We blew that joint as soon as Jacob started to feel me up. By feel me up, I, of course, mean slipping his hand under my shirt and groping my bra and sticking his tongue in my mouth, only to pull back before I could slap him and exclaim, "Ewww!"

When we got home, I promptly fell to sleep and had a very bizarre dream. I was butt fucking Jacob with a dildo. Huh. Disturbing. Also, I had a dream that I staked the shit out of Edward Cullen's heart, but I think that was the lesser of two fucked up dreams.

Jessica called and told me were going shopping. I decided why the fuck not, it's not like I have anything better to do with my time. Fuck, that's sad. I have nothing better to do that shop for frilly dresses for a stupid dance at a stupid school in a stupid down. Have I emphasized stupid enough?

I slid down the banister of the stairs and skidded to a halt behind the couch. "Hey, Charlie, I'm meeting up with Jessica at the mall in Port Angeles."

"I don't think you're car will make it there, Bells," Charlie said, not looking away once from the retarded basketball game that he and Billy had been watching earlier, only to be interrupted by Jacob humping my leg.

"Yeah, I'm flying there on my broom."

He chuckled. "Good one."

"I thought so," I said before leaving. I hopped on my broom and ended up getting there before Jessica. I waited impatiently in the food court, where Jessica said we would meet. She finally arrived, dragging Angela behind her.

"Hey, Bella. Look who I br—"

"Blah, blah, blah, doesn't this girl ever shut the fuck up?"

Jessica narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me?"

Whoops. I guess I said that out loud. Oh well, I'm not taking it back. "Are there any witchcraft stores around here?"

Angela nodded. "Yeah, there's one down the street. Do you want me to go with you?"

"Nope. Have fun shopping. See you fuckers later."

I started my walk down the street. It was still pretty light out, but you know, there were always those fucking drunkards in the town who hung out in the bar as soon as it opened and stayed till they were kicked out. Unfortunately, he was stumbling after me, and no matter how many times I tried to trick him—like, you know, crossing the street, I didn't think his shitfaced brain could keep up—he still followed me.

I whirled around. "Keep following me and I'll shove this broom so far up your ass..."

Before I could finish my threat, a silver car ran him over.