Elmo talks about school.
A/N A while back I posted a Sesame Street Story and it got some attention. Oh look here I go again.
Maria was drinking a huge coke and saw Elmo had just returned home from his first day of first grade.
Maria said "hi Elmo how was first grade?"
Elmo blurted out "it was much different than kindergarten."
Elmo was shaken up and Maria was concerned. She asked "is everything alright?"
Elmo answered "well some of the kids are mean."
Maria said "oh no what mean things did they do?"
Elmo answered "well in the hallway I saw a fifth grader yell at a teacher. He said he would 'bust a cap in her ass' and he turned to me and asked me 'what the fuck are you looking at bitch?' I was so upset."
Maria was shocked and asked if that boy got in trouble and Elmo explained that the fifth grader was expelled but he didn't know what that meant. Maria explained that expulsion meant he was kicked out of regular school and he would either be home schooled or sent to an alternative school.
Elmo said "well Elmo very glad I won't have to see him at school anymore."
Maria said "if I were that boy's mother I'd handle him you better believe it."
Elmo replied "well he wasn't the only bad boy I met in school today. When I went to the restroom there were two boys who laughed about jacking off in the classroom."
Maria was disgusted and said "well Elmo it's very inappropriate to joke about doing that in school and I sure hope they were only joking."
Elmo gets really depressed and Maria suggested he think of some good things that happened in school. Elmo said "nothing good happened to Elmo in school. Just before 3:00 when I was getting ready to leave a boy threw his pencil box at me. He called me a 'faggot' and Elmo so upset about it."
Maria gets mad and says she's going to call the school and talk to the principal.
Elmo walks by Oscar's trash can.
Oscar tells Elmo "if you're upset about the way the boys at school are treating you then there's one simple solution Elmo."
Elmo asks "what's the solution?"
Oscar told Elmo "you throw on a Goddamn blue bandanna and say you're a motherfucking gangster."
Elmo was shocked but Oscar got out of his trash can and said "let's take a walk by red furry friend and I'll talk to you about how to act tough. Maybe you should do some fucking pushups and learn to cop a bad ass attitude."
Oscar and Elmo take a walk and Maria returns to the middle of Sesame Street after having just talked with the principal.
"ELMO!" she cried out.
"I wonder where Elmo went" Maria said out loud.
5 MINUTES LATER
Maria looked over by the apartments just beyond Big Bird's nest and saw Oscar with Elmo coming back from their walk. When they got up to Sesame Street Maria informed Elmo she talked with the school principal.
Elmo asked "what did the school principal say?"
Maria said "well she said she'd try to look out for kids using dirty language and she also said the school has encountered a rise in gang activity."
Oscar jumped in and said "well Maria that's why I'm teaching Elmo to be tough like a gangster."
Maria said "Goddamn it Oscar that's not the solution."
Before Oscar could reply to Maria he glanced over at his trash can and saw Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy on top of it. They were getting it on.
"Oh Kermit you know how to treat a princess." Miss Piggy said as she started going into heat.
The two started banging on the trash can.
"Oh Kermit I'm going to have an orgasm."
"hmmmm" was all Miss Piggy could say
Then Miss Piggy jumped off Kermit and shot her orgasm into his face.
"Oh Kermy your head is no longer green it's covered in white" Miss Piggy said.
Oscar became furious and said "I'm a grouch and Goddamn it I don't want fucking love making on my garbage can. Get the fuck off my garbage can you two freaks of nature."
Kermit the Frog got up and said "DON'T FUCK WITH ME OSCAR OR I'LL RIP YOUR GREEN FUCKING BALLS OFF! YOU'RE NOT GANGSTER AT ALL. YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FUCKING LOSER!"
Maria jumped in to break up the fight.
After Maria broke up the fight Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog went to a cheap motel located 20 miles from Sesame Street. Maria was not happy that Oscar taught Elmo about being gangster.
Maria sat down with Elmo and said "oh Elmo I need a beer."
Elmo said "hmm Elmo always wondered what beer tasted like."
Maria said "oh Elmo don't try it."
Elmo then asked "Maria did you ever work for a pimp?"
Maria answered "no Elmo I've never worked for a pimp and I'm ready to beat the shit out of Oscar."
Elmo starts looking at the blue bandanna Oscar gave him and he says "Elmo like this blue bandanna. Elmo feels like one big bad motherfucker!"
Maria slaps her forehead and says "oh my"