AXE Excite: It'll Make Castiel Shaped Holes in Your Ceiling.
Summary: All Dean wanted to do was save a little damn cash. Needless to say, Sam will be doing all of the future shopping from now on.
Rated: T for crack, language and unwanted smelling.
Warnings: None really unless you're such a Puritan child that you feel the need to be warned about language, some awkwardness and crack abound, lol
Disclaimer: I do not now, nor have I ever owned Supernatural, AXE body spray. They both belong to their original creator, blah-biddy-blah-biddy-blah.
A/N: I guess you could technically consider this Destiel, but it's not, really. And sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes I may have (most likely) made in the process of writing this. Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. Remember to review if you liked the story.
It was an early Saturday morning and Dean had been unceremoniously woken up by the sound of Sam accidentally shutting the bathroom door louder than intended.
All traces of sleep gone, Dean sat up instantly in his bed and glared at the sheepish looking younger man.
"Dammit Sam! I thought we agreed that I got the shower first in the morning!" Dean growled.
Sam huffed. "You always get the shower first Dean! I smelled and I woke up first so I got the shower." He pointedly started to dry his hair off with a small white towel.
"Sam, I spent three and a half hours last night trudging through nasty ass sewers looking for the Black Dog while you got to enjoy the luxury of searching old buildings. I think that entitles me to the first shower goddammit!"
"It wasn't all sunshine and roses there either Dean! I got sprayed by passing cars twice with muddy water and stepped in dog crap!" Sam argued. "It's not my fault the stupid hot water went out last night."
"Yea, but it is your fault that you took the only hot shower we're gonna get for hours. My shower!" He emphasized with narrowed eyes.
Sam glared back. "I never agreed to that Dean. You just said 'I get the shower first tomorrow' and went to bed without even hearing my answer."
"The dibs was implied!"
"You can't imply dibs Dean."
"CAN TO BITCH!"
"Screw this! I'm going out to get some more damn deodorant!" Dean spat, yanking off the blankets only to grimace at the smell wafting from the clothes he hadn't had the energy to change.
"Because princess, I'm assuming that along with all of my hot water you also used up the last of my stick since you lost yours a couple days ago?" Dean prompted, arching an accusing eyebrow.
Sam flushed guiltily.
"That's what I thought." Dean muttered, yanking on a new pair of jeans and a t-shirt. They weren't clean, but they sure as hell didn't smell half as bad as the ones he'd been wearing.
Sam settled down by his laptop as Dean pulled on his boots and jacket.
"Could you pick up some more shampoo while you're there? We're all out and the ones they got here smell downright disgusting."
Dean rolled his eyes as he snatched the keys off the table and headed to the door. "Planning on taking another shower your highness?"
He paused thoughtfully for a moment before a small smirk curved his lips.
"Though I guess I can kinda understand your OCD need to shower first and take your sweet as time in the bathroom."
Sam narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Dean grinned. "That keeping all that girly hair of yours clean must be a bitch."
He ducked out of the door laughing before the wet towel could hit him in the face.
Dean browsed the shelves of the small convenience stores Men's Hygiene Products section.
He'd made a note to himself to give Sam a good ass kicking when he got back as he noticed the disgusted face an elderly woman made at him as she passed.
Her nose scrunched up, clearly judging him as Dean awkwardly waved at her before turning back to the rows.
It's not that he liked buying the cheap stuff but when you're running fake credit card scams it's just common sense not to draw attention to yourself by buying expensive shit.
So if that meant getting the somewhat crappy hygiene products he could live with it.
Dean startled when he bumped into a large black cardboard display. He quickly managed to catch the small black bottles just before they fell to the floor.
He started to set the back when he noticed the large letters that spelled out SALE printed across the front of the display that piqued his interest. Looking down at the small bottle he saw the bold letters "AXE EXCITE" glaring back at him.
Dean stared warily at the bottle, unsure about the colorful purplish pink swirls that surrounded the logo. He might want the cheap stuff, but he didn't want to be walking around smelling like a chick either.
Bringing the nozzle up to his nose, he lightly inhaled the scent, processing it for a moment before deciding that it actually smelled pretty damn good.
Dean shoved the bottle of spray into his bag that contained a couple bags of M&M's along with Sam's girly smelling shampoo.
Well, at least he won't stink for too much longer.
Dean sighed in delight as he stepped out of the now cold shower, twisting the knobs and turning it off before wrapping a scratchy towel around his waist. He grabbed his newly purchased deodorant from the plastic bag.
Uncapping the bottle, he experimentally sprayed it a little in front of him to smell test it one last time before nodding and spraying the pleasantly scented stuff all over his body.
Capping the bottle and tucking it into his duffel bag, he quickly pulled on a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt before exiting the bathroom.
Sam had going out a little while ago to get them some grub before they went out searching for the Black Dog again.
Dean had started to make a move towards Sam's laptop when a weird whistling noise entered his ears.
Looking around in confusion, he tried to figure out where the hell the noise was coming from in the room.
Dean felt himself get more confused as the whistling grew louder and louder. It took him a full second to finally realize that the noise was coming from above him.
"Holy hell!" He shrieked –in a totally manly way of course- as he just barely managed to leap out of the way before an unintelligible form came crashing through the plaster ceiling.
He stumbled back, thankfully landing in a chair before he watched dumbstruck as a figure started to rise from the dust and ceiling rubble.
Being who he was, Dean of course already had his hand gun out and cocked as he did so, expecting some big bad to appear.
What he hadn't expected to see was a disheveled looking angel start shaking plaster out of his dark hair.
"Cass?" He shouted in disbelief, jumping a little when the angels head instantly snapped over to meet his gaze.
"Dean." The angel replied roughly, staring at him with an intense gaze that made Dean thoroughly uncomfortable.
"Jesus Christ, Cass! I know you have a love-hate relationship going on with doors but this is ridiculous!" Dean shouted angrily as he stood up and marched over to the angel.
Dean never got a reply from the angel. What he did end up getting though was even more disturbing then the whole "doors are for the weak" situation itself.
The angel had tackled the unsuspecting hunter to the ground and started to…
"WHAT THE HELL CASS?" Dean squawked horror as the angel buried his face in the man's neck and inhaled.
"Intoxicating." The angel purred out lowly, breathing in deeply.
This was wrong on so many different levels.
"DUDE! Get the hell off of me you freak!" Dean shouted, trying to shove the angel off him frantically to no avail.
The sound of an opening door startled Dean momentarily out of his frantic attempts to shove the angel off of him.
"Alright Dean, I got the food. They didn't have the kind of pie you wanted but- oh, my GOD!" Sam squeaked out, dropping the bags onto the table beside him abruptly.
Sam stared at Dean with a mixture of horror and disbelief, eyes clearly demanded an explanation.
"The spazz came crashing through the roof and then started smelling me! Now stop staring and get him the hell off!" Dean hissed furiously, stabbing a finger in the direction of the preoccupied angel.
Sam stared in shock for a few more seconds before stumbling over and trying to help yank the angel off of his extremely pissed looking brother.
As suspected, the angel stayed firmly in place, barely having moved an inch from his spot on top of the frustrated looking hunter.
"What did you do!" Sam demanded.
"Nothing!" He whined, indignant at Sam's accusation.
"Well you obviously did something to get Cas to nose rape you!" Sam snapped in annoyance.
Dean let out a frustrated groan, head dropping uselessly to the filthy carpet as the angel continued to smell him like a dog on crack.
"I didn't do anything dammit! All I did was go out shopping, take a shower and-" Dean froze.
"What is it?" The younger man insisted.
Realization came rushing forward, followed by Dean smacking the palm of his hand up against his forehead in disbelief. "It's that damned deodorant!"
Sam blinked, staring blankly at him for five long beats before responding. "Excuse me?"
"The deodorant! I picked up this new stuff from the store earlier that was on sale!"
Sam's expression became one of disbelief and slight amusement. "Are you telling me that the reason Cas is molesting you is because you used cheap deodorant?"
"Dammit Sam, can you stop being such smug little bitch long enough to go grab the damn bottle?" Dean snarled.
Shaking his head, Sam left his dismayed brother and the frantic looking angel to go look through the bathroom for the offending deodorant.
There was a long moment of silence and Dean was just about to call out for him when a loud, roaring laughter erupted from the small room. This startled both the hunter and the angel momentarily enough to look towards the sound.
Walking out of the bathroom, Sam shook with unashamed laughter as he stared down glibly at the black spray bottle in question.
"Dude! You'll never believe what it says!" Sam laughed out.
"Cut the crap Sam and spit it out!"
"The logo for this deodorant? 'Even Angels Will Fall!" Sam collapsed with laughter onto his bed.
At that Dean made a bastard noise somewhere between outrage, shock and horror.
Castiel on the other hand had a much different reaction.
All the weight that once rested on his torso was suddenly gone as Castiel leapt with cat like agility off of him and onto the discarded spray can.
Grabbing it frantically, he purred in delight when he brought it close to his face and inhaled the seemingly orgasmic aroma.
"This… 'deodorant' as you referred to it reeks of angelic pheromones." The blissed out angel murmured absent-mindedly as he stroked the colorful container lovingly.
Standing up and brushing himself off Dean looked down at the angel with a stunned expression.
"No way, you're seriously telling me that these asshats made a deodorant that smells so good it will literally make angels fall from Heaven?" Dean asked.
Castiel looked away from his precious aerosol can for a moment to stare at Dean as if he were insane.
"I did not fall from Heaven Dean. I simply traveled as quickly as angelically possible to get here." He went back to stroking the small bottle.
Sam had finally calmed down enough to sit up on his bed, wiping away a few stray tears of mirth.
"Well Dean, looks like all your bargain hunting finally paid off. " Sam snickered.
"Oh, go screw yourself Sam!" He growled.
"Nah, I think I'll leave that to you and Cass." The younger man snickered.
Dean stamped his foot indignantly. "Overgrown bitch!"
"Cheap ass jerk!"
"Can I keep this?" Castiel added innocently.
"YES!" They both shouted loudly in sync. Castiel's face lit up with sheer delight, giving Dean a slightly apologetic look before was he gone with the soft sound of flapping wings.
Thankfully, the destroyed ceiling had been magically fixed almost the moment after the angel was gone.
Both men stared dumbfounded at the ceiling that had once held a huge, gaping hole before Dean finally turned to glare at Sam, pointing accusingly at the taller man.
"That's why I get the shower first!
[A/N: To state the obvious, this was NOT a sponsorship for AXE nor will Castiel fall through your bedroom ceiling and tackle you to the ground (trust me, I've tried =P).