Love is supposed to be the most wonderful thing in the world, so why is it that Sirius and Remus can only feel it ripping them to shreds? Eventual Slash, SB/RL. Based loosely on the Song by the same name by Goo Goo Dolls.
Let Love In
Chapter One: Friends
"I'm bored." Sirius whined, for what seemed like the trillionth time to his irritated friends.
"Then go do something." Remus replied quietly turning the page of his book.
Sirius glared at him, silver eyes too much like the moon Remus feared so much. "But it's no fun doing something on my own!" He said with a petulant huff as he threw himself backwards, his long legs taking up most of the sofa.
"Go talk to Felicity...she likes you." James said, hazel eyes, now more of a dark brown in the light from the fire.
"Ugh...no. She was alright in the sack but got way too clingy afterwards...Anyway, Amy said she's with that poncy git from Ravenclaw...what's his name...Bert?"
James blinked and finally looked up at his friend. "Amy? You mean Amy Grice?"
"Yeah..." Sirius said with a flash of brilliant white teeth.
"You got with her? She's like the biggest prude in our year...well done mate." James sounded suitably impressed.
"Wasn't much, just a smile and soft words and they fall over themselves to get a piece of this." He waved his hands up and down his body, stretching out on the sofa. "Anyway, she wasn't much of a prude behind closed doors, trust me mate...she was no saintly virgin."
"You learn something new every day." Remus said mildly, turning the page of his book.
There was silence except for the soft hiss and crackle of the fire. Remus lay on his front, legs in the air as he devoured his new Arithmancy book. James was eating chocolate, every now and again, at some unspoken cue, he would hand Remus a chunk. Peter worked on his essay with a deep frown, he was constantly crossing things out and Sirius leaned over, reading what he had so far. "Mate, Vampires aren't allergic to crosses...that's Muggle superstition. And...well, that's completely wrong...Blood doesn't give them superhuman powers...seriously, have you even been listening in class?" Sirius chuckled as Peter went red.
"If you know so much, do it for me?" Peter asked, holding his parchment up hopefully.
Sirius shook his head. "Now that would be cheating Mr. Pettigrew." He wagged his finger self importantly. "I can't be blamed for either my intoxicating good looks, nor my extraordinary brains." He flashed his teeth in a predatory grin before sinking back down on the sofa, arms behind his head as he gazed up at the ceiling.
"Yes, because turning what is supposed to be a liquid potion into what resembles a hard cheese is a prime example of your 'extraordinary brains'..." Remus muttered, his eyes never leaving his book as he took the proffered chocolate from James.
Sirius frowned darkly. "That was an experiment...I was trying to see if it was possible to mix two potions together..."
"Yeah, turns out that if you do try, you get an interesting side to a nice glass of elf made wine." James said, through a mouthful of chocolate.
"But ol' Sluggy wasn't too impressed...my arms still ache when I think about all those glasses he got me to clean. And I mean, really, why can't teachers just wave their wands and poof! It's all gone. It's ridiculous to expect students to act like fucking house elves..."
"Some of us have to do chores at home, it's not so bad." Peter said quietly, gazing down at his near incomprehensible essay.
Sirius sneered. "Yeah, kinda makes me grateful that I don't have to dirty my hands at home." He said pushing hair from his eyes. "We're human beings, not elves. It's slavery is what it is."
"Sirius, do you ever listen to what comes out of your mouth?" Remus asked, finally drawn out of his book.
"Well...yeah..." Sirius looked uncomfortable, his eyes darting around as his friends looked at him incredulously. "Why? Did I say something...wrong?"
Remus sighed heavily, closing his book so that his finger marked his page before sitting up. "Elves have been the slaves of Wizards for centuries..."
"And? They like work." Sirius shrugged. "Just give 'em a filthy pot and they go mental as if you've given them gold."
Remus gave him an almost pitying look, the one he seemed to spare only for Sirius. "It's Wizarding arrogance, you are especially bad for it. Elves are creatures with feelings, like us...they feel sadness, pain and grief...they know happiness...they should be treated with as much respect as you would treat a human being." Although Remus's tone was soft, it was also slightly patronising and this seemed to ignite the flames of irritation within his volatile friend.
"But they're not human, Moony! They're tiny and have great big ears...have you even met a house elf? Anyone would think that you had no idea what they were. Anyway, Kreacher's a git, pure and simple." He shrugged, folding his arms across his chest as if this settled the matter.
For a long while Moony sat in silence, his patience seemingly never ending. He gazed into the flames of the fire before sighing heavily. "You know, not many people who know my...affliction...even treat me as if I'm human." He returned his eyes to Sirius's.
Sirius suddenly looked away, he knew he had reacted badly the first time he had found out Remus was a werewolf, although only James and Peter had witnessed him freak out and none of them had said a word about it to Remus himself. "But that's entirely different!" He said suddenly, imploring them with his eyes. "You're obviously human...I mean, you're not...fluffy all the time! You're still...well...you." He shrugged, giving up.
Moony couldn't help the small smile that curled his lips, Sirius was, despite his numerous faults, a kind boy. He tried so hard to shake off the shackles of his parentage, even to the extent of risking his very limbs to rebel against them, but some things were too deeply ingrained in him. The pureblood arrogance dominated his every move, he was prideful and completely vicious when that pride was damaged. But he could also be kind, and surprisingly gentle, like when they would wake up in the forest after a transformation and he would find Sirius gazing at him through that wonderfully pitch black hair, concern making his eyes glow faintly. Remus sighed, he knew it was pointless to argue this point, so he reopened the book. James had been too absorbed in his own essay composition to really pay any attention to the brief near-argument.
Sirius watched Remus bury his nose into the book again before sighing and falling back into the sofa. He gazed up at the ceiling, his limbs spread at all angles. At fifteen he knew who he was, he knew what he was and most of all he took confidence in the fact that he was comfortable with himself. But, lately he had been having difficulty, it wasn't the fact that he was different from his friends...he was, but that was fine, he was ok with that. It was the fact that his friends had no idea why he avoided invitations to their houses, why he came back after a holiday limping or with bruises. He didn't want to worry them, he didn't want them to know. He frowned slightly, deep in his own thoughts, he knew he wasn't quite sane...he was certain that there was something wrong with his head and James took great pleasure in reminding him, time and time again that he was missing some fundamental human emotions. He wasn't entirely sure what James meant by that, and it bothered him. It really bothered him. His frown darkened and he made an odd growling noise in the back of his throat, Remus looked up, stiffening slightly as he gazed intently at Sirius who seemed completely unaware that he had made any noise. Moony shifted uncomfortably, he could almost see the anger pouring from his friend and it always scared him slightly when Sirius was angry. He was dangerous, his eyes would go so dark they resembled storm clouds and he would hex the nearest person simply out frustration. But it wasn't simply the anger that scared the Werewolf, it was his unpredictability, it was impossible to know when he would get angry and he could go from being happy and smiling to suddenly into a rage, for no other reason than he'd made a mistake on his homework.
All his friends treated him with wary respect when he was in a mood, none of them wanting to have something heavy thrown at their heads. When Sirius got angry he cleared rooms.
James sighed, putting aside his homework and standing, he stretched his arms above his head and yawned, rumbling his hair. "Pads, come with me to the Quidditch pitch, I need to practice." He said, using his rare tact to draw Sirius into a good mood again. Peter sat up, his eyes widening briefly as he realised Sirius was bordering on decimating the place.
Sirius sat up, dark hair covering his face, his fingers dug into the sofa and he nodded. Without speaking he stood and followed James up to the dorms to get their brooms. Remus let out a soft sigh, partly in relief and partly to release the tension that had built in his chest. Sirius's magic was potent, a wild mixture of intense emotion and when he got angry it manifested into blowing up random objects and although Remus feared it, a part of him, that deep dark secret part of him actually enjoyed it. The wolf side of him loved the fury, the pure unadulterated rage that spewed forth from the black haired boy, he was passionate in everything he did but when he was angry that passion exploded like a fountain. The werewolf swallowed and tried to concentrate on his book again, but gave up soon afterwards, it was a lost cause. His mind was too full, so he stood and muttered something about going out to watch Sirius and James fly.
Sirius loved to fly. He wasn't as good as James, and he didn't bother with Quidditch, but he loved it none the less. It was early evening and they had the pitch to themselves, James was circling around Sirius, trying to make him dizzy but Sirius closed his eyes and tipped his head back, smiling. He liked the sense of freedom he got from flying, even if it was only brief. He smiled as he opened his eyes and gazed around the pitch, he saw two figures below him and swooped lower, dodging James who flew a bit too close. He swooped low over the two spectators, and saw Remus smiling up at him, he returned the smile with a grin of his own. He was feeling better now, the wind blowing away all the cares that had plagued him, the memories of the awful letter he had received by owl that morning, the memories of having Slytherin's hissing at him in corridors. He was filled with a seemingly never ending joy as he swerved dangerously before going into a dive that rapidly turned into a plummet. He laughed as he crashed into the ground, rolling over several times before coming to a stop with his head spinning and making him feel slightly ill. But he didn't stop laughing, he lay in the grass, gazing up at the stars as they poked out through the clouds. Feet made the ground rumble and he heard the shocked voices of his friends, but still he laughed, long and hard until they joined in. James threw himself down at his side and Remus lay on his other side. Peter joined them so they all watched the sky darken.
"You...are fucking mental!" James gasped after calming himself.
Sirius grinned, stretching his arms above his head. "I know." He replied.
"You scared me half to death." Remus murmured.
"That wasn't the point...I don't even know why I did it...just wanted a laugh I 'spose."
"Well, in future, do it somewhere I can't see so I don't have a heart attack." Remus's voice was soft but Sirius could hear the smile in it. His own smile was gentle and slightly lopsided. He didn't know what was going on but he had been feeling awkward around Remus, he found himself staring a lot more than usual, sometimes catching Remus watching him back with an almost predatory look in his eyes that he associated with the wolf. He found himself blushing for no apparent reason when their eyes met and he was forced to look away, furious with himself for acting weird.
Slowly he sat up, his eyes on the distant twinkle of Hagrids Cabin for a moment before he sighed happily and climbed to his feet, he strode over and picked up his broom before poking James with the end until James jumped to his feet and tackled him to the floor. "OW! Fucking shit! James! That's my hair! Ow!" He half laughed as James yanked on his hair, trying to put him into a submission hold.
"Shouldn't have it so fucking long then, you big girl!" James replied through his own laughter. They could hear Peter giggling and Remus's tut.
Sirius twisted himself, in what should have been an impossible position and he grabbed James hands pushing him off so he hit the floor. "If I'm a girl then you won't mind this..." he grinned, puckering his lips and trying to pin James to the floor and kiss him.
"Ew! Get off of me! This is disgusting!"
"Take it back then!" Sirius replied, dodging a blow from one of James's hands. "Go on...submit!"
"Never! Get off of me!" he lashed out with his legs, trying to hit Sirius in the balls, but missed. "You freak!"
Finally James, with Sirius's lips inches from his face, gave up. He laughed and heaved Sirius off of him, standing and dusting down his robes. Sirius sat on the floor, hair falling around his grinning face as he threw his head back and laughed, more like the sharp bark of a dog. Remus watched, unable to look away, he felt his cheeks heat with blood as he saw Sirius sweeping his fringe from those twin pools of moonlight and their eyes met. It was as if electricity shot down Remus's spine, the gaze was intense, filled with that insane, uncontrollable passion that filled Sirius's body. Slowly Padfoot licked his lips, almost hungrily, before breaking the eye contact with an almost audible snap and climbing to his feet, he stooped to get his broom and strode off, following James as they headed back to the common room. Remus paused for a split second, trying to explore these weird feelings before shaking his head and running to catch up to his friends. When he reached them Sirius threw a casual arm around his shoulders and chatted animatedly about nothing in particular.
Christmas sped towards them so quickly they almost ran out of time to buy peasants for each other, Sirius thought it was a bit like being slapped in the face with a wet towel as they walked into the Great Hall to find several massive trees all glittering along the walls and people chattering excitedly about their holidays. After breakfast the foursome left the hall and made their leisurely way up the stairs to the common room to laze about and take full advantage of the last Sunday before Christmas. Suddenly Sirius stopped, making James walk into him. His eyes were on an ice sculpture, obviously created by Flitwick, it showed a centaur rearing up looking impressively realistic. "I want to dress it up...is that weird?" Sirius turned to his friends.
James put a hand on his shoulder, consolingly. "Yes, it's very weird." He said, patting him gently.
"Still..." Sirius returned his gaze to the statue. "I reckon it'd look good in a hat...maybe a jacket..."
"Um...ok...Can I ask why?" Remus asked, just as lost as Peter and James.
"No idea. But I'm going to do it." He pulled out his wand, his eyes moving around until he spotted a small platform where a massive vase stood. He stepped over to it and pushed it off so it smashed on the floor.
"Was there any need for that?" Remus asked, waving his wand so the pieces re-formed.
"I have a plan, Moony, don't you worry your pretty little head." Sirius assured him before climbing up onto the plinth and steadying himself by sticking his arms out to either side, once he was balanced he lifted his wand, pointing it at the statue. After a couple of hissed words the Centaur was wearing a rather nice blazer with a silly Christmas hat. Tinsel decorated its waist and James also noticed that it had make-up on. Sirius made to step back to admire his handy work, forgetting he was stood on an unstable plinth, he fell, his eyes widening slightly and before the others could catch him there was a sickening crack and then silence.