I am afraid to be alone; afraid of losing you, the only man that I can ever love, the only man that has given my nothing but honest love. I know that I have hurt you but please give me one more chance. Stay here with me and I'll do anything to show you how committed I am to you…
He is the perfect man, a man that will do anything for his woman, committed to her and her only. Treat her like the queen that she is. However, she is about to lose him. She has hurt him and continues to, time and time again. She had become distant from him. Yet, he would never give up on her. He couldn't because he loves her too much.
She had to make a big decision that would change her life no matter what she chose. She is afraid that no matter what her decision is, she would eventually lose him.
"Marry me, Taylor."
Taylor was stunned. Her mind racing.
"Chad, you know I love you but I...I can't. I'm not ready."
Chad stood up and embraced her. "Ok…I understand, Tay."
Taylor stared into his eyes. She knew he was disappointed but she just couldn't marry him.
Taylor has felt guilty and distant from Chad. At the same time, Chad became distant from her. It seemed that he was giving up. He would come home later than normal and leave the house more often. At first, she thought he wanted to just hang with his boys. She was partly fine with that but at moments her mind would go deeper in thought. "Hanging out with the boys" is probably an excuse to cover up something that he is really doing. Maybe he found someone else. Maybe he has already been with someone else. Since she was at home alone most of the time anyway, Taylor had a lot to think about. Her thoughts may have been too far-fetched but anything is possible now a day.
Chad was leaving out again for the 4th night.
"I don't have time to argue with you, Taylor!"
"I'm just asking you a simple question. Where are you going?"
Chad sighed. "I'm just going to go watch the game. I'll be back."
"You would much rather go out than be with me?"
"I will be back as soon as it's over." Chad walked towards the front door.
Before she could stop him, Chad walked out slamming the door. Taylor wasn't even going to try. She heard him get into his car and drive off. She went into the living room, sat on the couch and cried.
At times she would cry herself to sleep because they would get into an argument about something unnecessarily and since they have a king size bed, they slept far apart, their backs towards each other or Chad would sleep in another room. Other nights after an argument, Chad would want to hold Taylor and whisper sweet things to her, which would lead up to other things.
It was around 2 in the morning, Chad walked into their bedroom. He removed his clothes, leaving his boxers on. He got in the bed, wrapped his arm around Taylor and kissed her shoulder. Taylor turned around to face him. Pulling away from him a bit, Chad laid on his back as Taylor got on top of him, straddling him and stared into his eyes with lust, running her hands down his abs.
Chad rubbed up and down her thighs slowly. He then rolled them over and got on top of Taylor kissing her, leaving a trail down her body. He pulled Taylor's panties down her legs and took off his boxers throwing them on the floor before gently easing himself into her. Taylor moaned, closing her eyes and biting her lip. Chad continued to thrust into her and kissing her neck as Taylor wrapped her legs around Chad's waist tighter.
Chad was never a one minute man. They would make love for hours, loving the feel of one another. Chad always gave Taylor this indescribable feeling.
It still wasn't enough. Although they seemed to get closer physically, they move farther apart mentally and emotionally. Taylor couldn't help but think was that the only reason why he would stay? Their relationship was now only based on sex.
Taylor knew damn well Chad wasn't that type of man. So what the hell was wrong with her? Why would she think that? She couldn't find anything that would prove that he could be cheating. She was intentionally trying to find something wrong so she can satisfy her insecurity. While he was asleep, she would check his phone, his pants and jacket pockets. She even went outside to check his car. Nothing... but she wasn't sure. Insecurity was tearing her apart. Her insecurity is causing her to lose the only man that could and would love and give her the respect she needed and deserved.
Taylor laid in the bed, clutching her pillow, crying. She thought about everything. All of her mistakes and she was ready to make the right choice. She had to... she was running out of time. 9 p.m., She hadn't heard from Chad all day and she thought that he was avoiding her or maybe something worse.
Once she heard the front door open and slam shut, she sat up. Chad rushed upstairs to their bedroom. He stood at the door and looked at Taylor. Taylor felt so ashamed and honestly, she couldn't look at him because if she did, it would bring her more pain.
"You can leave if you want to. That's all you ever do. You can leave for good this time," Taylor said coldly. Her insecurity and all those negative thoughts came rushing back into her mind.
Chad sighed. "Just talk to me instead of trying to argue!"
Taylor got up from the bed and left out their bedroom. Chad followed her down stairs to the living room.
"Taylor, why are you trying to accuse me of something I din't do and want to argue about everything?"
Taylor turned and looked at him. "I'm not good enough for you and I really don't know what I am to you."
"What? Taylor, I love you and you know that you are the only one for me."
"That's bull shit, Chad and you know it!"
"Taylor, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying all I'm good for is sex. You are always out with your boys doing whatever and I'm here by myself!"
"You act like you don't want me around. What am I suppose to do? I'm trying to do everything I can to make you happy but that's not enough. I asked you to marry me, which should've showed you how serious I am about you…about us. But you have become so distant from me and always doubt the way I feel about you!"
"Because, I don't know what's more important to you even if I did say yes!"
"Stop acting like this, Tay! I told you, I love you and you are my number one priority,'' he said grabbing her by her waist.
"Let go of me,'' she snapped.
Chad was in disbelief. He looked into Taylor's eyes and knew it was something that was hurting her. He tried his best but didn't know how he could help her.
"If this is what you want, Taylor, that's fine. I told you I'm trying to do everything I can to make you happy and I'll do whatever I have to." Chad kissed her cheek.
Taylor frowned not understanding what he was saying...until she watched him walk out the door yet again. She felt a sharp pain go through her heart. She was not about to let him go. She was not about to let everything that they have built together fall apart so easily.
"Chad wa-!" she opened the door and was shocked to see him standing on the door step, leaning up against the side of the house.
"Even if you really wanted me to leave, I wouldn't leave you."
"And I need you to stay."
Taylor took his hand pulling him back into the house. Chad shut the door and locked it. They went back into the living room. Taylor stared into his loving eyes for a moment with tears in hers.
"I don't like going to sleep without you lying next to me. I feel so alone sometimes, Chad. I feel like the only time I can get your attention is if we sleep together."
"I'm sorry for making you feel that way. Baby, you know you mean more to me than that."
"I don't want to do you this way anymore, Chad. I know my heart will always and forever belong to you."
"You know that, so why won't you say yes, Taylor? Marry me."
"Scared? There is nothing to be scared of."
"I don't know if I will be a good wife to you. I don't want to keep fearing the unknown. I don't know if we can keep us together. So many people…older couples I have looked up to have gotten divorced because of infidelity or they just fell out of love. I don't want that. When you say you'll be back or you are going with the boys and just leave, I don't know if that just a cover up because you are with somebody else. I didn't know what I was feeling and…"
Before she could get any other words out, Chad wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her. Taylor immediately responded, wrapping her arms around his neck, bringing her body closer to his and tears streamed down her cheek.
Their lips slowly parted and Chad smiled wiping her tears away.
"Baby, no matter what we go through or how much we argue, the way I feel about you will never change. My love for you grows stronger everyday. "
Taylor nodded slowly. "I know it has been a year. I was confused and didn't know what to say but now I have an answer…a true answer and Chad, yes. I will marry you."
"I love you," he whispered.
"I love you, too.
Taylor smiled and pressed her lips to his. She had finally realized that she didn't need to be insecure with herself nor their relationship. She realized that Chad didn't want anything more but for her to trust that he would love and take care of her. She laid her head on his chest. Chad rubbed his hands up and down her back, whispering soothing words.
"Will you promise me one thing?"
"What is it, Tay?"
"That no matter what you're going to stay?"
"I'm not going anywhere. I will always be with you."