. What man can get pregnant? I mean seriously."
Gibbs wrapped his arms around Tim.
"Apparently you can."
Tim looked into Gibbs' eyes, and Gibbs gave him a pointed look.
"Timmy…I've seen how depressed you've become which tells me exactly how much you want this."
Tim nodded and look down at Gibbs' chest.
"I want you to be happy."
Tim nodded again.
"Are you breaking up with me Jethro?"
"Breaking up? God no! I love you Timmy. If you want to try for a baby that much, then I think we should do it."
Tim suddenly looked up with hope in his eyes. Gibbs smiled. The light that has been missing this past month was suddenly returned.
"Really Jethro! I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do."
Gibbs kissed Tim. Tim rested his hands on Gibbs' face. He really missed having this type of contact with him.
"If I didn't want to do it Timmy, I would have said no."
"But what about…"
"Shannon and Kelly?"
Gibbs got a thoughtful look on his face.
"Somehow…I think they'd want me to be happy too."
TWO MONTHS LATER
There was a special stick sitting on the counter. Tim waited anxiously for the timer to go off. Jethro and Tim were waiting on the bed. Tim was twiddling his thumbs, will the time to go by faster. The timer went off, but Tim stayed still.
"You want me to check?"
Tim nodded, too nervous to mover. Jethro yelled from the bathroom.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this."
Tim's heart fell.
"Because you should have seen it instead."
Jethro came out of the bathroom and smiled.
"We're going to be daddies."