A Frenzy Of Pheromones

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim - never will - end of story.

A different take on what happened when Tak arrived on Earth.

The only thing I've taken are some true lines from the episode, not owned by me, just thought they fit in nicely.

Rated 'M' for graphic sex :)

'Human Disguise' Zim X 'Human Disguise' Tak - a one-shot.

Zim stared blankly at the old decrepit blackboard while Ms. Bitters was scrawling what today's lecture would be. Not paying much attention, his cheek met his hand and was the only thing keeping him from a beautiful, dark unconsciousness.

'Valentine's Day' was the only thing Zim could make out from his increasingly heavy eyelids.

"Ok class, now as much as I oppose this disgusting holiday, the school board has made it clear that we are to celebrate it, some nonsense about how unhappy children are these days." she scoffed. "Well, I suppose we won't put it off any longer, you may all pass out your Valentine's meat slabs, it's traditional."

Zim awoke with a start, hearing the word 'meat' instilled a fear in him like only a rainy day could. Not particularly wanting to get meat fused to his face like the time the Dib-Human soiled him with bologna - he kept his wits about him.

"I left my meat at home." He said when a fellow classmate tried to pass him some. "Sorry, I must have forgot - GET THAT OUT OF MY FACE!" He yelled as he smacked the tray away, taking care to flick a piece off that landed on his desk.

"Another one - at this time of year?" Ms. Bitters said into the phone that was on her desk. "To celebrate overcrowding in school, we have a new student joining us today." she explained as the door to the classroom swung open. There stood a pretty girl, slightly taller than Zim. She had shiny violet hair and dark eye makeup, wore a purple dress that hugged her developing curves, black leggings and knee-high black boots. As he looked at her, Zim noticed a beauty mark near her left eye.

"Hi, my name's Tak, I'm new here." she said with a smile. Ms. Bitters directed her towards her seat which was right behind Dib. She took her seat, Dib turned around and introduced himself.

"Hi, I'm Dib." he smiled dumbly.

"Tak." she repeated, smiling slightly, then turning her glance towards Zim.

"Ok class, we will now begin our horrible lecture, take out your health books. We will now start on a chapter about the reproductive system, at which time the school board would like me to discuss 'sensitive issues' you students might be having. Everyone giggled.

'Reproduction - as in how humans populate?' Zim thought to himself, he shuddered, as if the humans that were already on this floating ball of dirt weren't enough. 'And why were all these filthy monkeys laughing?

"Turn your textbooks to page three hundred and ninety-four. As you will see on this first page, here are pictures of both the male and female bodies." Zim gasped when he looked at the picture, they were basically along the same lines as Irkens. Could they possibly reproduce in the same kind of manner?

While it was true that Zim was born in a tube, in his culture when an Irken could not find someone to accept them for a suitable partner, they were given the chance to give their eggs or sperm to the 'Smeetery', to give their offspring a chance at life, the more Invaders the merrier right? Although many though this led to more 'defective' Irkens being born and they were shut down soon after a very unfortunate accident happened that Zim could not recall.

"Now this is what happens when a man and woman want to have a baby. The make takes his penis, which has now become hard and erect and he places it into the women's vagina. He ejaculates, releasing millions of sperm that swim in search of the female's egg in hopes of fertilizing it. When fertilized, in about nine months the women will give birth to a baby. "

'Nine months,' Zim thought to himself, in normal Irken breeding rituals, females were pregnant for around two months. Just one more example at how advanced the Irkens were in comparison to these pig-smellies.

"Next we will talk about puberty, love, relationships and how they grow." Ms. Bitters droned on, not looking at the nauseated faces on her class. A projector came down from the ceiling and put on a outdated movie. "Here, watch."

"Hello kids! Some of you may be wondering what the heck is going on with your bodies right now. As most of you are probably aware, you are taking the exciting adventure through puberty!"

'Puberty?' Zim questioned to himself.

"Puberty is when all your hormones start to become active. Boys will start growing taller, growing hair on their face, chest and pubic regions and their voices may start to crack. Girls, on the other hand will grow taller as well and they will start to develop hair in their pubic areas, they will also start to develop breasts and soon will get their periods. Now boys and girls , a period is the sign that a woman will get when her body is capable of having a baby. If an egg is not fertilized by a man's sperm during sexual intercourse then the egg is disposed of, along with the thick, velvety lining of the uterus through the vagina as a mixture of blood that lasts about three to four days every twenty-eight days."

"Men will start to experience more erections, the hardening of your penis and 'nocturnal emission' or 'wet dreams', some of you boys make wake up with your sheets sticky and wet, just remember it's normal and will happen to all boys at some point."

"Some other things that go on through puberty is you might start to feel attracted to someone of the opposite sex. You might want to be around a certain someone more often, you may feel as though you want to touch that person in a certain way, or kiss, these are all normal feelings children.

Zim took a chance and glanced at Tak again, she met his gaze, winked at him and smiled. Zim gasped and turned his attention back to this wrongly-calm man's voice on the screen.

Sexual intercourse is something that doesn't have to enter the picture for a long time. There's kissing, hugging, cuddling. Even though sex is tempting, there are ways to deal with it.

'Tempting? What is so tempting about having more worm-babies around here.' Zim thought maliciously.

"Sex is something that is not only for having a baby, it's the epitome of showing someone you care about them, it feels great, it's the more pleasurable experience on earth, both emotionally and physically. "

The children filed out of the school after the lecture, it seemed like it would go on forever. They got about an hour to eat lunch and be outside for recess.

Zim walked across the filthy playground, he spotted Tak sitting on a brick wall with the Dib-monkey. She was laughing at something he had said, but she had spotted Zim and was staring at him the whole time. Zim had to admit, this piqued his interest.

After a couple more hours of the repulsive lecture on the human body, the children were dismissed for the day. Zim walked home, lost deep in thought. Filing through the things he learned today. Something about safe sex, condoms, something female earth-smellies take called a 'pill', STD's and masturbation, which is apparently something you do to yourself when you are aroused, guys tug on their penis and girls play with something called a 'clitoris'.

Zim also started to remember mating season back on Irk. Irkens are capable of romance but when the particular season comes around they become almost feral with lust, trying to locate a partner with whom to deposit their seed, usually it all comes out looking like one giant orgy. Zim could remember Irkens everywhere, moaning and thrusting into one another. Sadly, Zim was never able to locate a partner that would take him. He didn't quite know what he was missing. Though every Irken he ever talked to said that it was one hell of a pleasurable experience.

Zim walked through the front door, being greeted by the robot parent decoys as he did so. Gir was doing a headstand on the couch watching the scary-monkey show like usual.

"Computer! Take me to the lab." he commanded. He sat in his usual chair surrounded by screens. "Computer! Run a video search for 'sexual intercourse'." He was hoping to find more informative videos like the ones in class, that would help him better understand this subject in the privacy of his own home and why all his classmates seemed to be so sickened by.

While perusing through files, Zim clicked on a video titled 'Gangbang' and was surprised when he saw an acceptable-looking blonde human having this 'intercourse' with five human males at once. She has two penises in each of her hands, on in between her large breasts and it even looked as though she had two of these penises inside of her at once, her face was a look of pure ecstasy, while she moaned loudly.

He clicked on another video which was a single couple having intercourse in what looked like a hotel room. They were going at it pretty rough.

"You like that don't you baby." the man said as he breathed heavily. "Were not stopping until I've emptied all of my seed into your pink pussy."

"Ah! Fuck me! I want your cock deep inside of me!" she screamed as he went faster until he came hard and let out a hearty moan.

Unconsciously Zim's hand seemed to wander down into his tight black pants where a sizeable bulge was forming while his eyes were glued to the screen. His gloved hand wrapped around his length and began to slightly jerk himself. Was this what he had been missing back on Planet Irk? If these humans breed like the Irkens, then maybe it would be possible to learn about this 'love, relationships and sexual intercourse' first-hand. He wasn't going to go his entire existence without ever experiencing this wondrous feeling, and when he ruled the dirty Earth with an iron-fist he would need some sort of pleasure outlet. He would just need to find some human that was at least remotely attractive looking, after all he was the amazing and handsome Zim!

After awhile of watching these videos, Zim's vision began to blur and he fell asleep. He began to dream. Zim was in his bed, in his room naked, laying down and staring at the ceiling. Suddenly an arm draped over him and a warm body inched closer to his own, he could feel a pair of soft, supple breasts against him. The pale-skinned arm began to wander down his toned green body and started lightly caressing his penis. Zim shivered with delight as the light touches turned to a swift jerking movement until he moaned and released. He rolled over to look at the person which gave the mighty Zim such pleasure.

"Tak?" he questioned, looking confused.

He awoke with a start, pants pulled down with a curious white substance which covered his stomach the hand that he had been using.

"Arghh! That Tak! She must have used some kind of hypnosis on me, to make me think such thoughts! Me! The almighty Zim reduced to this! That dirty human femal-" He stopped suddenly , maybe this WAS the chance to study these feelings, this Tak obviously seemed to take an interest in Zim, maybe he could exploit these emotions of hers. He would just have to act like he cared about her, that's what the video in class said right? He laughed inwardly to himself. Tomorrow he would make his move.

The next day Zim came up from the lab, with his disguise still on, he was so lost in thought yesterday that he had not bothered to take it off.

He left the house without any breakfast, even though Gir prepared his usual waffles which were filled with peanuts and soap. He trekked the fifteen minute walk to school only to discover he was about forty-five minutes early, he went out back to the playground and peruse the list of things he was going to try to win Tak's affections so he could get this experiment rolling.

"Zim?" he heard a female's voice say. He looked up from his list to see Tak smiling.

"That is your name right? Zim?" he nodded. "Dib told me, he was going on and on yesterday about how he thinks you are an alien." she giggled.

"Ah Dib, he'll never stop." Zim sighed

"Yeah, he's always saying stuff. I remember that one time..."

"But you just showed up yesterday, you couldn't possibly know anything about him yet." Zim said, he cocked a non-existent eyebrow.

"Yeah you're right, I was just kidding." she laughed, Zim decided to just ignore this little comment.

"Sooo Tak," he began as he folded the list and put it into his back pocket. " I was wondering if you would like to feel honored by joining me at lunch today?"

"With you?" she asked suspiciously. Zim nodded fervently.

"I don't think so...maybe you really are an alien like Dib says, a horribly disguised, disgusting horrible one."

"Nonsense! Despite his large head, the Dib-monkey is quite stupid. Look! I know that you have feelings for me, I saw you staring at me all day yesterday, and you were smiling and winking and being uggh HAPPY!" he said annoyed. He walked over to her and hugged her. "Prepare your brain filthy-beast of meat and hair, your magical love adventure begins NOW!" she laughed, threw a trashcan over his head and kicked him out of sight.

Later that day Zim tried again, he watched her in the hallway at her locker, he went over to her, kissed her on the hand and presented her with a bouquet of yellow dandelions he had found at recess. She looked sickened by this and the whole episode ended with him being dressed like a girl, make-up and all.

Later in class he decided to leave a present on her desk, she didn't approve and instead when class was dismissed she covered his head with box.

When he was at lunch he spied Dib with Tak talking at a nearby lunch table. He pulled out his list under the table when he felt a burning sensation on his head. Tak had poured a school lunch of beans all over him. He ran away screaming. Needless to say, it had been a horrible day and a horrible failure.

Zim opened the door to his house to find Gir in his dog disguise doing what he was always doing, watching TV.

"You're on fire!" Gir observed. Zim was still slightly burning from the lunch incident.

"Am I? Oh well...Gir I feel I now know enough about human affection. I HATE IT! Especially the part with the beans...Our 'friend' Tak is no longer useful to me."

Suddenly the doorbell rang, he put his hand up to the scanner which made the door see-through, seeing Tak tapping her foot impatiently on the other side. He opened the door, her eyes narrowed when she saw him.

"Tak! I'm glad you stopped by, it gives me a chance to end out hideous relationship and enjoy your shrill cry at having been rejected by Zim!" he said angrily, holding up a 'Kick Me' note signed 'Love, Tak'.

"You have got to be kidding." she said, her face softening slightly.

"I assure you I am very serious, now CRY! Cry like you've never cried..before."

"Zim, look...let's talk inside." she said.

"O...k..." Zim said, surprised by the softness in her voice when compared with today's earlier tortures.

He went over and sat on the couch, he then motioned for her to sit as well.

"So, what did you want to say?" he asked.

"Umm can we have some privacy?" she asked, looking at Gir who stared blankly at the two of them.

"GIR! Go downstairs, just this once, I'll allow you to play with the piggy toys."

"PIGGIES! And a clown with no head! TAQUITOS!" he screamed and ran out of sight, Tak not caring that his already out-of-place green dog just started talking.

"There he's gone, now what is it-" he was cut off when Tak suddenly had her soft lips on his green ones. Zim's body shivered, he felt like he was entering his dream from last night. He broke the kiss. "What are you doing? Are you bipolar or something?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked coyly.

"What about everything you did to me today?"

"Oh Zim, I am very intrigued by you. I just didn't want the whole world to know it so I acted like I despised you. Now please...kiss me." she blushed, her eyes seemed to be glazed over.

"Kiss...you?" Zim said, a darker shade of green showing up on his face.

"Yes... please..." the way she breathed these words was reminding Zim of the videos he witnessed last night. She was begging for Zim? He smiled deviously.

"And if I don't?" he questioned deviously.

"Then I'll go mad with lust." she said blushing, she stood up, quickly took off her boots, leggings and soaked panties. She began rubbing herself. Zim's jaw dropped and he felt himself grow hard. "Please Zim! I need you!" Quickly collecting his thoughts, he decided that this was an opportunity that could not be missed.

He went over to her thin frame and laid her down on the couch, hovering over her. He kissed her with a roughness he didn't know he had as his gloved claws traveled over her growing breasts and over her hips. He whispered in her ear. "Take this dress off, it's in the way."

She quickly complied and threw the dress off, busying herself by rubbing a sensitive spot in her moist folds, while Zim took off his Invader garb. He made his way back to the couch, while she drunk in his naked body, his lean but toned figure, hairless chest, gazing down a ways more, her eye stopped on his package and awed not only at the length but the girth as well, it was hard as a rock. "This is going to be fun." she moaned.

"Let me show you a thing or two Zim." she winked as her hands traveled down his body, like in his dream as she started to play with his already thoroughly aroused cock. She then lowered her head and flicked her tongue lightly at the green tip, already dripping with precum. His cock twitched in response. She suddenly took the whole length in her mouth, twisting her tongue around and around while her hands lightly squeezed his balls. Saliva dripping down from her hot mouth only made Zim feel that much closer to release. He was impressed that a human so young could be this talented, all the videos he witnessed were of older humans and teenagers. He didn't think anyone in his 6th grade class could be any match for Zim! He moaned loudly as his still gloved hand made its way into her luscious violet locks, bobbing her head up and down, not that Tak seemed to mind.

After a while she stopped and went back up to kiss him roughly using her tongue to lap at his lips, he got the idea and opened his mouth, tongues intertwining with moist warmth while her hand still jerked him. She broke away. "Zim would you please...use your tongue on my pussy?" she blushed darkly.

She laid her body back down on the couch, Zim crawled over her and took in her breasts with tiny pink nipples, taking care to squeeze them roughly as his hands traveled down and looked at her sopping wet pussy, it was very pink and seemed to grow even more wet with need. She spread her legs shyly while he lowered his head and breathed her in, he was intoxicated by her musk, it reminded him of the Irken females smell when they were searching for a partner to mate with.

He stuck his lizard-like tongue out and ran it up her hot, wet slit. He heard her sharply inhale. He continued his ministrations on her hot cunt, when he found a particularly sensitive spot that she cried out with pleasure when he lapped at it. After awhile he started playing around with his fingers , he found a moist entrance that intrigued him, and he put in a single clawed finger.

"Pump it in and out of me." Tak moaned, trying to keep her arousal on high. Zim did as he was told and after awhile slipped in a second and then third finger, which stretched her young womanhood.

"Ahhh Zim!" she cried out loudly.

"You like this, don't you Tak?" he asked, already knowing the answer, it was written all over her face.

"Zim...?" she asked in between hot kisses. "Please put it...inside me...please..." she moaned.

Zim lost in the moment, almost forgot that he had never done this before. He remembered what he learned in class the other day. He was hard and erect and he needed to put this into her vagina. 'Hmm must be that opening where I had my fingers before.' he thought. He took hold of his already slick length and rubbed it up and down her slit, getting more lubrication that he didn't really need. Tak shivered slightly in anticipation.

He rubbed the green head against her pink entrance, pushing in slightly. Tak winced.

"Zim, I've never done this before." she confessed.

"Neither have I." he said.

"It's going to hurt me the first time, please be gentle." she asked.

"I will." he said as he leaned over and took her hot mouth in a kiss again, their tongues battled for domination as he thrust into her all the way, not really understanding which part would be painful for her. She cried out during their kiss, breaking their contact, tears fell down her face. He looked down and saw red blood coating his slick cock. Zim tried calming her down and kissed her again.

He began to thrust in and out, not caring if she was in pain or not, she was just a human after all and her walls just felt too damn good to be sitting still. He rocked her wildly on his pink couch as she seemed to return all his mighty thrusts with just as much force, her hands tangled it his pathetically obvious black wig. So this is what he had been missing eh? Well, it was awesome so far. He grinned to himself.

He picked up the pace, his Irken feral instincts taking over. She moaned and cried out his name, only driving him further over the edge. After a few more thrusts, they changed positions. She got up on all fours and he quickly slipped back into her moist heat, those few seconds not in her making him crazy. He grabbed onto her hips and slammed into her, her fluids dripping down the sides of her legs. He reached a hand in front and flicked her sensitive nub again rapidly, she moaned as her walls clamped down on him, riding out her orgasm. He couldn't help himself from moaning out loud. After a few more powerful thrusts, Zim cried loudly as he spilled his hot seed into her.

"Oh my Tallest..." he whispered, taking the opportunity to rest himself on her backside, cock still in her. After a few minutes he pulled reluctantly out of her, as his thick, white cum spilled out of her and onto the sofa. He would have to clean that later. It was better then he would have ever imagined.

" That was the best Zim." she said tiredly as she kissed him again.

"That's because I am ZIM! I am amazing at everything that I do."

"The Tallest did say you were full of yourself." she said.

"What reason would I not be? I am amazing- wait what did you say? How do you know who the Tallest are? You're just a filthy human!" he exclaimed.

Tak stood up and stared at him, allowing him to take in her naked form once more. Her hologram disappeared, leaving a very naked Irken with violet eye and curled antennas in her place.

"Y-You you're Irken! What is this?" he shouted.

"You're a bigger fool than I ever imagined."


" You're a bigger fool than I ever imagined." she repeated.


"You're confused. Allow me to explain."

Tak explained her whole reason for coming to Earth was to take Zim's mission from him after he cut the power on Planet Devastis and stopped her from taking her test. When she got to Earth she found him rather quickly and observed him for quite some time before making a move.

"So you came here to take my mission and then you ending up with me fucking your brains out." he said.

"Yes...well, it wasn't supposed to happen like that. I had ordered a secret weapon from Plant Callnowia to use against you, but what I did not hear was that a whole case of pheromones had gotten damaged and had gotten into a lot of other orders. When the case arrived I opened it, and not realizing, breathed in some of the substance. I was suddenly overcome with this MIGHTY NEED! I had been watching you for awhile already and I figured since you were the only other Irken on this ball of dirt, I would have to take my need out on you. When I joined the 'Skool' yesterday, I couldn't get the idea out my head when I saw you again at close range. I just wanted to attack you right there, but after I came, the craze completely disappeared." she said, folding her arms.

"It was good though wasn't it?" Zim questioned, smiling at her. She tried to fight back a blush.

"Well, I have to admit it was fun while it lasted." She said as she gathered her clothes and began dressing herself, putting her hologram disguise back on. After she was fully dressed she turned to leave.

"Hey." Zim called to her before she left. "By the way, you're not taking my mission."

"I'm not going to stop trying." she scoffed. "This was just a mix-up that happened, that's all. You won't catch me acting like this again."

"You're still going to have to go to school to learn about the planet so you can conquer it properly." he pointed out.

"This is true, well then I guess we'll be seeing a lot of each other then won't we?" she smiled.

"I guess we will." Zim said. "How about I see you here on my couch the same time tomorrow?" He grinned sexily.

She blushed heavily and took off.

The next day at school Zim saw Tak staring at him again from across the playground. He waved at he and winked and she quickly went back to whatever she was doing, blushing all the while.

Dib suddenly appeared right in his face.

"Why don't you leave Tak alone Space-boy. It's obvious that she likes me, the Paranormal Investigator, and not some disgusting alien scum." he smiled, thinking he infuriated Zim.

"I fucked her last night Dib-Worm. And she couldn't stop screaming my name! ZIM!" With that Zim walked away leaving Dib dumbfounded.


That's it! What did you think, leave me anything, comments, flames, I don't care. I tried to keep them in character, but it's hard because this would never happen in any way, shape or form in Invader Zim. And not just with Tak, with any character.