It had been nearly two years since her death, and he could not stand it anymore.
He had to pay his respects.
It was Halloween, two years to the day since the death of Lily Evans-Potter, who used to be his best friend until the day he slipped and called her an unthinkable slur, in an effort to save face while being humiliated by James Potter, the man who would one day become her own husband. She had defended him, and how did he thank her? He called her that word, that slur.
Since then he came to hate that word, and he vowed never to call someone that again or even hear it in his presence, if he could help it. Now that he worked at Hogwarts, he found himself around decent people for once. People who had taught him, and he was determined to win their respect, especially Dumbledore's, who had given him a chance when no one else would have.
In fact, it was Dumbledore's idea that he make this trip to Godric's Hallow.
He strode through the wizarding village, his long cloak swirling behind him. There were a few muggles who lived there, but they were all in bed by now, as it was nearing midnight. As he made his way through the street, bent on reaching the graveyard quickly, the memories of the last time he saw her swam through his head. Despite their unpleasant split, she still invited him to the wedding. He could remember it all, like it was only yesterday...
She was beautiful, more then beautiful, in that white gown complete with matching cloak and hood that covered the velvety mass of crimson that crowned her lovely head. He sat in the back, and he could feel the glares of James and Sirius coming from the front. Remus was there too, and he had been surprisingly civil, even greeting him at the door when he came in. He had given a curt nod, but did not speak.
"And do you James Potter, take Lily Evans to be your lawful wife?"
"I do." James said, his eyes flicking away from the crowd toward his bride and he gave a charming smile, which she returned happily.
"And do you, Lily Evans, take James Potter to be your lawful husband?"
"I do." She replied without missing a beat, and Snape felt his heart clench in pain and despair. This was it, it was the end, he mourned. He had suffered through this up until this point, and he could not handle it anymore. Without a word or even a sound, he disappeared out the double doors of the church.Severus had been so lost in his thoughts that he did not notice he had reached the graveyard until he was practically atop their double grave. He stood in front of the tombstones, staring down and gazing upon the dates etched there. He knelt down in front of hers, completely ignoring James, and picked up a bit of dirt in his hand. He crushed it in his fist and sprinkled it across the top of the gravestone. A sigh, like withered leaves, drifted from his lips as he reached forward and traced, lovingly, the letters of her name.
Silently, tears began to drift from his eyes and down his crooked nose to drip into the ground below, staining the dirt a darker brown.
It was over, it was done, and it was all his fault. If he had not been so blinded by his love for the darkness, then he would have not shunned the light of his Lily and it might have been him buried here next to her, and Harry would have been his son instead.
He has her eyes.
But I bet he is the spitting image of his arrogant, son of a bitch father, he thought to himself bitterly. He stood up again, the rustling of his cloak the only sound breaking the absolute silence that settled around him, and with a wave of his wand, he summoned a bouquet of lilies to settle in front of her tomb.
After wiping the last bit of his tears away, he strode into the night with this last thought.
The Dark Lord will pay for this, and I will make sure I am the one who sets it all in motion.
For his love.
For his honor.
For his Lily.