Memories are a delicate matter, some have few, some have many but each one is special in their own way. Everyone needs memories, something special to look back on and remember but what do you when they disappear?


Castiel Novak had lots of memories, plenty of his family, his friends but the most important, the most treasured were the ones he held dear and they were all of his love, Dean Winchester. They weren't all good but one in particular stood out for him because it was the beginning of all things.

March 1989.

"I hate him" Castiel said throwing his school bag down on the bench and sliding on to it to face his best friend and only ally in the school, Anna Milton. Anna snorted munching on her carrot stick and glanced over to the subject of the matter, Dean Winchester.

"You do not! You want him as much as every girl and boy in the goddam place"

"I do not, he's an assbutt" he hissed opening his lunchbox with a sigh.

"You know he likes you" Anna said tilting her head at him with a smirk. Castiel blushed glancing over to him messing around and joking with his gang.

"He does not"

"He's always staring at you and he gets weirdly jealous whenever someone else apart me talks to you"

"Because you're a lesbian!" he said gesturing at her.

She winked at him and shrugged. "I'm telling you the truth, the most popular guy in the school lusts after you"

Castiel faltered glancing over to him and blushed deep red when Dean looked up and caught his eye.

"But-but I'm no one, I'm just the weird nerdy kid with the angel name who sits in the library studying instead of finding girls…or you know, boys" he murmured scratching behind his ear nervously.

"The weird nerdy kid who happens to be very attractive with the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen! I am jealous of your eyes" she said softly uncapping her drink and swigging from it. "He wants you bad"

Castiel swallowed shaking his head. "I sit next to him in physics and the only conversation we have is who turn it is to write the notes"

"Because he's shy"

Castiel snorted flicking a crisp at her. "He is not!"

"With people he likes!"

"Dean Winchester is not shy, he is arrogant, he is cocky and he is proud and loud"

"You rhymed" she teased pointing a finger at him.

"That's not the point, Anna, he is annoying and he doesn't like me. He likes pretty girls and boys who are easy and a good fuck"

Anna winced patting his hand and glancing over to Dean who was engaged in a conversation with good friend, Chuck Carver.

"He could be good for you" she murmured.


"Lose the big V"

Castiel scoffed in disgust pushing her hand away and picking up his bag.

"Look its Pamela's 20th birthday party tonight and everyone is going! You are coming"

"All more reason not to go, Anna, I'm not the party type" he said pulling it onto his back.

"You are! Embrace it and you will be there if I have to forcibly drag your scrawny ass" she warned pointing another carrot stick in his face.

"I hate you"

"I know, our love for each other is a fine line"

Castiel rolled his eyes heading towards the exit feeling the burn of someone's eyes on his retreating figure and turned to see big green ones watching him. He swallowed nervously barging out and down the hall.

"Hey, Cas!" a voice called to him. He stopped turning around to see Dean coming up to him holding a book.

"You dropped this" he muttered handing it back.

"Thank you" he whispered taking it and looking up at him. Dean smirked at him pushing his hands into his pocket.

"Are you going to Pamela's tonight?"

"I'm not sure"

"You should"

"Why should I?" he questioned with a frown.

"Because the whole of our year is going and you're 19 right?"

Castiel nodded slowly still staring up at him.

"So let's enjoy your last year of being a teenager and where else are you going to go?" Dean said smugly.

"Nowhere" he said in defeat and held his breath when Dean stepped forward pushing a stray hair off his forehead.

"Good" he murmured softly.

Castiel drew in a shaky breath and cursed Anna to the depths of hell for being right, she was always right. He didn't hate Dean at all, he liked him more than he ever realised. Castiel did admit to not liking Dean in the beginning of school when they were young, naïve, and children. For years they mingled in different circles only seeing and occasionally talking in lessons, it was final year when things stepped up and started to change.

"Do you want me there?"

"Maybe" he teased gently staring into his eyes. Castiel looked back and could almost feel himself lean in and see what those lips and mouth tasted like.

"Are you two going to kiss?" a voice said interrupting them and they turned to see Ruby ogling them both.

"Piss off, Ruby" Dean muttered

"I was just curious" she snapped back eyeing them both up and smirking cruelly. "You were! You fancy a bit of his cock don't you, Dean?"

"Beat it, Ruby, before I shave your hair off and you know I will you little bitch" he hissed at her. She glared at him grabbing Lilith's arm and tugging her away.

"Jumped up faggot" she hissed at him as she turned the corner.

"There is nothing I hate more than that little cow" he said with a shudder.

"Didn't she try it on with your little brother?"

"Sam? Yeah, she failed when he laughed in her face" he said with a snicker and looked back to the canteen. "I better be going, I'll see you tonight"

With the final word he turned on his heel storming back to the canteen and leaving a flushed Castiel behind. He swallowed turning on his heel and practically running to the library, his sanctuary.


"If I was straight we would be in bed right now" Anna murmured raking her eyes up and down his figure.

"What? Anna, that's disgusting we are like brother and sister"

"Not in blood!" she protested standing up and carding a hand into her hair fluffing it up. She stood in the mirror appraising her black gown and smiling.

"Do I look good?"


"Good" she said with a smile. "So do you"

Castiel stared down at the dark blue shirt and black jeans with a raised eyebrow. "Really?"

"Believe me when I tell you that every girl and boy in that room tonight will see "weird kid" in a whole new light"

They arrived at the house party and Castiel felt a heat rise over him as eyes turned to watch him and Anna walk in. He swore he heard a few wolf whistle and hid away walking towards the drinks table and taking a beer.

"I feel sick" he murmured to Anna who smirked at him.

"Chill out, everyone is looking at you"

"No, you actually" he said looking over to a group of boys leering at her.

"Not my type at all"

"What is your type?"

Anna winked at him waving at Pamela and walking over to her with a wide smile. Castiel sighed tipping the drink back and staring down at the table. He didn't notice Dean slide up to him and stand behind him.

"You've been here for like three minutes and already people are talking and taking bets on who will bed you tonight" he purred into his ear. Castiel shivered at the warmth on the nape of his neck and turned to face him.

"That's a bad joke…what are the bets on no one at all?"

"100 to 1"he replied with a grin.

Castiel looked him up and down and bit his lip feeling butterflies in his lower regions reach peak as he looked at his tightly fitted t-shirt and jeans, he looked gorgeous.

"Can I bet on that?"

"Sure, I have my bet on someone"

"Oh who would that be?" he flirted back. Dean grinned at him and shook his head looking down at the floor.

"You're flirting me" he stated.

"With you? Never" Castiel murmured sipping his beer feeling his form tremble with anticipation.

"Oh really?" he said taking the beer off him and handing him a coloured vodka shot. "I need you drunk"

Castiel snorted but took the drink anyway taking it all in one mouthful. Dean grinned handing him another one and took one with him wondering what the night would give him.

Three hours passed and Castiel was more than tipsy as he mingled with people he never dared speak to in school hours. He looked over to Anna who was currently flirting with a girl in the year below and doing very well. He smirked tipping the rest of his beer back and turned to see the face of Andy, a boy in his math class.

"You're cute" he whispered at him. Castiel frowned moving back from him and stumbled a little shaking his head.

"Not interested" he murmured.

"Aw come on!" he said advancing on him and stopping when he saw someone behind Castiel. Arms wrapped around his waist and he turned his head to see Dean staring at Andy.

"Sorry" he said simply.

Andy sighed sadly stumbling away and towards the drink table. Castiel turned in his arms and scowled deeply.

"What are you doing?"

"Castiel, do you have any idea at all about how much I want you?"

Castiel's breath stuttered and he shook his head firmly. "Why would you want me?"

"Who doesn't want you?"

"A lot of people" he whispered staring at the stubble on his chin and swallowing hard feeling a rush of emotions and a pounding in his ears from his heart. Dean grinned trailing his mouth across his jaw gently and tore it away looking down at him.

"I notice you all the time, Cas, physics, out of class, in the library, and of course with Anna"

"Why me?"

"Because you have no idea how beautiful you are" he whispered into his ear. That was the moment Castiel felt his heart lurch and he looked up at this strange but wonderful guy who just told him he was beautiful.

"I want to kiss you" Dean murmured stroking a thumb across his bottom lip.

"Are you sure that's not the alcohol?" he gasped out when Dean's hands slid to his hips bringing him flush against his chest.

"Nope, I think about it in physics as well…I wonder if Mr Bennett would mind if I took my partner on the desk right here and give these guys a show they will never, ever, forget?" he cooed into his ear.

Castiel heard a moan and gasped when he realised it was from his own mouth. Dean felt the sound shoot straight to his groin and didn't hesitate as he claimed his lips with his own. Castiel gasped granting him entry into his mouth and gripped his hands into his hair feeling sick and lightheaded as they kissed in front of the whole party. A few gasps around them startled Castiel a bit but he was made to ignore them as Dean parted from him shushing him gently so he could kiss him again.

Castiel swept his tongue into mouth tasting crisps and beer which made his stomach churn but he ignore it well as he felt the heat rise inside him. A warm flush rose up over his neck and cheeks as they kissed passionately.

"We should…we should finish this upstairs" Dean said in a shaky voice when they parted. Castiel nodded gripping his hand and letting him lead the way as they walked past wide eyes and gaping expressions. Castiel's heart constricted when he realised what this would mean but he didn't let it bother him as they climbed the stairs of the 6 bedroomed house. Dean pushed open a door to see it empty with a bed and a wardrobe but nothing more. Dean dragged him in slamming the door shut behind him and pushed Castiel against the wall taking full advantage.

"You have no idea how long I've dreamed about this"

Castiel nodded kissing him roughly before reality dawned on him and he placed two hands on his chest and swallowed hard.

"D-Dean, this isn't just some random fuck is it?"

"What?" Dean breathed kissing down his neck.

"I don't want to be another of your random fucks, I want-I want it to mean something"

Dean stopped staring up at him and let out a deep breath nodding. "I know, so do I. You aren't a random fuck…believe me".

"How can I know that?" he whispered swaying unsteadily.

"Because I like you, I mean I really like you. My friends think I'm obsessed with you"

"What?" he questioned confused. "You-you never talk to me"

Dean laughed nodding and cupped his neck with a smile. "There's a reason…I'm a coward"

"Oh" he breathed finding some sense into it and frowning at him.

"I'm ordinary and you like…girls"

"Yeah, it's a beautiful little word called bi-sexual, Cas" he whispered. "And right now, I like only you"

Castiel paused for a moment and nodded slowly. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yes" he breathed with a moan against his neck.

"I'm a…virgin" he whispered clutching his shoulders. Dean gasped looking up at him and his eyes widened at the declaration.

"You mean no one has taken it?"


"Oh shit" he breathed his mouth open as he stepped back a little.

Castiel's face fell and he bit his lip. "You don't want me?"

"What? Yes, yes, god yes, but I don't want to take it like this, Cas! We're drunk" he murmured stroking a thumb across his cheek. "I can't take your virginity like this"

"Who knew you were so-so noble" Castiel whispered chuckling.

"Do you want it like this? Do you want it with me of all people?"

"I did say I hated you before to Anna"

"Do you?"

Castiel shook his head with a snort. "No, I want this, I want you".

Dean closed his eyes with a long sigh and pulled him back towards him kissing him softly.

"God, okay, okay, we'll do this" Dean whispered undressing him slowly and marvelling over his chest. Castiel shivered feeling vulnerable and moved towards him kissing him hard and pushing him towards the bed. Dean groaned feeling the back of the bed on his legs and fell back taking Castiel with him. Castiel giggled with him as they straightened out and resumed their positions.

It was only when they started to get hot and heavy moving towards removing the rest of their clothing was when Castiel pulled away clamping a hand over his mouth.

"Am I that bad?" he joked when he gagged moving away and grabbing the trashcan vomiting into it. Dean grimaced rubbing Castiel's back and wrinkled his nose at the smell as he finished up sitting back breathing heavily.

"It was those shots" he murmured weakly. Dean smiled at him sadly and nodded.


"I hardly ever drink" he whispered. "You can go if you like…I know I've ruined the mood"

Dean rolled his eyes at him bringing him to his chest and hugging him close.

"I have just seen you throw up, you smell of booze, sweat and sick and I have never liked you more…you're at your most vulnerable here" he whispered.

Castiel stared into the darkness in shock before looking up to Dean seeing the outline of his features and swallowed hard.

"Are you real?"

Dean chuckled brushing back his hair from his sweaty forehead and nodding. "Very real"

Castiel nuzzled his chest smelling the sweet scent from his skin and feeling his stomach ripple and lurch again as he moved away to be sick. Dean grimaced stroking his back and made himself a promise, he would not fuck this one up.


The next morning was not a pleasant one as Castiel opened his eyes and cringed at the light in the room. He buried his head in the pillow sensing the warmth next to him and peeked at the figure lying there and gasped seeing Dean sleeping next to him. He lifted his head looking around the room and at themselves to see that it was a poky room and they were half naked tangled up together.

Castiel wrinkled his nose and looked down to see a waste basket filled with sick and closed his eyes in horror.

"No, no, no, no" he chanted sitting up feeling his head and body protest in horror as his whole world lurched. Dean opened one eye to look at the tanned back of Castiel and trailed his hand up it softly.

"Hey" he said sleepily.

"I'm so sorry" Castiel said into his hands and shook his head at him. "I can't-I can't believe I did that, I am so, so, sorry"

"You threw up, Cas, it's not the end of the world"

"Oh it is" he moaned into his hands and went to move away and out of the bed.

Den grabbed his wrist tugging him down and towards him. "Shut up now"


"I have just woken up and I am very pleased to say I have no hangover, I bet you have a blinder, I have woken up with the guys of my "affections" and I don't care that you vomited last night…I'm actually glad you did because we would be in a more awkward situation, Cas"

"Sex" he murmured softly.

"Exactly, I was up for it then I must admit but I'd rather take it when you are more alert"

Castiel smiled shyly glancing down to his bare chest and feeling his brow furrow in confusion.

"Where is the arrogant, self-centred, and cocky Dean gone?"

"Oh he's still here" Dean joked pushing him gently. "I know I've shown no signs, Cas, I admit that but I would think my staring would be a clear sign? I don't do declaration of feelings, I keep my feelings to myself and myself only but you gotta know that I do like you, I like you more than I ever realised"

"Oh" he breathed shuddering gently when he kissed his throat. "Be right back"

Dean blinked when he jumped up darting out of the room and swallowed gently laying back down waiting for his return. Castiel darted into the bathroom ignoring the snoring guy in the bathtub as he grabbed mouthwash and swilled it around his mouth and splashing cold water on his face. He cleaned himself up and stared in the mirror seeing flushed cheeks and wide blue eyes.

He closed his eyes feeling like his whole world had suddenly tipped over. Castiel calmly left the bathroom and walked back into the spare room to see him on the bed and sighed staring at the marvel in front of him. Dean opened one eye and held his hand out to him beckoning him over. Castiel obeyed getting on the bed and gasping when he pulled him on his lap to straddle his hips.

"Here let me introduce myself, Dean Winchester, 20 years old, I live in Lawrence, Kansas with my brother, Sam and we live with Bobby, our dad's friend and our adopted father. We live with him because our parents died many years ago in a house fire, I go to a poky school and I have recently discovered my "feelings" for a certain boy in my physics class"

Castiel listened intently and nodded slowly. "Nice to meet you, Dean"

"Nice to meet you too, Cas" he said with a chuckle.

"Okay…I'm Castiel, I'm 19 years old, and I also live in Lawrence, Kansas with my brothers, Gabriel and Balthazar who have taken care of me since I was a little boy. I don't know my parents, they died when I was very young in an accident my brothers refuse to speak about and I have been harbouring feelings for a certain man who I never dared speak to or raised the issue"

Dean's eyes widened at the brand new information and he nodded along with him.

"Well you've spoken up now" Dean murmured leaning up into him and smirking. "I made myself a promise last night, I would not fuck this up and now I make another promise"

"What promise?"

"To take care of you and make not only me but you happy"

Castiel smiled at him and tilted his head at him confused. "You are a puzzle, Dean Winchester"

"Fancy completing me?" he teased and laughed when he cringed.

They rolled around together in bed for a while after that, talking, laughing, exchanging lines and jokes which started off the whirlwind that was their life.


This was one of Castiel's favourite memories even after 6 years of being together, marrying the very same man, and living with him. He had no idea that one fatal accident could change all that and spelling out the biggest challenge of their lives six years later.

A/N: Brand new story! I like this, I do. I am kinda basing it off, The Vow. Have you lot seen the trailer? It breaks my heart and I wanted to write an amnesia story.

So come on my beautiful readers! Feedback? I would really appreciate it so I can continue it.